Saturday, December 8, 2012

Missing element: Being a man

While I am usually able to figure out where I went wrong in my sets, I do find it helpful to run things by my more experienced wings at times.  Talking to 2j for 10 minutes showed me what was really lacking in my interaction last night.  It isn't a surprise realization, but it was dead on.  2j said that my problem was that I was trying to weasel a phone number out of the girl instead of showing her that I was a man and that I wanted her number.  He agreed that she liked me.  He said her objections of "Why" were that the girl was testing me to see if I was a real man, to see if I was just gonna waste her time if she gave me her number. 

I figured out a good solution to my problem last night.  He agreed that if I just grabbed the girl and pulled her in at the end during the strong eye contact, then I would have shown the dominance she was seeking and that would have sealed things.  He said that he probably would have told, "What the fuck do you mean, 'Why should you give me your number?'  Why do you think?"  The idea behind those words is that you're a man, she's a woman, and it's obvious. 

He made me realize that I still have aspects of the old MM model and calibration mindset in my head.  I think that I need a clever line to answer here when I just needed to show intent and dominance.  Even when I was talking to 2j, I came up with a clever line.  I told 2j I could have said, "Hmm.  Let's see. I'm a man, you're a woman.  Do I need to go to 5th grade to explain what that means?"  Yes, that answer is somewhat amusing, but again, I'm trying to be too clever instead of just looking into her eyes and being a man. 

Again, no surprise her.  I know that I need to lead.  I've always struggled with that and when I get the pulls or the best results, I'm able to put myself into that mode.  I found it enlightening when 2j was describing how he thought I went wrong, I could feel that I was feeling exactly what he was describing as the events were unfolding last night.  I mean that as I was asking her for her phone number, I felt the doubt that I deserved the number.  I felt like I had to give a cute line to get the number instead of acting like I believed she was into me as I was into her and I should just naturally get the phone  number because there was a connection between us.   This is the lesson that I will work on tonight. 

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