Sunday, September 1, 2013

Breakthrough: Not pulling/venue changing only because of limiting beliefs on my part

I think my biggest breakthrough came to me as I was rolling around in bed unable to sleep.  I think the idea of moving things along despite seemingly low probability was a good lesson, but the even bigger one was a paradigm shift in my head.  I was thinking about how I've been venue changing sets so easily lately and how even after a 5 minute interaction on the street, the girl was willing, for a moment, to let me drive her home.  I thought about why things were so easy now and I struggled for a long time previously.

A small explanation is that I have been in massive state lately and I have momentum from going out consistently over the past few weeks, and the build up from just going out several nights in a row.  Everything is easier while in state.

I think the bigger reason is that, for a long time, I just held myself back by my own limiting beliefs.  In my head, I thought it was a big deal to ask girls to follow me to a different venue.  I even have been reluctant to ask girls to move around the venue because I think it's a big deal.  Now, logically, I know that I have to do these things if I want the set to be more solid, and especially if I want to have any hope of pulling.  The first step is acknowledging that the right move is to do something, but it often is still another, and often HUGE step, to actually do such a move and make a part of your reality.

I had a hard time venue changing foremost because I just wasn't going for it.  Since I viewed it as a big deal, many times, it wasn't even popping into my head as an option.  I'd just keep talking to the girl until she got bored or got pulled away instead of proactively moving things along.  (Again, this is despite knowing that the right move is to be alpha, and lead her around.)  Second, the few times I did go for the move, I'd do so halfheartedly and/or without confidence.  How is the girl going to feel comfortable with me when I don't feel comfortable about her coming with me?  That's Tyler's Law of State Transference right there.

Going along with that same law, now that I'm more confident about the venue change, the girl feels more comfortable coming with me.  She senses my confidence and calmness, and I also ask in a way where I expect that the girl is going to follow me. 

The same model applies to my pulling problem:
I thought about how I've pulled in the past.  I've made it happen when I believed it was going to happen.  With such confidence, I was able to deal with token resistance, and keep the girl reassured.  In contrast, like last week, when I had doubts, I screwed up some big opportunities.

With my realization, I feel like I can short cut this lesson as applied to pulling.  I know that pulling isn't a big deal.  Girls go home with guys all the time.  Guys who pull a lot recognize also that it's not a big deal.  For the same reasons venue changing has become easy for me, pulling can also be easier for me. 

I screwed up things with the Irish girl, but it was huge that I even mentioned the girl coming back to my place.  For so long, I've been hesistant to mention that as an option.  The last time I might have even done that was when I actually last pulled, which was last summer.  I might have pulled this cute blonde in December had I tried to go to my place, and maybe with the redhead last week.

I don't necessarily need to make it happen here, but it's all the same lesson in change of thinking.  I need to just again realize that it's not a big deal for me to keep hanging out with the girl until I end up at her place or mine and have sex.

 To summarize, just like with venue changing, if I think pulling is a big deal, it's going to seem like one, and the SNL are going to continue to elude me.  If I just realize that I've pulled before, girls actually do want to hook up (and especially when I'm doing so many things right now and come off as a cool, alpha guy), and it really isn't/shouldn't be a big deal, then I think I'll be writing a ton of lay reports in the very near future, maybe even tonight.  

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