Friday, August 9, 2013

Lost momentum, success barriers, self rationalizations

I didn't even want to write this entry but I feel like I have to be accountable.

I need one day to bridge weekends:
I'm starting to see that just going out on the weekends doesn't work for me.  I was back on track Saturday, and then by the time I went out again tonight, I had to push through cobwebs.  I think going out on Tuesday or something would help bridge the gap.

The other option is something I've always talked about but never have been able to follow through on.  I should just practice being social when I go to the gym or store.  My problem is that I just stay quiet when I'm going about my daily business and it's like I live two lives doing this.  I always try to justify it by saying that it takes so much energy to be friendly and outgoing all the time, but I suppose it would be easier if I actually made it a part of my daily routine.

Forcing through the cobwebs:
Fortunately, just a few days off doesn't kill my game.  I just had hard time getting started tonight and I ended up riding Seagull's coattails for the first few sets.  I eventually opened some on my own but I found myself in that familiar zone of hesitating too much.  I really hate when I do that.  I feel so much better when I'm just opening everything and not caring but it so hard to get myself to get in that zone.

Success barriers/Self rationalizations: 
I keep thinking about this girl that I winged with Seagull.  The girl was average looking.  She wasn't fat but she wasn't in shape either.  Regardless, I was somewhat attracted to her physically.  Beyond that, she was saying stuff that really echoed what I usually say in set.  She seriously said she liked looking up at the stars because it makes her feel small and makes her realize she needs to live life because we have such a short time here.  She even said she was going to the Field Museum and Planetarium the next day.

All I had to do was compliment her and then I could have just mentioned that Seagull and I were going to second Fridays and she should stop by.  I could have number closed.  For some reason, I didn't go for it.  Maybe it was because I was a little drunk.   I wasn't sure if I wanted to go for a number close so I didn't go for it.

Next, I knew I had window to move her to the dance floor as our conversation had stalled.  Seagull had moved his girl to the dance floor and I knew I should move mine since there was a lull in the conversation.  I just stood there and then my girl said they were all going to the dance floor.  I could have went with them but I left.

To my credit, I went downstairs to the bathroom.  My plan was to come back up and get back in the set.  I figured Seagull would still be in the set and I didn't want to just stand around.  I even had to tell myself that if I can't do stuff on my own with my wing in the venue, how am I going to go out in Minneapolis alone?

The self rationalization part is that I kept trying to convince myself that this set wasn't cute enough.  That's not true.  I liked her personality and I would have hooked up with her.  Yeah, there were better looking girls that I interacted with that night, but I should have taken the number.

I realized that for a bit, I didn't want to admit myself that I just sabotaged myself.  I also didn't want to admit that I was apprehensive about going back into the set and trying to isolate my girl and dance with her.  I went back in with Seagull several times but I just did a half effort.  I never really tried to isolate her again and get our conversation going nor did I try to actually dance alone with her.

Why didn't I want to go to the after hours:
At the very end of our evening, we were about sick of working street game.  I saw these three girls near us.  Two blondes were working on fixing this girls shoe, and one petite brunette was hovering around.  I heard them speaking Polish so naturally I wanted to talk to them.  My target was really feisty; like the over the top Eastern European strong willed woman type that my buddy Fatty dislikes so much.  These loud motorbikes came by and my target literally flicked them off and was yelling shit at them.

My target was friendly to me.  She seemed comfortable with my kino when I put my arm around her a few times.  The girls even liked my jokes I made.  One of them, I was afraid wouldn't hit off with them.  The blondes were messing around with the shoe for a long time and I said, "Wow, you guys are making me want to make a dumb Polish joke.  How many Polish girls does it take to fix a shoe?"  One of the blondes started giggling and said, "One and a half as I'm only half Polish."

This Irish guy came by.  He was drunk and started talking to the blondes.  My target commented on how cute he was.  That sucked but I could have still went with the set.  The drunk Irish guy put his arms around the blondes as they finally were done with the shoe and they all started walking to the after hours bar.

Now, I had found out earlier that they were going to the after hours bar but I didn't make an effort to tag along.  I can maybe say that was success barriers again and also because we were tired and didn't want to pay the cover.  That's dumb.  I got a Polish girl that I'm really attractive too and she's receptive enough.  I should have gone to the after hours.  I'm really not that tired now and it would be closing about now so I would have made it.

Switching energy levels:
Seagull and I had this weird energy  dynamic going at the end.  During that Polish set, Seagull was just standing there in spectator mode.  I commented later that I could tell he had given up on the night.  His demeanor was the same that I had last Friday when we spotted the lone wolf walking.  I didn't want to open any more, but he pushed himself and almost pulled.

The weird thing was tonight, after I let the Polish set go, I spotted a two set as Seagull and I were already walking our separate ways to our cars.  I pointed out the set as sort of a joke, and he went to go open them and I just stood there in spectator mode.

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