Saturday, November 24, 2012

I found my powers again

Tonight was a massive breakthrough.  I've been close the last few nights.  I didn't write about it, but I kept telling myself that I've been getting sick of all the time I was standing around in self doubt and not taking action.  Wednesday helped me realize the power of momentum . While I struggled most of the night ,when I forced myself to open sets, even when I got bad responses, I felt a tingling inside.  It made me want to open more.

Tonight, I told myself I was going to take charge and force myself to take action.  I picked up 2j and we arrived at the bar.  We ran into AndyDufresne at the bar.  We hadn't been in contact with him this night, so we weren't expecting to see him.  We chatted for a bit.  Then, I went into my pregame speech mode.  I was actually thinking about this on the drive in.  I thought about how I would want to be motivated.  I looked into AndyDufresne's eyes and said, "You know, the last few nights, I've been sick of all the time I spent doubting myself.  I said tonight, I was gonna believe and take action."  He said that he told himself he wanted to that as well tonight.  He then said that he and Nintendo had gone out several times and said they were gonna hit it hard from the start and then stood around for an hour.  I felt myself getting pumped.  I said, "I believe in this. I believe us. It doesn't have to be that way."

I remember turning and opening this girls near us.  I busted out in like 30 seconds, but then I turned back to AndyDufresne.  I guess he got motivated by my action because he opened this set near us.  I went to wing him and lasted a long time with that set.

After that, I just kept forcing myself to approach.  I was having fun and just blurting out whatever was on my mind.  It felt great to access that creative side of me.  I found that in the zone, I really could come up with random, silly stuff that would get laughs more frequently than I would have expected.  I ran several two sets with AndyDufresne.  I felt like two of them were promising if we pushed harder.  I even went back solo trying to make something happen .  I realized that 2j was right in that AndyDufresne doesn't respond well to resistance.  He's used to the good responses he often gets and easy compliance.  It's cause he's good looking.  He's not a model, but he's better looking than most PUA guys and he often gets good responses from girls.  In one 2-set that was going well tonight, I asked AndyDufresne why he left the set when it had been promising.  He said that he asked the girl to go dance and she didn't want to.  I replied, "So what? That's standard.  You keep talking and then ask again later."

It made me realize later that this was just more evidence of what 2j was saying.  That's not standard for AndyDufresne.  He is used to getting compliance when he asks with girls.  When he doesn't, he leave the set.  He gets the compliance a lot though. So many girls open easily when he goes in.  I've seen hot girls respond well initially quite a few times as well.  For me, and 2j says for him as well, it's usually not the case.  I've gotta try to move the girls to the dance floor or around the venue several times before they'll go with it.

The point in this analysis is not to knock AndyDufresne.  It is just a lesson for me to again realize that I my supposed handicaps are gifts.  I haven't had it easy on this journey, and it's forced me to improve certain aspects of my game that good looking guys don't have to fix and I should be thankful for that.  It also reinforces this inner game idea I mentioning.

I have to believe in myself and stop doubting myself.  Whatever flaws that I think I have are just imaginary.  Guys who have the things I lack will do the same thing I do and doubt themselves.  I see too many moment where EVERYONE I'm out with has moments where THEY DOUBT THEMSELVES.  This includes Drama, who has really good game and pulls a lot.

This is why I'm getting sick of the doubt.  It's useless.  I can choose to stop falling into the trap.  I'll say that tonight was a breakthrough.  I spent so little time doubting myself.  There were a few moments when I didn't want to go back in with these sets from earlier, but it was the last I doubted myself since I started going out again.  It felt so good to just see girls and open them.  It felt good to speak my mind and have fun.  I felt alive.  I felt like I had found my powers again.

Now, I can open again, and girls will talk to me for a long time.  I just need to focus on create sexual tension, teasing, flirting, and leading.  It's like I fast forwarding through my lessons from early summer in just a few days as I returned.  It took me like 6-7 times to open again like a machine and be comfortable staying in set. Now, I want to focus on creating attraction with kino and the things I mentioned earlier in this paragraph.  I hope I'll get through those lessons at an accelerated pace so I can be faced with pulling and logistical problems again;  that is the level I was at before I spiraled out of control.

Late game practice

I went out Wednesday and spent 45 minutes standing around waiting for wings and not opening.  That was painful enough to motivate me later in the night and helped me a ton on Friday.  As the night went on, I opened more sets and started to feel that fun party guy wanting to come out of me.

The set of the night was with Crazyfoot.  He and Nintendo were talking to two girls and I could tell Nintendo didn't want the big girl that he was stuck with.  I came in and he introduced me.  This set would reinforce why  I need to practice pulling as often as I can.  Crazyfoot had been pushing going to this diner a few blocks away and with me working the friend and pushing for it two, the girls agreed to go.

In the diner, I had a bit of a crazy moment because the girls had went to the bathroom and were taking forever.  Literally, the waiter came by 4 times to ask us if we were ready to order, so I was entirely crazy.  I thought the girls had ditched us, or had come out of the bathroom and not seen us by the entrance and thought we ditched them.  I told Crazyfoot that I could just be overanazlying and overreacting as I often do when in late stage pulls where the girls might have disappeared.  I guess this is because I've been in several sets where the girls massively lose buying temperature and run off, or they get distracted by guys sarging them.

The girls eventually showed up just as Crazyfoot was calling his girl's phone.  She literally was picking up the phone to answer as I spotted them walking towards us.  We got a logistical block when a couple showed up that had been with them at the club.  Later, this Greek guy that wanted my girl showed up and started pulling her away from me.  At first, I ignored him, but she was drunk and into his attention.  Then, I started throwing out comments trying to tool the guy and his friend.  I suppose they were working because while I was talking, my girl, and the guys would listen and respond but as soon as I stopped, he'd go back into talking to her.

Finally, I text Crazyfoot to help me get rid of the guy.  He addresed the friend.  I then put my arm around my girl and said, "Hey, I'm getting jealous of all your suitors."  As I kept talking, she finally focused her attention on me.  Then Crazyfoot stopped talking to the guys and their food arrived, so they left.

That little incident bothered me at the time because I know that's gonna be even more of a problem with super hot girls.  At least I found a way to get rid of them.

Push to the end:
Crazyfoot deserves points for pushing at a point where I was giving up.  We left the restaurant and they had hailed a taxi.  We had talked about how we were gonna try to drive them home, but I had given up on this plan because of the other couple.  I figured the logistics were shot.  I should have remembered that you always have to keep trying and that sometimes there is a way to make it happen.  Never just give up.  He grabbed his girl as the couple was already in a cab and said, "Hey, why don't I drive you home."  She agreed but said not only was my girl staying at her apartment, but so was the couple.  Crazyfoot said he'd drive us all there.

Here's where we screwed up.  The drive up was too quiet.  Crazyfoot and I were in the front and talking a bit ,and the two girls were talking.  I said later that we should have been more fun and talking about the after party as we were driving up.

When we got close, Crazyfoot threw out a feel for going up to their place.  He joked, "Hey, do you have a bed for me?"  My girl said, "We don't even have a parking space for you."  That was just a statement of fact because the parking in her area is all permit.  I commented that it was a flat out no.  If they were totally against the idea, the response would have been different and harsher.

We got to their place, and I got out to let them out of the back seat.  My gave me guy and said she enjoyed meeting me.  Crazyfoot said he had wanted to try to go upstairs but he chickened out at the last minute.
It was on me too.  I should have been pushing and I knew that was the move.  I was hoping he would do all the work.

He was mad at himself.  I knew we fucked up but I wasn't too upset because my girl wasn't hot, and I can still hook up with her.  She likes me and responded to my text on Thanksgiving.  She also lives close to me.  The lesson, though, is that I need a ton more practice pulling because I need to get this skill down for the sets that I really want.

I just talked with 2j about the night and he made me realize that I already know how I have to push.  I've done it before.  I can't be too hard on myself.  The last few times have been really rough.  I've really had to soul search to try to find my PUA self that disappeared in the weeks of not going out.  I got pushed into a late game situation and I tried what I could to use the football analogy, I can't be made that I didn't win the game in the two minute drill when I haven't even been playing a good game the times I've been out lately.  

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Brief moments of finding myself

The last few months involved much wasted time.  It was a return to the dark side of myself that I sometimes feared would return, and I reverted to old versions of myself that I never thought I'd encounter again.  I didn't go out that much, and in this darkness, I'm pretty sure I missed hooking up with this cute Polish chick that I had written about here briefly.

Two weeks before Halloween, I attempted a return to going out.  It was to help G on a project.  I'll write more about that, but to prepare for his film project, I made myself go out solo after not having been out for a few weeks.  I might have been okay, but during those two weeks, I was just in a depressed, lost state.  I thought being back in the club environment would kick start my positive self, but it was rougher than I could have imagined.  I didn't open a single set.  I honestly thought I'd never have a night where I'd do that.

After going out a few times, I again just stayed at home wasting my talents in life on dumb things like outsmarting idiots on the auction house in World of Warcraft.  Seriously, I had this battle with some guy on morning and it was funny how it turned out, but then I thought to myself, "Wow, I could be using my talents on much  better things in real life."

I started going out again last week and I had learned from the brief return that I had to set my standards really low.  It really challenged my ego to go out and see myself running newbie level game.  I felt good that I was trying but then I mostly felt shitty that I had lost my skills and worst, I had lost that part of me that would drive myself to open and always be positive.

Just being happy with myself when I opened, and not beating myself up too much when I failed to open, or got busted out did make things better.  Over the past 2-3 outings, I found myself opening more and just enjoying being out.

Two moments:
I wanted to write about two moments tonight where I began to feel like my PUA self, dare I say, my true self.  I felt like for a few minutes tonight, I had peeled away this other person I had morphed myself into through inaction, self-pity, and lost hope.  I could see the shining treasure inside me that had become encrusted by those layers of my old, AFC self.

The first moment was when I found myself opening ,but just not having fun.  2j had observed that he could just see that I wasn't going in with charisma.  He tried to help me out by pointing this out and trying to get me to notice the difference between my opening and how he was getting better reactions with just his tonality and vocal projection.  I knew I was coming across flat.  I expected this but I just couldn't figure out how to be charismatic again except that I trusted I'd become like I was this summer by just going out consistently again and pushing myself to open.  

The moment that broke me through was when I just decided to start saying random openers that came to my mind.  I realized that I was forcing myself to go direct like RSD teaches and how I had opened well many times this summer.  It felt like a chore to open like that and of course the girl's weren't into me when I was coming across like I was back in school being forced to read some boring passage aloud for the class.  When I started to say stuff like, "Hey, I need a date.  I'm in a bind.  I'm a secret agent and I don't have a girl with me.  That's not gonna work.  Haven't you seen James Bond?  He's always got a girl by his side."  Sure, I'd get busted out doing that, but I was having fun.  After a few tries, I even hooked some sets.

Yeah, this is basic stuff. Keep opening and have fun with it, but it was a big step to get myself out of that forced opening block that I had been experiencing Thursday and tonight.

The other moment was near the end of the night.  I had gotten on a roll opening but then we venue changed.  Waiting in line, and then being in a loud place that required more physical game or projecting your voice and presence more made things rough for me.  I tried to open a few times to no avail.  Later on, I saw this blonde, and I just decided to look her in the eye and open her.  I just said, "Hi" and then I went into the secret agent blabbering, but this was after she stopped and said hi.

The moment that really stuck here was when we locked eye contact for a bit.   I remember thinking, "Wow, I actually hooked a set again for real.  So, this is how things used to be."  What a contrast, though.  I used to get this look and have this moment several times a night ,and it took me 7-8 times of going out and much pain to finally experience this moment again.  On top of just getting that "It's on" moment, this girl was a pretty blonde who actually is really intelligent.  I think my entitlement suffered a bit when she told me she was in business school at the university where I went for undergrad.  I know that program is in the top 5, and possibly the top 3 in the country, so this girl had some qualities that I rarely encounter in the girls I talk to at the bar.

I will say that 2j is right that we should be hitting these River North venues more often on the weekends as there are so many better looking girls than on the weeknights in the winter.  Thursday in Lincoln Park was slow, and the quality in terms of looks was really below average.  There were tons of hot girls tonight.  We can find that on Industry Nights as well, but it will probably be weeks before I find a smart, cute woman like this one who is on the path to success.

I'll just close this post by saying that pondering that last sentence again brings me back to some realizations I had this past summer. What I wrote is true, and I really can't have a real relationship with a girl that isn't of above average intelligence.  As that's true, I need to remind myself to stop putting hot girls on a pedestal.  Yeah, I'd want to fuck them, but I shouldn't allow them to intmidate me or buy into their value before I even open them.  Chances are, anyway, that they aren't gonna meet more than me wanting them for the body as I don't run into quality girls at these bars that often.

I hope, and I do believe, that my moments where I found my PUA self tonight, will help propel me when I go out again.