Sunday, December 30, 2012

All the moves are clear now and she gave me help

My sleep schedule is so messed up that all I could do is roll around in bed.  I was hoping to get 2-3 hours of sleep before the Sunday football games begin but looks like I won't get any.

Of course, I kept thinking about last night.  At time, I had myopia in the heat of the moment.  As I reflect on in more in hindsight, it is like I put on a pair of glasses and I see all the possible moves I could have made.

More importantly, it made me understand a point Nintendo was trying to make during out debriefing meal.  While he admitted that many scenarios repeat themselves, he said I need to figure out a way to not get lost in the moment like I did and have a way to plan for the unexpected.

I think the solution is I need to get myself in more of these situations.  I also have to have some plan, even a little plan for how I can pull. Yes, I've been telling my wings, "We're gonna pull this week!"  I think a small part of me had faith it would happen but I didn't even plan how I could pull or even think about late game fundamentals.  I shouldn't be surprised that I got lost as it's not like I've had that much end game experience on top of not even thinking about it.  If anything, last night will prevent me from not having some pulling plans each night for the near future.  I remember discussing our plans for what to do after the first venue.  We contemplated various after hours bars and then I added, "Wait, we have to include the possibility that we can pull.  If we don't even consider that, we aren't really believe we can do it."  What I did was a bit like not carrying condoms, and the lack of even minor planning on my part hurt me.

Next, I think I just need to again just think fundamentals.  It's so clear that this was like that old game stuff I read long ago about how you get up to a girl's apartment after a Day 2.  Yes, this was a hotel, and it was complicated by the girls all being in the same room, but if I had even though of the fundamentals, I might have  been less lost.  The simple rules I can remember is that you make up some excuse for you to come inside.  As I've said, the pizza was a reason.  The next thing is to put a false time constraint.  I could have said, "I can't stay too long, but why don't I come up for a second to warm up and I'm curious how the rooms here compare to other hotels I've been to in the city."

I think the girl was throwing me some help, but she wasn't gonna do it all for me:

It's funny that I keep complaining about how all my pulls have involved dealing with a bunch of resistance.  I know pulling is often like that, but I also said I was a bit envious of not ever getting thrown some easy ones like Andydufresne gets, or even like Nintendo has gotten.  Nintendo said one of his first pulls after starting pickup was just telling this girl, "Let's get the fuck out of here" and she agreed and left with him.  I said that part of my problem of never getting easy pulls is that I obviously don't go for the pull often enough, and how can I expect to get an easy one if I've never even thrown out something blatantly obvious like Nintendo did.
I guess it's good that my knowledge of theory prevents me from throwing a Hail Mary pass like that when I can methodically do things correctly.

I think this was a set that was gonna give me the least resistance I can honestly expect.  She gave me little.  She didn't resist when I went to sit with her at the table.  She gave me the phone number with no resistance.  She turned her head slightly for the kiss but quickly accepted the second attempt.  When I said I was coming to the hotel, I got zero resistance.  She just told the 3rd wheel girl, "He's gonna walk with us back."  2j said the 3rd girl can only be considered a problem if she cockblocked, and she didn't.  She even tried to help things along saying she'd let the other girl in.

I failed to lead in the end.  I swear, and also hate to admit, that it wasn't like me playing out my own movie.  It was like this scene was unfolding before me and I could scarcely believe it was happening.  That just shows how low my game had sunk in recent times.  It's not like I never pulled before but I had gotten into such a bad inner game space that my ability to do this seemed to far away.  It just last summer but it felt like it was years ago in another lifetime.

As I said, she asked me where I lived and how far I lived several times and I think she might have been helping me suggest a way to deal with the shared room situation.  I think she was throwing me an assist when she asked me how I was gonna get home.  I could have said, "Why don't I come hang out for a little bit as I have to wait for a train to get home?"

Heck, "I'm tired, why don't I hang up and warm up for a bit."

I could have even used Crazyfoot's line from a month ago, "Hey,do you have an extra bed for me?!"

How did I not even ask to go upstairs?  I actually would have rather run shitty game and made the attempt rather than to not even try.  It's like I accepted I wasn't gonna go up.

Summary of lines or tactics that have popped into my head now:
1) Just tried to pull to my place despite distance and "roommate."
2) Got her to come to the car so I could pick up food, or get her by Nintendo's place.
3) Let me come have some pizza, I'm hungry.
4) Crazyfoot's line above.
5) I have a long drive, can I chill with you for a bit?
6) I could have even pushed it.  Can I crash for a few hours on the floor so I don't have to drive back at this late hour?
7) 3rd girl, you go up.  My girl, come sit with me for a second so we make sure everything is okay with your friend.
8) 2j suggested, "Can I use your rest room?"  I don't like this because there's a rest room in the lobby of every hotel.
9) I've never been in this hotel.  I'm curious how the rooms look.  How's your view?
10) When we walked in, I just assume I'm going up and throw up the time constraint.  "I'll come up.  I need to warm up, but I can't stay for too long."

I can go on and on yet none of this shit popped into my head at the time.  It was like I expected her to invite me up or come up with something, yet I really do think she threw me some assists, which many girls won't do.

I seriously think I was more focused on how I wish I had another wing with me for the third girl.  I also remember thinking, this sucks, I'm not gonna get to go up.  The negative thoughts didn't help and probably transferred via state transference to her.

Even worse, at 8:30am, I realized she had responded to my text.  As I was texting my buddies, I remember getting a text from her confirming I had text her correct number.  I replied with my usual dream catcher text.  In the process of having my wings meet me at the 7-11, I missed that she replied back to the text, "Where are u, are you making it back safe?"
Yeah, that's not much to work with, but I should have text back and tried to further make things happen or just set up something for Sunday night.  Blah.

3 levels of persistence from 3 guys in a 3-set: RSD post

I decided to post a abbreviated version of the 3-set last night.  I just felt like it clearly showed levels of persistence that many guys have in the game and how it holds them back.  By writing it, I hoped to hammer the idea home for myself, and maybe to guys that read it:

I was involved in this 3-set of 3 girls with 3 guys with 3 levels of persistence who also didn't know each other.  I suppose this could be in the FR section also.  Its amuses me that this just happened to me last night and helped hammer home a key point for me.   I don't go into details, but there were various levels of "game" involved in how the guys got their girls.  You could argue speed of escalation, or money spent, or whatever, but the stories shows that level of persistence here was key to who got laid and who didn't.  I just wrote this in the hope that it helps hammer the lesson home for someone and maybe you end up pulling for New Years because you happened to be inspired by this story.

There was a 3-set of out of town girls.  There was an Indian girl who was totally into this Indian guy with bottle service.  There was a cute little blonde with a smiley Asian guy, and a pale brunette with a tall alpha  white guy.  The Indian guy had been making out with the Indian girl for who knows how long.  The Asian guy was slow with the kino but finally started to escalate. He slowly got to the point of having his arm around her and holding her hand.  He later got a short make out by a pillar.  On the other side of the pillar was the tall alpha looking guy.  He had gotten in the set the latest.  He danced with the brunette, got her up against the same pillar and made out with his girl in less than 5 minutes.  

About ten minutes later, the girls announced they were going back to the hotel.  Here comes the tale of 3 levels of persistence
Alpha looking guy dropped out of the game the first.  He just let his girl walk away.  He didn't even number close. He didn't even try to even come outside with the girl.  
The Asian dude grabbed the blonde's hand and told her he was going with her. 
The Indian guy hesitated visibly but then went outside with his girl where he proceeded to make out with her again.

Fast forward a 4-5 block walk to the girl's hotel in the freezing cold.  One or both of the guys had no jacket on top of that.  One of the guys dealt with the third girl who even commented, "My guy got left at the club."  

I'd add here "It was more like he took himself out of the game.  He didn't even try to leave with girl.  Maybe he was just happy to get a make out.  Regardless, he screwed up."  

The girls were talking about going up to the room, a room that the three of them shared.  The Asian guy doesn't even come up with an excuse to come up to the room.  He must have figured he was done there as the girl wasn't inviting him up and there was another girl to deal with.

The Indian guy, who is the champ in this story, is by the revolving door.  He's not even there discussing things with the Asian guy and the two girls.  He's making out with his girl.  He leads her to the side of the lobby away from the group and probably made something happen.  

The lesson in this story is be like the Indian guy.  You persist to the very end.  Definitely don't be like the guy who didn't even try to leave the club with the girl . I've been that guy far too many times and who knows how many pulls I missed from lack of even trying.

It sticks with me how that third girl had even commented that she wanted the guy to be there and not back in the club.

Obviously, I wasn't that guy or I wouldn't know the rest of the story.  I wish I had been the champ but I let myself get lost by trying to deal with the two girls.  Later, I thought of reasons I could have used to get up to the room but my mind was blank as I sat in the hotel lobby.  The girl's had left over pizza and I could have asked for some.  I could have had my girl sit down with me with the pretense of "looking out for the 3rd friend" while I had the extra girl go up to the room.  I also should have just tried to get her to come to my place despite living 20 minutes away and having a "roommate" i.e. my mother in this 2 bedroom condo.  

Part 3: Left at the hotel & Bad Logistics

I'm going to sound a bit frustrated and perhaps seem a little hard on myself in this section.  I do realize the breakthrough and am mostly happy with myself.  It's always frustrating to play things with the benefit of hindsight and realize that with just some minor tweaks, there's a decent chance this would be a lay report.  I could be cuddling with that girl right now instead of writing this long ass field report.

If I had a damn wing, especially Nintendo:
If I had just grabbed Nintendo from that set, or if I had seen him walk by when the 3rd wheel girl was sitting bored at the booth, I think he and I could have pulled our two girls to his place using the taco and drinks move.  The Indian guy would have pulled his girl to wherever.

Any of the wings would have worked here or at least had a chance to make things easier.  There's always the chance that the two would be incompatible but this girl wanted to hook up, especially cause her two friends were making out with guys.  I remember her commenting on the walk to the hotel, "My guy got left at the club."

Damn that chump!  He had enough moves to dance and make out with her but not enough stones to push for the close.

Well, I have to admit, on far too many days, I would have been that guy.  I have to give myself credit for how I pushed things along in this set and just acted with the assumption that she liked me and wanted to spend more time with me.  This was from the beginning when she went to the bottle service booth.  This includes when she got up from the table and I went for the number close and kiss.

This includes when she said, "We're going back to the hotel" and I grabbed her hand and said, "Okay, I'm coming with."

Lost my game plan:
When I'm in my comfort zone, part of my brain naturally plans some future move: like I was trying to find a wing because I anticipated a possible problem with the 3rd wheel, though she ended up not being the cockblock type.  When she said she was leaving for the hotel, I didn't know what to do except that I at least had to try to stay with her.  I'll mention that I tried the food extraction 2-3 times but she said they weren't hungry and she had been telling the truth.  I found out they had eaten deep dish pizza and the 3rd wheel mentioned eating that when we got to the hotel.

Fuck, I just thought of another move I missed.  I could have tried saying to my girl, "Why don't I come hang out for a second in the room, just to have a half a slice of pizza."  2j said that when I got to the hotel, I should    have tried to find some reason to go into the room.  I couldn't think of a reason and didn't know what to do.

The Indian guy had his girl really hooked which helped.  My two were going up to the room.  My said goodbye to me but she had lost buying temperature as she wouldn't kiss me there.  The Indian guy, in contrast way far away from us, and as I was leaving ,I saw him drag his girl to another part of the lobby to continue making out and I suppose, to formulate a plan to get the lay.

Mistake #1: Take her to my place:
I mentioned this in Part 2.  When I had her really hooked at the club, she was asking me where I lived.  I thought at the time it was just standard rapport questions, but  I realized, I think as I was walking in the cold back to the club that she was screening me for logistics.  I realized this also because I remember right as we were about a block away from the club, she again had asked me if I had a place nearby.

This is the shit that happens when your game turns to shit.  In real time, I couldn't see that she was asking me that because she wanted to go back to my place, but it's obvious now as I think back on the situation.  I swear she asked me about my place when she confirmed that they were all sharing a room.  She had told me that early on, but I thought maybe she was lying, but she confirmed it as we were leaving the club.

As I've mentioned, my mother is here but I could have pulled.  During the first week, before my inner game got screwed up, I used to tell my mom that there was a chance I could bring a girl back.  I told her not to start bitching at me like she sometimes does when I come back.  She hasn't done that lately so I shouldn't have worried about it, but in my head, I didn't even consider pulling here to be a possibility.

The lesson here is that I need to keep that in the playbook.  I could have told this girl, "I live near the airport, let's have a few drinks and hang out" or whatever BS.  I'd say I had a greater than 50% chance of her complying with that had I made the suggestion.

I'll give you a ride:
I thought about my car, but when I realized this move, we were already 2-3 blocks from the club and walking in the wrong direction from my car.  I should have asked where they were staying and just said I'd give my girl a ride regardless.  In the car, I could have sold the taco place or just driven to my place.  Nintendo again reiterated at the end of the night that he was more than willing to let me pull to his place.

Have a game plan for the hotel:
It's good to trust in your abilities but I had no idea of what I was gonna do in the hotel and didn't even run any actual plans through my head.  Thus, I was unprepared for what I figured was gonna be the likely outcome when I got there.  I guess I was hoping for a little help from the girl too which I should never do.  I was hoping the hotel bar would be open or something.

In retrospect, I had two options.  2j said to get up to the room.  I could have used the pizza slice line that I thought of a few minutes ago.  I could have said I wanted to see what the rooms were like here and/or their view.  The other move was what the Indian guy did.  I should have told her to come sit down with me for a few minutes and then she could go up.  Heck, I could have used the Indian guy as an excuse.  "3rd wheel, why don't you just go up?   She and I will sit her for a few minutes and talk and make sure that other girl is okay."

I can think of so many options now but I was lost when I was standing in that hotel.

That's what I thought as I waited for Nintendo and 2j to meet me at this 7-11 near the club.  I'm excited that I broke through the kino barrier in a big way and got a make out and almost pulled.  On top of that, it was with a girl I found really attractive.

I've been talking about how if we went out Wednesday after Christmas until New Years Eve and really tried our hardest, we should be able to get a pull.  I was started to doubt this possibility when I went out Saturday and when the night was going well.  This set made me feel so confident.

I felt like, "Wow, I got this close and seemingly with ease.  All I did was feel a little more confident, lead a little more, and assuming she wanted to spend more time with me, oh and I ACTUALLY FUCKING TOUCHED THE GIRL, and look what happened!"

If I got this close, then maybe I'll actually pull Sunday or Monday night.  I like this goal as this motivation and goal is how I got my first ever SNL on New Years Eve just a few years ago.  At the same time, I really will be happy if I give my best effort for the next two days regardless if I get laid or not.

I feel like POKPUA IS BACK!

Part 2: Payoff: Make out

I smile right now as realize my surprise that I was able to learn the lesson I kept trying to reinforce for JamesAnderson.  We left the other venue and got to Social.  I mention this place as I wrote on Friday that I waited in line for a long time in the cold with no coat.  We had to wait in line again and I told my wing, and I meant it, "I'm swearing something now, and you're not gonna like it, but I'm serious.  This is this place's last chance.  If I stand out here for a second day in the cold and then don't get in, I'm not coming to this fucking place again.  This is despite this being the last place I actually got a pull from."  

I joked the venue sensed it was on it's last chance as I got in.  I was in a great state at the beginning.  I was dancing around like crazy and opening girls, including this girl I ran into by accident.  I approached this tall cutie and started dancing with her downstairs.  She was with her boyfriend who introduced me.  He was cool and said I could dance with her.  That would be fun but I know I'm here also to run game and get girls and being her dance partner for the night wasn't gonna cut it.  I'll give the guy credit.  He was one of the rare guys who is both secure about his relationship with his girl and was cool when I talked to him.  You usually get guys who try to overcompensate by trying to tool you, or trying to make it clear that it's their girl, or who try to act too cool to talk to yo.  This guy was a class act.

I started to lose state as the place started to fill and I wasn't getting anywhere.  I went through periods of not opening, and then periods where I opened but didn't get anywhere.  Some of my other wings showed up but I tried not to stay by them because I don't like the "chode crystal."  That's a community term for a bunch of pickup guys just standing around each other.  While I like having a wing available to help me, I also like to make myself go off on my own and do my own stuff.  It helps me remember how to be able to approach when solo or when my wing is in a set and I'm stuck by myself.

I'm really not gonna make this happen tonight:
I remember being in one of those wandering moments.  I was moving my way through the crowd.  I felt like I had opened almost all the sets. I thought about how JamesAnderson had gotten his lesson reinforced.  I thought about how I had some amazing nights come out of nowhere.  I then looked around and said, "Wow, this is not gonna happen."  I'll have done all this approaching and again, "Nothing."

I think what also bothered me was that my set prior to this moment was this short black girl.  I had her giggling from the start but I knew my kino had been poor.  I had vowed to work on kino and I had done a poor job of doing any kino escalation again tonight.

I write about this state because it reminds me of what I was trying to tell JamesAnderson.  Also, for anyone who happens to read these walls of text, it's a lesson that the night don't just involve constant fun.  I'll admit that unless I'm filled with inner game issues like I was these past few months, or unless I just was fighting with my mother, I have fewer state crashes that the guys I hang out with.  Most of the time, I won't allow myself to stay miserable.  I'll force myself to action.  What helped me get this way is all the experience I have going out, and Jeffy saying one time that even instructors get state crashes.  The difference for instructors is that they've learned how to get out of it as quickly as possible and I can say that prior brutal nights have gotten me to this point as well.

You didn't see me because I was in a bottle service booth:
I told Nintendo and 2j that had I seen one of them at the right moment, I had a good chance of hooking them up with the third girl in this 3-set I got into at the end of the night.  I remember seeing this short blonde walking near me.  I stopped her, grabbed her, pulled her into me, all while maintaining strong eye contact.  I don't even know if I introduced myself, busted her out for not having fun, or used my nonsense about the fiscal cliff that I've been opening with the past few days.  The words don't really matter as it was the body language and that I actually believed in myself when I opened her that made the difference.

This sounds like bullshit to someone who doesn't go out, but there is a big difference between when I stopped the girl and feel myself holding back and not believing she's gonna stop, or when I fully commit myself and believe she's going to stop.  Obviously, there's not a 100% correlation. Girl might stop when I half ass it, and girls can blow right by me when I have everything down.  I remember in late summer Nintendo or JamesAnderson pointed out that I was stopping sets in the streets, and my body language looked weird because I was half pulling back.  I told them, "Wow, you know, I feel like I'm not really committed and I don't believe she's gonna stop."  I realized those thoughts appeared in my body language.

We talked for a bit and the set seemed on just from the eye contact, her giggling about the random stuff I was saying, and her asking a few rapport seeking questions.  She said he had to go by her friend.  This is where I would have lost the set one a night where I'm doubting myself.  I could see myself just leaving: thinking either I was busted out or hesitating to go sit in the bottle service booth.  This time, I did what you're supposed to do: I assumed that she wanted me to come sit with her and acted accordingly.  Her friend was this Indian girl that was making out with some guy.  The girl started talking to the 3rd friend.  I introduced myself to the guy.  I figured out later that it was his bottle service and his half bottle of Patron that I noticed later sitting on the table.

Time for Kino:
I wrote earlier that I was disappointed in myself for another night of lack of kino.  On the ride home, I was thinking about how I do have a lot of elements right in my game but when I haven't been kinoing, I've been creating an almost insurmountable barrier for myself.  I thought about how some of the tall girls I opened throughout the night responded favorable and how things might have worked out if I had done proper kino escalation.

Actually, screw "proper" kino escalation.  I remember thinking as I was walking back from the hotel later, "At time my kino was sloppy, but even shitty kino is better than no kino."

I just remember sitting at the booth and telling myself that I was going to try to do things properly this set.  I think another thing that helped me is that this girl was the type I like.  Sure, I like tall girls in general, but blondes always turn me on as well, and so do pale girls.  This girl was a thin, short, blonde with a pretty face and pale skin.  She was one of my physical types that I really liked.

I found reasons to put my arm around here.  I know some many moments when it's good to do it, but when I'm in a bad state, I'll see them and not do it.  I'd justify it at the time in some weird way by saying, "That's newbie shit.  I don't have to kino on a high point, or because I'm making a point to the friend that we're gonna be great together, or whatever."  I somehow ended up holding her hand at the table.  I don't even remember how I transitioned to that.  I think I grabbed her hand at one point and she seemed comfortable with holding my hand so I just left it there.

3rd wheel:
At this point, I had already been thinking ahead.  I found out the girls were from out of town.  The Indian girl was occupied and I had my girl, but the other girl was just sitting there.  She wasn't cockblocking but I knew that things would go smoother if I got a wing to occupy her.  The thing was, that despite there being 4 wings in the venue, none were around me.  Nintendo was visible at one point and I accomplisment intro'd him from a far to the friend; however, he was dancing with some girl at the time, and then later, I couldn't see him.

This is where the quote above comes in.  Nintendo told me later that he remembers looking all over for me and not finding me.  Part of that might have been when I actually left the club, but also, "You didn't look in the bottle service because you wouldn't have expected me to be there."  I know that I never looked in the bottle service, and one time AndyDufresne surprised me by tapping my shoulder from the bottle service section in this very clb.

My girl said they were all leaving soon at one point and got up from the table.  I followed her and had her by this pillar.  I was trying to figure out logistics and here was mistake #1 for me which I'll elaborate on later.  She asked me where I lived, and I didn't even consider pulling her to my place because of my mom being here, but this was an option and I'll have that in mind in the future.  I was trying for a number close because she said they were gonna be in town until New Years.

After I had gotten the number, I saw that some random guy had opened the 3rd wheel friend.  I noticed this because he was dancing with her and the girl bumped into me as he was moving her towards the pillar.  We had our girls next to each other at this pillar.  I made good move that I also think created attraction because it was dominant.  I grabbed her and move her so she was on the opposite side of the pillar.  I didn't want the girls watching each other and then not wanting to kiss because of that.

I'm pretty sure the guy started kissing his girl.  I was right in my girls face.  We still had strong eye contact.  I went in for the kiss.  I can't believe it's been months since I actually went for a kiss.  Wow, my game has really been fucked up for me not even remembering my last attempt to kiss close.  I remember she turned slightly so I kissed her cheek.

I was back to my summer self as I didn't even react to the rejection.  I used to get deflated and I'd have to fake not caring that she rejected the kiss move.  This time, I really was completely unfazed when she rejected it.  I just kept looking into her eyes and started talking about something else.  About twenty seconds later, I went in for the kiss again because it felt right and she went for it.  I pulled back, and she kissed me again.

This is where I'm lacking recent experience and calibration.  I probably should have build up more buying temp by making the make out longer, but my default move is just to pull back.  I think it's because I remember several sets where I got too into the make out and over escalated and ruin the pull by defusing the sexual tension too much.

Part 1: Hard venues, frustrations and perseverance:

As I sit here thinking about the night, I simultaneously feel ecstatic and frustrated.  I'm happy because I've made huge strides in my game since that Thursday report where I felt down from not putting in a good effort in my night.  Both Friday and Saturday, I accomplished what I set out to do: both nights were basically getting back parts of my game that I figured out this summer but that disappeared during the last three months.  I feel like I've done a speed course in pickup and am almost back to where I left off at the end of summer.

Hard Venues:
My plan was to start off at this late night venue using this promotion company but we got rejected as I had feared.  The bouncer claimed they were sold out.  We went to the early club where that promotion company promoted and  got in.  It was slow and JamesAnderson was having a hard time keeping still when it was slow and then we both had a difficult time getting started when the place started to get packed.  I surprised myself by being attracted to this little Indian girl that I met while winging in a set.  After that, we had a hard time working the sets.  My wing kept saying he wanted to go because "there were no more sets."  I said I wanted to go  but I told him we were making excuses and  I wanted us to admit that.  There were sets, but the hot girls were all bunched up in the middle and dancing.

I regret not trying to open up this really hot 3 set of tall girls.  The only chumps who were brave enough to open offered the girls drink from their bottle service.  I laughed when the girls drank the drinks and then 15 minutes later walked away.  I opened one with my "blocking the phone" opener but then lost my nerve and didn't plow through with an actual verbal opener.

I did have a different tall brunette hooked earlier, at least initially.  I stopped her and she gave me strong eye contact and was attentive to what I was saying.  I was almost surprised by this because I expect to get blown off.  (Yes, we should never try to play a movie in our heads of how the interaction is going to go, but I often do despite knowing better).  I got blown out by this really short girl.  I thought of Ozzie in Transformations.  He says something like, "It's usually the midget girl or the big one that I can't get my arms around that is the leader of the set."  The short one started trying to bust me out . I ignored here for her first few lines.  Then I tried to talk to her, but then she grabbed my tall brunette and dragged her off.  At least, that should further help me with tall girls.  More positive references, no matter how small, help.

Bad state:
My wing really was off after that hard venue.  We tried to meet our other wings in our usual stomping grounds, but the lines were too long so we went to this other nearby club.   I could see that my wing was in his head.  He told me a various points, "I'm having a bad night.  I think I'm getting sick."  I told him, "I can tell your in your head, but you gotta keep trying.  You never know what can happen and you'll also learn to build that muscle Tyler talks about: the ability to persist during rough nights."

I was in a good state and I was opening.  My game was a little off.  I still wasn't escalating but I also wasn't feeling in massive state either.  My wing pushed through and then later I found myself standing alone as he hooked this Asian girl.  He got a make out and said the girl had been grabbing his cock, but the big friend circle cockblocked him.  He got frustrated and I advised him, "Yeah, that sucks.  You can't let it affect you because that's standard."  He learned the valuable lesson.  Now he had reference point of having an awesome experience after having mostly a shitty night.  I told him, "See, a lot of guys would have went home and just accepted the shitty night.  You pushed through and got to learn the lesson probably that you do never know what's gonna happen."

It was time for me to learn that lesson as well.  While he was in that set, I found myself losing state as I felt I had worn out the club.  I was dancing by myself so at least I didn't look miserable unlike a lot of people in every venue who looks bored.  I positioned myself so girls would pass by me.  I passed on opening too many girls before finally opening this Middle Eastern looking girl who was standing by me.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Talking too fast & Reminiscing about the Pride Parade

JamesAnderson gave me some feedback and 2j did as well last night.  The first was that I need to escalate.  I told them both that I'm well aware of that problem.  It makes it even more frustrating because I know what to do and even notice my window closing but I'm just having a hard time executing, or "walking the path" as Morpheus says in The Matrix.  The other minor issue was that JamesAnderson reminded me of something he mentioned in the summer.  He says I should work on my tonality and that I talk too fast.  I blew that off in the summer time but I realized it's something that I can work on easily and I replied with Ironman's line from Avengers "You're not wrong."  

The reason I blew off the advice is that it wasn't hurting my game back then.  Yes, it's a mistake, but when I had everything else dialed in, it didn't matter.  I was hooking sets all over the place and at one point getting kiss closes quite frequently.  When you do a lot of stuff right, girls will overlook mistakes.  You can overcome dressing badly, which my wings kept pointing out in late summer as my clothes were all too big as I had lost a lot of fat and had still been wearing my large sized clothes.  Considering my struggles lately, I need to try to get everything right . Why handicap myself by not fixing stuff, especially when I've been struggling.

This talking too fast was an point I learned long ago from Tyler's "21 points" articles from the old mASF archives.  He said often guys talk too fast because they are afraid of losing the girl so they talk fast, and it's a way of qualifying yourself.  You need to talk slow, loud, and deliberate.  You speak in a commanding voice and can speak slowly because you're used to people listening to what you have to say.  That's how it comes across when you do it properly and of course that creates attraction.  Maybe part of why I talk too fast is that I'm trying to qualifying myself in the way he describes.  I also think it's because I have so many thoughts running through my head that I end up just spewing it out sometimes as fast as it's rolling through my head.

In any case, I'm gonna work on slowing it down . I can fix this easily and at least some more good can come out of this slump I've been in.  Had I continued to be on the roll I had been, I never would have taken the time to fix this problem.  Also, it's good that I'm creative and that I have so much to say.  I can still use all that but it will come across so much better if I talk slowly and deliberately.  I can also use the experiences of giving speeches in college and high school to work on making I'm saying more dramatic.  I know how to put in pauses at certain moments, or emphasize certain words to make a point.  When I spew out words as fast as possible, I don't get to use any of those skills so that's another reason to talk slowly.

Escalation problems, WTF?
As I was doing my run today, it hit me.  I've been pondering my escalation problem all night.  My last post included my insights on my claw and my unwillingness to utilize it properly.  The other big thought was when I thought about JamesAnderson asking me how many make outs I've had.  He'd been keeping count and I remember doing so in the past.  After a certain point, you realize that getting kisses and make outs can be easy but usually doesn't equal solid or actually being able to pull the girl.  I remembered the Pride parade.  Somehow I had blocked that experience from my memory.  As I thought about I remember, wow, how the fuck am I struggling with escalating with girls that are giving me IOI's when I should remember that day?!  I was practicing a Jeffy drill and I was shocked at how we just opened girls and you could just start making out with them within seconds if you did it right and felt inside that it was going to work.  Thinking back, I smile at how I made that first attempt when we first got there and was caught of guard when the first girl I tried it with went for it.

I just have to keep thinking about the times I was out this summer and kiss closing was easy.  The other obvious part was I did way more kino then and that just makes it easier to get the IOI's.  You don't need explicit IOI's to get a kiss, but even when my game is off, I'm at least calibrated enough to recognize when the girl obviously wants to be kissed.  If I'm not completely out of it, I can see myself taking that window.
The problem, of course, and I keep mentioning it is that you're not gonna get signs very often when you're standing a foot away form the girl.

Thinking back on Friday night, that should make the tall blonde and even bigger reference point.  It's funny that I can doubt myself when I have moments like that one.  I could come up with a bunch of dumb reasons of why that girl shouldn't like me and they seem perfectly valid when I'm in a bad state.  She an attractive, tall blonde and I'm short.  I had gotten blown out several times already that night.  Those are the usual BS reasons.  On top of that, add on legitimate mistakes in game.  Okay, I was holding strong eye contact which was responsible for the attraction and I was saying at least semi-interesting stuff that even made her giggle a few times.  Tyler would say that I was in the moment and speaking without filtering myself.  What was bad is that even with her, I was a foot away from her and not touching her at all.  Again, that's what busted me out.

Now, here's the thought I had while typing this.  I think this will stick tonight.  If I actually work on actually kinoing the girls like I'm supposed to, even if it involves doing some newbie drills like the claw, then given that I'm getting attraction doing a lot of shit wrong, I will likely get better results that I have been getting lately.  Being close to the girl, holding her hand, and all that stuff turns her on but as I remember Jeffy emphasizing in his video, it also turns me on.

It's a feedback loop.  I give strong eye contact and kino.  The girl gets more attracted.  I might get some IOI"s.  My proximity to the girl turns me on and makes me want to escalate more and even if I'm chicken, I have a chance of noticing IOI's due to my calibration from doing this for so long.  Seeing IOI's makes me want to escalate or feel dumb that I haven't been escalate.

I've know I have to escalate, but after writing this post, I refreshed my memories of positive kiss close experiences.  Additionally, I realized that logically it just makes sense to kino escalate even if I have to use stuff I had to do as a newbie because it will get things moving towards the pull.  I can go back to my mantra from the summer, "Believe, Hold Strong Eye Contact, Escalate, and Lead."  

Winning a battle against the inner ego demon

If I could feel the way I do right now when I go out Saturday night, I'd probably do very well.  There's a decent chance I'll wake up feeling all tired and beat up but I'll push through it.  I just finished a 9 mile run which is the longest I've run in a few months and I ran it faster that I've run the distance in a long time.  It feels great to be on this diet break and actually be able to allow myself to run fast and not have to hold back to make sure I don't overdo things.  Oh, and my sex drive is back which will help my sarging.  Dieting too hard really killed it which had some benefits but does hurt your desire to actually get somewhere with the girls there.

I titled this post as I kept thinking on the drive home about this struggle with that inner demon in terms of a RPG analogy.  This beast has the regeneration of a troll and might even have some phoenix blood inside it.  I thought I had it slain when I was on a roll at the end of summer and of course it reared it's ugly head and has been with me ever since.  I did learn from my Thursday evening pain.  I was forcing myself to make approaches early.  I stuck in some sets longer than I normally would have and even went back into some sets that I might have chickened out of returning to on most days.  That lead to one particularly rough landing that hurt but I broke through that pain and continued my evening unscathed.

I can't say I was perfect.  There were tougher approaches I could have made and some moments when I should have stuck in longer but my goal wasn't to give an evening where I did my 100% best.  That's hard to do.  Even NFL quarterbacks can't do that every game; yes even Tom Brady who I love to mention.  I gave it my best shot and on another day I could have done better, but I sure feel good about it now.  I didn't want to feel that pain of inaction through ego protection that I felt from Thursday.

Two mistakes in Two good Sets:
Two chances will a tall blonde:
The first was this tall blonde.  I opened her and I couldn't believe how she was giving me the anime eyes and just locking eye contact with me.  Out of all the girls I opened this evening, this might have been the one I had   really hooked off the bat.  My wing, who I call my cousin (the Asian guy who I've mentioned before and apparently goes by the name "JamesAnderson" on the forums) came into try to save me from this cockblock friend.  My girl liked me enough to stay when friend tried to pull her away to the bar.  Then, my calibration began to show me what 2j reported when I got busted out soon afterward.  I had her hooked but I didn't escalate so I lost attraction.  I'll give myself some credit that when I began to see this, I tried moving her to the dance floor but I wasn't alpha enough about that.  Another mistake was that there was this guy in the set and I should have figured out his relation so I know how to handle him.  I don't think it was some random guy but a guy in the friend circle or possibly a boyfriend.

I should title this section "Three Mistakes" as about a half hour later I made another mistake.  I was waiting for JamesAnderson to come out of the bathroom when I spotted the blonde walking across the dance floor area from the women's bathroom.  We made eye contact.  I smiled and waved and she waved back.  Thinking back, and I heck, I realized this just after I got the wave and she kept walking, I should have motioned for her to come over and just held eye contact.  She might have complied if I did it right.  Even if she kept walking, I then walk over and said something like, "Haha dork, don't be afraid of the dance floor" and then stopped her and pulled her in.

Still, I might have avoided approaching this girl on a day when the inner demon of ego protection was winning.  I also wouldn't have hooked her in the state I was in Thursday.  I should at least take this as a sticking point as proof of the belief I'm supposed to have: that I am enough for these hot girls and I deserve these type of girls.  Entitlement.

2-set Freezing in Line:
I was ready to call it a night when we got stuck waiting in this long line for Social.  What turned happening was what I feared and figured was gonna happen: I stood in line with no jacket and ended up not getting in as they closed down the line when we were about 3 people away from getting in.  Still, I don't regret it because it felt good to push things.  JamesAnderson is all about pushing to the bitter end in the way I often was in the summertime.  I think it's okay to call it an early night sometimes, but this is not one of those weeks.  This is the best sarging week we'll have until around Valentine's Day and around St Patrick's Day so we might as well push things hard.  

When we first got in line, these two girls cut in line behind us.  I didn't say anything as they hadn't cut in front of me.  I was debating opening them when the cute brunette asked me how long we had been waiting.  I answered and then proceeded to talk.  Here was my first mistake.  The two girls also had no jackets.  I made some amusing comment that I can't remember and put my arm around her to tell her I'd keep her warm.  Then, I dropped my arm.

Here we can highlight a massive sticking point.  

I thought hard about why I dropped my arm.  I figured it must be that part of me that's afraid she's not gonna like it and that I'm making her uncomfortable by doing it.  I used to do the claw all the time to learn kino and then I stopped having to do it because I learned to calibrate it better.  As I said in Thursday's report, I need to get back to some newbie drills.  This was a situation where I should have listened to Ozzie and kept my arm around her.  It made her warmer so she was fine with it regardless.  On top of that, I have to trust my judgement.  Having done that newbie shit in the past, I know what it looks like when a girl gets uncomfortable with me being too close and with me having my arm around her.  She was not showing those signs.  I was protecting my ego by playing it too safe for dumb reasons.  It sucks to creep out girls and doing newbie drills as a newbie, you can cross the line more often than you'd like.  I don't have that excuse, though.  I need to do more newbie drills and I should have less hesitation doing it since I have the calibration that newbies don't.

I screwed the claw up, but I kept talking to the girl.  I realized the girls wanted to keep partying when I'd occasionally stop talking to them and I'd hear them talking to each other.  They were debating leaving but then they wanted to keep partying.  The kept going back and forth and a few times I threw in reasons to make them want to stay.

Game Plan:
I'll give myself credit for formulating game plans while this set was happening.  This is how you handle situations and keep the sets moving.  When my game is off, like it has been for most of the past three months, I don't have any brain power doing this and instead I'm standing there trying to talk to the girl for as long as possible without escalating or figuring out what I'm going to do with the set.  These thoughts, then, were progress. I thought about grabbing the two girls and then walking to the front of the line and trying to get in with them.  I didn't want to do it because I was afraid it wouldn't work or I was afraid the girls would get in and then I wouldn't.

It's funny that ultimately, the girls waited in line for about 15 minutes and as we got about 5 people away from the front, the squeezed in between the guys and got the front and got let in just before the bouncer shut down the line.  That sucks that I didn't get in because I was gonna try to escalate on that set when I got in . I had that in my head.

As JamesAnderson and I were walking back to my car to hit up another venue, we walked by this other after hours place.  It looks like a trashy crowd every time we walked by and the two times we went, we were lucky if there was even one decent set to open.  I had pointed it out the my wing as we walked by on the way to Social.  Here's the dumb part.  I forgot about that place as I was freezing in line.

I thought of other ideas.  If my wing had his hotel room like he sometimes does, we could have sold an after party there and there was a chance we could have gotten the girls to leave to cold and walk a few blocks to the hotel.  I thought about how if Nintendo had been with me as my wing, I could have told them about getting tacos and then drinking some beers.  We would have taken taco's to go and went to Nintendo's place: the drills once before together and that I did on my last SNL.

If I had remembered that shitty after hours place that was only two blocks away, I could have gotten those girls to come with us.  Yeah the place isn't that great, but it was warm, a bar, had drinks, and the venue change would have solidified things and gotten me time to really amp up attraction and create more rapport.  Out of all the options I mentioned above, I think this would have had the best chance of success and being a gambling man, I'll even sets percentages.  I'd say it had at least an 85% chance of working.  Damn, why didn't I think of it then.

Pushing harder:
We went to the after hours and the sets weren't the easiest to open.  Most were mixed sets or had girls on the dance floor.  Usually when we tell each other there are no sets, we were making excuses.  We did manage to open some sets and we inspired each other to keep trying several times at the after hours when we were ready to give up at different points.  Again, it felt good to really try.

I'd say again that I did the best I could at the time, but yes, there were sets that on a really on night, I would have tried that I didn't tonight.  I might have tried more dance floor approaches.  I'm not surprised I fear that again.  I had slain the escalation and dance floor demons.  Those two things were big hurdles this summer and of course, the time off and inner game shit makes them return as enemies I have to fight again.

Friday, December 28, 2012

What hurts more that rejection

We all fear rejection.  That's usually the reason we won't open.  After enough approaches, you start not to care what happens.  I'd say that as you get more advanced, you start to not want to open to protect your ego.  I can tell I'm not approaching because I'm afraid I'm gonna get rejected and give myself evidence that I'm not good at pickup.  Either fear is dumb, of course.

I'll tell you what hurts more at the end of the night.  It's that feeling that I didn't give my best effort that evening.  I used to feel frustration when I'd go without results.  Back then, many of the skills I now have were lacking.  While I still have a long way to go, I know I'm better now that I was.  Before, I knew many of the moves, especially in late game, in theory, and now I have the memories of the experiences of actually being the alpha, leading guy I need to be.

As I write this, I think I'm getting back to what's holding me back.  I am better than I was, and I know that so it holds me back because my ego is afraid of getting rejected and having that proven wrong.  This is all despite the fact that I know better.  I know that I can only control my actions.  If I put in the effort and try to make the right moves, the results will happen again.  As it's said, you can be in massive state and really have your game on and not pull if you happen to click with girls with bad logistics or girls with serious boyfriends that they won't cheat on, for example.  You can have a shit night and just get lucky (though as I've mentioned, I've never had any pulls given to me unlike some of other guys I go out with.)

I think it was Tyler that said that I have to decide.  I can either spend my night trying to avoid the possible bad feelings of my ego taking hits, or I could put myself out there, progress, and give myself a real chance of getting good results.  To use that football analogy, as I have in the past, I can keep doing safe screen throws or quick outs, or I can go for the more difficult throws and risk the interception.  I need to throw some deep passes; i.e. actually try to go for make outs and try to pull.  

Thinking back over Thursday night and the last several weeks, I haven't even gone for a make out in forever.  I realized that I keep standing two feet away from the girl like a newbie.  It's like the time off and this inner game upheaval has thrown me back into beginner mode.  I can picture Jeffy's video where he pushes it in your head that you're not gonna take a girls pants off standing two feet away from her.  You gotta get up on her.  Maybe I need to go back to some newbie stuff like Ozzie's claw to at least force myself into doing some kino.  In late summer, I was doing better by calibrating my kino better, but now I've just playing it too safe.

I'll close by saying maybe I found a plan of action.  It's one thing to say "I'm gonna give my best effort."  Sometimes, it's that easy.  I think what I need now is to just pretend I'm new and go back to some fundamentals for newbies.  I better be clawing the girl within a few minutes and I need to move her around the club within say 10 minutes.  I'll also try Tyler's method of building momentum.  He talks about having low expectations for yourself on any given night.  Give yourself credit for approaching.  I'll add Jeffy's addition to that as I know I can approach.  I need to approach and make the conversation man-to-woman instead of friend-to-friend.  If I do that, I can consider it a success.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Being dumb playing hard to get

I just wanted to make a quick entry to make myself accountable otherwise I keep blowing off posting.  I need to post as this helps me ingrain lessons in my head.

I went out for the first time in a week.  I got myself sick training too hard while on too big of a calorie deficit. I'm talking going 2-3 times a day.  I knew I was gonna overeat on Christmas so my plan was to blow myself out and then start a diet break on Christmas.  Instead, I got sick on Thursday and was forced to stop earlier.

Being on the break, I let myself drink and on top of that Nintendo drove to the bar.  A small lesson is that I don't really game better drunk.  I might approach a little faster and/or more aggressively but any advantage that might give me is outweighed by how sloppy my game gets.

I was opening and having fun, though at times, especially later, I was trying too much to ride this opening machine wing's coattails by just trying to wing instead of pushing my own sets.

My big mistake for the night was when I winged said wing in a 2-set.  The girl he stopped was interested from the opener as she called back her friend that had walked down the stairs.  When the friend got to us, I called her by name since I had heard her name.  I went to shake her hand and I noticed she was high buying temperature by the way she held on to my hand.  Then, she put her arm around me as I got a little closer.

Had I been thinking clearly, this was easy.  Just caveman, spew out some random nonsense and escalate.  Instead, I pulled back a little bit and started to qualify her with questions.  This stuff might work on the hottest girl in the club who wouldn't be used to a guy being so cool about it, but I was miscalibrating here as this was just an average looking girl.  I lost her by doing this and then she started talking to some random guy and told me "That's my boyfriend" when it clearly wasn't when I started talking to him.  The mistake was clear right away.

I realize that I often hide my interest when I need to show more intent because I'm still trying to protect my ego.  I remember the days when I was younger and with no game where girls would find out that I liked them   (think high school) and I'd look stupid.  Now I sometimes play it too cool and lose the girl.  I suppose I should work on showing intent with eye contact, which I do, but also work on verbally expressing it.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Realzing I'm not going to "solve" this game; I have to think long term

I'm hoping this lesson sticks with me.  This is something that I have been avoiding since summer time and it's time I got things straightened out.  I kept telling myself that I just needed to go out one or two more weeks.  I had to go till I flew out to Florida or till summer ended.  I'd keep going out till I got a pull.  All those things happened and I felt like I just needed a bit more time and I'd have this solved.  I'd be at a competent skill level where I could just maintain most of it by going out less often.  Better yet, I could improve slowly but be at a good enough level where I had several girls in my life and had a decent shot of pulling on any given night. 

I've been neglecting long term mating strategy and trying to just coast with short term mating strategy.  I was able to do this in the summer, but dealing with my mom, plus all the time that has past is a constant negative that gnaws at my soul.  I've been amazing at going out in a positive mood lately despite having my life all messed up but pickup would be so much easier if I just straightened everything out in my life.

It's a pain in the ass but nothing good in life ever comes easy or every one would be doing.  The hard journey is what makes the successes so rewarding at well.  I need to view pickup like working out.  It's something I'll always have to work on but sometimes I can enjoy at the same time.  Pickup will lead me to the lifestyle I wanted just as working out and dieting is finally getting me to the body fat percentage and abs I sought for so long.

As I near one of my sought after goals with exercise, I realize it's true what Tyler said in "Blueprint."  The end is anti-climatic.  I don't have 6 pack abs yet but I'm wise enough to realize that isn't gonna make me happy.  I'm still gonna work to that goal but I know next year I'll want to bulk up or run the marathon.

If I stick with pick up, I will get more pulls.  I have more girls in my life.

What I've totally neglected is work and finances and I'm sick of doing that.  I'm gonna put my focus on that part of my life and I know it will make pickup so much easier.   Focusing on this means I can't go out as much, but it doesn't mean that I'm giving up pick up.  I'm just gonna make sure I get my life straightened out so I live up to my own standards.  Putting a focus on this will make pick up better: I'll actually be able to go to Vegas and get some pulling experience there. 

More importantly, I'll feel good about myself.  It's great that I can go out and be cool with that stuff in disarray, but imagine how unstoppable I would be if I had my life really solidified.  I'd have no money problems, I'd be in even better shape that I'm already in, I'd get to travel more and not worry about saving money all the time.  Hmmm..  It's a no brain er.  How can I avoid this any longer?  

Yet I have a lot of harder game concepts internalized

I'm somewhat frustrated with myself because I'm making what I feel are newbie mistakes while at the same time, I have some deeper concepts down that most guys have a very hard time internalizing.  I'm listing this for myself so I can recognize my strengths and not be so hard on myself, and also to have some confidence to do the moves I know to be correct.

1) I have calibration down which is something that Ozzie says you can't teach someone.   Also, I'm aware of the mistakes I'm making and now what I should be doing.  As a newbie, I was often clueless.  It's frustrating now that I make the mistakes or fail to correct them as I see it happening, but I should be happy that I can at least see the moves. 

 My wing told me tonight that I needed to work on escalating.  It wasn't very eye opening.  I know that. That I'm struggling with this shows it can be difficult, but one could also look at it as something easy to do.  You could walk up to a newbie on a bootcamp and tell him to move the girl to the bar or dance floor.  He might need that advice because he doesn't even think about doing it.  I actually know I have to do that; moreover, tonight I even recognized when the set was stalling and the girls were about to leave if I didn't leave, yet I didn't take action.  That calibration is not something you could easily teach someone.  I just need to make myself do the seemingly hard move of preventing it by leading right at that moment, or better yet, just start leading form the get go so I don't let the set stall at all.

2) My wing today mentioned that he was nervous early on.  When I initially came back from that break, I got to experience first hand how difficult that is to break through.  Fortunately, I again have gotten most of that out of my system.  I was happy that I didn't waste a lot of time standing around early on and made myself start approaching.  This is how I was most of the summer and it feels good to be able to just take action.  I've also been working on not only opening, but trying to give the best effort possible so I'm not wasting the girls time nor my time.

 3) I'll approach super hot girls in the club that my wings will be afraid to open.  I remember Nintendo saying in the summer that he wished he could make himself do that as easily as I seem to do it.  I did it today.  I saw this tall blonde who turned out be a hot Serbian chick.  I opened her and it hooked initially.  More importantly to me at this point, I didn't feel nervous as I was talking to her.  It felt like I was talking to any other girl.  I'm actually not sure how I lost it.  2j even commented how it looked good from the start because she was standing by a friend.  The friend interrupted and I introduced myself and then the friend left me alone with this hottie.  Shortly after that, I could feel her pulling away from me.  I kept trying to plow as I knew I was about to lose her but I couldn't keep her hooked.  Still, I should have confidence in the future that I can actually talk to tall hot girls that I often am intimidated by and have them respond well.

The only thing I can think of right now is that I should have called her out when I saw her starting to lose attention.  I could have put my arm around her, pulled her in, looked her in the eye and said something like, "Hey you got somewhere you gotta be?  Shows over here."  

4) My persistence has returned.  I told my wing to keep going back in the Brazillian set and I forced myself to go back in as well.  Yeah, it didn't work out, but the situation reminded me of how this game works out for me most of the time.  Even when I've pulled, I've experienced resistance.  I can't say I've ever had a set that just made it easy for me.  I've heard it explained that part of the reason is that girls sometimes want to make it difficult.  It's to screen out the chumps from the real guys who will persist like real men . It also makes the experience better for them because they really feel like the guy had to push through some difficulty to hook up with them.  This ties in with getting a real man.   This skill will help me once I get past some of the dumb mistakes I've been making early.  

5) I felt pumped all night as this has been the way I've been the last few times I went out.  When I catch myself looking like my wings sometimes do, I bust myself out of it.  I hate standing there looking bored.  I'm out having fun at the club.  I can be dancing around, talking to my wings, or approaching the girls that are there.  If I wanna sit around and not have fun, I could have stayed home and played World of Warcraft instead.  Beyond that, as I wrote recently, I spend enough time staring around and/or doubting myself.  They are younger than me and if they do that for 6 more years, then they'll be where I'm at.  I can't afford to do that.  I don't want to dick around and then suddenly be 60 years old.

Playing it too safe and knowingly making the mistake

I'm a bit frustrated with myself in that I'm struggling still with leading the sets. As I'm in the set, I can tell what I'm doing wrong yet I allow myself to continue doing the wrong thing.  I'm thinking of this blonde 2-set I was in early in the night.  I knew the girl liked me.  I had even suggested checking out the place next door and she didn't object to the idea and accepted it.  I don't even know why I word it like that.  I think I know that when the girl is not ready to venue change or move around the venue, she'd say something like "We have to stay here for awhile."  Thinking back, she probably agreed as much as she's going to.  I think  I said, "The new place  next door is awesome. Blah Blah.  We should check it out later."  She either said, "Yeah" or "That sounds cool."  Yet, I kept standing there talking to her.

Thinking back, I know I just wanted to keep standing in the same spot talking to the girl trying to see how long I could make it last.  That's what you do as a newbie.  Maybe I didn't need to venue change them right that second, but I could tell it was time to move the girl around the club.  I should have had her come with me upstairs and dragged the friend and my wing along if she wouldn't isolate.

I felt a similar frustration later in a Brazillian 2-set.  We were standing there talking to the girls for a bit and we had it hooked.  I could see that it was stalling and I knew we had to move the girls and then the girls ended up walking away.  My wing and I both knew we failed to lead so at least we went back in again.  He lead the girls downstairs this time, and then I got them to sit on the couch.  My wing got a make out but then the girls ran off the bathroom.  I made him go in again and I went to my girl two other times but we couldn't get them away from the friends.  The logistics were shitty as they were with like 3-4 people from college and we just visiting for the weekend.

My bigger failure was that I didn't escalate with the girl.  I spent enough time that I should have kissed my girl too.  Part of me wants to make excuses that she wasn't that cute, but I should still be executing the program.  If I'm talking to the girl, I should be escalating.  Sure, my body might want to do it more if it's a hot girl, but it's not gonna be smooth if I'm not making myself do it in a set like this.  It wasn't like the girl was hideous either. 

I realized I'm playing it safe.  

To use a football analogy, it's like I keep handing the ball off, going for quick outs or screen plays.  I keep trying to go for the high percentage plays instead of trying for some longer passes that might actually blow the game open.  If you played a football game safe, you'd never get down field unless you got really lucky.

I know I'm doing this as ego protection.  I dealt with this sticking point in the summer and I didn't start getting some deeper sets until I made myself move the girl around the club and then ultimately lead her out of the club.  

Ultimately, I think I'm going to get out of this soon.  I know how playing it safe is going to turn out.  The set is gonna turn stale when I decide to not be a man a lead.  If I don't move her around the club, or cut the space between us and move things along physically, the girl is gonna get bored.  She doesn't want another chodey guy friend.  She dreams of meeting a man that's gonna lead her and really turn her on with masculine polarity.  Women have to lead their kids, or lead a project at work.  They want to let that reality go and be lead a by a real man and turn on that primal side of them. 

If I don't want to keep writing posts like this, then I have get past this.  I think I have to approach my next few nights out as drills.  Rather than trying to try to game the best way to get the set, I need to practice moving the girls around the club and trying to get make outs.  Once I'm naturally doing this again, then I can stop the drill and just try to build a connection with the girl and ride the wave out in the best way that I can. 

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Missing element: Being a man

While I am usually able to figure out where I went wrong in my sets, I do find it helpful to run things by my more experienced wings at times.  Talking to 2j for 10 minutes showed me what was really lacking in my interaction last night.  It isn't a surprise realization, but it was dead on.  2j said that my problem was that I was trying to weasel a phone number out of the girl instead of showing her that I was a man and that I wanted her number.  He agreed that she liked me.  He said her objections of "Why" were that the girl was testing me to see if I was a real man, to see if I was just gonna waste her time if she gave me her number. 

I figured out a good solution to my problem last night.  He agreed that if I just grabbed the girl and pulled her in at the end during the strong eye contact, then I would have shown the dominance she was seeking and that would have sealed things.  He said that he probably would have told, "What the fuck do you mean, 'Why should you give me your number?'  Why do you think?"  The idea behind those words is that you're a man, she's a woman, and it's obvious. 

He made me realize that I still have aspects of the old MM model and calibration mindset in my head.  I think that I need a clever line to answer here when I just needed to show intent and dominance.  Even when I was talking to 2j, I came up with a clever line.  I told 2j I could have said, "Hmm.  Let's see. I'm a man, you're a woman.  Do I need to go to 5th grade to explain what that means?"  Yes, that answer is somewhat amusing, but again, I'm trying to be too clever instead of just looking into her eyes and being a man. 

Again, no surprise her.  I know that I need to lead.  I've always struggled with that and when I get the pulls or the best results, I'm able to put myself into that mode.  I found it enlightening when 2j was describing how he thought I went wrong, I could feel that I was feeling exactly what he was describing as the events were unfolding last night.  I mean that as I was asking her for her phone number, I felt the doubt that I deserved the number.  I felt like I had to give a cute line to get the number instead of acting like I believed she was into me as I was into her and I should just naturally get the phone  number because there was a connection between us.   This is the lesson that I will work on tonight. 

Trying to be too clever: Fundamentals

I've been proud that my inner game posts have really helped me sort through the issues I've been having.  I went out Thursday with 2j and I just felt great.  It helped that I was feeling shitty from low carbing, and I had a carb up that day and had a good run right before I went out.  I was amusing myself and opening sets with little or no hesitation.  2j made a good point at the end of the night that I was lacking intent.  I was amusing myself too much and not doing enough to get the girl.  I know that I don't do emotional spikes, but besides that, I was doing anything to really try to create a male female dynamic and was just talking too much.

That helped me tonight as I found myself putting in emotional spikes and working on eye contact.  I started off the night for a friends going away party.  That was just a set of craziness and there wasn't much to work there as the usual Polish club had 70's night tonight so the girls were like 15 years older than me.  I was trying to work something with my friend's female friends but nothing hooked.  I was ready to go home, but my wing that met me there (I forgot his nickname and don't feel like looking up, but it's the guy I met at Sound Bar one day when I was alone in the summer) wanted to go to after hours.  He was drunk so I drove and he offered to pay my cover to go this place where some girl was supposed to meet him.  I ended up saying I'd pay half the cover as I felt it was worth that much.

Anyway, the place was the usual text message club crowd of mostly Latinas and mostly guys.  There were some sets but my wing and I just danced for like 45 minutes and didn't do anything.  I did a half ass attempt to open this 2-set one the dance floor.

This actually reminds me of something 2j and I discussed on Thursday as well.  Especially early on the night, with walking street sets, I throw out comments but don't actually try to open the sets like I believe they are going to stop.  I shouldn't be hard on myself when I do these sets, but at the same time, I should be putting a real effort.  Similarly, I tried to open this 2 set on the dance floor by dancing near them but I was holding back.  Of course, it didn't open, and I looked more stupid than if I had actually tried to open them with dance moves for real and got rejected anyway.  The later feels better because I would have been making a full effort for going for what I want, but at the same time, my ego prevents me from fully committing because I know I'm exposing my real self to rejection.

Feeding from a big brush off:
I don't know how I even get time periods where I'm hesitant to approach.  At least, I've been minimizing the time lately, and telling myself that I'm too old to be standing around wasting time has helped me take action.  I say I don't get it because while my ego fears the rejection, I also know that harsh rejections feed me state.  Take today.  After the half ass dance floor approach, I proceeded to walk around and dance around for another 20 minutes.  My wing said he was ready to go but I said I wanted to take a last look around.  I wanted to leave, but I told myself we'd only leave when I opened, or if we walked around and there really weren't any sets left other than couple or mixed sets with even numbers of girls and guys.  Sure you can open those, but I wasn't gonna be hard on myself for passing up on those.

I finally saw this tall blonde that had walked by several times.  I was afraid to open but finally I decided to do it . I tapped her on the shoulder and said something, and she looked at me, probably didn't even hear me, immediately turned away and walked away.  Wow, usually you don't get totally blown off like that.  At the same time, I deserved it.  She was one of the hottest girls there and I was wasting her time with a weak approach being just like the tons of other lame guys that have approached her over the years.  I empathize that it was my own weakness that got me blown out and I knew I could do better than that.

Immediately after that bust out, I felt that gnawing determination that I seem to get from harsh rejections.  It like part of me KNOWS I can do way better than the effort I gave to deserve the rejection, so I feel compelled to open again to prove it to myself.  I immediately saw this 2-set standing by the bar that I had somehow not seen earlier.

The viewer would have been proud:
After a night of mostly doing nothing, and just getting totally ignored like I was a street bum by the tall blonde, I opened this 2-set of brunettes.  The friend was actually the cuter one and in the end, I wished I had opened her instead: she had an amazing resemblance to the actress Zoey Dashanel (sic).  She had very pretty eyes.  My girl was cute and thin.  I learned from Thursdays and threw in some emotional spikes and kino.  We clicked well as she loved travelling and it was easy to talk to her despite my hearing problems causing me to sometimes miss things she was saying.

This wing sometimes doesn't come into set for whatever reason which is annoying.  I can always count on 2j and Nintendo to come into my set and usually do a good job.  Other guys will usually come in even if they get busted out.  I turned and he wasn't there so I had to run this 2-set solo.  It ended up working because the other girl turned out to also be friends with this couple that was next to them . She didn't really interrupt me that much as I had a lot of one on one time with my girl.  The couple then left, and I thought my girl was leaving, so I asked if they were, and she said they were staying.

The friend started distracting my girl a bit, but I talked to both girls to keep myself in set and I text my wing to come in.  He came in but got busted out.  He said he had been asking boring questions.  She shit test him and said, "If you're gonna ask boring questions, you should just walk away" and instead of changing his game, he just walked away.  Wow, we were amateurs tonight.

Well, at this point, someone watching me would ahve been proud.  Again, I was about to go home, and just got ignored, and now I was into this 20 minute set with this cute brunette.  I was doing kino, making her giggle, intriguing her, and having good eye contact.

Time for your move:
The couple left and then the Zoey looking girl left.  At that moment, I knew this was on.  If you're in a 2-set, and the friend leaves you alone with your girl, you know that your girl is into you.  There's a girl code on this. If my girl didn't like me, this would not happen.  If my girl wasn't sure about me, this wouldn't happen either.  Only when the friend sees that your girl is into you will she give you this isolation.  I knew I had to try to number close her.  Well, that's what I thought at the time, but on the drive home, I realized escalation and a make out was the other move at this point.

I started moving towards cool things we could do but instead of just asking for the number, I tried to get cute.

Trick plays football analogy:
I love the football analogy so I might as well use one for this situation.  Tonight was like a game where nothing happened except maybe a big play a half time where the other team got a field goal . At this point in the night, I'm in the 4th quarter.  I also threw an interception: that would be analogous to opening that blonde and getting blown off.  I recovered and my interaction with this brunette is like me driving down the field methodically and doing things well.   I was in the red zone as when we left the club it was like 3:20.

I had two moves.  I had isolation with my girl.  I could have number closed, but I also could have tried to escalate for a make out.  Instead of, or in addition to number closing, I could have just stayed in set to closing time and tried to pull for after hours or for food.  I could have just taken the number at the end of the night if the pull was a no go.

Instead, I read the isolation the friend gave me as a must do moment.  I tried to get cute by trying to number close her by saying, "So, are you gonna take me out for custard?"   I think this is analogous to me running a WR reverse or a halfback pass in the red zone instead of just driving for the touchdown.   I could have also just gotten the number which would be like going for a field goal to tie the game and go into overtime.

This girl was one of the girls 2j talked about.  She got pissed when I worded it like that because she replied, "Wait, you want me to take you out?"

My cute line didn't work and I don't I responded well.  I could have just not reacted and kept with the line.  I should have said, "Yeah, girls take me out a lot."  If I were congruent with that, something simple like that would have sufficed.  I could have responded to the shit test with something funny like, "Okay, I got an idea. I'll take on a steak and lobster dinner at Gibson's and then we can stare awkwardly at each other for two hours because were not even sure if we'd get along for that long and we set up too many mixed expectations.  That, or we could just got hang out for coffe or a beer and just have fun and see what happens."

I failed the shit test: Fundamentals gone wrong again.  To my credit, I plowed along for a little bit.  I mentioned the Conservatory and she was interested in going there.  Thinking back, I had still be unnerved by her shit test as instead of selling up the Conservatory and making it seems fun in the ways I've done in the past, I just tried to go for the number again.

BTW, this is why I should never have taken a break from sarging.  Even brief time away screws up your game.  I wouldn't have screwed this set up like this in the summer.  I feel like a fucking newbie failing shit tests.

Worse yet, I hate to say, she test me again by saying, "Why should I want to give you my number?"

But I'm not gonna qualify myself:
That's what I thought.  I knew she was asking me to qualify myself and I was thinking, "Wow, seriously?  I'm not gonna give you reasons why you should want to hang out with me . That's lame and I fail if I do that.  If I did this right, this should be obvious."

I just looked a her.  She was giving me strong eye contact and I was giving it back.  It was still on at this point but I was unraveling.

I tried, "What do you have to lose?"

"What do I have to gain?"

Wow, my frame was weak.  That didn't work.  I tried to be fun, "Hey, we got two weeks till the world might end.  I need a partner on this fun adventure called life.  I usually don't like club phone numbers but you seemed different."  

She said something and my bad hearing hurt me because I couldn't understand what she said,

Shortly after this (like 30 secs to a minute) I get, "Well, it was nice meeting you."


It was like my team was running the half back option . The RB was running and a defender blitz through.  The RB ran back, made a pump fake.  He could have taken the loss of yards and kept driving.  He would have ran out of bounds.  Instead, he tossed it up in the air or fumbled it and the ball got returned all the way to the other end zone.

I got too caught up on the shit test I think.  I just needed to change the subject.  I could have kept looking deep into her eyes, pulled her in, and said something like, "Come here, you.  You know, when I look into your eyes like this, I get this funny feeling.  If you're feeling that too, then you know there's something different here when you look into my eyes.   If your friend wasn't standing right here (she had just come in which helped make things more difficult for me), I'd kiss you right now."  

As I write that last bit, I realize that even through the failed first or second shit test, I was still in this ball game.  I know she wanted me . She just couldn't stop gazing into my eyes even as I was losing my frame and confidence.  I was analyzing too much when I could have just verbalized what I was feeling when she was gazing into my eyes and that would have solved the problem.

Well, I think this is a lesson learned.  I learned from Thursday and had a good set today, so many Saturday will be even better.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Fake it till you make it vs Playing in the Big Leagues

As I took a break from the computer, I thought of a good analogy that I feel is going to help me solidify that belief in myself that I have so desperately sought all these years and feel is within my grasp.

Fake it till you make it:
This is a community concept that I learned early on.  I was nervous around women, had no skills, and no evidence at all that I could have women in my life.  Well, I had one girlfriend that took me 26 years to finally get after I lost like 70 pounds.  She dumped me and I had no clue how I could ever get another girl.

Back then, canned game was king.  You learned cool lines to say to girls and techniques that made it appear like you were funny and could connect with women.  You pretended not to be nervous and having all this canned stuff to say helped you hide your fear.

Beyond that, I just had to have a blind faith that if I worked on pickup, I could eventually learn how to interact with women just like I had learned to ride a bike, learned about nutrition, improved my cardiovascular health, learned calculus, or learned how to PVP as a shadow priest in World of Warcraft.

Eventually, I started to get success, but it still felt like I was more the guy that didn't get girls, and those successes were just luck.

Stop faking that you're still that loser AFC:
Tyler once mentioned the concept in the movie "Avatar" and how it relates to pickup . Recall that in the movie, first the guy in the handicapped solider that plays the blue alien, but eventually he feels like his real life is the blue alien life, and his dream is being that handicapped solider.  Like I wrote above, for most of this journey, I was an AFC pretending to be a PUA that was good with women.  I got lucky and had sex, had a few girlfriends, and got positive feedback from women.

The reality is that I'm more of that PUA that I am that AFC I was once was.  The negative part wants to point out how I haven't gotten laid in awhile, but when I put myself out there, I have good interactions.  I was hard on myself with this life upheaval with my mom moving back in with me at the end of summer.  2j was correct when he told me that it was normal for me to feel my life turn around as it was a big change and it wasn't her fault of my fault.  My stepfather died and this is how life goes.  Fortunately, I'm finally managing to work through these issues and deal with living with my mother again.

The truth is that the stories I hear about myself, and what guys tell me is that they view me more as the PUA guy than anywhere close to being that AFC I was once was.   By doubting myself and telling myself bullshit reasons why I suck, I'm just hanging onto being that AFC.  Why would I continue to hold onto some distant self that I long outgrew?  It was so familiar and feels comfortable at times, but I know that when I push myself and feel confident and take action, I feel some much better.  Social momentum works, and when I finally force myself to approach, I do get into state and that fun outgoing part of me shines through .

Accept that you're ready to play in the NFL:
This is the analogy that I thought of as I went to take a bathroom break while writing this series of posts.  Wings will sometimes point out some minor things that I did wrong when interacting with a set.   I usually tell them, "I know."  Usually I know how I fucked up.  The only time I get lost is in late game situations where I lack experience, and usually I can figure out afterward where I went wrong.   I have the knowledge and skills to be a PUA, but again, I spend too much time doubting if I'm worthy to play.

I realize that what I do is the equivalent of some NFL quarterback sitting there on game day doubting if he's good enough to play even though he was drafted to the team, and is set to start that day.   This analogy fits well for me as I"m an NFL fan.  Moreover, I feel like the analogy still allows me to be humble.

You see, on the one hand I want to believe in myself, but I also see that I have much to learn and experience.     Part of why I sometimes doubt myself when I'm out is that I say, "I haven't pulled that often and I need to learn so much more so why should I believe in myself?"  I realized, to follow this analogy, an NFL quarterback can accept that he's ready to play, but also realize he's not Tom Brady, and he still has a lot of work to do.  I can accept that I'm ready to go to Moe's Cantina and hit up the hottest girls.  I'm not Tyler or Jeffy but I don't need to be.  I've gone far enough on this pickup journey to believe that I'm worthy of the hot girls I see there.  

Once I accept this fact, and take action with a belief in myself, and putting my true self out there, then I can really start to experience the benefits of this pickup lifestyle.  I will start to get those good interactions that I saw more frequently in the summer.  I'll start to pull again, and I'll start to get hotter girls.

Each day is a new game:
I'll finish this post by continuing with this NFL analogy as I use it when I go out.  I sometimes doubt myself because I'll say, "Oh, I'd feel confident if I pulled last night."  I know that's bullshit because when I go out the next day after I've pulled or had sex, I might feel a bit of confidence, but mostly it's the same as any other day.  I see it with wings too and 2j has said that sometimes it feels even harder the next day because your ego tries to protect itself and doesn't want to open or do well because it's afraid of proving that pull was just fluke and is afraid you might get rejected and find evidence that you're not as cool as you thought you were.

I fealized that each day we go out is like another regular season game . It's almost like it's Week 1 in the NFL every time.  You could have pulled a 3-some with two 10's (the equivalent of say winning back to back Super Bowls or something) but that doesn't mean shti in Week 1.  As I wrote above, the pressure is even more on you from your ego if you let yourself fall into that trap.

No, each day I go out, I just have to take action and believe in myself.  I have to face the rejection and possibly creep girls out as I make my approaches.   It's always gonna entail that process so the sooner I stop wasting time standing around doubting or making excuses, the sooner I'll see results that night.  It's also means more time I'll be likely to see results rather that just wasting more of my life standing around doubting myself.  

The strange thing is that I know the rejection doesn't even really bother me that much.  At the beginning of the night, I'll think that's what I fear but when I got get rejected I get reminded that it isn't that bad.  Moreover, I realize that often it's not really the true me that's getting rejected . It's just that awkward guy that just walked into the club that hasn't gotten into party mode yet.

What hurts the most is the inaction and self doubt.  It hurts wondering what could have happened.  

You can also do something really dumb like I did this past Wednesday.  I opened this girl that I related to on so many levels.  We both shared an interest in International Relations, PBS Frontline, and even a Turduken dinner for the holidays.  I felt like we could talk for hours, and the set was ending only because it was closing time, and 2j's girl had a serious boyfriend.  I can't even explain why I didn't number close.  I even looked back to her as the set was ending and our eyes locked and I could feel it was on.

Self-doubt.  I let that rule the day.  I also said, "Blah, it's another bar number that's probably gonna flake."  Whatever, I should have gotten her number and the chances were high we probably would have met again.  She wasn't even drunk so tha was another reason it was less likely to flake in addition to the obvious reasons.  

Again, no more of this shit.  I'll report how, or if these two posts helped me when I report on my next outing.