Sunday, June 25, 2017

Fuck you beta male

Below, I've linked a Tyler video that has helped me a lot the past two days.  It shows in field footage of him warming up and ultimely getting some crazy results at the end of the night.  This is basic stuff but somehow I had forgotten this lesson of warming up through quick successive sets and plowing through the rejection to get into the right state.  I think I somehow had felt I should be beyond this which is dumb considering this really is what Tyler does to get himself into the right mindset after a full work week.

The clip right after the time frame linked shows Tyler being told "Fuck you" by a girl.  He explains that the girl literally did say "Fuck you" to him, and what she means is "Fuck you, beta male, you will not reproduce.  Get back in your hole!"  

I'm so fortunate that I saw this video on Thursday.  Friday and Saturday I finally got myself to start opening like I used to back in 2012.  I might write more about how I got myself to do that in a field report on Friday.  I'd also add that I'm fortunate that I saw this exact clip of Tyler being told "Fuck you" because this verbatim happened to me Saturday night.  

It's a pretty rough rejection but thanks to the clip I didn't feel as bad as I would have had I not see Tyler, one of the best, get a rejection like that when he was warming up.  I understand that I deserved to get a harsh rejection because I did a half ass approach and wasted her time acting like a beta male.  

Initially, the words stung for a bit but then I used this to force myself to do better.  As I'll explain shortly, I was later able to finish the night on two high notes due to this harsh rejection.  Strangely, I've been getting a ton of amusement after the fact.  I think it's my ADD or manic part of my brain that likes repeating phrases.  I keep giggling, even as I type this, about how I approached so badly that this girl told me "Fuck you."  I keep repeating Tyler's words above about being a beta male and getting back in my hole.  I even said in two later rejections, "Wow.  You're telling me, 'Fuck you beta male!  You will not reproduce.  Get back in your hole!"  

Street approaches and Improving my game:
Saturday night, Seagull and I spent 90% of our night working street sets.  We met up briefly with a new wing that Seagull met a few months ago who I will hereby dub "IsleRep" until I learn what screen name he might want to be referred to as in this blog.  IsleRep didn't like street game that much and kept trying to get us to go into the venues.  We went into one place with no line and ran out of sets right away and almost every other place had super long lines.  That was one reason we stayed on the street.  I'd also agree with Seagull in that it was especially enjoyable since it's a complete contrast to the winter time when we don't want to do much street game and there aren't as many sets to open.  He also added that opening like this reminded him of what were doing most in Vegas.  

I would add that I think street game is a good drill to improve my game.  I later said that if we went out Friday and Saturday, I don't think it would be ideal to do street game entirely both nights but I think it's great for improving our game.  Where we were doing street game, it was almost unlimited sets for a good 2-3 hours period.  I felt like the experience got me used to being an opening machine and it got me so used to getting rejecting and not letting it bother me.  My state fluctuated a lot but I was able to pull myself out of it and press on.  

Street game also is great at the end of the night because it is a great way to pull.  There are a ton of lone wolf sets where there is potential for quick pulls but that wasn't to be my destiny this evening.  
Now, Vegas would definitely be a lot easier.  When I was in Vegas, though, I wasn't opening like this.  If I pushed myself to open all day and night like I did this past few days, I'd probably get more lays that I could handle.   More drills like this will hopefully get me to be able to maintain this momentum for the next time I'm in Vegas.  

Two good sets to end the night:
I wrote that there were some a harsh rejections that caused me to doubt myself.  I did push through the state crash and kept trying to open more and do better.  I did have a few positive reactions.  Some were from average girls, and a few were from some really hot girls that I likely would have been too intimidated to open prior to Friday.  

One of the last sets of the night were these two blondes we say wandering around by Rock and Roll Mcdonald's.  One was in a bitchy mood and the friend said she wasn't enjoying Chicago.  She said she was visiting from Tel Aviv, but she must have been born in the states because she had an American accent.  Unfortunately, she didn't have the sexy Gal Gadot accent.  

Rather than respond to her negative frame that the friend was even apologizing for, I just plowed through with some positive energy monologues and I pulled her into my frame.  Seagull let the friend wander off which ended up ending the set when she got far enough away that this Israeli girl felt she had to leave me and follow the friend.  I was just impressed by how I got her to stop bitching and she was intrigued enough to listen to me and stay with me.  

As I'm tying this, I recognized that I probably could have given it and last ditch effort of walking with her to the friend and trying to reengage them both . Seagull had a flight to catch so we really were on our way to the car so it's not like I actually could have tried to plow this interaction into some sort of pull.

Hey Polish:
The last set of the night left me in a super positive frame.  We walked by one of the club sidewalks that we used to frequent years ago.  One of the clubs had a ton of Asians hanging around.  I joked that it was good that we don't come to this venue any more.  (For those that don't know, I'm of Asian decent but I'm more attracted to white girls: it's to the point were it's very rare that I want to open an Asian girl).  We were about to leave when I saw this tall blonde standing on this ledge on the venue's exterior wall.  She was taller than me, and she really towered over me by being on this ledge that was at least 4 inches off the group.  

I hesitated for ab out 15 seconds before opening.  I remember thinking, "Wow she's hot.  She's totally my type.  I need to open that."  Of course, part of me didn't want to for evolutionary reasons including fearing rejection, but I told myself that I needed to do this.  I knew I'd regret not opening more than any possible rejection I could get (and it would be hard to do worse that the "Fuck you" I got from that girl earlier).  I've been telling myself that I want to hook up with another tall girl like that hottie I pulled in Vegas in October.  The only way to really increase my chances is to try to open almost every tall girl I see no matter how intimidated I may feel.  

I made myself do the approach.  Something clicked in my head.  I knew she was really hot so I knew I couldn't do the weak approaches I did most of the night.  Ironically, I had said to Seagull at one point, "I know I'm being a beta male with my approaches as Tyler said, but I can't figure out how to do a proper alpha approach will full confidence and belief in myself."  I must have force myself to dig out my old memories of doing a proper approach as I did do it here.  

I remember watching a video a few years ago where Tyler opened a girl by saying, "Hey Polish!"  I didn't even if this girl actually was Polish, but she at least had the blonde hair and skin tone that a lot of Polish girls have that I find really attractive.  She turned out have an American accent so she was born here but maybe she was of Polish decent.  It's irrelevant anyway.  

I approached her.  I came at the correct angle.  Not dead on, but also not doing a weak approach from behind.  (On a side note, a Jlaix video helped me to stop doing weak approaches from behind where the girl can't see me coming or can't even be sure I'm actually talking to her.  When I was doing that, I knew it was a bad approach and I think that's why I'd do it.  It was a form of ego protection that manifests itself as me doing bad approaches so I could blame the rejection on that instead of actually putting my true self on the line).   This time, I locked eye contact with her as I said, "Hey Polish."  I did feel calm and centered and rather that use of my usual openers, I went with one I've seen Tyler use but haven't used much (and I don't recall ever using this line successfully).  I just said, "So, who are you?"  

I remember that she smiled and told me her name.  I think she might have asked me my name.  It was one of the best reactions I had tonight.  It's amazing how sometimes it is the hottest girls that give me the best reactions and approach anxiety often makes us all avoid these sets we find really attractive.   The girl that told me "Fuck you" wasn't even really my type and here I had a girl totally my type liking me.  Of course, I also accept that I opened with different levels of confidence and that's a big part of why I got certain reactions.  I want to reinforce the thought that I can get great reactions from those women I find super attractive and I need to make myself approach them as much as I can.  

I remember transitioning to asking how her night was going.   She said she was having a bad night.  I actually liked that response because I honestly felt like I could improve her night and I wanted to believe it meant she was more likely to be agreeable to a possible pull if I could do thing right.  Unfortunately, her phone rang right after this.  She answered it pissed off saying, "What?"  I bet it was some guy, probably a boyfriend bothering her.  I wasn't just going to stand there, so I made my usual wisecrack, "Hey, tell him he screwed up!  Tell him you found another guy... me."  

I ended up leaving because I didn't see how I was going to make this set happen and we had to start heading to the airport.  Seagull and I figured later that I could tried to initiate some light kino to see if she was comfortable with that while she was on the phone to test if I should persist through this phone call.  

In any case, it was a good way to end the night. I found that perfect approach and hopefully I can make more approaches in this manner in the future.

Guys pumping their state off me:
I just wanted to close by reflecting on this other incident that pushed me to do a proper opening.  These three guys were standing on the sidewalk.  Seagull opened a girl and got quick rejected.  These guys laughed at him.  Guys not approaching like to do that to pump their state and stroke their egos.  They like talking shit about us guys taking action to make themselves feel better about not doing anything.  The had seen that I was with him and one of they quipped, "Heh, look at his friend [it sounded like he was suggesting that it was funny enough to see Seagull, but I was an example of someone more pathetic trying to game girls]."  

I heard that and I told myself, "Okay you fucking guys.  Laugh it up.  You wanna pump your ego by laughing about how you think you're better than me?  Fuck you!  Watch as this chump do a solid open.  How are you gonna feel now that some loser you laughed at opens hot girls while you stand around unable to do shit?!"   

Right next to them was this cute tall girl that I found attracted.  As I approached her, I felt my state pump.  Now some of what I typed might not be the best way to frame things, but that type of stuff has always poked my ego in a way that leads me to take action in a positive way.   I opened her more confident that I had been in most of my openers this evening, and of course, she reacted positively to it.  

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Sharing a girl with my wing: "You know I came in her mouth?"

This past Las Vegas trip really opened my mind to what is possible there.  I had always believed that girls free themselves from society's shaming there and that girls really do want sex as much as us guys do, this trip finally made me experience up close how true all these things really are.  It also has broken me out of an inner game rut that I've been in for awhile, and which I've written about happening the past few times I went out (including when I kissed that 21 year old two Saturdays ago).
Spur of the moment trip:
I liked talking about how I literally booked my Vegas flight less than 5 hours before take off.  Seagull had learned that he suddenly had the week off.  We talked about taking a trip but it looked like nothing was going to happen.  Suddenly, early Monday morning, a bunch of flights opened up.  The hotels were cheap for us so we decided around 3pm last Monday to go to Vegas.

Seagull pulled a girl each night that we were there together:
Just seeing this in person opened my mind to what is possible.  It's one thing to hear about others doing it or hearing stories from Nintendo or others.   Those people started at a higher level than Seagull and I did.  Seeing Seagull do this made me realize that I'm not that far from this level and it's just been my inner game issues holding me back.  I know how bad Seagull's game was when he started because I was going out with him back then.  To see him pull girls each night we were there was simply amazing.

The girl we shared:
This is a wild Las Vegas story that I don't really like to tell to people in my life other than close friends or wings.  A lot of these stories probably sound unbelievable to people who know me casually and haven't seen me out gaming.  For example, I texted one of my poker buddies about how Seagull pulled a new girl each night we were there, and his response was "how much did he pay?"  That was because to most guys who aren't good at game, it would seem like fantasy to be able to do this.  This story is similarly fantastic.

As I think back that night, I remember being in my hotel room with this girl.  Prior to this, I really thought there was a good chance I wasn't going to get any results this trip and in my mind, that would have been a waste of this trip.  The whole point of going on this trip with Seagull was to really game Vegas as we had always dreamed about doing.  I didn't want to play cards, which was an option, or just run half ass game for no results like I have been doing the past few weeks.  Suddenly, here I was with a decent looking newly minted 21 year old (she had said she turned 21 in December) in my bed.  I was fingering her and she was moaning in enjoyment when suddenly Seagull opened the door.

Now, the title of this story makes it seem like suddenly with did a 3 way, but alas this story isn't some crazy MMF porno story.  His part in this story would come a little later.  Once I realized he had opened the door, I just said, "Can you please come back later?"  I had neglected to text him that I was pulling to the room and this was the result.  It didn't really matter and Seagull commented to me later that seeing this girls titties when he opened the door was motivating.

I have a problem:
I guess another reason not to tell this story to people is that it's embarrassing on my part but I don't really care that much.  I told Seagull at one point,  "I keep thinking about how the Mikey character in 'Swingers' said, 'I didn't even want it [the scotch on the waitress' tray], I just wanted to order it."
What it meant for me here was that I just wanted to get the validation of being to get the girl to the room and I didn't even care that I actually did get to fuck her.

I really was just happy fingering her on my bed.  She wanted to fuck though, and I tried putting the condom on.  I put it in for literally like one second and then I couldn't keep it up.  I think it was a variety of factors.  First, I did drink too much.  I'm not sure if that's the issue.  The previous night,  I had drunk more and when I didn't pull I was able to get hard and beat off and I also did that the next night.  I'm sure it would have been easier had I been sober though (but it my self conscious state I had been in, I might not have had the confidence to make this happen).  The second issue is the condom and possibly a lack of lube issue.  Obviously, it's so much easier to have sex with no condom but I wasn't about to do that here despite my willingness last October to do so.  The third issue is some psychological issue.  Despite my desire for same night lays, maybe I do have an easier time if I actually connect with a girl and spend some time with her.  Another issue in my head is that I think I want to get the girl off more than I'm concerned about getting myself off and I don't relax enough . Even when I don't have wood problems, I often have a hard time finishing with girls I just met or when I'm having sex with a partner for the first time.

She got pissed because she didn't get the validation she sought:
The second time I couldn't get it up, she started to get dressed.  When I tried to touch her, she told me "Don't touch me, I'm turned off now."  You'd think that I would have been hurt by what happened but I really wasn't that upset.  I only regret that I wasn't able to give her a better time.  Strangely, I wasn't that hard on myself for what happened.  She asked me again in the elevator what the problem was and I told her that it was the condom.  She scoffed, "Safe sex make it hard for you?" or something to that extend.  I knew that she just was upset that the situation took away any validation she was getting from this as she felt inside that it was because I wasn't that attracted to her.

She wasn't that bad.  She was 5'9" and Seagull said she had a pretty face.  She turned around at one point in my room and was telling me she wanted me to fuck her from behind.  Now, I've been with girls way larger than her.  Her ass was small enough that  I wasn't turned off looking at her ass in that position.  I would have enjoyed having intercourse with her but it just wasn't possible that night.

Do you want to get laid?
The story doesn't end here. Seagull text me that I should come back out.  I decided I might as well as there was a small chance I could pull again.  I felt good having gotten this girl to my room and all my neediness I might have felt was gone now.  I went to CVS to get my Diet Arizona Iced Teas.  As Seagull and I were walking out, I suddenly saw her walking by.  I turned to Seagull and said, "Shit, I don't want her to see me."

Then, I told him, "You want to get laid? You should go open her.  She'll hook up with you.  She wanted dick and unfortunately, she couldn't get what she wanted from me."

It was obvious why she was still out.  Seagull was hesitant at first, but then he went along with it.  I wanted him to do it because it would make a cool story for this to play out.

He text me in a few minutes that he was pulling.  During that time, I had opened up some Latina girl who turned out to be a hooker.  She tried to get me to hire her but of course there was no way I was paying for sex.  I don't do that now because I feel worse because it makes me feel like I'm taking the easy way out, and I definitely wasn't going to do it when I just pulled a girl to my room.

Seagull told me later that they couldn't use her room because her friend and her mom were there (I had heard about the friend when I was with her).  He said he was bringing her back to our room.  I cautioned that she might recognize the room.  I suggested he take the back elevator to the room.   He did that and later he said that when they got there he told her, "Wait here a minute, the rooms a mess."  He then rearranged our luggage and made my bed so the room looked different.

He bang her once.  She wanted him to go again but like his previous night pull, he said he wasn't that into the girl, so he just let her leave.

"I came in her mouth" and other amusing bits:
I kept getting a good laugh out of our having shared this girl for the next day.  First, it was cool to be able to compare notes about what the girl said or how she wanted things.  The other thing was I enjoyed messing with Seagull.  I remember saying, "Hey, you made out with her right?"  He replied that of course he did, and I joked, "You know that she gave me a blow job and I came in her mouth, right?"

He got a bit disgusted and asked, "Are you serious or not?  I know she didn't brush her teeth in  between us."

I told him I was just joking, but I brought it up several more times in the next 24 hours.

The other thing that amuses me now is that as weird or crazy as this whole thing is, I know that I improved the girl's night by sending Seagull to hook up with her.  I felt bad that she wasn't satisfied \with me.  Again, I don't feel bad in that I feel inadequate as I know if the girl was hotter or if she had been more hands on with stroking me or blowing me, I probably could have gotten hard.  I felt bad in that Seagull said she was upset when he opened her.  Again, it really did hurt her that she felt she was the reason I couldn't get hard (which unfortunately was partially the truth).  By opening her, at least she got some proper dick.

Quick field report:
As I was about to post this, I guess I never explained how I got her up to my room.  This is another quick Vegas pull like that hottie I pulled back in October, but even quicker.  It's just another example of how girls buy into the Vegas commercial motto "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."  The girls really do let themselves be carefree and are way more opening into hooking up here that anywhere else.  Sure, you can get quick pulls at home: sometimes the girl is just ovulating, and/or she just broke up with her boyfriend and wants to hook up.  In Vegas, this attitude is way more prevalent to the point I might always be willing to say it's more the norm than not.

I was having a shitty trip, suffering from not being sure about myself and thinking about how badly I had regressed from my peak level of game in October, when I pulled that hot tall girl in front of Omnia.  Seagull had opened this two set in front of the Paris hotel, and I saw this brunette with a large nose piercing walking towards me.  I stopped her and immediately I could tell she was super high buying temperature.

I just remember telling her about the $1 drinks at Casino Royale.  I kept using this same spiel about how it's a remnant of the old school Vegas casino and not the new mega resort atmosphere.  I told her we were going there to get some beers.

As we were walking, her tit was popping out of her dress.  At one point, some girl told her, "Hey, your tit is hanging out."  She just smiled at this.  I had my arm around her and she would move my hand so it was on her breast.  Later, when I had my arm around her waist, she'd move my hand so it was on her ass.

We walked through Flamingo and I remember stopping by a palm tree in the Margaritaville part of the casino.  I wanted to keep her buying temperature up so I made out with her.  I also wanted to have a memory at that location future trips.  I made out with her and grabbed her ass and even touch her pussy (no resistance).  Obviously, I knew I was going to be able to get her to my room at this point.

Should I save $10?:
After the Flamingo make out, I knew I just needed to get her to my room.  She said she wanted to bring some drinks up to the room when I mentioned the room.  I knew there was a liquor store in the Linq, but I knew it was more expensive to buy it there than to go to the Walgreen's by Casino Royale.  When we were inside the Linq, I debated in my head and finally I decided, "Okay, I just gotta spend the money here.  I'm almost certainly going to get her to my room and hook up and it would be dumb to waste 15-20 minutes walking to Walgreens and possibly screwing this up.  She could lose buying temperature in the walk there, or her feet could hurt, or she could run into a friend."

I bought a bottle of Absolut Vodka for $35 and we went up to the room.  I gave my usual comfort lines even though I knew she was totally down for hooking up.  I said that just because we were going up to my room doesn't mean that anything has to happen.  I said I just want her to be comfortable and I'm cool if nothing happens.  These aren't even lines because I actually believe this when I say it and it actually does make girls more comfortable when I say this (which of course makes them more likely to want to hook up).

She had just wanted the drink as a reason to go up to the room.  She had less than a shot of the vodka before we were making out on the bed and I was helping her out of the dress.

It's funny that as I type this, I'm getting hard thinking about it.  I now wish I could have fucked her for real instead of just fingering her and being inside for 1 second, but I'm now confident that my next pull won't be that far in the future.  

Path to Thriving: Being social in general

I had a good Vegas trip last week that I will blog about soon.  The trip has inspired me to get my game to the next level.  As part of that journey, I've been watching some youtube videos, mostly from RSD.  I can't find the particular video now but it was obvious that I was fitting his definition of coping in my life versus thriving.  I can remember him saying that someone that is thriving aims to bring positive emotions to an interaction, creates value, and the third thing was basically calibrating to the situation.

The lesson I learned is one that I said I was going to focus on last summer after having the horrible AMOG set in Atlantic City last year, and something that I've said I've wanted to work on for years.  This old PUA I met years ago named "Dahunter" had posted he made a New Years goal for himself one year to talk to anyone within arms length to him.

The point is that I said I should be working on joking around or at least being social with everyone I interact with in general.  This way, I'm focused on talking to everyone and practicing being social instead of just being antisocial all week and then trying to transform myself into pick up mode for when I go out.  Besides being practice, it also makes it easier to just open a hot girl when I'm out since it would just be normal to me to talk to people around me in general.

Part of what's held me back is that I like to stream a lot of things on my phone.  I enjoying listening to the pundits on the news channels.  I mean, I really enjoy it as I'd listen to the same points on five different shows sometimes.  This past week, I've said that while I should listen to it sometimes, I don't have to listen to multiple shows every day.  Rather than sacrificing being social for listening to the shows, I should make a point to interact with people.

I still think I should make the goal to be to do this more often than not.  There are going to be times when I'm tired and don't feel like doing it or just that it's not convenient when I get up to the clerk or something.  Rather than want to give up because I made an impossible standard of doing it all the time, I'll just say that I should make it the norm that I do this.

I had practice today.  I got to the poker room early and I hadn't been there in a few weeks.  I decided to talk to some of the players.  I've always done that, but this time I forced myself to talk to one of the female dealers.  I'm not that attracted to her, but I knew it was good practice for when I actually wanted to talk to the one dealer to whom I'm attracted.  This interaction made me realize how it is just more fun to socialize in general.  I enjoyed talking to this dealer more than I would have enjoyed listening to my pundit show, and it is good practice for the future.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Kissed a 21 year old but I'm too hard on myself

Those inner voices can really mess with my head and self worth at times.  It's only after hitting the gym and reflecting on the night that I feel better about my evening.  I also attribute the sunrise with rejuvenating me.  While others feel crappy when they stayed up all night, I'm used this this schedule and even as I kid I enjoyed staying up all night.  Seeing the sunrise and having been up makes me feel like I've living my own life as I don't have to get up at this time instead like I would with a normal job and lifestyle.

It's great to be in a better place because I had some lows this evening.  I think it's mostly frustration with how much progress I've lost and how I let myself regress like this.  It's always the same challenge for me.  I get one or two things going great in my life and other aspects that are important to me atrophy.  In this case, I was on a high when I made my last post here in terms of pickup, and I basically didn't do anything in that area since.  I had a few decent moments but no lays and not much going out until a few weeks ago.  I also let my fitness slide but fortunately I've been making some gains in that the last two weeks.

I bring up fitness because being terrible in pickup (compared to where I was or feel I should be)  is similar to how I can't run my easy 10-12 mile runs anymore and I'm lucky that I forced a super slow 5 mile run today.  (I was having hard time with 3 miles just a few weeks ago).  I can't just make the sets click as easily and I don't feel the same confidence that I did just 8-9 months ago.

I do realize that I'm really being hard on myself.  I screwed up and let myself just be content with being alone but I've gained back a lot of what I've lost in just 4 times going out with Seagull.  The first night was terrible and I barely opened.  I opened a bit today but there were far too many times that I made excuses.

I had a good set today but rather than give myself any credit, I attributed it all to Seagull.  He did open this two set on the street in Wrigley.  These girls were super high buying temperature.  Seagull was making out with her literally within a minute or two.  He joked that my girl and I should do the same and her friend pushed for it.  I felt weird for two reasons: I have to admit I didn't feel like I deserved it, and I usually do like there to be some built up attraction before it happens.

We moved them to a venue across the street.  I felt like Seagull did the heavy lifting on that one.  I danced with the girl and then she said she had to pee.  I'm used to that being a bust out line but in this case she did seem to be having fun with me so I should have just lead her to the bathroom.  Instead I lead her to the friend, who was dancing with Seagull, and they left to the women's room.

Seagull proceeded to open up another set.  I tried to wing to no avail.  A three set opened him shortly after that.  He was on tonight in many ways, but he probably similarly was hard on himself because he didn't end up hooking up with a girl tonight.  Of course we're being way to hard on ourselves.  To go back the analogy above, I'm doing the equivalent of brow beating myself for not being able to run a marathon today even though I should be happy I'm at least back to 5 miles now.  His success lead me to a short state crash because I busted out several times in that same venue.

After he left a set downstairs, we saw our makeout girls from earlier at the bar.  Thinking back, I should give myself credit for pushing us to go open the set again.  I wasn't sure if mine still liked me, but I knew his girl was into him so I had him open them again.

We talked at the bar and then Seagull decided to venue change the girls.

Needy boyfriend Face time:
We got cockblocked by the needy boyfriend texting and calling her.  She's from out of town and she never told him that she came to Chicago for a visit.  He wanted to face time her and they had to go do that.  It was just bad timing.  If we had this set after that bullshit, we'd probably been on a glide path to a lay .

This whole thing is funny.  Some guys hate this situation.  As an AFC, I might have argued that hooking up with this girl might have been unethical, but the pickup community turned me completely around on this.  I don't have a problem with it.  I know girls often cheat on their boyfriend and I don't really care.  I didn't want her this guy she's been with for three years, I just wanna have some fun with her while she's on this trip.  Seagull told me later that the friend giggled about this girl getting some "birthday dick".  Lol.

Seagull's girl pushed him to take her number and then they had to rush off to do this Face time meeting.  I told Seagull he should work that but he wasn't too into making it happen.  Honestly, it's also a weak spot for us.  I've heard how some guys can text like that and make a meet up happen later that night.  One of my old wings was good at that stuff.

I wasn't confident enough for Round 3:
A little bit later, I saw the girls walk by.  I pointed them out to Seagull and he joked that two guys were following right behind them instead of leading them like we did.  Seagull did it more, but I was at least walking around outside holding my girls hand.

While at the gym, I realized the move was to open them again.  Now that the boyfriend was placated, the girls would have been free to celebrate my target's birthday.

21 year old girl:
As I'm typing this, I smile about this point of information.  As I mentioned, it was my target's birthday and she just turned 21.  It's pretty cool that I'm old enough to be her father and I still kissed her and had a chance to hook up with her if I had a bit more confidence and my skills weren't still in the rebuilding stage.

I said I've been hard on myself tonight, and I feel even better now as I finish this post.  I really did feel low though because I know I can do better than tonight.  I also am angry that I've allowed myself to be lonely for so long.  I shouldn't let it be acceptable to get laid on such an infrequent basis and I'm not getting any younger.

5 years flew by:
I've been fucking around for years instead of getting this part of my life handled.  I can't believe it's been 5 years since I met Nintendo that one summer.  That was a crazy year when I went out nonstop and I can't believe how I let my game get so weak.

Anyway, I think I'm determined now to make it right.  I'm fortunate that Seagull can go out most of the upcoming weeks this summer which I didn't think would happen again.

I need to push on and I need to also work on that challenge of being more friendly and talkative in my everyday life.  Again, I'm suffering from being introverted most of the week and then having to bring out my fun, outgoing self on the weekends when it would be way easier just to maintain it through the week so I don't need to be that much more outgoing.  My Asian PUA friend and Seagull can go out once or twice a week and be mostly on, but I can't so I need to make things easier on myself by forcing interactions during the week.