Friday, December 27, 2013

Enthusiastic street set blown in a dumb way

Thursday, I met up with a wing that I was hanging out with a bunch last year, but unknown to me was that he was out of the country for 6 months, and that's why he didn't come out all summer.  I'm gonna name him my Asian cousin . It's a little inside joke in that we'll say we are cousins sometimes even though we are different Asian ethnicities.  I text Seagull to go out, but he started working a few weeks ago and has been MIA.  2j is on a hiatus also.  I realized that I was just being lazy lately and I'd use their lack of desire to go out and justification to stay in, even though I knew I should be going out.

I told Asian Cousin that we should do a big Christmas time surge.  He happens to get two weeks off around this time every year apparently, so he was up for it.  He was willing to start this past Sunday, but I said I'd be ready Thursday.  Thursday rolled around and I was feeling lazy, but luckily he text me in the afternoon, and that was the little push I needed to start to be consistent here.

I could tell that my confidence was back in that I could just feel it.  Asian Cousin opened the first set and I winged him.  It was slow and he had isolated his target and felt it wasn't going to go anywhere so we decided to hit the other bars.  I opened shortly afterwards, and I was happy that I wasn't standing around a lot like the last time and not doing anything.

The other change was that I really was feeling the entitlement that Tyler talks about in some of his videos.  I'd see girls that were my type and I'd actually think, "Yes, this is my type of girl, I deserve this" instead of thinking, "I'm not good enough, I should go for a below average girl."

This is where my inner game is important for me.  Logically, I know that looks are superficial.  Of course, I want a hot girl like every other guy, but for me to even see a girl regularly, she'd have to have more than that.  Ideally, I want a smart girl, but at the very least, she has to not be an airhead.  Now, I even want a girl that's into fitness.  Basically, I'm now more picky, and I feel like I deserve higher quality, and I just feel more confident.

Unexpected street set:
It was a slow night and as we were heading to our cars, Asian Cousin saw a 2-set walking and said we should open it.  In my mind, I was already in the mindset that I was done for the night, but I gave a half attempt to open them.  You're not supposed to play out in your head how you think an interaction is going to go, but I figured it would just be the usual blow off that is highly likely to happen when you open a set on the street that's walking towards you and about to walk past.

The completely unexpected happened instead.  The girls stopped, and we were taken about by how enthusiastic they were.  To use my football analogy, it was like a receiver got so wide open on a hail mary pass, and then I just overthrew the receiver because I couldn't believe how wide open it was.  All I had to do was keep up the energy, tell them to come back with us to the bar we were at (which is where they were going).  I just had to drag my girl on the dance floor and escalate, and the bar was going to close anyway in like 15 mins, so it would be easy to either hit after hours or try to pull.

Again, we blew it.  We weren't prepared for their enthusiasm and we were too low energy and we didn't even try to do anything and just let them walk away about 20 seconds after they had stopped.

Blah.  That's what I get for being rusty, but I suppose it's a good sign of things to come soon.

Confidence is back and the lesson is consistency

I didn't go out last weekend, but last night was the start of a 10 something day challenge (well, with Sunday as a planned day off).  I'm going to make a post later about how a friend's workout laziness got me to call myself out for being lazy in my out pursuits in life, including pickup.

My workout and diet has been about the only thing I've been consistent and dedicated with lately.  I've finally lost the weight from the burn out in October.  Now, many outside the pickup community, and unfortunately even some inside, might attribute my newfound confidence to this physical transformation.  As I often write, logically and from experience, and I know and believe looks make no difference.  I'm a lot leaner than I was in Oct, but not that much more than when I was out two weeks ago and was feeling very self conscious.  The girls can't even tell, which clothes on, I look the same.

The change is two-fold.  First, I just feel good that I'm actually sticking with diet and fitness consistently, and I've recovered from that hole and laziness I dug myself into in October.  Second, it just feels good to get reinforcement that being consistent with pursuits will pay off eventually, even if things are brutal early on, especially after a long layoff.  I can see that I'll have some good races in the Spring and Fall if I stay on my program.  Even more importantly, I can see that if I just apply to my other pursuits, which includes pickup, then I'll similarly see the payoff in a few months and I'll be transformed.

It's not like this is just some wishful thinking.  I've shown consistency in the past in those pursuits and I had a taste of success in them, it's just that I just let myself crash.  Maybe it's psychological stuff, but often it was just that I decided to focus on something else that I felt was lacking.  For example, take a period where I just decided to go sarge everyday because I wanted desperately to fix that as fast as possible.

The answer, then i just for me to be consistent in all three of my mains goals right now and work on keeping them balanced.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Holding myself back: The girl that wanted to go home with someone that night

I can say I've progressed since my return as I've improved more each time.  It hasn't been linear as there were so many days where I seemed to regress from a new found self improvement, but I'm for certain having better nights than my first night or two back. 

The first few times back where dealing with massive self confidence issues and with just lacking social calibration from having been a hermit for over a month.  Just talking to people slowly started to bring that stuff back. 

The hardest part for me is just the inner game stuff.  It seems so hard, but again, I should be happy that I have the experience of having done this for so long.  As I've written before, in the beginning, I just had no clue of how to act or how to be attractive.  I'd get busted out just because I sucked and there was no quick fix to this.  Now, I know that I've done all this stuff in the past, and I just have to find those aspects of my personality that I've buried within myself.  It's that, and finding my self confidence from within.  When I fail now, it's because I don't want to allow myself to get exposed to being rejected, even though I know it doesn't really matter, and that the rejections actually help me to calibrate myself. 

I just need to go out more regularly.  Over the last few moments, I've just had some moments where I just see clearly when I'm doing things right.  I can think of a moment last week, when I stopped this girl on the dance floor who was walking by, and I actually stopped her and in alpha and dominant way that she was attracted when I did it.  Now, I know and can explain how you're supposed to do it, but I just couldn't make myself even attempt it for awhile, and this was a rare time when I did it right.  These type of awakenings have helped me get better.

Last night, and two Thursdays ago, I had some moments when I was dancing/jumping around on the dance floor.  I felt the endorphins from physically exerting myself, and I realized how I used to make some good moves. 

This girl wanted to go home with somebody:
I wanted to post about this experience from two weeks ago.  Seagull and I went out on a Thursday.  He opened this 2-set in the quieter bar area.  I came in, and was nervous.  These girls were friendly and we sat around and played silly games like truth or dare.  A 3rd friend came in later who might have been the cutest.  Seagull mentioned later how it was interesting how these girls quickly turned the talk to sexual topics.  This brings me to that same issue I struggle with:  I know that girls wants sex, but when I'm in the field, I somehow don't internalize this.  I'm am open minded about sex and nonjudgemental, but I don't manage to let that side of me show, and I'm sure that why I don't often have better results. 

The third girl, at one point, made an admission that apparently she had never made before to these friends.  During the truth or dare game, she admitted that she got drunk one time at the bar and went home with some guy while she was in this 5 year relationship.  Now, I'm not shocked; I know girls do this all the time, but this was a rare occurrence for the girl to admit this in this way.  I wanted to comment how I actually don't even consider it as true cheating because girls do this, and I think some physical encounter like that would be different from developing an emotional bond with another guy and being intimate with that person at the time same time you're having an emotionally intimate 5 year relationship.  I wasn't at my best, so I didn't mention this.

I wanted to get the set upstairs, so I eventually pushed them to go upstairs.  I'll give myself credit for this as this was a big step for me, especially in light of how bad I had done earlier this night and the other nights before. 

The dance floor was dead but we got it going.  Soon I was jumping around and dancing around with these girls.  A few times I started to actually dance and get closer to the 3rd girl.  At the time, I couldn't quite figure out how to get her to slow down and dance more intimately with me.  Thinking back, I just had to try harder and look into her eyes more.  I did try several times but didn't have the self confidence to do things properly.

Now, this girl was horny, and eventually some other guy picked up on this.  I knew it inside.  I remember seeing how she was dancing near these other guys in a way that I knew she was trying to get a guy to dance with her.  It was clearly different behavior compared to the way the other two girls were dancing.  I did pick up on this and I went in and moved her away from those guys.  My mind was telling me to take her off the dance floor to the bar area, but I didn't want to make the move.  Eventually, this guy started dancing with her. 

I'd say he did it "G" style, as in that natural I used to go out with.  He did the dance floor well and of course this girl was really into him.  I saw him number closing later.  The thing is, yeah, he had good dance floor game, but I knew I could have gone home with this girl.  I just couldn't get it together at the time.  I just had to dance more intimately with her, move her off the dance floor, create some make out, and just stick with the set.

Seagull had given up on the set and worked this German set so we didn't even try to keep hanging out with the 3 girls.  We might have had a decent chance of going to after hours with them but I didn't have the confidence to attempt it myself, and Seagull was involved with this new set at closing time, so I just tried to help him there.

The rest of that night, and randomly since then, I think about this girl.  What an easy chance to go home with cute, fun girl, that I wasted.  When I have periods of self doubt, I like to think about how I wish I could improve myself, but all those BS reasons have nothing to do with my failure here. 

The lesson her is the overall inner game issue that I just need to deal with and I'll have a lot of success.  I know logically that I don't need anything more than I already have to get success with women.  I love working out but having a full 6 pack or building more muscle or doing 25 mile long runs aren't going to help me with girls.  It's good to improve yourself, but when I fail, it's because I don't believe I'm good enough.  Beyond that, I just don't want to allow myself to really let go and give my best effort.  I think I want to protect my ego from rejection, so I don't let myself be.  Instead, I'll hold myself back in subtle or sometimes weird ways and create the very rejection I'm trying to save myself from. 

It's like stopping a moving set.  I know how to do it properly, but I won't be alpha enough or grab her properly.  I'll touch her in some weird way because I'm holding myself back, and then I'll creep her out.  If I just let myself be, I'd actually open her in a seductive way. 

I even do some really dumb shit.  One night, I was walking with 2j, and we walked by this 2-set.  I could see out of my peripheral vision that this girl was staring at me as I walked by and smiling at me.  It was so obvious that 2j immediately commented about it when we stopped walking and he said he wanted to shove me in the set because the girl had been so obvious.  I hadn't stopped partially because I couldn't believe it was true.  That shows how bad my inner game is at times; it's like I can't believe sometimes how I can be attractive.  I then didn't want to go back and risk rejection.  I knew it would have been been awesome to have opened her when she was staring and smiling at me.  Still, I could have went back and opened her and it could have gone well.  Instead, I walked by her, and then I wanted to protect my ego by taking the great approach invitation and just being happy with that rather than risking rejection by going to open.

I just need to believe in myself, and let my real PUA self shine through and I'd have this game figured out.  It seems to easy, yet is so difficult.  

I quit everything

Since my last post, I went through some stagnation, a giant downward spiral, to a bit of a recovery.  I started logging my diet and fitness stuff, which helps me keep that in check.  I decided I should start posting here again for the same reason and also, posting helped me a lot in the past.

What happens if you just make the bad decision:
I actually backwards rationalize what happened to me as being helpful now after having gone through it.  I don't know if this is delusional or actually the truth.  I suppose time will tell. 

I often have struggled with keeping myself on track because I just want to do the opposite instead and it would gnaw at me.  Strangely, I don't feel those same desires any more.  It's like I've been there and don't want to go back.  That's why I think there may be some truth to this having been helpful. 

To summarize, I think I burnt myself out from exercise from making my weight workout more difficult, and because I tried to recover from my great half marathon experience too quickly in order to try to run this full marathon a few weeks later.  I just decided to stop working out. 

I already like to eat a lot, and putting in all the mileage running let me hit the buffets.  I would hit the Chinese seafood buffets in a way to maximize not getting fat and still being able to eat a large volume of food, and I got entertainment value from knowing the the buffet lost money on my meal.  When balanced with my workouts, I could eat 3 lbs of sashimi, 50-100 raw clams, and even a bowl of red bean or green tea iced cream.  That's for $11.50, or so $13-14 with tax and tip.  I hit this $7.75 buffet for 3-4 lbs of chilled shrimp and mussels. 

The pizza buffets I couldn't hit too often as I know I couldn't make up for the excess calories when I'd eat the equivalent of a 12" stuffed pizza for my $8.  When I went on this spiral, I stopped working out, and I just hit the pizza buffet several times just stuffing myself.

I remember feeling so much self guilt when I hit the pizza buffet right next to my gym.  The only time I would go there previously was after working out, and here I was not having worked out in several weeks stuffing myself. 

I also just said mean things to my mother and I stuffed myself at home and played World of Warcraft wasting my life. 

Two times, I just drank myself into a drunken stupor at home which I never do.  

Self Feeding downward spiral:
I think I get a bit of seasonal depression every year when the days turn dark faster.  I no longer see much sunlight and don't get to be outside to do my runs.  Well, you take that, and add on all the bad choices I listed above, and also the guilt from knowingly making bad choices, and I found myself in this bad place and it was so hard to get out of that. 

Hard to climb back up when you've seen the summit:
I remember thinking that I can sympathize with celebrities more after this latest episode of mine.  When I finally started making better choices, I found myself so frustrated with having let myself slide like this, and also facing such a difficult climb back . I remember having to stop after jogging two miles because my legs where so tight from no workouts and no stretching.  I took me a good 6 weeks before I can finally run over 10 miles again, and I still haven't gotten my long runs back to the 18+ mile range that I want.  I won't be able to do that until probably January or February.

Sarging has been even more difficult.  I had this amazing peak in my game that if I had just stayed with a little longer, I would have gotten so many lays out of, but instead I quit and it's been hard road back.  Things have gotten better for sure, but again, it's so hard being rusty at something when you used to be so much better at it. 

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Breakthrough: Not pulling/venue changing only because of limiting beliefs on my part

I think my biggest breakthrough came to me as I was rolling around in bed unable to sleep.  I think the idea of moving things along despite seemingly low probability was a good lesson, but the even bigger one was a paradigm shift in my head.  I was thinking about how I've been venue changing sets so easily lately and how even after a 5 minute interaction on the street, the girl was willing, for a moment, to let me drive her home.  I thought about why things were so easy now and I struggled for a long time previously.

A small explanation is that I have been in massive state lately and I have momentum from going out consistently over the past few weeks, and the build up from just going out several nights in a row.  Everything is easier while in state.

I think the bigger reason is that, for a long time, I just held myself back by my own limiting beliefs.  In my head, I thought it was a big deal to ask girls to follow me to a different venue.  I even have been reluctant to ask girls to move around the venue because I think it's a big deal.  Now, logically, I know that I have to do these things if I want the set to be more solid, and especially if I want to have any hope of pulling.  The first step is acknowledging that the right move is to do something, but it often is still another, and often HUGE step, to actually do such a move and make a part of your reality.

I had a hard time venue changing foremost because I just wasn't going for it.  Since I viewed it as a big deal, many times, it wasn't even popping into my head as an option.  I'd just keep talking to the girl until she got bored or got pulled away instead of proactively moving things along.  (Again, this is despite knowing that the right move is to be alpha, and lead her around.)  Second, the few times I did go for the move, I'd do so halfheartedly and/or without confidence.  How is the girl going to feel comfortable with me when I don't feel comfortable about her coming with me?  That's Tyler's Law of State Transference right there.

Going along with that same law, now that I'm more confident about the venue change, the girl feels more comfortable coming with me.  She senses my confidence and calmness, and I also ask in a way where I expect that the girl is going to follow me. 

The same model applies to my pulling problem:
I thought about how I've pulled in the past.  I've made it happen when I believed it was going to happen.  With such confidence, I was able to deal with token resistance, and keep the girl reassured.  In contrast, like last week, when I had doubts, I screwed up some big opportunities.

With my realization, I feel like I can short cut this lesson as applied to pulling.  I know that pulling isn't a big deal.  Girls go home with guys all the time.  Guys who pull a lot recognize also that it's not a big deal.  For the same reasons venue changing has become easy for me, pulling can also be easier for me. 

I screwed up things with the Irish girl, but it was huge that I even mentioned the girl coming back to my place.  For so long, I've been hesistant to mention that as an option.  The last time I might have even done that was when I actually last pulled, which was last summer.  I might have pulled this cute blonde in December had I tried to go to my place, and maybe with the redhead last week.

I don't necessarily need to make it happen here, but it's all the same lesson in change of thinking.  I need to just again realize that it's not a big deal for me to keep hanging out with the girl until I end up at her place or mine and have sex.

 To summarize, just like with venue changing, if I think pulling is a big deal, it's going to seem like one, and the SNL are going to continue to elude me.  If I just realize that I've pulled before, girls actually do want to hook up (and especially when I'm doing so many things right now and come off as a cool, alpha guy), and it really isn't/shouldn't be a big deal, then I think I'll be writing a ton of lay reports in the very near future, maybe even tonight.  

Angry druken idiot of the month

It seems like I'm averaging one AMOG confrontation a month nowadays.  I mentioned in a past post that I got involved in a situation during this NY set.  The venue we were in gets really crowded during after hours.  I was dancing by the snow white girl when this built, angry looking Latino guy about my height bumped into me.  To be fair, maybe I bumped into him, but it was so crowded that you need to expect shit like that's going to happen. 

You could tell he was one of those morons that either get angry while drunk or is just miserable in life.  Before I could say anything, and I usually just apologize when bumping into people because I think it's the right thing to do, he showed me hard. 

Here is where I sometimes think I might eventually get myself into a fight.  I could have just ignored the shove, but I don't like being bully, or pushed around literally.  He was being an asshole.  He actually was walking away after shoving me, but I moved a few steps, and tapped him on the shoulder. 

I don't know if he heard me, but I said, "Hey man, relax.  We're all just trying to have fun here."

He turned around with this hard look and stared me in the eyes.  I laugh about it as I'm typing this because this is the typical macho bullshit guys do.  They try to look into your eyes to intimidate you.  I've been in so many of these situations that, of course, I just looked back with calm, unflinching eye contact.  He then put his hand in my chest and shoved me as he said, "Don't touch me." 

Here's the key, before I could even do anything, he turned around and walked away after shoving me. 

I told Seagull later that I wish this had been a quiet area so the girls could have heard me make him look stupid with the shit I would have said to him.  Instead, my girl just saw what happened and got pissed that the guy had done that.  Seagull and his girl were angry too.  I kept telling them to forget about it and not let it ruin their night. 

My girl kept on the subject for awhile, and I knew there were evolutionary reasons before it.  In her mind, I might have looked a bit weak because she didn't see how the whole interaction had gone and couldn't hear anything.  I remember telling her stuff like, "Look, that guy is obviously miserable in life.  He's walking around all hard and gets angry when someone bumps into him in a crowded place where everyone is bumping into everyone."  Later I said, "It's not even worth letting him ruin your night.  What do you think I should do?  Go follow him, punch him in the head, and then get thrown out?  How is that going to better?"  Finally, "Notice that after he shoved me, he just walked away."  

I'll close by saying that, on the one hand, perhaps I slightly increase my chance of actually getting into a fight, but engaging the guy again when he was walking away.  Oh well.  I have some principles that I stand up for.  The guy shoved me and wasn't justified in doing so and I stand my ground now.  On the other hand, this is just further evidence of how I should be confident that I can handle this situations because once again, I'm batting perfect for not getting into a fight. 

Just move the chains: NY set, Irish, and Haitian

Anyone who watches NFL football should know that Brett Favre is known for tackling the 2-minute drill with the attitude of just moving the chains.  The commentators always bring this up when a team is driving down with the game on the line and has just a short time to do so before the game ends.  The idea is that rather on focusing how you have to, say drive 80 yards in less than two minutes for a touchdown to either win the game or lose if you fail, you should just focus on getting the first down and "moving the chains." 

RSD has talked about this in pickup as "baby steps."  I mentioned how 2j reminded me of this  last week.  If I got lost, I just needed to focus on the next step to move the interaction forward. 

I realized that my thoughts with the several sets mentioned in the title could be solved by this philosophy.  I figured the probability was low of actually reaching the end zone, so I didn't even take what the defense was giving me.  Strangely, I have to admit now, I just decided to give up and settle for a loss rather than take a small step that would have continued my drive.  As I mentioned in the other post, I could justify losing the set forever early in the night, but not when the night is almost over. 

NY Set:
I'll just briefly summarize this set from Friday.  This set actually is involved in this idiot AMOG post that I'm going to make. 

Near the end of the night, I was at the after hours place after we ditched this Ohio set that we couldn't sneak in.  I was actually about to just end the night when I spotted this Snow White looking girl near the entrance.  I opened her.  Thinking back, my frame control and state were awesome in this set.  I know on other nights or with less confidence, I would have busted out with this girl from the start. 

I remember early on that when I introduced myself, she hesitated a second before she gave me her name, and I sensed she was messing around and giving me a fake name.  In a bad state, I would have left because she was messing with me, or not called her out on it.  This time I said, "Lol.  That's not your name.  What is that, your stage name?"  I'll add that I had strong eye contact as I was saying this and then she giggled and told me her real name.  I then told her she was a naughty girl and hip checked her and started dancing with her. 

She was in a 2-set and I couldn't get help from Seagull immediately as he had happened to open this redhead 2-set nearby.  I had actually contemplated for that set, but had gone for this girl instead.  Eventually, he did come in to help. 

As I mentioned, this miserable AMOG tried to start some shit with me and it pissed off Seagull and the other two girls.  I had to get them all out of that bad state and plow through with positivity. 

Later, she told me she had to leave as they were getting up early for something.  She had told me what it was but I couldn't hear; it was just clear that they had something planned that required getting up early.  She told me basically that they had to get up early, then had one more night in Chicago, and we leaving on Sunday.  The way she said it, I could tell she was creating a number close situation. 

I knew she liked me.  Not only had she stayed in the set, but she had been having fun, and even made some guy nearby take pictures of the Seagull, the other girl, she, and I together.  She made the guy take two pics because the first one didn't look good. 

Here is an example, again, of where I didn't take the opening the defense had given me because I figured I wasn't going to complete the drive all the way (to go back to the football analogy).  Yes, there was a good chance she'd forget about me, or that it just wouldn't work out that we'd meet the next night, but there was a chance that we could meet up.  G showed that a me a few years ago when he got a lay from a visiting set by setting up a big group outing for 3 of us and his target and two of her friends the following evening after he met a girl.  I guess I'm doing some sort of ego protection by just not taking the number here and that was dumb. 

I'll give myself credit for at least not giving up there.  I told them I could walk them to the hotel.  The girl had mentioned she was grabbing a cab, so I walked out with her.  She had said as we were walking out, "You're gonna walk us to the cab?" 

I threw out a food idea, but she wasn't hungry.  She then ran across to try to catch a cab and this is where I hesitated and just let the set end.  At that point, I just have just tried to get in the cab instead of giving up at that moment. 

Irish and Haitian set:
It should be obvious how I used the same mistaken game plan to let these sets end permanently, rather than continuing them.  As I mentioned in the actual posts about the sets, at the very least, I would gain experience, and I need more late game experience.  With the Irish girl, there was an even higher chance than the Haitian set for something to happen, but I just ended the drive.  I need to learn to stop using low probability as some dumb justification to protect my ego. 

Not taking a lay and going through the motions

I said that I've been joking about RSD Brad's "Wounded Gazelle" time.  I told Seagull that we should push some of these sets with fat girls just for practice.  I told him that sometimes it can be a good experience, but anyway, he doesn't have to have sex with the girl, he can just practice pulling.  With that in mind, we went through the motions with this set that likely could have been a lay, but in the end we let it not happen. 

Maybe that's why I don't feel as bad tonight because I know I could have gotten laid if I wanted to.  Well, I felt good until I realized how badly I had screwed up the Irish set but just not driving her home. 

At about 2:30am (so in Chicago that means a little overt two hours before closing time on a Saturday night), I was talking to these two decent looking black girls.  We ended up opening them again later (it's funny that the first time, one of the girls was talkative, and the second time, the other one was) but had no success.  My chance was there the first time, but as I was talking to them, this chubby blonde touched my arm or shoulder to get my attention.  She was with this chubby Latina friend. 

Just a few seconds in, Seagull arrived.  He had been working on this girl across the street and that didn't work so he joined me.  It was clear that these girls wanted to hook up with someone.  The blonde was really obvious about it.  The Latina made it obvious later when I heard her response to the blonde.  The blonde had mentioned going back to the hotel and the Latina responded, "I don't want to go back there.  All those girls are married."  Just the way she said it implied she wanted to be out with this single friend trolling for guys. 

Seagull and I lead them to the after hours place that we passed on on Friday with this Ohio set that we ended up ditching when we could get them into the more popular place.  I felt like I was going through the motions.  I had said that I wanted to practice pulling even less desirable sets, so we were doing it, but I was putting minimal effort (nearly none).  I was talking a little as possible, and just half directing them to go to this venue.  I might have mentioned the idea of going to Seagull's patio area, but I didn't really try to oversell it like I was supposed to do. 

When we got to the bar, the blonde stumbled in front of the bouncer so he wouldn't let her in.  I actually feared this might happen and if I really wanted the set, I would have lead the group and had my girl around the blonde to make sure he'd get in. 

Why didn't we do it?
First, the set wasn't that attractive.  I would have done the blonde in restrospect, but I somehow got stuck talking to the brunette.  Seagull later said he would have been more willing to hook up with the Latina, so maybe we should have gone for it. 

Second, it was too early.  I kept seeing all these attractive girls walking by when we were moving this set that I wanted to leave this set, but I a;sp didn't want to give up on trying to lead and venue change.  Had this set happened at the very end of the night, I might have tried harder to make it happen.  I would have lead the set to ensure they got into the bar.  If they didn't get in, I would have pushed to try to go back to the hotel with them or gotten them to come drink at Seagull place.  Instead, I let the set end.  I'm not too upset and still wonder if I would have been better getting the lay.  I think not as I ended up with better prospects later in the evening. 

Two low probability chances for lays, but maybe should have gone for experience

Tonight, I encountered two situations that had me wondering if I should have pushed a little harder just so I'd gain experience or whether I should just let it go because I'd likely be wasting my time.  Well, that's what I thought at the time, but I think in the end, Seagull and I both concluded that we should have went for the experience.

Haitian Chinatown venue change:
I'll start by saying that I just realized this was another example of some unexpected help from a stranger.  We had been working streets for over two hours and had done a lot of walking.  Seagull I were tired but we had come back by Spy/Sound bar to run street game again for the second time.  We were standing around looking at girls when this security guard for one of the building walked by and said something like, "Why are you just going to look at them?  Why don't you talk to them?"  That's obvious stuff, but we needed the words of encouragement.  This guy later tried to help us with the pull.  Again, it's so weird to get unexpected help in our city; maybe I should believe in karma.  I've been putting out positive vibes so maybe I'm getting dividends from that. 

We opened these two girls that were originally from Haiti.  A little bit earlier in the night, I might not have been interested in this set, but as I kept repeating from RSD Brad's video, "This was wounded gazelle time."  He said that you can be all about hitting up hotter sets, but around closing/pulling time, you might want to lower your standards so you can actually pull.  These girls were cute enough, friendly, and mine was receptive to the kino I was doing. 

I started to think this was going to be the set that we made happen.  I started to talk about venue change ideas and they seemed down.  I had asked a few logistical questions and it turns out that they actually were staying a few towns away from me. 

Suddenly, one of the girls said "Our car is here."  I'm like, "Sweet, let's go to Chinatown."  Then, one girl got in the car and the other walked across the street.  I turned to Seagull and said, "Okay, let's do this."

Seagull replied, "It's not that simple.  This is a big massive set." 

Well, I'm asking more logistical questions as of late, but I guess I have to admit I need to ask even more questions.  Two more girls and a guy came walking across the street.  We exchanged names and I started to talk up Chinatown.  The guy and one of the new girls didn't want to do it.  This girl also tried to tell the one that wanted to go, "Didn't you just eat?"

We sat there for a bit.  The passenger door was open, so I kept talking up food.  The driver really wanted to go.  At one point, I said, "Let's go" and told them to give us a ride.  Realistically, that wasn't going to happen as the car was full, but I told Seagull to try to get in.  He made a half effort to do it. 

I think it was at this point that the security guard came over and tried to say some stuff to help us.  The guy then came out of the car and closed the passenger door, but the driver still didn't want to drive away.  I was asking Seagull if we should keep pushing this.  I said that they could follow me to my car, which was two blocks away, and then follow me for food. 

At this point, I felt like I could make  this happen if I pushed for it, but I started to not want to.  You might say that I began to lose buying temperature.  Had Seagull wanted to push it, I would have done it, but I started to think, "Well, great.  I can get them to go to Chinatown, but then what?  I'm probably not going to be able to hook up with one of these girls." 

We later decided we should have just gone to Chinatown.  It would have been a new experience, and maybe they could have met up with us the next day.  As I'm writing this, I think that early on in the night, I should push for this type of set, but it was near the end of the night. 

Well, it turns out, I still would have a few more opportunities despite turning this down, but I think there might have been something to be gained by following through with this set.

Irish girl walking with no shoes having a bad day:
Sound/Spy Bar had no more sets after we let the Haitian set.  I tried to be in a good mood despite already feeling that bit of disappointment at having yet another day of disappointment for not getting laid.  Well, actually it was different today, because there was actually a high probability lay set that I'm going to write about that we passed up.  I told Seagull we should hit R&R McDonald's one last time. 

As we were walking there, we spotted this lone wolf blonde.  I've let Seagull go open two of these lone wolves in recent memory.  One, he kissed but could get to go home with him (and he sabotaged himself because he was too concerned about getting his stuff out of my trunk that night).  The other he got into a cab with last week but couldn't get upstairs.  I knew that if I didn't make a quick decision, he would go open it, so I sped up to catch up with her. 

I didn't want to startle her as the streets were nearly empty when I caught up with her a few blocks later.  She was crossing the street and a cab trying to run the light buzzed past her.  I yelled, "Hey, you almost got hit by a car, be careful!" 

I caught up with her by one of those city bike rental kiosks.  I said loudly as I was about 10 feet behind her, "Hey, you should just rent one of the bikes, it might be easier." 

This time she turned to look at me.  I caught up and started talking.  I don't remember my exact words but I remember saying, "It looks like you had a bad night."  She was, after all, walking bear foot, alone, and looking like she was in a bad mood. 

She told me that her friends had gotten too drunk and ditched her.  They also had her shoes.  She asked me where the red line was as she was trying to walk there.  She was walking in the wrong direction, but would have eventually would up by the Blue or Brown line about 5-8 blocks later. 

After walking about half a block next to her and talking, she finally stopped walking.  She asked me where I was going.  I told her I was just enjoying walking around but I lived northwest of where we were and was gonna drive home later.  When she mentioned the Red Line, she had mentioned going to a stop that was really far north, like near the end of the line. 

I'll write the conversation exchange below as I can remember it.  I know that I started to think about what would likely happen if I drove her home, and part of me, dare I admit a large part even, figured the likely result would be me wasting my time and gas to drop this girl off about twenty minutes north, when I wanted to go either south or west.  I think she subconsciously sensed this hesitation on my part, and then I think I started to get a bit needy when she lost buying temperature and decided she wanted to get a cab.  I did think of what 2j said last week and driving the set home after the diner.

HB: Can you show me where the red line is?  I'm trying to walk there.
Me: The Red line?  Lol.  You're totally going the wrong way. 
HB: I'm trying to get to (this stop near the end of the line).  Where are you going?
Me: I'm just enjoying the last bit of summer walking around, but I live northwest.  I'll probably drive home soon.

I forget if she asked for a ride, or I brought it up, but at this moment, it was clear that she would accept this ride from me.  This is when I started to think about how I didn't want to be some random chump to just give her a ride home and waste my time and gas.  2j had told me last week that I could have told the Taylor Swift girl, "Hey, if I give you a ride, will you invite me up for a drink?"  That's exactly what I said here.

HB: I haven't 10 roommates.  I can't.  (In my head, I was thinking about how these Irish girls are always a pain because they never live alone.  Even those girls 2j and I were working two years ago had their own place, but they had been sharing a studio apartment together."

I forgot that 2j said that last week, I could have messed around with the TS girl and did a takeaway where I pretended to get pissed and then said, "I'm just kidding" and given her a ride anyway.  He also said I could have just given them a ride anyway even if TS had said she wouldn't invite me in for a drink.  I knew that the move wasn't to do the take away here.  I didn't think about just giving the ride anyway.  In review, I realized that I could have said, "Well, I'll give you a ride, but you owe me a drink later.  If you don't want to hang out with me, you can just give me a drink and leave, but you are giving me a drink.  Were you in girl scouts?  Well, regardless, let's say scouts honor?" 

Instead, Me:  Why don't you come over?  I don't live to far and I have some beers in the fridge.  (In retrospect, I give myself props for actually suggesting this.  I've been writing that I haven't even thought of trying for that type of pull, much less actually mention it.  Fuck, it might have been 10 months or a year since I actually verbally asked a girl to come to my place)>  

HB: I have to work in like 6 hours.  I can't.  (She had mentioned at some point that she had to work early so it was legitimate.) 

Me: (Trying to solve this logistical problem) Where do you work?  (I figured if it was close, I could assure her she'd get there in time.)

HB: I work at bar.  I have to be there at 9am. 

Me: I'll make sure you get home.
HB: I can't.  I'm going to just take a cab home.
Me: That will cost like $30.  My car is just two blocks away.
HB: I think I'm going to take a cab.
Me: (I either grabbed her hands or put my arms on her side)  Look at me.  You can trust me.

She then decided to take a cab and flagged one down.  One just happened to be driving by, so that was it.  I suppose I could have tried more as she was getting in the cab, but I knew I had lost it.  I felt like I had wanted it a little too much at the end.  Even then, I realized if I had just told her I was going to drive her home instead of thinking about how I might be wasting my time, she would have let me.

I should have driven her:
Seagull tried to point out that I should have gone for the experience.  Yeah I was wasting time and gas, but so what? 

I'm forced to agree that I should have driven her.  I liked how I tried to get her to come over and tried to solve the work logistics.  I should have realized then that it wasn't that she didn't want to come over or hook up, but she did have to work early, and was lost and in a bad mood.  Briefly, I had rescued her from a bad evening.  I just had to drive her home and who knows what could have happened?

I realized as Seagull and I were talking by my car several things.  First, driving her home continues the set.  I would have gotten another 20 minutes to talk to her.  (I literally just blurted out "I fucked this up" because the whole thing becomes apparent now as I'm writing this).  Sure, there was still a good chance I'd drive her home and get a number that flaked, but that is certainly a dumb reason not to do it at this point.  My verbal game is good and twenty minutes might (even likely?) have made the number more solid.  Heck, I might have even gotten her to let me go upstairs if I did well during the ride.  Next, I also thought of how this was Crazyfoot's MO for getting laid.  He'd make out with girls, offer them a ride, and then try to get upstairs to their place and then hook up.  That's his only move as he can't bring girls back to his place. 

The other reasons to consider was that it was the very end of the night.  There were likely to be no more sets (though I ended up meeting yet another girl at R&R McDonald's after this).  I had gotten this cute girl (and a genuine Irish girl on top of that, which I didn't expect to find again until next summer) to stop on lonely street to talk to me, and I had reached a point where she would have been comfortable with me giving her a ride home?! 

Yes, I should have done this.  It would have been worth not blowing it off if I had just gotten laid the previous night, or if I really had to wake up early for something today, or if I actually had girls in my rotation that I were seeing regularly.  It might even have been worth not giving the ride if it were a bit earlier in the night (meaning I had a good chance of finding another set). 

I fucked up.  

In closing, I'm forced to be a bit negative.  It's amazing how many possibilities I've found myself with lately.  These nights have been far more interesting lately in that there seem to be so many good prospects.  I could actually see how in an ideal world, you'd have several prospects and would choose to go with the ones with the best logistics.  If all my sets tonight had been in the same venue, I could have picked and chosen, but tonight, maybe I should have just tried to stick with one to the end.  Well, maybe not this likely lay that we gave up...

Oh, so the negative: It's also unbelievable how I can get so close with so many sets and still wind up going home alone?!  It is highly frustrating, but realistically, I see there's clear evidence that I'm learning from this experiences, and that good things will continue to happen.  I know I"m going to break out of this plateau very soon, maybe tonight.  

Served morning appetizers by a nice lady with a dog

At the end of Saturday night (wel early Sunday morning at like 6am at this point), Seagull and I were sitting by my car analyzing all the sets that happened tonight.  I had the trunk open and we were sitting on the bumper talking loudly.  There's a condo or apartment building right near my car and the early birds were starting to come out to start there day.  A lady came jogging by, and later a lady walk out with this cute looking golden retriever mutt. 

We briefly talked to her.  I think it was when she returned from the dog walk.  I remember her asking us why were hanging out in the street at six in the morning.  I told her we had just stayed out at the bars until 5am and Seagull said that we were analyzing our night.  I said, "Are you like my mom who likes to get up early and you're starting your day already?"  She told us that she had been watching soccer.  I told her, "You're dog is cute.  I'm a cat person too but he's cute." 

She went inside and we kept talking.  At one point, we were really being loud.  Suddenly, we saw the lady at the door.  We both thought she was coming to ask us to keep quiet or comment about how we were being too loud. 

What happened was totally unexpected.  She brought out two bottled waters and a plate with some Bruschetta that she had just made.  She said, "I made some bruschetta.  If you don't like it, you can just leave.  I swear I didn't tamper with it." 

We were shocked that she would be this friendly.  She was probably my age or slightly older but she was attractive.  I had gone out of pickup mode, but my mind was thinking we should invite her to chat.  We thanked her and she seemed like she wanted to stay and talk, but neither of us continued talking so she went inside. 

I ended up leaving the plate and microwave container with my email on it.  I was gonna leave my phone number but I wasn't even sure if she'd get her stuff after we left it in front of the main door and Seagull did say the email would be more neutral. 

I don't know if I should have tried to pick her up, or if she was doing this just to be night, or was hoping she could pick one of us up.  I'll always remember this sweet gesture as it was totally unexpected and very nice of her.  This is something that might happen in a small town, but not in Chicago, except that it did happen today.  

Venuing changing and leading off the streets of Chicago

Thinking back on the last two nights, I can't help but be in awe of how many interesting little adventures I've been on.  Time permitting, I'll have several posts about each one, but I wanted to make a post reviewing the overall night.  So many things happened Saturday night, that I'm really have trouble recalling some of the sets from Friday night off the top of my head. 

I must focus on the positive and I feel that energy right now.  Friday night, I remember being frustrated at the end that we were able to actually close the deal after getting so close so many times in the past two weeks.  Today, I know there's one more night, and I really am just enjoying thinking back on my evening.  I really recognize the progress I've made from the beginning of the journey, and just in the past two weeks. 

I have a long way to go, but my mind set has been much better.  I think the near misses have made me feel more confident and have pushed me to lead me and be more alpha as I know that's how I have to be to make things happen and to get to where I want to be. 

I've found myself leading several sets these past few nights to venue changes and a few times, actually trying to pull.  I've found myself actually trying to figure out logistics.  My kino has been better as well. 

How do you not act this way:
Unfortunately, I still know the answer to that at the beginning of the night.  Saturday night I used a cheat code.  I drank a few beers right at the start so there was no warm up necessary for me.  I just started opening sets off the street.  My game actually improved as  I just stop drinking and didn't let myself get stupid.  I know when I overdo it, I end up not thinking clearly and not being able to solve logistics or even think about asking those type of questions. 

When I don't drink, which  I didn't do Friday, I feel that hesitation at the beginning.  It's not even approach anxiety in that I'm not afraid to go open.  It's more like I have to will myself to hit up some sets that often are in danger of being really awkward.  Part of me doesn't want to open because I don't want to feel that awkwardness but I know that just standing around isn't going to accomplish anything.  Once I hit up some sets, then I start to build momentum, as Tyler has so accurately described, and then the night gets better. 

I'm just thinking about how much better it feels to keep pushing myself into sets and trying to lead and make things happen.  The near pulls or screw ups often hurt, but that pain drives me to improve and it's so much better than wishing I hadn't held myself back or standing around in hesitation like I have most of my life. 

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

I needed t0 lead, be decisive, just plan the next step, and remember that girls want sex, they want this to happen

I had a few days and analysis with Seagull and 2j to figure out where I went wrong.  It was helpful to me to write out those extremely long posts in that I was able to relive the experiences and examine where I went wrong.  I realized that I was lost in that overall, I haven't been in that many late game situations.  As this happens more and more, I'll get as comfortable there as I am in opening and other early situations.  The overall problem was that my mind set was off.  It was really helpful to talk to someone like 2j who more experienced with pulling.  By the time I had my talk with him on Monday, I realized that what I needed was to hear the thought processes that are going through his head when he's in the process of pulling. 

2j on Friday set:
Before I get into my lessons, I'll just say that he agreed that I should have thrown out the after party idea both in line, and then later after the diner.  One idea that immediately came into his head is that I could have said, "I can give you a ride home.  If I do, are you gonna invite me up for a drink?"  He said this would set the frame that I'm not just being a regular chump offering the ride home.  He said if she said, "No" he'd do a harsh takeaway by saying something like, "No, (start backturning) well, fuck you then.  I thought we were having a good time here."  Then, "I'm just kidding.  I'll give you a ride anyway." 

I debated whether going for the after party would have been worth it if it looked like the logistics meant I probably wasn't going to get laid.  He said that just spending more time there would solidify the set.  After further analysis, I also realized that getting the lay might have been a possibility as I think I wrote that one friend was driving home, my target and one of the other girls were roommate, and the third girl was staying there.  This girl likely had their own rooms and it probably wouldn't be like the Irish girls from two years ago that were sharing a tiny room.  Another lesson is that I need to screen for logistics, which I completely fail to do, so I'd know the exact situation in future sets.

Think of the next step:
I told 2j that I was just confused, which was understandable.  He brought back the old adage that RSD has repeated several times on the Free Tour: just think of the next step.  I got lost, first in debating whether I should try for the hotel or try to my place, or what the overall plan was.  2j said I should have just focused on the next move, so when I was walking to the hotel, I should have just focused my mind on how I was going to get upstairs instead of worrying about how I was going to plan the whole night. 

Be more decisive and lead:
Thinking back, this is where I was lacking.  Sure, I was leading more than usual and it actually felt good to act alpha.  I started to get unsure about if I was going to be able to go up.  RSD talks about assuming attraction at the start of the set.  I need to keep that mindset throughout the pull.  I should have got it into my head that this was happening.  This girl liked me and wanted this to happen and I just needed to take the steps to make it happen.  I do remember doubting if this girl was even into me in the end which makes no sense.

Girl like sex:
I can't believe I have to work on this lesson again, but it seems like I do.  I'm open minded in many ways when I come to sex.  I've written that I probably come across as a prude sometimes, I sure had a bit of that wrong mind set when I was walking with that redhead.  Most girls have had one night stands before.  They are not naive, especially in this day and age.  She knew what walking around with me and letting me walk her to the hotel likely would lead to and she yet I wouldn't acknowledge in my head that she wanted that to happen. 

What comes to my mind is that I understand all this logically now and accept that girls like sex and enjoy it and want it to happen.  I understand the societal pressures put on them and how they want it to happen a certain way with the right type of guy.  It seems to me that my problem is an inner game problem.  I haven't seem to internalize the belief that girls can want this to happen with me. 

I know it's just a process and I can work on this in the same way that I worked on the early version of this mind set.  What I mean is that this is same issue I had when I used to doubt if girls really wanted to talk to me after I opened them, or if the girls really want me to keep talking to them, or if they want me to escalate.  I was watching a good RSD Brad video where he talks about how if the girl is still standing in front of you, then it means it's on, she wants it. 

To break my wrong mindset, I just have to have the faith that it's true.  That's not entirely true.  I've pulled several times, so I have a few reference experiences to prove to me that I can meet a girl and then hook up with her on the same night. 

Act like I did when I actually pulled, and also like I did with that bouncer Saturday:
This is my ultimate lesson.  I realized that I had all these doubts about escalating or leading this weekend, and for the past few weeks.  I seem to have forgotten that deep down I know what I"m supposed to do.  I might not have the calibration down or the experience to know the exact tactics I need for every situation that can arise, but I at least should be able to recall the mindset that got me the SNL.  When I was able to pull, I had a belief in my head (and it was often pretty early on), that it was on with this girl, and that I was going to make it happen.  I felt confident and determined to make it happen and that's how I was able to deal with some resistance. 

I think back on that sat I pulled just a little over a year ago.  The one that kept having her friends calling and then kept throwing up all kind of verbal bullshit about wanting to go to this place for food, and then not wanting to, and then giving me bullshit about my lifestyle, before she ultimately just let it happen with so LMR when I dropped of tacos at Nintendo's place.  This redhead was giving me far less resistance.  I was just unsure of myself. 

Seriously, when I think about it now, I realize how badly I blew it.  The only resistance she gave was when I first opened her and she didn't want to go grab food the first 2-3 times I suggested it.  After that, she just followed my lead.  She didn't even object to walking her to the hotel. 

I disappointed her:
I was stupidly unsure if she waned to me to try to go upstairs, if she wanted to hook up with me.  Now, I realize that she knew the deal.  As I wrote before, she's likely done this before and knew what it meant to hang out with me this long and let me walk her to the hotel.  I wrote about what I felt were cocky comments.  Thinking back, when I said, "I'm enjoying this night" and she replied something like, "I bet you are..." meaning because I was with her, that was probably just a comment of knowing what the deal was.  She wasn't cocky in that she was suggesting that I was having a really good night by just walking with her.  In her head, she probably thought I was going to make this happen and we were going to hook up.

She should have thought that.  Until I became indecisive at the end, I really was the right type of guy that a girl would want to hook up with.  I was leading and showing all the alpha qualities that girl desire in guys.  I was charismatic and interesting.  I was way above the usual drunken guy or natural she'd probably meet out in the club. 

I really don't give myself enough credit, and it's somewhat due to the fact that I have such cool wings and have instructors as role models for what the epitome of game should be.  In my head, I'm often not sure, and I wasn't sure here because I had some crazy expectation of how perfect I should have been doing things.  I forgot the reality that girls often hook up with shit quality guys, especially when they meet drunken guys out in the club. 

She probably was horny and felt in the party mood especially because she was on a mini vacation.  She met me, and was following my lead, and then I didn't close the deal and got unsure at the end.  I'm sure that was disappointing on some level. 

I often think I'm avoiding making the girl uncomfortable when I don't push for the close, or on my worst days, when I don't open with full confidence, or what I don't try to move the girls around the club or lead in general.  Maybe when I'm in that mindset, I can remember that I'm actually creating discomfort by not making things happen and by not leading. 

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Fri FR: Street pickup, venue changes with Taylor Swift girl

After the AMOGing nonsense, I met up with 2j and the Natural and did some dance floor openings.  I felt like I was being an ADD party girl at one point in that I was bouncing all over the place.  I was trying to stop some moving girl, trying to talk to the next girl, and then trying to dance with some girl and rinse and repeat.

Seagull showed up a little bit later.  None of us seemed to get anything going in the hour that we had to sarge before closing time.  We went outside as the place closed and decided to try street game.  It wasn't until this night and subsequently Saturday that I regained my belief and confidence in street game.  This whole summer I forced myself to do it and kept wondering how I felt so much more comfortable last year just opening street sets.  Thinking back, I have had some good sets including that 2-set that turned awkward at the grilled cheese place.  My mind set, though, wrongly has been that I was just practicing and making moves but I didn't really believe I was actually going to make something happen.  Now, my thinking has changed.

Taylor Swift girl:
The girl in this report like Taylor Swift, though a bit taller and I have to admit, not as cute as the real thing, but about as slender.  Apparently, my girl was in a taco place a few weeks ago, and some guy came up to her and said, "OMG, you look like Taylor Swift."  Then he asked to take a picture of her and showed her how he instanta grammed (or whatever you call it) to a friend.  She said it felt so awkward.  That's how this whole thread started. 

Saturday night, Seagull said he watched a Taylor Swift video and said this girl really does have a strong resemblance to Taylor Swift.  I said that I'd have to see her again to make a final judgment as I'm not convinced.  Hopefully, I'll get the opportunity. 

4-set, chubby pale girl:
I opened a few sets immediately after hitting the street and then Seagull and I crossed the street.  I saw this 4-set sitting on the concrete window sill area of this bar.  I opened this pale girl that was a little chubby, but definitely doable.  Again, I don't remember the opener just like with my fetish girl on Saturday.  This is because the opener at this point really doesn't matter for me because I can just plow through whatever reaction I get.  Also, now that I'm getting deeper into sets, I tend to remember the mid and later stuff more clearly. 

My target  at the time was receptive to me. Seagull came in pretty quickly and I gave him my usual accomplishment intro and he started talking to the two girls farthest away from me.  The Taylor Swift girl (hereby referred to as TS) was seated next to my original target.  TS was quiet and aloof, but I thought she was the most attractive of the group.  (I giggled to myself on the drive home that I guess I didn't fully learn the lesson from Thursday.  I said I was going to go for the hottest girls, and here I was in this set not talking to the girl I found the most attractive, and just continuing with the one I opened as she was sort of my type, and, probably more importantly to me at the time, she was the most receptive.) 

2j called me when I was in set as he had been talking with the Natural and didn't see Seagull and I cross the street to get into this set.  I told him to come on over and help us with this set.  He arrived and I tried to introduce him to TS.  He tried to talk to her but she didn't really respond.

Seagull makes the move:
The next thing I know, I hear Seagull going for the venue change to the after hours bar down the street.  He said a funny line when one of his targets threatened that it better only be four blocks away.  Seagull said something to the effect of "If it's not, I can give one of you a piggy back ride."  It was funnier as it happened as we all giggled, and I'm not sure if that was even the exact line, but whatever it had been was good. 

The two girls started walking and TS and my original target lagged behind a bit.  2j said, "You guys go."  I tried to get him to come along, "You should come.  That one (TS) is attractive."  (I said that because I knew his reasons for wanting not to come along.  First, TS didn't even really respond to him despite me trying to push her to talk to him twice.  Second, he doesn't like to try to push sets to the end and stay up all night unless they are super hot to him.  He's gotten to the point where he doesn't feel like it's worth it for what he considers HB 6-7's for him as his had enough of them and looks more for quality than quantity.)  It turns out it was good he just left. 

Where in Asia have you been?
Seagull was walking with his two targets.  I kept trying to talk to my original pale girl as we were walking and TS was walking near us.  I teased TS a bit as she was having trouble at time with walking because of her heels.  Pale girl kept wandering ahead of me.  As we got closer to the venue, she seemed less engaged with our talks and I started to talk to TS instead. 

I don't remember much of how I transitioned talking to TS.  I just remember that travel came up and she asked me, "Where in Asia have you been?"  I mentioned Vietnam and she immediately said, "Where in Vietnam?" which isn't the standard question.  The only people who would ask that would be people of Vietnamese background or someone that has been there.  She followed up with, "I'm asking because I was just there recently." 

That thread ignited things for both of us.  I had pegged her as being shy and even a bit rude for not even acknowledging 2j when I introduced him.  I found her attractive as she is a taller blonde, but other than that I didn't think anything was going to be there.  It's funny because I just remember a thread I had with the pale girl when we all had just started walking.  Pale girl had mentioned she was in grab school and I remember putting my arm around her for a second and saying, "Oh cool.  I like smart girls."  She replied, "I'm not really that smart.  If you like smart girls, she's (point to TS) is the smart one."  I remember thinking at the time, "Yeah, whatever.  That's not happening."  Well, that thread just opened her up. 

This is an example of why you should just sometimes plow in sets.  The reason is that sometimes you hit a thread and the conversation and set just opens right up.  Obviously, this isn't that exact case, but the concept is the same.  Thinking back, it almost hard to reconcile that the TS at the beginning of the set was the TS I couldn't stop talking to for the rest of the night. 

Why are we in this long line?:
TS said that as we were standing in line.  I replied, "This place isn't even that great but it's the only thing open."  I started talking about the connected liquor store and said, "This place has good hours as it's the same as the after hours."  I remember saying something like, "If I lived right there, we could grab some beers from the liquor store and just chill there." 

This is where living close would have helped.  It almost might have worked if Seagull had heard this bit but he was too involved in talking to the two girls.  (A sidenote: Some guy had been talking to pale girl, I believe or one of the other girls and Seagull pointed out that he realized later he/we should have invited to the guy to stay with our group so we would have had one less girl to entertain and distract us.  Good point for future situations.)   I asked where my girl lived and she said this neighborhood that was a good 15-20 minute taxi ride.  Maybe I could have just pressed the after party at their place, but I didn't feel confident in that move so decided to play it safe but just sticking with going into the after hours bar.  Later, while analyzing with Seagull, I figured I could have just thrown out the idea out there to see if she'd go for it.  Not putting the idea out there wasn't necessarily playing it safe as I was going to lose the set if I had mentioned it. 

How do I deal with these 3 girls?:
We got inside and my two girls went to the back to use the rest room and it turns out to play this punching bag game.  We quickly decided to get a table.  Seagull's two girls grabbed this 4 person table.  I found this bigger booth but I was afraid to leave my spot to go get Seagull as I figured someone would take it.  I called him and he didn't pick up so I went to move them to my table and as we got there, these 3 Irish looking American girls stole my table as I had feared.  Fortunately, we just went back to the 4 person table and got two chairs so we could all sit. 

Seagull got into a focused conversation with his target.  I had his other target to my left, pale girl to my right, and TS across the little table.  For about twenty seconds, I was thinking, "Wow, how am I supposed to deal with this?  I have to keep three girls occupied and it's too loud to be able to talk in a way that all of them could hear me.  I also wanted to focus on talking to TS, and here Seagull has an isolated conversation going with his target. 

My solution ended up throwing a few bits of conversation at all the girls at different point.  I shouldn't have needed the reassurance, but I realized TS really liked me when she'd lean in to hear what I was saying and ask me to repeat myself when she couldn't hear. 

Venue food change:
I remember telling Seagull as we were walking that I'm lucky he decided to go for the venue change as I would have been stupid and just stood there talking to the girls and not have made the effort to move them.  Well, I redeemed myself at this point.  I remembered that TS had said she was hungry while we were waiting in line.  I remember now that I looked at the table and realized no one was drinking.  I thought about how hot I was (that place is so cheap with the air conditioning that I was sweating just sitting there) and decided we should get out of there.  I knew the food would be a hook and I already had mentioned the diner down the street.  I said to the group, "Since no one is drinking away, we should get some food.  There's this grilled cheese place, but it's loud.  This [diner place] has a full menu and there are interesting people that walk in." 

The girls agreed and we walked over.  When we eventually got into the booth, I positioned myself well.  It was one of those bottle service type booths where the seats wrap around the table.  TS went in one end, and I went in on the other so I'd be next to her.  I actually had to pee but I wanted to make sure the positioning was good so I went in even though I knew I'd have to bother everyone so I could get out a few minutes later. 

Aren't you guys done eating yet?
Seagull later told me that his two targets (I call them that as those were the two he talked to the most) hadn't seen each other for awhile and were the best of friends in the group.  He said he wished he could have gotten isolation but he said the friend of his target kept injecting herself into the conversation and staying with her the whole time.  While we were eating, I saw the two girls seemed to get involved into their own conversation. 

I was enjoying talking to TS.  Now, I normally eat super fast.  The exception is when I'm on a Day 2 and having a good conversation, and this was a similar situation.  Seagull's target had finished her food and TS and I were only halfway done.  One of Seagull's girls said, "Aren't you guys done eating yet?" 

TS replied, "No." 

I could tell by her response that she wasn't in a hurry to leave, but it soon became clear that one of the other two wanted to go.  One of those two mentioned how one of the girls had to drive a long way to get home.  TS said they could get the check and Seagull said, "We already got it." 

I knew I had to number close soon so I wouldn't be forced to take the awkward quick number close at the end.  (Again, here's an example where I should give myself some credit.  Just a few weeks ago, I felt the pain of being stupid and not number closing and not trying hard enough.  Here I was planning ahead.  I have been leading more this past week and making more moves.  Yeah, I still make mistakes that I shouldn't but I can believe I'm going to fix that.)  I just did the standard, "We should hang out again."  TS replied simply, "Yeah, we should."  I went for the number close. 

Here, Seagull and I debated later whether we should have pushed to try to do an after party at the girl's place.  We also debated if we should give them a ride home.  The girls left the restaurant and realized the Brown Line was no longer running as it was late.  They said the were going to take a taxi home.  I thought about offering a ride, but I knew the girls were in the opposite direction of where both Seagull and I were going.  I also figured it was unlikely we were going to hook up with the girls if 3 of the girls were staying at that apartment.  I had what seemed to be a solid number close so why push any more at this point? 

The counterargument is that we could have pushed it.  I think what has merit is that we could have tried it and not tried to really swing for the fences and risk that really awkward rejection.  I just didn't want to give them a ride home if we weren't going to close because in that case it would be more solid to just try to get a high probability day 2. 

I think I should have done the Brad "Hope you got home safe" but I didn't do it right away and it was too late after I was done driving and thought about it later.  I decided to text her Saturday night as I didn't want to wait till Sunday and have her wondering if I was the guy from Friday or some random guy she met Saturday.  I text her Saturday evening, "Hope you got some rest.  I enjoyed hanging out with you and your friends.  -Pokerpua (obviously my actual name)" 

I didn't expect a response as there's no real question there.  I just wanted to seed things so I could text later.  I knew it was still on when she text a response that was something like, "Yeah, I had fun too." 

I didn't want to try to set up at Day 2 for Saturday night as I wanted to hit River North.  Since she was responding, I was trying to set up for Sunday or some other day.  I was slow in replying so I got no response.  I'll just have to try again.  I figured she was out with her friends again and I was fortunate to get the few responses that I did.  I just have to text her again Sunday or Monday and try again. 

I think I did this about right:
That's my final analysis, though I still want to run this by 2j as he's more experienced with late game stuff.  I didn't go for a kiss close, but that wouldn't have been appropriate here.  My only other possible move was to try to get my girl to the dance floor, but then that would have left Seagull stuck with 3 girls.  Maybe I should have tried it, but I'm not unhappy with how things played out.  As I mentioned above, there were some debatable moves of just pushing for a party at Seagulls place early instead of going into the first venue, and pushing for the after party after the diner.  Again, I'll have to talk to 2j.  

Fri: Extreme positive state control and You don't know who the fuck you're dealign with (Tooling a bouncer)

The order of the posts are messed up in that I wrote about Saturday first and now I'm writing about Friday.  I could have just changed the times but I like to put the posts up as I write them rather than how the events occurred chronologically.

Staying Positive:
I thought Friday was going to be total shit.  I was slow in getting ready and got to Wrigley late.  It turns out I got there exactly when 2j arrived and Seagull ended up running even later than he had predicted.  I was in a great state and was expecting good things to happen.  As we approached Sheffield's, which is usually where I stop to take a piss and do a few warm up sets, I opened my wallet and realized I didn't have my ID.  When I go jogging, I take my ID and a credit card in a plastic bag.  Usually, I keep my wallet in the same place I always leave the bag so I'll see them there and check my ID.  Usually, I double check that I have my ID when I'm pulling out of my parking lot.  This evening, I somehow drove all the way without my ID.

I verbalized my problem and tried to figure out what I should do.  I could drive back, or 2j pointed out I could just run street sets all night.  There would be plenty of street sets, but I didn't like that idea at the time.  I had to pee and didn't want to have to do in the alley, and I just didn't see how I could go anywhere that early with a set that didn't involve me having to show an ID to get into a venue.  I decided to drive back home because I figured I could still get back with time to sarge.

I was angry, but I kept myself in a decent mood.  The drive cost me about an hour of time.  On the drive home, I promised myself I wouldn't just use it as an excuse to stay home.  As the drive took longer than I expected, I actually text 2j that I wished I had just stayed and done street sets.

This is where I really do need to give myself credit.  I didn't just use this setback as an excuse to waste a night and I didn't ruin my night either by getting in a shitty mood.

I won't be ignored:
When I got back, I did a speed walk to where 2j was waiting.  2j ended up being able to meet up with the dance game Natural I met up in July.  I verbally thanked the Natural for getting me out of my dance floor cocoon. 

The speed walk got me pumped up, but I knew I had to get things started fast.  I saw this seated bachelorette set.  They looked like they were in a serious mood, but I decided to open.  Part of me wanted to hesitate, but as I kept saying to people that evening, I knew I had to "condense four hours of fun into one hour" so I sure couldn't waste time not opening.

I opened the girl by saying, "What's with the sour face?" and then I threw in that 4 hours of fun bit.  She didn't really respond.  This big black guy who I recognized as being a bouncer there cut in the space I had left between me and the girl.  The girl said, "Thank you" to the guy.

Seriously?  That pissed me off a bit, on both counts.  First, the girl gave me a 10 second audition and was giving me that response.  Of course, we all get busted out all the time, but her response was the low percentages of responses I get.  The way she reacted, I usually would have plowed for about 20 seconds more and then just left if I didn't hook.  She pissed me off in that she felt the need to verbally thank the guy as if I had been sitting there creeping her out for like 5 minutes or something.  I literally had been in the set for 10-15 seconds max.  Girls should know that they'll get approached in bars, and I'm not being cocky by saying that I'm one of the better approaches she'd see that evening.  Sure, I might not have been warmed up, but I know most guy says really dumb shit and come in with bad body language and really lame or creepy stuff.

Now, fuck that bouncer too.  You need to come do white knight rescue bullshit because you see me open a girl for 10 seconds and you see me not get a good response?

You don't know who the fuck you're dealing with:
I feel a bit cocky writing that, but that's also what thought crossed my mind at the time, and it helped me get into state.  I could see myself just walking away from that set on many nights, but I was in rare for that evening. 

What I write isn't some blind faith, self delusional bullshit.  I know from the countless sets I've opened what the responses to my presence fall within the norm.  This bouncer guy was using me to try to pump his status with the set and not because I was being creepy and the set needed to be rescue. 

Fuck you!  This is when my AMOG side comes out to just prove a point.  I'll admit I overcompensate with this sometimes.  Guys don't get to use me to pump up their status.  You have to do your own work and I'm not just going to be a guy you can walk over at this point in my life.

"You might be twice my size, but you don't have to ignore me."
 You can title this section also with what Jeffy says in "Transformations," "It's amazing what you can get away with."

The bouncer cut in and the girl said thank you.  I just stood there.  He introduced himself to the girl that thanked him and to the two other girls at the table.  (Oh, I forgot to mention that just as we were standing there, some drunk idiot started touching this inflatable animal prop they had their in a weird way but then walked away.  That just proves how other guys do even dumber shit and how the bouncer just used me as an in to this set).  After he introduced himself to the girls, I said, "Hey man, what's your name?"

The bouncer had some moves as he just ignored me.  Yes, that's what he should do in that situation.  Now go back to the heading of the previous section.  I'm still not gonna give up.  I know that you should ignore me, therefore such behavior does not result in the desired effect.  First, I'm supposed to show some physical signs of losing state being I'm being ignored, but I don't, again because I understand how this social dynamic works, and because I don't care what you, Mr. Bouncer, or these dumb girls think of me.  More importantly, I'm not going to just walk away or just stand there silent as you take over the show, which is what ignoring me is mainly supposed to accomplish.

With a smile on my face, I just started doing the bear hug slap on the back that I learned from Jeffy's video.  I then said, "Hey, you might be twice my size, but you don't have to ignore me."  I'm actually giggling as I type that out again, because the more I think about it, the line actually makes no sense.  The reason it works is that while I sound all pissed at times when I'm writing this post, what I was feeling at the time, I'd describe as determination.  It's like this beast gets unleashed within me, and my AMOG dominant side that I probably should bring out more often comes out.  I'm smiling and joking around as I'm doing this so, as Tyler has explained in his old AMOG theory posts, the guy can't get pissed at me or he looks stupid.

I think his initial response was to turn to acknowledge me.  Then he smiled and said, "Hey, come over here for a second."  We walked a few feet away to the bar. 
Bouncer: Hey, those girls told me do that.
Me: Lol.  Yeah, nice one.  No, they didn't.  I see what you're doing.  Good job. 

I then walked away.

What's the point?
I know that's what some guys would think.  I don't get the girl so why bother?  Well, I could have just walked away, but the problem is that it would have bothered me.  For me, this isn't about getting the girl, although knowing how to do this can help in certain situations where a guy is trying to bust into your set or steal you girl.  You actually can use it to bust out lame guys from sets, though I haven't tried to do that in awhile (I should start doing that again, especially at closing time on the streets when you can tell it's an obvious pickup attempt). 

I do this because I don't allow guys to use me to build their social status or to build state.  I allowed that far too long in my life, but fortunately I discovered pickup and learned how to deal with it and learned to be comfortable with myself.  I could just ignore it and that's one way to handle it.  In this case, ignoring it is fine because I don't even want that particular set, and the girl wasn't even responding to me.  If you ignore it every time, though, you won't now how to get rid of an AMOG when you're actually with a girl that's into you. 

I also do this because I build state off of it.  It's fun.

I like that some guy thinks I'm an easy target and then I come back with a barrage of stuff of AMOG Tyler tactics that he has no clue how to deal with.  This is especially true for this bouncer I'm sure.  He so used to guys being intimidated by his size that my response was the last thing he was expecting. 

Sat FR: From street to hotel with my dream fetish girl

The title sounds cooler than the reality.  With a little better moves, it probably should have been entitled "Sat SNL."  Unfortunately, I'm really kicking myself, but at the same time, I know I should be happy I even got to this point.

My dream fetish girl:
I wrote half of this post before I realized that I hadn't even described the girl.  This story would be worthwhile for any set as I'm forced to learn some hard lessons from it.  Also, it's a example of how I pushed myself through some negative thoughts, bad sets, and got something out of pushing myself to just open one last set.

There are certain types of girls that really turn me on.  I like Polish girls that have the accent.  I like really tall girls.  I like blondes.  I like snow white looking girls with black hair and pale skin.  The pale skin is key to all types for me.  My all time favorite, though, is a natural redhead (meaning her eyebrows are actually the same color as her hair, which also indicated any hair below will also be that color).  The girl in this set was a cute redhead.  I'll like even fat redheads, but this girl was attractive.  I'd later learn that she works out a lot and watches her diet.  She was about my height.  The only way you could have improved this girl for me was for her to be a little taller, but that's just nitpicking.

I was in River North, so I saw a ton of hot girls tonight.  I'm not exaggerating when I say that if I had to choose any girl to hook up with tonight, it would have been the girl that is the subject of this field report.  There were one or two hot blondes that would be close.  Those blondes would arguable have been hotter in terms of body or had prettier faces, but again, this redhead just is my type of girl. 

Seagull's almost quick pull:
I'll start with where I was an hour before I even met the girl in question.  Seagull and I really started late.  I spent like 20 minutes waiting outside the venue as I didn't want to go inside.  I even got a drink at 7-11 and broke the open container law.  I made jokes in set about the "Party Bus stop."  The bus stop had 5 people drinking beers out in the open.  My drink looked like an Arizona iced tea can so I just stood back with my phone on this concrete wall and my drink next to it.  I figured there was no way I'd get a ticket as any cop bothering to write for this offense would see the 5 people at the bus stop first.

When we finally went into our first venue, Seagull and I got into this good 2-set that turned out to be part of a bachelorette party.  We got our targets isolated but I lost mine.  We left the place and tried to go next door but they had stopped letting people in so we worked the River North street game.  

Seagull opened this lone wolf set on the street.  He was gone for awhile, and then I could no longer see him so I figured he must have pulled.  I learned later that he had gotten in a cab with her to her place.  She paid for the cab but he couldn't get upstairs.  He ended up cabbing it back to me.

While this was happening, I made a few attempts to open.  I'll be honest in that they were weak attempts.  I threw out some comments at girls and didn't really get any to stop.  I did open this 2-set that looked promising but then they went inside Social 25.  I at least forced myself to do something which many guys would have not have done in that situation.

Still, in my head, the thoughts did cross my mind of "Wow, this sucks.  He pulled already and now I'm stuck solo and I can't get shit to happen.  I wish I could pull."

Again, this is where I do have the skill to will myself to keep trying.  I did my usual self talk, "Well, if you want to pull, you can't just stand her doing nothing as you know how that's going to turn out."

I really didn't expect anything was going to happen this evening though.  

Harvest the crops/One more set:
By the time Seagull got back, the streets had started to empty and our after hours venue had stopped letting people in.  We walked to the R&R Mcdonald's and Castle to work some street sets.  Nothing was sticking.  We tried Sound Bar/Spy Bar.  Same thing.  Neither of us could get anything to stick.

We actually sat down by the sidewalk and were about to go to the car.  As we had sat around for about 5 minutes, I look back by Sound/Spy Bar and said, "We can go try to harvest again.  The crops have repopulated themselves."  Yes, I really worded it like that.

I didn't see any new sets and I was about to call it a night when I say this lone wolf.  Part of me was thinking, "This is probably going to be a waste of time.  A friend or some guy is gonna walk out, but whatever..."

The set improved with Kino:
I don't even remember what opener I used.  I just remember I started talking and she was receptive.  I remember her telling me she was waiting for a friend.  I remember her texting the friend and seeing a picture of a cat as her screen saver and commenting about that.  As much as I beat myself up about escalation, I did learn from my mistakes and try to kino.  I can recall touching her shoulder, putting my arm around her, and trying to hold her hand.

Seagull later told me that he just remembers the set really seemed to get better when I started kinoing more.

Now, I know it's on:
We were talking, and I felt it was on as when I went for the hand hold, she was receptive.  It's obvious if the girl dislikes you if she reacts badly to the hand hold.  If she's not that into you, she'll let go of your hand or hold it like a dead fish.  She seemed fine with the hand hold, and I did the old Mystery thing of transitioning to interlocking fingers and she was fine with that.

The problem was what to do now.  She said she her friend was in the club but she didn't want to pay to get back in.  I wanted to move her off the street so I threw out food.  My car was like 6 blocks away and I didn't think she was going to go for that big of a move, so I threw out food at the R&R Mcdonald's which was two blocks away.  She hesitated on that and I just alternated among blowing it off and changing the subject and reassuring her with how close it was.

What sealed the deal for me was when she called one of her friends.  I found out she was staying in a hotel room with two other girls.  One was already back at the hotel and one was in the club.  She was talking to the one who had just gotten back to the hotel and I heard her say, "I'm probably going to go to Mcdonald's."

Well, I have to be a dumb ass to not be confident that she was ready to go with me at that point.  I'd comment here that I should just act with the confidence that the girl wants to follow my lead.  I shouldn't need something that obvious.  Furthermore, by acting like I expect a girl to follow my lead, she's more likely to do so and such behavior is attractive on a very instinctive level.

I grabbed her hand and started leading her to the McDonald's.

Choose the big booth next time:
We got the McDonald's, and I ended up paying for the meal which part of me thinks I shouldn't have done.  I think I screwed myself with my little joke saying, "You can tell your friends I took you to this fancy dinner at McDonald's."  I felt on the hook to pay as the group in front of us just happened to finish just after I said that and it was our turn to order just after I said that.

While we were waiting for our order, some guy jumped into our conversation.  My girl had mentioned something about the "Super Size Me" movie and the guy jumped on that thread.  In my head I was thinking, "Great, the usual fucking problem with having to deal with competing guys."

That half a second of insecurity is understandable as I had just gone through some bullshit on Thursday that I wrote about in a previous entry.  My state control is good as I immediately shifted my thoughts, "Just be relaxed and cool."

I was standing close to her so I had that going for me.  She was drunk so she was overly friendly and asked him for his name.  He introduced himself to me also.  Thinking back, I made a good subtle move.  He asked her something to the effect of "How's your night?"  I didn't allow her to answer.  I said, "We're having a great night."

I didn't have to even deal with anything more as his food order came and then ours came. 

I had a moment where I thought I could get screwed.  I decided to lead her upstairs so we'd be away from the guy and because I knew the seating was better.  We got on the escalator and then she realized she needed a straw so she hopped off.  I was stuck going up.  I knew if the guy had any moves or was just drunk, he'd see her standing there by the napkins alone and would engage her.  Being drunk, most girls will be receptive to that, and I was stuck going upstairs.  I'd have to come back down and steal her away if that happened.  Part of me wanted to run the two steps backwards on the escalator to get off but I figured that would be too needy so I just let myself go up.

I was trying to assess where to sit as I've screwed myself out of kino in this situation before.  I elimiated the booths where we were sitting across.  I ended up chosing a table that had movable chairs.  I set us up to be at the corner, but it ended up being to far to be able to touch her easily.  In retrospect, I should have chosen one of the giant bottle service type booths where I could have sat right next to her and really been able to kino. 

Too concerned about getting to the hotel:
To be fair with myself, I do a learn from my mistakes, it's just slower that I'd like.  Just a few weeks ago, this set wouldn't have even gotten to the McDonald's.  After we finished eating, I lead her around the Mcdonald's to show her the memorabilia display.  I didn't know what to do.  After analyzing with Seagull, I realized that I should have been figuring out ideas of how to get her isolated and get up to her hotel.  In chess and poker, you should be planning a bit ahead but her I was just winging it.  She said, "I think I'm going to take a cab back to the hotel."

I feel dumb, but not too long ago, I would have lost the set here.  I made myself keep trying.  I told her I'd walk her to the hotel.  Again, I should have been planning how to get upstairs.  That was my lesson in December when I got to a cute blonde's hotel but didn't even try to get upstairs.  It was too long ago that the lesson didn't stick in my head this time.

I kept leading her and then I had to GPS it because I realized I had gotten lost.  We sat down by Pizzeria Due.  Thinking back, I screwed up an opportunity her.  I couldn't figure out how to escalate while walking.  I was holding her hand but I had needed to do more.  At times, she seemed in a hurry to get back because she kept talking about how tired she was and how she couldn't wait to go to sleep.  When we stopped at the bench, she seemed relaxed.

As I think back, I can't believe how I was so concerned about finding the directions to the hotel.  The bench was an opportunity to set up a make out so I'd have a better chance of getting upstairs.  I merely needed to just start talking about whatever and escalate.  I also could have went the verbal pattering type route and said something like, "Isn't this crazy?  I feel so comfortable with you. It's crazy how just seconds or feet can make a difference in life.  I almost didn't walk by Spy Bar, but because I did, I happened to start talking to you and here we are."  Blah, blah, and while I'm saying that, I could have stroked her hand and gazed into her eyes and went for the kiss. 

Thrown off by the cocky comments:
I'm realizing now as I type this that in the moment, I was thrown off a bit by what I perceived to be cocky comments she made.  I'm having a hard time thinking of some of the exact lines, but the gist as I remembered it was that I was lucky because she was there with me.  Well, that's true, but I knew the frame was supposed to be that she was lucky to have met me.

As I think back, I should have thrown some of that frame back at her.  Yes, that would have been the correct move.

Give more IOI's and project some sexual state:
As I kept trying to remember what she actually said that fit the previous section, I realized two probably more important concepts.  First, I need to give more IOI's just in general.  I think this is related to my escalation problems.  I'm too caught up in not showing that I'm interesting in the girls.  I show some interest with strong eye contact and some kino, but I'm afraid to verbalize it.  I think the fear stems from the old AFC awkward teenage years when I'd show interest in a girl and get laughed at by her and/or everyone in school.  There's that old fear and I've perverted a piece of pickup theory as well.

With really hot girls, you do want to show disinterest.  You don't want to look like you interested in a girl because she's hot because that's what all guys too.  Now, this redhead was my total type, but she wasn't of the HB9-10 caliber that I'd need to act like that.  Even with a dime, you do need to show a legitimate reason of why you are interested in the girl.

With this girl, I actually remember how I changed the interaction with what I would deem a stupid physical IOI.  I remember early on that she made a comment like, "You'd probably just be happy with any girl."  I knew that was a shit test and I passed by saying, "Actually, I have a thing for redheads, but maybe it's a that Oedipal thing for nurses."  (I had mentioned earlier that my mom was a nurse.)  She giggled and said, "That's called having a fetish."

On the bench by Due or in the McDonald's, I needed to verbalize reasons why I liked her that were beyond the fact that she wasn't totally my physical fetish and I wanted to have wild crazy sex with her.  If there are no other reasons, I'm sure the advice would be to just make shit up, but honestly, there were things I liked about her personality.

Fuck, there it is:
I sometimes wonder why I bother writing these super long posts, and here is the gem right here.   When I really analyze a set, I'll make a key discovery sometimes that really gets to the heart of my current problems.  I just hit it right as I finished the last section, and that's why I typed out the title of this section.

I kept telling Seagull, "Fuck.  Why didn't I go for the kiss close?"  That's the same thing I've been writing about for weeks now.  I thought it was fear of escalation.  I thought it was Tyler's old "State Control" post problem.  The explanation would be that I didn't go for the close because I didn't want to risk feeling bad from the rejection or risk messing up the set.  Of course I know that making moves really enhances things and it messes up things more by no escalating.  I've felt I've practiced ego protection.  I want to just feel like I'm good a pickup and I can use not escalating to keep myself feeling that I'm supposedly good a pickup.  My ego fears that if I go for kiss closes and get myself into those awkward moments like I wound up with that black girl at that grilled cheese place, then I'll have to admit or face that I'm not as good as I think.

Well, I'm sure all those reasons play a part, but the IOI problem is the big discovery for me.

I can just see myself back on the bench at Due or even at the Mcdonald's despite the not perfect seating arrangement.

I kept wondering how I could have created the kiss close. Well, I could have done some physical games like lifting her or spinning her.  What would have been more solid would just have been to hold her hand on the bench or put my arm around her.  I'd look her right in the eye and if she wasn't giving solid eye contact, she would after I started talking.

I could have started with the general pattering I talked about earlier.  The key would have been to give her reasons why she was special to me.  Girls want to feel special and not feel like you'll just hook up with any girl that night.  I could have said something like, "I told you I have a fetish for redheads.  That's what drew me to you initially.  You're really sexy, but I think the reason I feel so comfortable with you, so drawn to you is that you are different that most girls I meet.  You're not the drunken party girl that has no other life.  You have a good heart: I am in a unique position to understand how tough your job is and how under-appreciated you can feel at times.  You are cultured (she likes theater)."

I could go on with more or cut some stuff, but just saying that, holding her hand and looking into her eyes, I'm sure she would have gotten that DDB look, especially if I added in patterning about how perfect the evening was and how memorable the evening was/is compared to how it would have been if she had just kept standing outside the club with her phone.

I really do think this is a moment of clarity for me.  If I make the effort to give legitimate IOI's when I get deeper into the sets, I think I'll create more situations where the kiss close opportunity will feel like it's there.

Make the attempt anyway:
About a block away from the hotel, I threw out, "Do you have a good view from your hotel room?"  I remember writing about that as a move to try to use to get up to the hotel room.  In my head, I thought, "I haven't made out with this girl, there's no way I'm getting upstairs."  Still, I should have taken advantage of my move.  She told me they had a great view from their room.  I didn't even try when we got to the front of the hotel.  I took her number which I knew was dumb.  I didn't even try any other reason or just try to walk in with her.  To go back to my post about simple mistakes, this is where a random guy who got to this point would at least make the effort.

I can tell that it was like a 5% chance I would have gotten up, but you still have to try to throw it into the end zone when the games on the line.  There's the football analogy.  Time is expiring and I'm down 6 points and rather than throw the ball into the end zone to my covered receiver, I just took the sack.  It's like taking the sack when you have the time to throw the ball but just decide to give up rather than take the slim chance.

The game was lost for sure here, but it really was lost when I made prior mistake the 20-30 minutes prior to this moment where I found myself in front of the hotel, with a girl who was totally my type physically.

Manwhore would say to tell the little white lie:
At one point, she asked me where I was staying.  I told her the truth, that I was driving 30 minutes away.  Now, when a blonde told me that in December, I really think she had thrown that out for me as a hint to try to pull her to my place instead of the hotel room.  In this case, I don't think that was the move.

She still might have been giving me a hint.  Instead of telling her the truth, I could have said, "It's sucks.  I have a long drive" or "I have to wait till the 8am train."  She had said this early on during the walk to her hotel room.  I could have mentioned it there or at the end as a move to try to go upstairs.  I could have asked, "Can I crash on your hotel room floor?"

Saying that when she made that comment would have been a higher move than the hotel view excuse.