Saturday, April 9, 2011

Had a 5 min make out possible but escalation anxiety screwed me again

There was a lot of good things that happened tonight but those were all overshadowed by my big fuck up at the end.  This massive sticking point is what screws me and it's why I don't get the SNL's.  All the stuff I do right is worthless when I don't harvest the fruits of my game and I let the fruit rot away.  The ones I screw up are the fast make outs.  When I've had some time to build up and I can feel it's on, I usually go for it.  I guess it's outside my reality that a girl can be so turned on by me that she'll make out with me so quickly.  It's me not trusting my game. 

We could talk for hours:
The night started out really well.  We were gonna try this place called "English" in River North, but we couldn't park.  We were thinking about going to Lincoln Park or Wrigley but Seagull suggested Wicker when we hit North Ave so we went there. The first place we walked into had no real sets except this loan wolf by the bar.  I didn't open her immediately.  I went to take a piss as I drink too much water and it seems like I always go to the bathroom at the first bar.  Seagull and I look around for other sets but the only girls there were in massive like 5-8 person sets that looked like family or triple dates.  I went to open the loan wolf.

As I get almost next to her, I see she's about to put a spoonful of chili into her mouth.  It's bad to open sets when someone is eating.  If I had seen this earlier, I would have aborted and come back later, but I was close enough that she had seen me and knew I was coming to talk to her.  If I just turned around, I figured it would seem like I chickened out.  I opened her and said, "Hey, I'm Teddy.  I wanted to meet you.  I see you're eating though.  I'll come back in a few minutes and let you finish."

When I went back, she was texting on her phone.  We exchanged names again.  She said she had to finish writing something in her phone but she'd be ready to talk in two minutes.  I didn't want to wait around there twidling my thumbs.   I also didn't want to leave again.  I had this glass of water with me so I decided to take another piss and I told her to watch my water.  This way I wasn't standing there waiting and I felt like the water was sort of a lock in prop.

The wait was worth it.  We had some deep conversation and she seemed to think about life in many of the same ways that I do.   She's traveled a ton too so we had some many interesting stories to share with each other.  I love when I get sets like this.  Yes, I want same night lays, but I also enjoy having some deep conversations with girls.  I number closed her really early into the set as we found several cool things we'd like to do together: the film festival and Thai food.  We ended up talking for a long time after that.  She said she had to get up early for work and had to leave.  You never know about number closes but this was one of those closes where you'd think it's almost certain we'd meet again. 

Girl with some feelings:
We went to Crocodile and got the free pizza with our drink.  I was hungry and I had actually forgotten about the free pizza so it was pleasant surprise when we walked in and I saw the sign reminding people about the free pizza you get with ordering any drink.  I opened this blonde that was sitting on the chair.  She said, "I'm in a really bad mood right now so you should just go away."  It didn't affect me in the slightest bit and Seagull and I laughed about it.  About a minute later, she surprised me by coming up and saying, "Hey, I'm sorry about that.  I don't want you feel all down about that."

I tried to plow but she ended up leaving.  That was nice of her.  I didn't want to make her effort feel wasted by telling me that bust outs like that don't even phase me most of the time.  The thing is that if I were a chode who hadn't approached anyone in forever and I finally got the courage to open her, and I got busted out, that probably would hurt.  She felt bad about it, but I understand why most girls don't, especially the really hots ones.  The ridiculously hot girls get hit on so often and you have to be mean to get rid of the more persistent guys. 

Bad state:
 Despite all the progress I've been making, my state has been fluctuating too much the past three days.  I'd blame in on alcohol but the only drink I had tonight was the beer I got with the pizza.  Tonight, maybe it was this long 2-set Seagull were in that didn't go anywhere.  I don't know.  The good thing is that I can break out of it.  The lesson from last night still stuck, but I'm surprised I'm having this state problem.  Usually, I might be a little off early on, but I usually build momentum and just stay in state the whole night.

It's on so fast that I just can't believe it:
 As I said in the introduction, my mind must still see it as outside my reality that a girl can be attracted to me so fast.  I need to start understanding and believing that my game is good enough for it to happen.  Seagull had opened this two set.  I was working on this blonde who seemed into me, but she also kept turning to her friend.  Suddenly, I see someone in my peripheral vision.  I thought it was a guy cause the shape was taller than me.  I turn to greet the person and it's this cute girl who's like 2-3 inches taller than me.  She had an attractive enough body though I didn't really check it out.  I immediately sink in the claw, and she puts her arm around me.  That's the first time a girl has responded to the claw like that.  I knew that was a huge sign that this was on.  The ONS signals were out there too.  Besides being high buying temperature, she told me she was her from France and only for the weekend.  The one thing that was wrong with her was bad breath.  I should have given her a piece of gum.  I'd like to blame my failure on the breath, but I know I was just unwilling to pull the trigger.   

I remember that I unhooked my arm at one point.  I then had an arm on each shoulder.  I was looking into her eyes.  I pulled her into my ear to talk.  When she pulled back our mouths were probably like 5 inches away.  I remember I put arm around her and was caressing her neck and she was cool with it.  I don't know why I didn't kiss her.  Suddenly, several of the people she was with told her they were leaving.  The main culprit was probably this smelly French dude.

The first thing Seagull asked me was "Were you making out with that girl?"  Our faces were so close together that it looked like I had been making out with her.  Seagull also reported that the French guy was looking at us in disbelief. 

I guess I could have tried to salvage the set.  I remember as she was grabbing her coat I said, "You're leaving?  That's too bad, I like you."  She smiled and hugged me.  Maybe I could have tried more.  I could have been persistent like I was last night.  I could have used Ozzie's line, "Tell your friends that you're staying with me." 

The thing is that I knew I had fucked up that moment.  This was so on so fast that I guess I wasn't ready for it.  
Kissing and make outs are not supposed to be a big deal:
I know it's my inexperience that's making this so hard for me.  Sure, I've pulled a girl for SNL before.  I've kiss closed and had make outs.  Usually, I have time to build up to it.  The ones that happen so quickly are infrequent.  I have to someone start believing that I can make that happen and kiss her when it happens. I know if I work on it, eventually I'll get used to it.  Most of the time, for example, I number close and I don't even view it as big deal.  When I first started, the number close caused insane anxiety.  I'd have a great set and yet I was afraid to number close.  Gradually I got more comfortable after I finally went for one.  Eventaully, it was no longer a big deal.  I know that the same thing will happen with the kiss close and/or make out.  I thought I was over this when I kissed that girl last Friday.  The thing is it was a botched kiss.  Maybe if the kiss close attempt had turned into a crazy make out, I would have felt more comfortable this time.  Either way, I just have to man up and get over this. 

Punishment to encourage me to fix this escalation anxiety:
It's somewhat fitting what happened next.  I was so pissed at myself that I pushed myself out of state.  I didn't want to open anything.  I was gonna go to this other bar to reset things but there was a long line.  I ended up at this bar that's terrible for sarging.  I made one attempt and got shut down immediately which is not a surprise considering how I felt at the time.  I then just sat there trying to text Seagull.  He told me he was working on a pull. 

I gotta give the man credit: He ended up pulling the girl.  I'm a good wing man, so I was cool with taking the train back to Segull's place and waking a mile to where my car was parked.  I was happy and giddy that he was pulling and I thought it was amusing that I had to take the train home after my screw up.

Sticking point is holding me back from getting lays:
This is such a stupid problem but I'm having a hard time fixing it.  I should be happy my game is making progress and then I'm getting to work this problem more often.  I have to remember that recently I was doing weak kino and now I'm way more aggressive in my escalation and it paid big tonight.  It still amazes me how that was on just from opening her and putting the claw around her.  Luck finally paid off and gave me a girl that high buying temperature too.  I squandered it.

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