Sunday, September 1, 2013

Breakthrough: Not pulling/venue changing only because of limiting beliefs on my part

I think my biggest breakthrough came to me as I was rolling around in bed unable to sleep.  I think the idea of moving things along despite seemingly low probability was a good lesson, but the even bigger one was a paradigm shift in my head.  I was thinking about how I've been venue changing sets so easily lately and how even after a 5 minute interaction on the street, the girl was willing, for a moment, to let me drive her home.  I thought about why things were so easy now and I struggled for a long time previously.

A small explanation is that I have been in massive state lately and I have momentum from going out consistently over the past few weeks, and the build up from just going out several nights in a row.  Everything is easier while in state.

I think the bigger reason is that, for a long time, I just held myself back by my own limiting beliefs.  In my head, I thought it was a big deal to ask girls to follow me to a different venue.  I even have been reluctant to ask girls to move around the venue because I think it's a big deal.  Now, logically, I know that I have to do these things if I want the set to be more solid, and especially if I want to have any hope of pulling.  The first step is acknowledging that the right move is to do something, but it often is still another, and often HUGE step, to actually do such a move and make a part of your reality.

I had a hard time venue changing foremost because I just wasn't going for it.  Since I viewed it as a big deal, many times, it wasn't even popping into my head as an option.  I'd just keep talking to the girl until she got bored or got pulled away instead of proactively moving things along.  (Again, this is despite knowing that the right move is to be alpha, and lead her around.)  Second, the few times I did go for the move, I'd do so halfheartedly and/or without confidence.  How is the girl going to feel comfortable with me when I don't feel comfortable about her coming with me?  That's Tyler's Law of State Transference right there.

Going along with that same law, now that I'm more confident about the venue change, the girl feels more comfortable coming with me.  She senses my confidence and calmness, and I also ask in a way where I expect that the girl is going to follow me. 

The same model applies to my pulling problem:
I thought about how I've pulled in the past.  I've made it happen when I believed it was going to happen.  With such confidence, I was able to deal with token resistance, and keep the girl reassured.  In contrast, like last week, when I had doubts, I screwed up some big opportunities.

With my realization, I feel like I can short cut this lesson as applied to pulling.  I know that pulling isn't a big deal.  Girls go home with guys all the time.  Guys who pull a lot recognize also that it's not a big deal.  For the same reasons venue changing has become easy for me, pulling can also be easier for me. 

I screwed up things with the Irish girl, but it was huge that I even mentioned the girl coming back to my place.  For so long, I've been hesistant to mention that as an option.  The last time I might have even done that was when I actually last pulled, which was last summer.  I might have pulled this cute blonde in December had I tried to go to my place, and maybe with the redhead last week.

I don't necessarily need to make it happen here, but it's all the same lesson in change of thinking.  I need to just again realize that it's not a big deal for me to keep hanging out with the girl until I end up at her place or mine and have sex.

 To summarize, just like with venue changing, if I think pulling is a big deal, it's going to seem like one, and the SNL are going to continue to elude me.  If I just realize that I've pulled before, girls actually do want to hook up (and especially when I'm doing so many things right now and come off as a cool, alpha guy), and it really isn't/shouldn't be a big deal, then I think I'll be writing a ton of lay reports in the very near future, maybe even tonight.  

Angry druken idiot of the month

It seems like I'm averaging one AMOG confrontation a month nowadays.  I mentioned in a past post that I got involved in a situation during this NY set.  The venue we were in gets really crowded during after hours.  I was dancing by the snow white girl when this built, angry looking Latino guy about my height bumped into me.  To be fair, maybe I bumped into him, but it was so crowded that you need to expect shit like that's going to happen. 

You could tell he was one of those morons that either get angry while drunk or is just miserable in life.  Before I could say anything, and I usually just apologize when bumping into people because I think it's the right thing to do, he showed me hard. 

Here is where I sometimes think I might eventually get myself into a fight.  I could have just ignored the shove, but I don't like being bully, or pushed around literally.  He was being an asshole.  He actually was walking away after shoving me, but I moved a few steps, and tapped him on the shoulder. 

I don't know if he heard me, but I said, "Hey man, relax.  We're all just trying to have fun here."

He turned around with this hard look and stared me in the eyes.  I laugh about it as I'm typing this because this is the typical macho bullshit guys do.  They try to look into your eyes to intimidate you.  I've been in so many of these situations that, of course, I just looked back with calm, unflinching eye contact.  He then put his hand in my chest and shoved me as he said, "Don't touch me." 

Here's the key, before I could even do anything, he turned around and walked away after shoving me. 

I told Seagull later that I wish this had been a quiet area so the girls could have heard me make him look stupid with the shit I would have said to him.  Instead, my girl just saw what happened and got pissed that the guy had done that.  Seagull and his girl were angry too.  I kept telling them to forget about it and not let it ruin their night. 

My girl kept on the subject for awhile, and I knew there were evolutionary reasons before it.  In her mind, I might have looked a bit weak because she didn't see how the whole interaction had gone and couldn't hear anything.  I remember telling her stuff like, "Look, that guy is obviously miserable in life.  He's walking around all hard and gets angry when someone bumps into him in a crowded place where everyone is bumping into everyone."  Later I said, "It's not even worth letting him ruin your night.  What do you think I should do?  Go follow him, punch him in the head, and then get thrown out?  How is that going to better?"  Finally, "Notice that after he shoved me, he just walked away."  

I'll close by saying that, on the one hand, perhaps I slightly increase my chance of actually getting into a fight, but engaging the guy again when he was walking away.  Oh well.  I have some principles that I stand up for.  The guy shoved me and wasn't justified in doing so and I stand my ground now.  On the other hand, this is just further evidence of how I should be confident that I can handle this situations because once again, I'm batting perfect for not getting into a fight. 

Just move the chains: NY set, Irish, and Haitian

Anyone who watches NFL football should know that Brett Favre is known for tackling the 2-minute drill with the attitude of just moving the chains.  The commentators always bring this up when a team is driving down with the game on the line and has just a short time to do so before the game ends.  The idea is that rather on focusing how you have to, say drive 80 yards in less than two minutes for a touchdown to either win the game or lose if you fail, you should just focus on getting the first down and "moving the chains." 

RSD has talked about this in pickup as "baby steps."  I mentioned how 2j reminded me of this  last week.  If I got lost, I just needed to focus on the next step to move the interaction forward. 

I realized that my thoughts with the several sets mentioned in the title could be solved by this philosophy.  I figured the probability was low of actually reaching the end zone, so I didn't even take what the defense was giving me.  Strangely, I have to admit now, I just decided to give up and settle for a loss rather than take a small step that would have continued my drive.  As I mentioned in the other post, I could justify losing the set forever early in the night, but not when the night is almost over. 

NY Set:
I'll just briefly summarize this set from Friday.  This set actually is involved in this idiot AMOG post that I'm going to make. 

Near the end of the night, I was at the after hours place after we ditched this Ohio set that we couldn't sneak in.  I was actually about to just end the night when I spotted this Snow White looking girl near the entrance.  I opened her.  Thinking back, my frame control and state were awesome in this set.  I know on other nights or with less confidence, I would have busted out with this girl from the start. 

I remember early on that when I introduced myself, she hesitated a second before she gave me her name, and I sensed she was messing around and giving me a fake name.  In a bad state, I would have left because she was messing with me, or not called her out on it.  This time I said, "Lol.  That's not your name.  What is that, your stage name?"  I'll add that I had strong eye contact as I was saying this and then she giggled and told me her real name.  I then told her she was a naughty girl and hip checked her and started dancing with her. 

She was in a 2-set and I couldn't get help from Seagull immediately as he had happened to open this redhead 2-set nearby.  I had actually contemplated for that set, but had gone for this girl instead.  Eventually, he did come in to help. 

As I mentioned, this miserable AMOG tried to start some shit with me and it pissed off Seagull and the other two girls.  I had to get them all out of that bad state and plow through with positivity. 

Later, she told me she had to leave as they were getting up early for something.  She had told me what it was but I couldn't hear; it was just clear that they had something planned that required getting up early.  She told me basically that they had to get up early, then had one more night in Chicago, and we leaving on Sunday.  The way she said it, I could tell she was creating a number close situation. 

I knew she liked me.  Not only had she stayed in the set, but she had been having fun, and even made some guy nearby take pictures of the Seagull, the other girl, she, and I together.  She made the guy take two pics because the first one didn't look good. 

Here is an example, again, of where I didn't take the opening the defense had given me because I figured I wasn't going to complete the drive all the way (to go back to the football analogy).  Yes, there was a good chance she'd forget about me, or that it just wouldn't work out that we'd meet the next night, but there was a chance that we could meet up.  G showed that a me a few years ago when he got a lay from a visiting set by setting up a big group outing for 3 of us and his target and two of her friends the following evening after he met a girl.  I guess I'm doing some sort of ego protection by just not taking the number here and that was dumb. 

I'll give myself credit for at least not giving up there.  I told them I could walk them to the hotel.  The girl had mentioned she was grabbing a cab, so I walked out with her.  She had said as we were walking out, "You're gonna walk us to the cab?" 

I threw out a food idea, but she wasn't hungry.  She then ran across to try to catch a cab and this is where I hesitated and just let the set end.  At that point, I just have just tried to get in the cab instead of giving up at that moment. 

Irish and Haitian set:
It should be obvious how I used the same mistaken game plan to let these sets end permanently, rather than continuing them.  As I mentioned in the actual posts about the sets, at the very least, I would gain experience, and I need more late game experience.  With the Irish girl, there was an even higher chance than the Haitian set for something to happen, but I just ended the drive.  I need to learn to stop using low probability as some dumb justification to protect my ego. 

Not taking a lay and going through the motions

I said that I've been joking about RSD Brad's "Wounded Gazelle" time.  I told Seagull that we should push some of these sets with fat girls just for practice.  I told him that sometimes it can be a good experience, but anyway, he doesn't have to have sex with the girl, he can just practice pulling.  With that in mind, we went through the motions with this set that likely could have been a lay, but in the end we let it not happen. 

Maybe that's why I don't feel as bad tonight because I know I could have gotten laid if I wanted to.  Well, I felt good until I realized how badly I had screwed up the Irish set but just not driving her home. 

At about 2:30am (so in Chicago that means a little overt two hours before closing time on a Saturday night), I was talking to these two decent looking black girls.  We ended up opening them again later (it's funny that the first time, one of the girls was talkative, and the second time, the other one was) but had no success.  My chance was there the first time, but as I was talking to them, this chubby blonde touched my arm or shoulder to get my attention.  She was with this chubby Latina friend. 

Just a few seconds in, Seagull arrived.  He had been working on this girl across the street and that didn't work so he joined me.  It was clear that these girls wanted to hook up with someone.  The blonde was really obvious about it.  The Latina made it obvious later when I heard her response to the blonde.  The blonde had mentioned going back to the hotel and the Latina responded, "I don't want to go back there.  All those girls are married."  Just the way she said it implied she wanted to be out with this single friend trolling for guys. 

Seagull and I lead them to the after hours place that we passed on on Friday with this Ohio set that we ended up ditching when we could get them into the more popular place.  I felt like I was going through the motions.  I had said that I wanted to practice pulling even less desirable sets, so we were doing it, but I was putting minimal effort (nearly none).  I was talking a little as possible, and just half directing them to go to this venue.  I might have mentioned the idea of going to Seagull's patio area, but I didn't really try to oversell it like I was supposed to do. 

When we got to the bar, the blonde stumbled in front of the bouncer so he wouldn't let her in.  I actually feared this might happen and if I really wanted the set, I would have lead the group and had my girl around the blonde to make sure he'd get in. 

Why didn't we do it?
First, the set wasn't that attractive.  I would have done the blonde in restrospect, but I somehow got stuck talking to the brunette.  Seagull later said he would have been more willing to hook up with the Latina, so maybe we should have gone for it. 

Second, it was too early.  I kept seeing all these attractive girls walking by when we were moving this set that I wanted to leave this set, but I a;sp didn't want to give up on trying to lead and venue change.  Had this set happened at the very end of the night, I might have tried harder to make it happen.  I would have lead the set to ensure they got into the bar.  If they didn't get in, I would have pushed to try to go back to the hotel with them or gotten them to come drink at Seagull place.  Instead, I let the set end.  I'm not too upset and still wonder if I would have been better getting the lay.  I think not as I ended up with better prospects later in the evening. 

Two low probability chances for lays, but maybe should have gone for experience

Tonight, I encountered two situations that had me wondering if I should have pushed a little harder just so I'd gain experience or whether I should just let it go because I'd likely be wasting my time.  Well, that's what I thought at the time, but I think in the end, Seagull and I both concluded that we should have went for the experience.

Haitian Chinatown venue change:
I'll start by saying that I just realized this was another example of some unexpected help from a stranger.  We had been working streets for over two hours and had done a lot of walking.  Seagull I were tired but we had come back by Spy/Sound bar to run street game again for the second time.  We were standing around looking at girls when this security guard for one of the building walked by and said something like, "Why are you just going to look at them?  Why don't you talk to them?"  That's obvious stuff, but we needed the words of encouragement.  This guy later tried to help us with the pull.  Again, it's so weird to get unexpected help in our city; maybe I should believe in karma.  I've been putting out positive vibes so maybe I'm getting dividends from that. 

We opened these two girls that were originally from Haiti.  A little bit earlier in the night, I might not have been interested in this set, but as I kept repeating from RSD Brad's video, "This was wounded gazelle time."  He said that you can be all about hitting up hotter sets, but around closing/pulling time, you might want to lower your standards so you can actually pull.  These girls were cute enough, friendly, and mine was receptive to the kino I was doing. 

I started to think this was going to be the set that we made happen.  I started to talk about venue change ideas and they seemed down.  I had asked a few logistical questions and it turns out that they actually were staying a few towns away from me. 

Suddenly, one of the girls said "Our car is here."  I'm like, "Sweet, let's go to Chinatown."  Then, one girl got in the car and the other walked across the street.  I turned to Seagull and said, "Okay, let's do this."

Seagull replied, "It's not that simple.  This is a big massive set." 

Well, I'm asking more logistical questions as of late, but I guess I have to admit I need to ask even more questions.  Two more girls and a guy came walking across the street.  We exchanged names and I started to talk up Chinatown.  The guy and one of the new girls didn't want to do it.  This girl also tried to tell the one that wanted to go, "Didn't you just eat?"

We sat there for a bit.  The passenger door was open, so I kept talking up food.  The driver really wanted to go.  At one point, I said, "Let's go" and told them to give us a ride.  Realistically, that wasn't going to happen as the car was full, but I told Seagull to try to get in.  He made a half effort to do it. 

I think it was at this point that the security guard came over and tried to say some stuff to help us.  The guy then came out of the car and closed the passenger door, but the driver still didn't want to drive away.  I was asking Seagull if we should keep pushing this.  I said that they could follow me to my car, which was two blocks away, and then follow me for food. 

At this point, I felt like I could make  this happen if I pushed for it, but I started to not want to.  You might say that I began to lose buying temperature.  Had Seagull wanted to push it, I would have done it, but I started to think, "Well, great.  I can get them to go to Chinatown, but then what?  I'm probably not going to be able to hook up with one of these girls." 

We later decided we should have just gone to Chinatown.  It would have been a new experience, and maybe they could have met up with us the next day.  As I'm writing this, I think that early on in the night, I should push for this type of set, but it was near the end of the night. 

Well, it turns out, I still would have a few more opportunities despite turning this down, but I think there might have been something to be gained by following through with this set.

Irish girl walking with no shoes having a bad day:
Sound/Spy Bar had no more sets after we let the Haitian set.  I tried to be in a good mood despite already feeling that bit of disappointment at having yet another day of disappointment for not getting laid.  Well, actually it was different today, because there was actually a high probability lay set that I'm going to write about that we passed up.  I told Seagull we should hit R&R McDonald's one last time. 

As we were walking there, we spotted this lone wolf blonde.  I've let Seagull go open two of these lone wolves in recent memory.  One, he kissed but could get to go home with him (and he sabotaged himself because he was too concerned about getting his stuff out of my trunk that night).  The other he got into a cab with last week but couldn't get upstairs.  I knew that if I didn't make a quick decision, he would go open it, so I sped up to catch up with her. 

I didn't want to startle her as the streets were nearly empty when I caught up with her a few blocks later.  She was crossing the street and a cab trying to run the light buzzed past her.  I yelled, "Hey, you almost got hit by a car, be careful!" 

I caught up with her by one of those city bike rental kiosks.  I said loudly as I was about 10 feet behind her, "Hey, you should just rent one of the bikes, it might be easier." 

This time she turned to look at me.  I caught up and started talking.  I don't remember my exact words but I remember saying, "It looks like you had a bad night."  She was, after all, walking bear foot, alone, and looking like she was in a bad mood. 

She told me that her friends had gotten too drunk and ditched her.  They also had her shoes.  She asked me where the red line was as she was trying to walk there.  She was walking in the wrong direction, but would have eventually would up by the Blue or Brown line about 5-8 blocks later. 

After walking about half a block next to her and talking, she finally stopped walking.  She asked me where I was going.  I told her I was just enjoying walking around but I lived northwest of where we were and was gonna drive home later.  When she mentioned the Red Line, she had mentioned going to a stop that was really far north, like near the end of the line. 

I'll write the conversation exchange below as I can remember it.  I know that I started to think about what would likely happen if I drove her home, and part of me, dare I admit a large part even, figured the likely result would be me wasting my time and gas to drop this girl off about twenty minutes north, when I wanted to go either south or west.  I think she subconsciously sensed this hesitation on my part, and then I think I started to get a bit needy when she lost buying temperature and decided she wanted to get a cab.  I did think of what 2j said last week and driving the set home after the diner.

HB: Can you show me where the red line is?  I'm trying to walk there.
Me: The Red line?  Lol.  You're totally going the wrong way. 
HB: I'm trying to get to (this stop near the end of the line).  Where are you going?
Me: I'm just enjoying the last bit of summer walking around, but I live northwest.  I'll probably drive home soon.

I forget if she asked for a ride, or I brought it up, but at this moment, it was clear that she would accept this ride from me.  This is when I started to think about how I didn't want to be some random chump to just give her a ride home and waste my time and gas.  2j had told me last week that I could have told the Taylor Swift girl, "Hey, if I give you a ride, will you invite me up for a drink?"  That's exactly what I said here.

HB: I haven't 10 roommates.  I can't.  (In my head, I was thinking about how these Irish girls are always a pain because they never live alone.  Even those girls 2j and I were working two years ago had their own place, but they had been sharing a studio apartment together."

I forgot that 2j said that last week, I could have messed around with the TS girl and did a takeaway where I pretended to get pissed and then said, "I'm just kidding" and given her a ride anyway.  He also said I could have just given them a ride anyway even if TS had said she wouldn't invite me in for a drink.  I knew that the move wasn't to do the take away here.  I didn't think about just giving the ride anyway.  In review, I realized that I could have said, "Well, I'll give you a ride, but you owe me a drink later.  If you don't want to hang out with me, you can just give me a drink and leave, but you are giving me a drink.  Were you in girl scouts?  Well, regardless, let's say scouts honor?" 

Instead, Me:  Why don't you come over?  I don't live to far and I have some beers in the fridge.  (In retrospect, I give myself props for actually suggesting this.  I've been writing that I haven't even thought of trying for that type of pull, much less actually mention it.  Fuck, it might have been 10 months or a year since I actually verbally asked a girl to come to my place)>  

HB: I have to work in like 6 hours.  I can't.  (She had mentioned at some point that she had to work early so it was legitimate.) 

Me: (Trying to solve this logistical problem) Where do you work?  (I figured if it was close, I could assure her she'd get there in time.)

HB: I work at bar.  I have to be there at 9am. 

Me: I'll make sure you get home.
HB: I can't.  I'm going to just take a cab home.
Me: That will cost like $30.  My car is just two blocks away.
HB: I think I'm going to take a cab.
Me: (I either grabbed her hands or put my arms on her side)  Look at me.  You can trust me.

She then decided to take a cab and flagged one down.  One just happened to be driving by, so that was it.  I suppose I could have tried more as she was getting in the cab, but I knew I had lost it.  I felt like I had wanted it a little too much at the end.  Even then, I realized if I had just told her I was going to drive her home instead of thinking about how I might be wasting my time, she would have let me.

I should have driven her:
Seagull tried to point out that I should have gone for the experience.  Yeah I was wasting time and gas, but so what? 

I'm forced to agree that I should have driven her.  I liked how I tried to get her to come over and tried to solve the work logistics.  I should have realized then that it wasn't that she didn't want to come over or hook up, but she did have to work early, and was lost and in a bad mood.  Briefly, I had rescued her from a bad evening.  I just had to drive her home and who knows what could have happened?

I realized as Seagull and I were talking by my car several things.  First, driving her home continues the set.  I would have gotten another 20 minutes to talk to her.  (I literally just blurted out "I fucked this up" because the whole thing becomes apparent now as I'm writing this).  Sure, there was still a good chance I'd drive her home and get a number that flaked, but that is certainly a dumb reason not to do it at this point.  My verbal game is good and twenty minutes might (even likely?) have made the number more solid.  Heck, I might have even gotten her to let me go upstairs if I did well during the ride.  Next, I also thought of how this was Crazyfoot's MO for getting laid.  He'd make out with girls, offer them a ride, and then try to get upstairs to their place and then hook up.  That's his only move as he can't bring girls back to his place. 

The other reasons to consider was that it was the very end of the night.  There were likely to be no more sets (though I ended up meeting yet another girl at R&R McDonald's after this).  I had gotten this cute girl (and a genuine Irish girl on top of that, which I didn't expect to find again until next summer) to stop on lonely street to talk to me, and I had reached a point where she would have been comfortable with me giving her a ride home?! 

Yes, I should have done this.  It would have been worth not blowing it off if I had just gotten laid the previous night, or if I really had to wake up early for something today, or if I actually had girls in my rotation that I were seeing regularly.  It might even have been worth not giving the ride if it were a bit earlier in the night (meaning I had a good chance of finding another set). 

I fucked up.  

In closing, I'm forced to be a bit negative.  It's amazing how many possibilities I've found myself with lately.  These nights have been far more interesting lately in that there seem to be so many good prospects.  I could actually see how in an ideal world, you'd have several prospects and would choose to go with the ones with the best logistics.  If all my sets tonight had been in the same venue, I could have picked and chosen, but tonight, maybe I should have just tried to stick with one to the end.  Well, maybe not this likely lay that we gave up...

Oh, so the negative: It's also unbelievable how I can get so close with so many sets and still wind up going home alone?!  It is highly frustrating, but realistically, I see there's clear evidence that I'm learning from this experiences, and that good things will continue to happen.  I know I"m going to break out of this plateau very soon, maybe tonight.  

Served morning appetizers by a nice lady with a dog

At the end of Saturday night (wel early Sunday morning at like 6am at this point), Seagull and I were sitting by my car analyzing all the sets that happened tonight.  I had the trunk open and we were sitting on the bumper talking loudly.  There's a condo or apartment building right near my car and the early birds were starting to come out to start there day.  A lady came jogging by, and later a lady walk out with this cute looking golden retriever mutt. 

We briefly talked to her.  I think it was when she returned from the dog walk.  I remember her asking us why were hanging out in the street at six in the morning.  I told her we had just stayed out at the bars until 5am and Seagull said that we were analyzing our night.  I said, "Are you like my mom who likes to get up early and you're starting your day already?"  She told us that she had been watching soccer.  I told her, "You're dog is cute.  I'm a cat person too but he's cute." 

She went inside and we kept talking.  At one point, we were really being loud.  Suddenly, we saw the lady at the door.  We both thought she was coming to ask us to keep quiet or comment about how we were being too loud. 

What happened was totally unexpected.  She brought out two bottled waters and a plate with some Bruschetta that she had just made.  She said, "I made some bruschetta.  If you don't like it, you can just leave.  I swear I didn't tamper with it." 

We were shocked that she would be this friendly.  She was probably my age or slightly older but she was attractive.  I had gone out of pickup mode, but my mind was thinking we should invite her to chat.  We thanked her and she seemed like she wanted to stay and talk, but neither of us continued talking so she went inside. 

I ended up leaving the plate and microwave container with my email on it.  I was gonna leave my phone number but I wasn't even sure if she'd get her stuff after we left it in front of the main door and Seagull did say the email would be more neutral. 

I don't know if I should have tried to pick her up, or if she was doing this just to be night, or was hoping she could pick one of us up.  I'll always remember this sweet gesture as it was totally unexpected and very nice of her.  This is something that might happen in a small town, but not in Chicago, except that it did happen today.  

Venuing changing and leading off the streets of Chicago

Thinking back on the last two nights, I can't help but be in awe of how many interesting little adventures I've been on.  Time permitting, I'll have several posts about each one, but I wanted to make a post reviewing the overall night.  So many things happened Saturday night, that I'm really have trouble recalling some of the sets from Friday night off the top of my head. 

I must focus on the positive and I feel that energy right now.  Friday night, I remember being frustrated at the end that we were able to actually close the deal after getting so close so many times in the past two weeks.  Today, I know there's one more night, and I really am just enjoying thinking back on my evening.  I really recognize the progress I've made from the beginning of the journey, and just in the past two weeks. 

I have a long way to go, but my mind set has been much better.  I think the near misses have made me feel more confident and have pushed me to lead me and be more alpha as I know that's how I have to be to make things happen and to get to where I want to be. 

I've found myself leading several sets these past few nights to venue changes and a few times, actually trying to pull.  I've found myself actually trying to figure out logistics.  My kino has been better as well. 

How do you not act this way:
Unfortunately, I still know the answer to that at the beginning of the night.  Saturday night I used a cheat code.  I drank a few beers right at the start so there was no warm up necessary for me.  I just started opening sets off the street.  My game actually improved as  I just stop drinking and didn't let myself get stupid.  I know when I overdo it, I end up not thinking clearly and not being able to solve logistics or even think about asking those type of questions. 

When I don't drink, which  I didn't do Friday, I feel that hesitation at the beginning.  It's not even approach anxiety in that I'm not afraid to go open.  It's more like I have to will myself to hit up some sets that often are in danger of being really awkward.  Part of me doesn't want to open because I don't want to feel that awkwardness but I know that just standing around isn't going to accomplish anything.  Once I hit up some sets, then I start to build momentum, as Tyler has so accurately described, and then the night gets better. 

I'm just thinking about how much better it feels to keep pushing myself into sets and trying to lead and make things happen.  The near pulls or screw ups often hurt, but that pain drives me to improve and it's so much better than wishing I hadn't held myself back or standing around in hesitation like I have most of my life.