Sunday, September 9, 2012

Roller Coaster State Crash Isn't so Bad

I was having a good day until my mom started bitching as I was leaving to go out.  I can't blame it all on that as I broke myself out of that mood pretty quickly.  My first two sets were amazing.  I think I set too high of an expectation for myself because things went well early on.  Then, I let the crowd of PUA guys and wings that surrounded me make me not feel comfortable doing my own things.  

Norwegian Blonde wanted me:
This was the highlight of the night.  I remember before I got into that set, I had a good 1st set but I can't even really remember the details of that interaction and I was sober the entire night.  I remember the second set I opened was this tall blonde.  2j was there winging me when a third girl, a blonde about my height showed up.  She was really cute and I was really attracted to her.  Off the bat, she was into me way more than the other girls so I focused my attention on her.  

I remember thinking, "Wow, this is so on, and I'm so attracted to this girl."  I was all up on her, and she had her arm around me and kept touching me as we were talking.  I think she was into Filipino guys due to having a Filipina roommate.  

2j had disappeared at this point.  One of her friends had interrupted but I got through that.  I danced with my girl a bit.   I think I should have isolated her upstairs.  As with yesterday, my game has gone backwards lately in that I'm again back to having a sticking point when it comes to leading.  It's frustrating that just two weeks ago, it was normal for me to be thinking about and making myself lead girls around the club.  

I remember I was losing her at one point and then I plowed through and got her to stay another 3-4 minutes but then she wanted to leave.  She said she had to go dance with her friends.  

I feel like I would have tried to open her again but I didn't find her again until I was in this massive state crash.  The funny thing is that I happened to see her walking by while I was in that state crash.  I made eye contact with a blonde, held it, and then realized it was her.  She smiled and then she spanked my ass as I walked by.  She was leading some short guy around when I passed by.  I suppose I should have turned around but realiastically it was a high traffic area that wasn't conducive to turning around and following her.  On top of that, though I held the frame with the eye contact, I was in a state crash.

State Crash:
BTW, just as I'm typing this, my mother pounded on the door and started bitching.  Saturday wasn't so bad until I was leaving, but I realize that I need to get out of here.  I'm stuck her for awhile though and I'm not gonna have consistently good nights while I'm stressed with dealing with my mother.  I should be happy that I can even will myself to go out and still have good sets despite all this shit I'm dealing with.  

As I wrote above, contributing factors where that I expected I was gonna have an awesome night.  I felt like getting through Friday meant that the next day was gonna be easier.  The two goods sets to start of made me expect all the sets could be like that, and I probably started to lose state as I opened after that and got the expected bust outs that happen even on great nights.

There were too many PUA guys and wings in the venue.  There were at least 7 "wings."  That's guys that I actually go out with regularly and guys I know that I'm friends with and wings sets with.  Then, there was a group of PUA guys that I recognized from other nights out.  

Tyler says that you just have to do your own thing.  I realized on the drive home that maybe I got state from being the guy that takes the most action.  This group has guys that were hitting up sets hard and I wasn't allow myself to feel good about opening normally.  I kept pressuring myself to open with dance moves or open hard on every set.  I should have just opened in various ways that I'm comfortable with instead of trying to match or exceed other people's games.  

Another way the too many guys was a problem is that sometimes it was a race to open a set.  Either that, or the girls would get opened before I could get to them.  I split off by myself, but being in a state crash, I was having a hard time having fun.  

There were periods when I wouldn't open.  Then, I'd will myself to open and get no momentum cause I'd get a bust out and I felt like there were no new sets to open.  I wanted to venue change but Nintendo wouldn't leave to this other club and all the nearby ones were set to close, and had lines, so I was sort of trapped.  Eventually, I went to the 7-11 to clear my head and get an Arizona Iced Tea, which helepd a bit.  

Street game with the Asian Wing:
I forgot the nickname I gave this guy in the past and I don't know the screen name he uses.  I've sarged with him in the past and have run into him several times in the past few weeks including last night.  We haven't actually winged sets for each other in weeks.  

He mentioned getting frustrated with the venue and asked if I wanted to do street game.  I agreed as I was happy to get out of the venue.  I warned him that I wasn't at my best but I was gonna try to put an effort.  

This wing was pushing hard on the street sets like I normally do.  I know how I don't like when I'm pushing like that and my wings aren't trying so I did my best to will myself to open some sets and wing.  I wasn't feeling the energy but I did make myself do some approaches.  I can be happy that I didn't take the easy way out and leave early, nor did I just follow my wing around doing nothing like guys sometimes would do following me in street game.

This wing's enthusiasm was inspiring.  I'm surprised that other guys don't will themselves to do street game sometime when I'm the guy leading by example.  

Filipina girls:
The highlight of the night was this 4-set of Asian girls who turned out to be my own kind.  My Asian wing had this one girl hooked and had her separated to the side of the group from pretty much the beginning.  I introduced myself to the other 3 girls right way and was holding the 3 girls attention for a few minutes.  Then, this one girl seemed really into me.  I remember locking eye contact and then it was just on from there.  

Despite having a massive state crash, and having low energy prior to this, I was competent enough to hook this girl.  Then, I was confident enough to pull her into me and be up on her.  She wanted to kiss; I could tell by the eye contact and how she responded to me holding her hands and pulling her in.  I didn't want to do it in front of the friends though maybe it wouldn't have mattered and perhaps I should have gone for it.  Instead, I used 2j's "Are you single?" line.  I almost never ask that, but he responded that she was so I started trying to set up a Day 2 right there.  I number closed and it was good I did as the other 2 girls started to get restless just after I had number closed.  My girl said she had to go and I turned around.  

My wing was still all up on his girl, but the two other girls had gotten bored and were starting to walk away.  My girl and run up to catch up with them.  My wing and I tried to through out a venue change back to the original club we started out and I mentioned food but the girls wanted to go home.  

Brief text game and Logistics:
If we had more wings to occupy the girls, maybe this would have worked better.  For sure, if it had been a 2-set with the girls we had isolated, this was a likely pull.  In that case, I would have kissed my girl and it was obvious my wing's girl was ready to make out with him as well.  We just got screwed by it being a 4-set.  I'm thinking now that another move would have been to sell a food pull from the get go.  I had mentioned it but didn't push it as I had instead been talking about the Day 2 and the number close.

As we were wandering around doing street game, I had time to text her.  She responded.  We text back a few times and I tried to ask her to get a drink but she was already at home.  If I had better text game, maybe I could have tried to let her have me come over.  I didn't ask as it didn't seem like she was ready for that.  I wanted to just go for the Day 2 instead of burning the set to the ground this night.  

I was lost with late night text game.  I've read instructors talk about number closing and trying to set up a meet that night but I have no experience with that.  Usually, the girls don't respond to the "Hope you get home safely."  I end up texting them the next day and that's how I've set up the Day 2's.  Either that, or I've just pulled the girl that night (the few times I've done that.)  I guess I'll ask 2j about this type of text game.  

Pushed through:
This is the lesson again.  I have to accept that I'm not gonna be in massive state like I was this summer for awhile.  I should be happy I'm able to force myself to get through the state crashes and shitty moods I've been in.  I should be happy that even when my night feels like it sucks, I can still have good interactions.  That Norwegian girl is gonna be a big reference experience for hotter girls and the Filipina girl is a good reference point for an example of having something good happen when you keep pushing through hardship.  

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Realizing my willpower and strength

I started off in about the worst mood I've been in when I've gone out anytime in this whole summer.  There were times in early summer where I had a little approach anxiety from not having gone out that often, but I have never been out when I just felt in a bad mood.  I remember just getting to the bar and drinking and surfing the internet on my phone.  Dealing with my mother had me stressed out and I was in no mood to open.  Normally, if I'm choding around early, which would happen occasionally, I'd be looking around and trying to talk myself into opening.  This time, I was just drinking and not thinking about it.

I knew wings were probably gonna come out so I was hoping I'd get into a better mood with them around.  I also realized there was a chance I'd end up with no wings for a few hours but part of me said I'd figure it out.

I had good excuses I could use to let myself have a bad night.  I realized my inner strength when I told myself that there was no way I'd let that happen.  I've been in this too long to just accept a shitty night and go home or do nothing.

Still, I could feel the weight of my bad mood when Crazyfoot text me that he was there on the dance floor.  Instead of being excited to have a wing, I went to get another beer and avoided them to procrastinate getting out of the mood.  A few minutes later, I did run into them.  Just interacting with Andydufresne and Crazyfoot got me smiling.  They went back to their set and I knew that no matter what wings came out, and I ran into them all with the exception of that new guy I met two weeks ago, the night was up to me.  It's always up to me to make something happen.  Once in a great while, you can ride a wings coattails to get into a good set for a few minutes, but you always have to make things happen yourself.  Well, I suppose, Andydufresne gets some help sometimes (apparently, some girl pulled him home Thursday night.  I've been out with him enough to see that sometimes girls help him out when they almost never do that for me or any of the rest of us).

Opening your first set always get things rolling:
I don't even remember it now but I know I opened a set about fifteen minutes after I ran into Andydufresne and Crazyfoot.  That's a lifetime of not opening when you compare tonight's me to my usual self.  That first opening made me feel a ton better.  I opened another girl after that and then Nintendo and this new Irish guy (I'll get his screen name tomorrow) showed up in the club.  That made me feel better and slowly I was getting into state.

I decided, I'm gonna get into this club:
We had a weird night.  We left the free drink place early and went straight to this after hours spot where Drama and 2j started out.  Since it was early, I just got in line with our group.  When it's busy, I try to sneak in or go in with a girl but I figured the line wouldn't be bad at this point.  We ended up getting to the front of the line and hit the road block.  That was the night for that.  Driving home, we all got stuck on the Kennedy for 30 minutes while there was a full lane closure for this accident.  Crazyfoot had text me that he was the first car that the police stopped to do the full lane closure.

In line, I was in a better mood as I interacted with some Indian girls.  I should have pushed that more as we had plenty of time to talk to them and one decent one was receptive to me.  I never was into Indian girls but now I want to try one, but I usually just assume they are gonna be the traditional kind that aren't like the normal girls I meet.  As I write this, I realize that's just a dumb limiting belief.  I suppose that this girl was receptive is a positive reference point, but in any case, a traditional Indian girl wouldn't even be out at the bar.  Most are Americanized like me and want to party.

There was this tall Mexican girl who was average looking that Crazyfoot opened.  I remember texting him that it was so obvious she was looking to hook up.  I overheard her telling him she was there alone and was comfortable with that.  Girls are only alone at the club if they are prostitiutes or if they wanna get laid.  This girl wanted to get laid and later we saw some guy making out with her.  I couldn't get anything to really stick while in line.

I got sidetracked in this report, like I usually do.  We got stuck in the line for so long that we left.  Then, we opened some street sets.  I got into this 2-set when the group decided to go back to that same bar to try to get in when it was even busier now.  My 2-set was receptive but without a wing, I lost it.  I then got a text from Nintendo that he had BS'd his way in.  Now, I was stuck on the street with a huge crowd around the venue.

Here was a situation where I could have just called it a night.  I was sober at this point and part of me said, "Fuck it, I'm stuck outside the club and I might as well just go home.  Yeah, I was in a shit mood, but I should be happy I got out of it and got a few decent responses."

"I'm gonna get into this club," I told myself.

It's funny how I can tell myself that, believe it, and make it happen.  It was easier at this club because I've been here so often lately that I know how the bouncers work and they probably recognize me so it's conceivable that I already was inside.  At the same time, it's also risky to sneak into a place that I frequent because if I get busted out on it, I might get banned.

I made my move when I saw this Asian guy.  I like using race to my advantage.  Most non Asians think we all look alike so I can usually bullshit that it's my cousin or whatever.  I hesitated when I made my move and I got stopped.  I tried BSing that my cousin was in front, but the guy was too far ahead and I wasn't convincing enough.  The bouncer blew me off and I just walked back into the crowd.

Mental Fortitude:
Here is where most guys would have gone home.  Okay, I made an effort to get in and I got twarted.  Part of me said to call it a night.  I tried texting Nintendo and he claimed he'd try to get me in.  Before he could response or try, I repeated my mantra about getting in.  I seriously believed I was gonna do it.  I saw two guys in suits pushing there way to the front and I decided I was going in with them.  I decided I wasn't gonna hesitate this time.  The bouncer let them in and I walked behind them.  One of the bouncers looked like he was gonna challenge me, and I pointed to my wrist pretending I had the stamp.  He didn't even check it closely and just let me in.  The move made sense in retrospect because when I've actually had the stamp many time in the past, they usually don't even look at it.

Somewhat back to normal, but not leading:
I realized I have this default competence when I come to game now.  This night taught me that even in a shitty mood and with curve ball obstacles being thrown my way, I will make myself try, and I will approach.  I learned later this night that I can even hook a set strongly on a shit night.  I've got most of the early stuff mastered.  Even though I was cured of my shit mood, I wasn't totally in state and still just willing myself to run the program.  My competence was enough to get me past the opener hook a set and get a girl really into me.

Where I struggled tonight was at the sticking point that I just had broken through when I hit that hot streak a few weeks ago.  I'm talking about that week stretch when I had that SNL and I was just getting into deep sets, making out with a girl every day, and only missing lays because of some really bad logistics.  I learned to not get stuck in lala land with the set. I learned to force myself to lead.  I made myself drag the girl around the club, ask about logistics, and go for the pull.

This girl was into me and I began to dance to with her but then I pulled back.  I kept talking, which was working, but I'd pull her into me and then stop drop the physicality.  I talked about Andydufresne getting help and thinking about this set, I guess the girl did try to help me.  She asked, "What are you doing tonight?" or something like that.  Maybe it was "What are you doing now/ what are you doing after this?"  I said my usual BS about probably getting food.  I asked her the question and she said she was probably gonna leave soon.

I'm a dumb ass in that I realized then what that meant.  I complain that I don't get helped out, but she was trying here.  She asked that question because she was into me and actually considering possibly hooking up with me.  It was also a test of my intent.  I could have played it cool and flirty by grabbing her hips, looking into her eyes and saying, "Well, I'm still trying to decide what I'm doing tonight."  I could played it less risky and just said, "Well, you should come get some food with me."  As weak as that sounds to me as I type that, she probably would have agreed or at least said maybe and I could have continued the set.

Instead, I just stopped talking after she said she was gonna leave soon.  I think I dropped my eye contact.  She probably saw a state change in me because she gave me the "Nice meeting you" blow off about thirty seconds after that.  Thinking back, I did feel a state change because I knew I had chosen to be a wuss.  I didn't even have to give a good answer, but dropping state is what caused me to lose her.

Drama pulls me into a set:
Just after the above, I was walking by and saw Drama with these three blondes.  He said something about this blonde with a white dress. I couldn't hear him, but he motioned towards her and it seemed like he was saying she was receptive to someone dancing with her.  Again, I could feel  I wasn't myself because I didn't want to wing him, but after he repeated himself, I grabbed the girl and started talking and dancing.

Here, I again chose to go against what my player self was telling me to do.  The girl was high energy and liked dancing.  All I had to do was keep dancing, isolate and/or escalate.  Instead, I kept talking.  That was okay, but then I could tell I was boring her when I needed to switch to dancing, and instead of going with my gut, I chose to let myself get busted out.

I suppose this is what a shit night is for me now.  I have to fight myself all night.  I can will myself to give an effort, but my sticking points come in full force, and I find it too easy to self sabotage.  I can't even say I'm purposely trying to fuck myself over.  I think I rationalize it at the time by thinking I'm taking the easy, less risky way out.  In some ways, I was doing that.  With the girl that was helping me pull her, I was playing it safe, but know that's not how you pull.  I know that if you play it safe and don't lead and take chances, you aren't gonna pull.

Trying to wing a cockblock:
Late in the night, I saw this guy all over this cute blonde.  This average looking brunette kept hovering and it was obvious she was trying to cockblock.  I hesitated about going in but decided to make myself do it.  I grabbed the brunette and said, "Hey, let them be, they look happy."  She smiled and was gazing into my eyes.  She was drunk and high buying temp.  I pulled her into me and started dancing.  I think my mistake initially was I again started to talk to much when I should have just concentrated on dancing and grinding.

This girl was drunk and weird as well though.  I approached her two more times. She'd look into my eyes.  I started to go for the kiss at one point.  I might have been able to get it if I just continued instead of stopping when she didn't immediately go into the receptive mode for a kiss.  By stopping, I was holding back which wasn't helping me get the kiss. I should have continued and either gotten the kiss or gotten the head turn.  At the time, I thought she was just gonna close her eyes and let me know she wanted the kiss, or was gonna move towards me.  Now,I realize that I had the right move, I just had to really go for it and just try to kiss her lips.

High buying temp girl with a boyfriend:
Near the entrance, there was this curvy blonde on the dance floor.  I went up strong on her and started dancing with her.  We started a grinding and it seemed super on.  Then, she suddenly ran off and was up on this big dude.  2j came up to me and asked, "What happened? That seemed on."  I replied, "I dunno.  She wandered off and is all over  that guy.  Maybe if he screws up and doesn't try to pull, I can get her."

I later opened her again and she said, "I'm with my boyfriend."  I knew it was the guy I had seen her with and sure enough he caught up to her and they walked out together.

I should get a reference experience from that regardless.  With all the mistakes I made this evening, I did approach her on the dance floor like I really believe in myself and believed that I deserved her.  I need to think about my mind set and how I did that as that's how I need to open all the time.  You always get better responses when you open with 100% belief.  Even when the girl blows you off, it's better than when you hesitate or hold yourself back.  It's so creepy when you aren't fully committed even though in your head, you think you're playing it safe because it's less risky.  In this case, she was with her boyfriend, and she was attracted by the opener that she got into it with me.  She scampered off because she realized she was with her boyfriend and couldn't be doing this.

I don't doubt my looks now, but he was another example.  This guy was taller and more buff than me, but as I now know, it makes no difference.  If she wasn't dating him, or perhaps, she had been out without him, this would have stayed on.

Moving moment and putting things in perspective:
I should take great pride in that I pushed through what started off as the worst night in months.  I remember thinking about how I had a bad night the last time I had that SNL.  That helped me get through this night, and this night will help me out any time in the future that I'm having a rough night or doubting myself.  I know I'll have a better night Saturday.

This night also ended with a moving moment with Nintendo and the new Irish wing.  I was venting about my stress with dealing with my mother and their words made me realize I can be more understanding when dealing with her and be less stressed.

Finally, seeing that accident, I realized the usual lesson that I'm lucky to be healthy and alive.  Yeah, it sucked being stuck for 30 minutes ,but at least I wasn't in the accident.  I also wasn't even mad about being stuck.  I just listened to the Wall Street Journal This Morning Friday Podcast and text Crazyfoot who happened to be stuck in it as well.

Polish set and Tall Lithuanian Hottie reference point

The last three nights I went out were the Sunday before Memorial Day, Thursday, and then Friday.  Each night I was in a shitty mood.  I'm not used to my mother living with me, so I've had a hard time managing the stress it has created.  She was better last night but prior to that, she was bitching nonstop and it made me not even want to go out.

2j says he views wings as fun guys that get you to go out.  I'm lucky to have some wings because it would have been harder to go out solo.  Sunday, I wasn't in that bad of a state but I wasn't my normal self.  Every time I struggle, I've been thinking, "Wow, so this is what other guys deal with.  I took for granted how I'm usually in massive positive state when I was going out this summer."  Sunday, I was opening, but I wasn't feeling as confident with the sets with hotter girls.

Positive reference with Hot, tall Lithuania girl:
The set I remembered most from Sunday was this 2-set that Crazyfoot opened.  I forgot to mention that Tenderfoot is back after a month absence where he was working on sorting out his life.  Having him back, I miss how inspiring he is with his energy.  I'm usually the one who's always opening and pushing hard sets so it's nice to have someone giving me a run for that spot.  It was especially inspiring on Sunday.

I remember seeing this tall hot girl.  At that point in the night, I was in a better mood.  I remember going up to this blonde and this Indian girl and dancing with them and trying to make something happen.  I had walked in with Nintendo and Tenderfoot and just done that by myself which was a huge state change for the bad mood I was in when I started that night.  I wasn't my usual self because I remember seeing this hot girl and not wanting to open.  I pointed the set out to Crazyfoot and he opened the girls.  He ended up talking to this weird blonde friend and I opened the tall hottie.

This was an example of how you should never try to predict the future when you see sets.  The community wisdom has always said that you never know how it's gonna go until you approach.  I know this from countless experiences as well but this one is gonna stick in my head.  Sometimes you open average girls thinking it's gonna be an easy set and they blow you off or give you a lot of bullshit.  Other times, you open a bitchy looking girl or some hotties that you think is gonna blow you off, and instead she loves you off the bad and/or is really nice.  This girl was so friendly when I opened her.

I found out she was from Lithuania and was only gonna be here for a month.  Nintendo ran off because the blonde was weird and not responding to him; I found that out later.  The blonde tried interrupting me.  I tried engaging her and she was weird.  She didn't make any sense when she talked to me and she was doing weird shit like waving and blowing kisses at me.  Crazyfoot said she did that to him and also look at his hand weird when he introduced himself initially.

Here's the huge reference point, though.  The blonde tried to blow me off and pull this hot brunette from me. This really hot girl liked me at that point, and she waved her off and stayed with me.  It's funny because I had only been in the set for like 2 minutes or so and I hadn't done much.  Of course, what I really had been doing right was the subcommunications.

I have to believe if I want her to believe:
Where I fucked up is when I started to doubt myself.  Yes, the good old entitlement problems reared it's head here.  I remember going to grab her and pull her in like I would any girl that was into me.  I then hesitated and didn't do it.  I remember thinking, "This girl is so hot.  I can't do that."  I then talked and started to dance.  I hesitated about grabbing her and getting her to dance.  Then, she did the "Nice meeting you" blow off and walked off.  Later, she was all over a bouncer.

She was high buying temperature and she liked me.  I should remember this when I see any hottie. A girl that was my type and at least an HB9 in any guys mind was into me.  The only reason it didn't work is that I didn't believe it.

I always say, "How the hell do you expect her to believe it (meaning believe that you deserve her), if you don't believe it first?!"

Polish girls:
Sunday night, Crazyfoot helped me again by getting he and Nintendo into this big Polish girl set.  I met this Polish girl that has the particular Polish face that I like.  I danced with her and number closed her.  She's been responding but I didn't push to meet this week because I was in such a bad state.  I text her today and she still responded so hopefully I can make something happen next week.  I should have tried to meet up Tuesday as I knew she was going to Joe's but I couldn't make it that night.

Several nights in a few sentences

I went out several times that I didn't blog about but wanted to update this quickly before I wrote the actually report for last night.  I got back from Florida last week helping my mother drive up here to stay with me.  Prior to that, I went out only three times that last week when I had planned on going out every day.  Nintendo and I were showing symptoms of having gone out way too often.  We were arguing about dumb shit and not having fun.  I met a new wing that weekend who happened to be into pickup.  He had some limiting beliefs that surprised me.  When I met him , he was out by himself and was dancing and pumping his own state.  Of course, we always view ourselves differently than others view us.  I can see his positives but he focuses on his negatives too much.

I had two decent nights with him that weekend.  I even found myself in a long Asian set with him.  I'm not really into Asian girls, but I remember putting my hands on this particular Japanese girl's hips.  She was wearing this long black dress.  When I put my hands on her, I felt her underwear and I remember getting really turned on.  I was like, "Wow, I'm actually into an Asian girl.  This girl has a nice body."  I think I'll go for more Asian girls in the future, though I haven't had any sets with Asian girls since then.