The title sounds cooler than the reality. With a little better moves, it probably should have been entitled "Sat SNL." Unfortunately, I'm really kicking myself, but at the same time, I know I should be happy I even got to this point.
My dream fetish girl:
I wrote half of this post before I realized that I hadn't even described the girl. This story would be worthwhile for any set as I'm forced to learn some hard lessons from it. Also, it's a example of how I pushed myself through some negative thoughts, bad sets, and got something out of pushing myself to just open one last set.
There are certain types of girls that really turn me on. I like Polish girls that have the accent. I like really tall girls. I like blondes. I like snow white looking girls with black hair and pale skin. The pale skin is key to all types for me. My all time favorite, though, is a natural redhead (meaning her eyebrows are actually the same color as her hair, which also indicated any hair below will also be that color). The girl in this set was a cute redhead. I'll like even fat redheads, but this girl was attractive. I'd later learn that she works out a lot and watches her diet. She was about my height. The only way you could have improved this girl for me was for her to be a little taller, but that's just nitpicking.
I was in River North, so I saw a ton of hot girls tonight. I'm not exaggerating when I say that if I had to choose any girl to hook up with tonight, it would have been the girl that is the subject of this field report. There were one or two hot blondes that would be close. Those blondes would arguable have been hotter in terms of body or had prettier faces, but again, this redhead just is my type of girl.
Seagull's almost quick pull:
I'll start with where I was an hour before I even met the girl in question. Seagull and I really started late. I spent like 20 minutes waiting outside the venue as I didn't want to go inside. I even got a drink at 7-11 and broke the open container law. I made jokes in set about the "Party Bus stop." The bus stop had 5 people drinking beers out in the open. My drink looked like an Arizona iced tea can so I just stood back with my phone on this concrete wall and my drink next to it. I figured there was no way I'd get a ticket as any cop bothering to write for this offense would see the 5 people at the bus stop first.
When we finally went into our first venue, Seagull and I got into this good 2-set that turned out to be part of a bachelorette party. We got our targets isolated but I lost mine. We left the place and tried to go next door but they had stopped letting people in so we worked the River North street game.
Seagull opened this lone wolf set on the street. He was gone for awhile, and then I could no longer see him so I figured he must have pulled. I learned later that he had gotten in a cab with her to her place. She paid for the cab but he couldn't get upstairs. He ended up cabbing it back to me.
While this was happening, I made a few attempts to open. I'll be honest in that they were weak attempts. I threw out some comments at girls and didn't really get any to stop. I did open this 2-set that looked promising but then they went inside Social 25. I at least forced myself to do something which many guys would have not have done in that situation.
Still, in my head, the thoughts did cross my mind of "Wow, this sucks. He pulled already and now I'm stuck solo and I can't get shit to happen. I wish I could pull."
Again, this is where I do have the skill to will myself to keep trying. I did my usual self talk, "Well, if you want to pull, you can't just stand her doing nothing as you know how that's going to turn out."
I really didn't expect anything was going to happen this evening though.
Harvest the crops/One more set:
By the time Seagull got back, the streets had started to empty and our after hours venue had stopped letting people in. We walked to the R&R Mcdonald's and Castle to work some street sets. Nothing was sticking. We tried Sound Bar/Spy Bar. Same thing. Neither of us could get anything to stick.
We actually sat down by the sidewalk and were about to go to the car. As we had sat around for about 5 minutes, I look back by Sound/Spy Bar and said, "We can go try to harvest again. The crops have repopulated themselves." Yes, I really worded it like that.
I didn't see any new sets and I was about to call it a night when I say this lone wolf. Part of me was thinking, "This is probably going to be a waste of time. A friend or some guy is gonna walk out, but whatever..."
The set improved with Kino:
I don't even remember what opener I used. I just remember I started talking and she was receptive. I remember her telling me she was waiting for a friend. I remember her texting the friend and seeing a picture of a cat as her screen saver and commenting about that. As much as I beat myself up about escalation, I did learn from my mistakes and try to kino. I can recall touching her shoulder, putting my arm around her, and trying to hold her hand.
Seagull later told me that he just remembers the set really seemed to get better when I started kinoing more.
Now, I know it's on:
We were talking, and I felt it was on as when I went for the hand hold, she was receptive. It's obvious if the girl dislikes you if she reacts badly to the hand hold. If she's not that into you, she'll let go of your hand or hold it like a dead fish. She seemed fine with the hand hold, and I did the old Mystery thing of transitioning to interlocking fingers and she was fine with that.
The problem was what to do now. She said she her friend was in the club but she didn't want to pay to get back in. I wanted to move her off the street so I threw out food. My car was like 6 blocks away and I didn't think she was going to go for that big of a move, so I threw out food at the R&R Mcdonald's which was two blocks away. She hesitated on that and I just alternated among blowing it off and changing the subject and reassuring her with how close it was.
What sealed the deal for me was when she called one of her friends. I found out she was staying in a hotel room with two other girls. One was already back at the hotel and one was in the club. She was talking to the one who had just gotten back to the hotel and I heard her say, "I'm probably going to go to Mcdonald's."
Well, I have to be a dumb ass to not be confident that she was ready to go with me at that point. I'd comment here that I should just act with the confidence that the girl wants to follow my lead. I shouldn't need something that obvious. Furthermore, by acting like I expect a girl to follow my lead, she's more likely to do so and such behavior is attractive on a very instinctive level.
I grabbed her hand and started leading her to the McDonald's.
Choose the big booth next time:
We got the McDonald's, and I ended up paying for the meal which part of me thinks I shouldn't have done. I think I screwed myself with my little joke saying, "You can tell your friends I took you to this fancy dinner at McDonald's." I felt on the hook to pay as the group in front of us just happened to finish just after I said that and it was our turn to order just after I said that.
While we were waiting for our order, some guy jumped into our conversation. My girl had mentioned something about the "Super Size Me" movie and the guy jumped on that thread. In my head I was thinking, "Great, the usual fucking problem with having to deal with competing guys."
That half a second of insecurity is understandable as I had just gone through some bullshit on Thursday that I wrote about in a previous entry. My state control is good as I immediately shifted my thoughts, "Just be relaxed and cool."
I was standing close to her so I had that going for me. She was drunk so she was overly friendly and asked him for his name. He introduced himself to me also. Thinking back, I made a good subtle move. He asked her something to the effect of "How's your night?" I didn't allow her to answer. I said, "We're having a great night."
I didn't have to even deal with anything more as his food order came and then ours came.
I had a moment where I thought I could get screwed. I decided to lead her upstairs so we'd be away from the guy and because I knew the seating was better. We got on the escalator and then she realized she needed a straw so she hopped off. I was stuck going up. I knew if the guy had any moves or was just drunk, he'd see her standing there by the napkins alone and would engage her. Being drunk, most girls will be receptive to that, and I was stuck going upstairs. I'd have to come back down and steal her away if that happened. Part of me wanted to run the two steps backwards on the escalator to get off but I figured that would be too needy so I just let myself go up.
I was trying to assess where to sit as I've screwed myself out of kino in this situation before. I elimiated the booths where we were sitting across. I ended up chosing a table that had movable chairs. I set us up to be at the corner, but it ended up being to far to be able to touch her easily. In retrospect, I should have chosen one of the giant bottle service type booths where I could have sat right next to her and really been able to kino.
Too concerned about getting to the hotel:
To be fair with myself, I do a learn from my mistakes, it's just slower that I'd like. Just a few weeks ago, this set wouldn't have even gotten to the McDonald's. After we finished eating, I lead her around the Mcdonald's to show her the memorabilia display. I didn't know what to do. After analyzing with Seagull, I realized that I should have been figuring out ideas of how to get her isolated and get up to her hotel. In chess and poker, you should be planning a bit ahead but her I was just winging it. She said, "I think I'm going to take a cab back to the hotel."
I feel dumb, but not too long ago, I would have lost the set here. I made myself keep trying. I told her I'd walk her to the hotel. Again, I should have been planning how to get upstairs. That was my lesson in December when I got to a cute blonde's hotel but didn't even try to get upstairs. It was too long ago that the lesson didn't stick in my head this time.
I kept leading her and then I had to GPS it because I realized I had gotten lost. We sat down by Pizzeria Due. Thinking back, I screwed up an opportunity her. I couldn't figure out how to escalate while walking. I was holding her hand but I had needed to do more. At times, she seemed in a hurry to get back because she kept talking about how tired she was and how she couldn't wait to go to sleep. When we stopped at the bench, she seemed relaxed.
As I think back, I can't believe how I was so concerned about finding the directions to the hotel. The bench was an opportunity to set up a make out so I'd have a better chance of getting upstairs. I merely needed to just start talking about whatever and escalate. I also could have went the verbal pattering type route and said something like, "Isn't this crazy? I feel so comfortable with you. It's crazy how just seconds or feet can make a difference in life. I almost didn't walk by Spy Bar, but because I did, I happened to start talking to you and here we are." Blah, blah, and while I'm saying that, I could have stroked her hand and gazed into her eyes and went for the kiss.
Thrown off by the cocky comments:
I'm realizing now as I type this that in the moment, I was thrown off a bit by what I perceived to be cocky comments she made. I'm having a hard time thinking of some of the exact lines, but the gist as I remembered it was that I was lucky because she was there with me. Well, that's true, but I knew the frame was supposed to be that she was lucky to have met me.
As I think back, I should have thrown some of that frame back at her. Yes, that would have been the correct move.
Give more IOI's and project some sexual state:
As I kept trying to remember what she actually said that fit the previous section, I realized two probably more important concepts. First, I need to give more IOI's just in general. I think this is related to my escalation problems. I'm too caught up in not showing that I'm interesting in the girls. I show some interest with strong eye contact and some kino, but I'm afraid to verbalize it. I think the fear stems from the old AFC awkward teenage years when I'd show interest in a girl and get laughed at by her and/or everyone in school. There's that old fear and I've perverted a piece of pickup theory as well.
With really hot girls, you do want to show disinterest. You don't want to look like you interested in a girl because she's hot because that's what all guys too. Now, this redhead was my total type, but she wasn't of the HB9-10 caliber that I'd need to act like that. Even with a dime, you do need to show a legitimate reason of why you are interested in the girl.
With this girl, I actually remember how I changed the interaction with what I would deem a stupid physical IOI. I remember early on that she made a comment like, "You'd probably just be happy with any girl." I knew that was a shit test and I passed by saying, "Actually, I have a thing for redheads, but maybe it's a that Oedipal thing for nurses." (I had mentioned earlier that my mom was a nurse.) She giggled and said, "That's called having a fetish."
On the bench by Due or in the McDonald's, I needed to verbalize reasons why I liked her that were beyond the fact that she wasn't totally my physical fetish and I wanted to have wild crazy sex with her. If there are no other reasons, I'm sure the advice would be to just make shit up, but honestly, there were things I liked about her personality.
Fuck, there it is:
I sometimes wonder why I bother writing these super long posts, and here is the gem right here. When I really analyze a set, I'll make a key discovery sometimes that really gets to the heart of my current problems. I just hit it right as I finished the last section, and that's why I typed out the title of this section.
I kept telling Seagull, "Fuck. Why didn't I go for the kiss close?" That's the same thing I've been writing about for weeks now. I thought it was fear of escalation. I thought it was Tyler's old "State Control" post problem. The explanation would be that I didn't go for the close because I didn't want to risk feeling bad from the rejection or risk messing up the set. Of course I know that making moves really enhances things and it messes up things more by no escalating. I've felt I've practiced ego protection. I want to just feel like I'm good a pickup and I can use not escalating to keep myself feeling that I'm supposedly good a pickup. My ego fears that if I go for kiss closes and get myself into those awkward moments like I wound up with that black girl at that grilled cheese place, then I'll have to admit or face that I'm not as good as I think.
Well, I'm sure all those reasons play a part, but the IOI problem is the big discovery for me.
I can just see myself back on the bench at Due or even at the Mcdonald's despite the not perfect seating arrangement.
I kept wondering how I could have created the kiss close. Well, I could have done some physical games like lifting her or spinning her. What would have been more solid would just have been to hold her hand on the bench or put my arm around her. I'd look her right in the eye and if she wasn't giving solid eye contact, she would after I started talking.
I could have started with the general pattering I talked about earlier. The key would have been to give her reasons why she was special to me. Girls want to feel special and not feel like you'll just hook up with any girl that night. I could have said something like, "I told you I have a fetish for redheads. That's what drew me to you initially. You're really sexy, but I think the reason I feel so comfortable with you, so drawn to you is that you are different that most girls I meet. You're not the drunken party girl that has no other life. You have a good heart: I am in a unique position to understand how tough your job is and how under-appreciated you can feel at times. You are cultured (she likes theater)."
I could go on with more or cut some stuff, but just saying that, holding her hand and looking into her eyes, I'm sure she would have gotten that DDB look, especially if I added in patterning about how perfect the evening was and how memorable the evening was/is compared to how it would have been if she had just kept standing outside the club with her phone.
I really do think this is a moment of clarity for me. If I make the effort to give legitimate IOI's when I get deeper into the sets, I think I'll create more situations where the kiss close opportunity will feel like it's there.
Make the attempt anyway:
About a block away from the hotel, I threw out, "Do you have a good view from your hotel room?" I remember writing about that as a move to try to use to get up to the hotel room. In my head, I thought, "I haven't made out with this girl, there's no way I'm getting upstairs." Still, I should have taken advantage of my move. She told me they had a great view from their room. I didn't even try when we got to the front of the hotel. I took her number which I knew was dumb. I didn't even try any other reason or just try to walk in with her. To go back to my post about simple mistakes, this is where a random guy who got to this point would at least make the effort.
I can tell that it was like a 5% chance I would have gotten up, but you still have to try to throw it into the end zone when the games on the line. There's the football analogy. Time is expiring and I'm down 6 points and rather than throw the ball into the end zone to my covered receiver, I just took the sack. It's like taking the sack when you have the time to throw the ball but just decide to give up rather than take the slim chance.
The game was lost for sure here, but it really was lost when I made prior mistake the 20-30 minutes prior to this moment where I found myself in front of the hotel, with a girl who was totally my type physically.
Manwhore would say to tell the little white lie:
At one point, she asked me where I was staying. I told her the truth, that I was driving 30 minutes away. Now, when a blonde told me that in December, I really think she had thrown that out for me as a hint to try to pull her to my place instead of the hotel room. In this case, I don't think that was the move.
She still might have been giving me a hint. Instead of telling her the truth, I could have said, "It's sucks. I have a long drive" or "I have to wait till the 8am train." She had said this early on during the walk to her hotel room. I could have mentioned it there or at the end as a move to try to go upstairs. I could have asked, "Can I crash on your hotel room floor?"
Saying that when she made that comment would have been a higher move than the hotel view excuse.
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