Sunday, July 21, 2013

Make that moment seem special, and kino too (Ozzie help me)

With all the good things happening, I'm forced to face the frustration that my kino is terrible.  I'm not surprised I'm having a problem with kino and escalation as this was my big sticking point for such a long time.  I loss so many girls because I wouldn't touch them or wouldn't kiss them.  With the break and all the other issues, this skill eroded and I have to feel the pain that I knew too well in the past.

"It's so fucking on" as Trent from "Swingers" would say.  

The girl is gazing into my eyes and either loving what I'm saying or, ideally, we've created some deep rapport from our conversation, meaning she's actually said some interesting things to pique my interest in a way most girls in the club just wouldn't be cable of doing.  

She's giving me that look that means I could probably kiss her, except that I'm standing or sitting a few feet away from her.  It feels so awkward to close that gap.  It feels like I have to cross the Grand Canyon on a tightrope like that daredevil guy that was on the Discovery Channel, so I remain paralyzed and just keep talking.

In just minutes, or maybe seconds, that moment is gone, almost always forever.  Tyler has described an interested girl's look as the girl having anime eyes.  Those wide, full moon sized pupils now shrink way so quickly, as if I had reversed course at maximum warp speed.  She usually finds a sudden urge to go deal with the bathroom attendant, or to find her flock of friends that she was just earlier more than willing to let walk away and leave her isolated with me, or she just suddenly decides to verbalize how it was so nice to meet me and turns away.

Oh does it pain me to write the last paragraph as I suddenly seem to recall so many moments of loss that happened this week.  Thinking of each creates a little pain, but writing this post creates a bit of a cumulative pain.  I can remember too well those hot girls that I might have hooked up with or just the amazing conversations that could have continued.  Conversations that could have lead me into even deeper rapport or maybe could have turned to sweet pillow talk on pink sheets in some strange bedroom.

Writing that just made me remember how much I enjoy that experience of winding up in a girl's bedroom that I just met earlier that night.  Wow has it been a long time since I've done that.  Yeah, way too long, as my last pull was to Nintendo's place.

Ozzie to the rescue?:

I'm thinking that rather than sleep, I have to watch Ozzie from "Transformations."  That was a key part of breaking the kino barrier two years ago so I might as well start there.  I will also spend the next week just working on kino and escalation.

Before even watching it, I have several thoughts on what I can easily incorporate into many of the situations I've found myself in lately, and that I know will happen again very soon.  First, I just go back to basics like I'm a newbie.  The very first thing I started doing back into the day was to touch the girls arm, shoulder or hand when she mentions something that catches my interest.  I can even just put my arm around her.

To my slight credit, I actually did this last night in a set.  I just dropped my arm right away like a dumb ass.  I suppose this is like how I was ejecting out of all my sets for quite awhile after returning.  I still have to force myself to plow some sets, but I've been getting good at knowing when I should leave now.  Similarly, and I remember this is one of Ozzie's claw ideas, I just have to put my arm around her and just leave it there.   He would say that yes, it can get awkward, but you just leave it there.  Eventually you learn calibration, but I'm not going to learn anything if I take my arm off her one second after I put it there. 

"You're making me feel funny," -Ozzie

I remember in "Transformations" that Ozzie said he would say stuff like that to the girl.  Another one was something like, "I've never felt like this before." 

As I thought about this in the car, I realized that while I have become comfortable with talking normally to hot girls at times, I've become too comfortable in general with girls gazing into my eyes or saying stuff that I find interesting.  When I was a newbie, it would be so rare to actually last long enough in a set to develop some sort of connection with a girl that it was a big deal.  My heart would beat faster as we gazed into each others eyes.  I'd get horny almost every time.

Now, I'm often just blase about the whole thing.  Let me explain.  On the one hand, I really do appreciate that it took me such a long journey to get to this point, and there were so many times that I never thought I'd had the perseverance to even get to this point of competence in the game.  I genuinely enjoy when girls give me the doggy dinner bowl look, but I just don't get that excited in the way I did in the past.  The exception is when it's a really hot girl.  Mainly, I just think, "Oh cool, this girl really like me at this point."

That's the same thing that happens when girls tell me stuff that I used to get excited about.  I used to love when girls tell me about some of the cool places they've visited or tell me they love cats or whatever.  This is where I think I've become messed up in a way.  I've talked to so many girls that tell me about going to so many of the same places that a girl has to tell me she's been to somewhere cool that I either haven't been to or a place I've been too that I'm really found of to excite me. 

"Run the Train" -Ozzie
That's something I remember from "Transformations" also.  Jeffy  calls it running the program.  Okay, so I used to feel compelled to touch the girls because I genuinely got excited about certain aspects of the interaction.  Now, I don't unless it really is something extraordinary, or if the girl is really hot.  I can't control the prior.  As for the later, I try to open the hottest girls I can and I'm going to tell Seagull we gotta hit River North at least once a week to work on that.

For the rest of the girls that give me something interesting, but that doesn't give me the same thrill that it used to, I just:

Make that moment seem special

It is a special moment even if I've become accustomed too it.  Heck, it took me like 8 years to be able to get myself to the point where I can now make this happen several times a night.  For the girl, it's something special as well, and this returns me a bit to the inner game lessons that I feel I've finally been internalizing.  I wrote not too long ago that 2j and I often forget to give ourselves credit.  Since we have several really cool guys we go out with a times, we forget how lame most guys are that are hitting on the girls.  Not as much this past week, but far too often, I think about how I wish I had those awesome qualities I see in the other guys, and think too much about what I'm lacking instead of my strengths.

Now, this girl was just sitting there bored, or having some lame conversation with her friends.  I'm not just re-framing this either.  Sure, some girls are having a blast.  Seagull and I have been trying to open those high energy girls more because they often are more fun.  Anyone reading this should go out and listen to some of the conversations these girls, or people in general have while out.  They are so boring, and I guess that's why so many people have sour faces when they are out.  

Suddenly," a fun, outgoing party guy" (to use the quote from "Swingers") comes and starts talking to her.  She starts to feel really excited because it's so rare for her to meet an amazing guy.  Girls can meet so many guys and can fuck every night, but they have such a hard time meeting quality guys, so this is a rare thing for many of them.

As Ozzie says, I just have to acknowledge that moment.  I can just gaze into her eyes, pause for a second and then say something to verbally solidify that moment.  Now, ideally, I've already been kinoing her and/or I have my arm around her.  I can just kiss her at this moment.  When I'm being dumb, or if I happen to have that space there for whatever reason, I can just say something like, "Wow, you're making me feel funny."

I think I'd actually rather say something like, "Now look at this.  I'm just out here dancing and having a good time, and wow... I didn't expect this."  As I'd say that, I can just hold eye contact and move closer to her, or grasp her hands or put my arms onto her hips and pull her in.  It's that simple.

Just lately, I'd let the moment pass.  Again, I'd recognize that the girl liked me, but usually I hadn't close the distance due to little or no kino.  Also, while it might feel special to the girl, I got too nonreactive to it because it doesn't seem so special when you get multiple girls wanting you a night.  I need to remember how it is special for that to happen because or the long, painful journey I had to take.  Barring that, I just need to fake verbalize it at worst.

I feel bad writing that last sentence, but if I do that and actually kino the girl and kiss the girl, then I know I really will start to feel excited about the interaction and I'll just naturally do things better with the girl and feel a genuine connection and attraction. 

Seagull's Persistance & The week of sarging in review

I'm summarizing Tues-Thursday in a few paragraphs.  I'd probably have written full posts if I had time then to write about each night.

Prodigy and I got so drunk.  My main lesson was that I don't want to drink for awhile.  I spent too much money, even though it was only $2 pitchers as I lost self control and order another half priced pizza with Seagull.  That was the second downside, I blew up my diet after eating some lamb curry and then a whole loaf of bread from the store, and then 1000 calories in sardines and rice when I got home.  (I can't blame that entirely on drinking as today I just binged.  I think my body fat has gotten too low again, and not being able to run because my foot needs to heal is a big problem.  If I exercise a lot, I can eat more calories.  It's a double whammy if I can't run because I don't get those extra calories, and I don't get the endorphins from it and I try to compensate by binge eating on junk.)

Anyway, Seagull and I ran this 2-set of Irish girls.  My target kept dancing with me and staying with me, but Seagull's target kept wandering off.  He wanted to keep trying and the 3-4 times that I persisted with him, my girl was receptive.  Finally, we lost the girls. 

This is when I got drunk and started to open.  Andydufresne and Nintendo showed up so I talked to them and opened a bunch of other sets on my own as well.  Later, I saw Seagull making out with that girl.  Sadly, my target was making out with a guy so I didn't go on. 

I beat myself up over that missed opportunity all night.  Later, I learned Seagull pulled the set out of the bar, but that idiot making out with my girl didn't go with when Seagull pulled the girls.  Apparently, Seagull said to him "Hey, we're leaving" and the guy didn't try to come with.  I don't feel so bad because my target was so drunk later that I wouldn't have been able to hook up with her anyway.  Seagull said she threw up as they left. 

The lesson that will stick with me is that you really do have to keep going back into sets and keep trying.  I'm more persistent lately because my inner game is better, but Seagull's example will help me as well.  I guess this is evidenced by how we tried multiple times with that same sets Saturday night.

I remember opening this tall blonde with somewhat of a dance floor opener combined with verbals.  She liked me, which surprised me, but I think that sparked a confidence that allowed me to open many hotter girls later in the week.  Sadly, though I saw the value of persistence just that night before, I didn't try to go back into this set.   What happened was the average looking friend pulled my target away and I never went back in as it was a giant set of 2 guys and 5 girls.  I should have gone back in though.

I got a late start in Lincoln Park with Prodigy and Seagull.  I was proud of myself when I opened this hot blonde that didn't belong in this dumpy place that I always stop at to take a piss at.  Seagull has had several good sets in there lately.  I actually had a set there with Seagull that went well a week or two ago.  This girl was into me, but I again hadn't kinoed enough and I also has a miscalibration.  She wanted to meet up with me but wouldn't give me her number I think because I didn't express a clear interest or give her a genuine IOI.  I talked about hanging out, but she was a little older and seemed like the type that was looking to date to try to find a mate. 

Anyway, I busted out shortly after with this blonde, but I surprised myself in how I opened after only about a minute of working myself up to it.  Also, what surprised me at the time was how it was far easier that I would have expected.  This was just another reference point that the interactions with the hotter girls really are often a lot easier.  You can also get instant blowouts, but that's usually when you come in with shitty confidence or game.  I was amazed how I just opened and I wasn't really nervous, and yeah I busted out, but she danced with me a bit and we held eye contact for a bit. 

I think the two most important lessons where that I proved to myself that I could do it, and it wasn't what we all hype it up to be in our heads.  I just like opening any other set at worst, and seems odd, but it's often much smoother an interaction than what you get with average girls, and way better than with ugly girls (ugly or fat girls often give you the most brutal blow outs). 

I had this cool interaction with this amazing Indian girl who was super cute.  She was quality too: she has a good internship and will have a good job.  She runs marathons, is fit, super cute (had to mention it again), and loves seafood.  It was so easy to talk to her.  I ended up number closing her but she admitted she had a boyfriend. 

My memory of Friday was just nonstop hitting it up.  From the beginning, I was opening sets and that included doing a dance floor opener early in the night.  It was right by the bar where a lot of people could see and where no one but these two girls were dancing. 

I also remember not really having to fight state crashed like I had to do Saturday.  I just kept wanting to keep opening more sets and going back into a few sets.  I got this other number from this Polish girl that I need to text today. 

The other set is the one I need to write about still. 

A little tease of what's possible with hot girls, and girls being intimdated by me, the guy who doubted himself.

I wrote in my last post that gave my best effort this past week.  I've gotten so many positive reference points this week.  There were times when I was just stunned that I could have doubted myself for this long.  As I think I wrote two weeks ago, I haven't even been close to this level of being centered since back around Christmas. 

I'm at a new level compared to Christmas though.  I really am in awe when I think back on some of good interactions I've had this past week.  I'm thinking to myself, "Wow, I can't believe how hot some of these girls are that have been giving me good reactions."  I've gotten a little tease of what can be possible.

I'm going to write later about how for a short period, my interaction with this really hot, tall brunette was just perfect.  I was kinoing her and she was touching me back.  I was teasing her verbally in a way that was creating even more attraction (and every now that is usually a weak spot in my game).  I was physically dominate with her in a way that really pumped her state.

Besides that, I was just calm and collected with so many of the sets I was in this week.  I can't believe how comfortable I was approaching, holding eye contact, and just interacting with hot girls that I often could barely open in the past.  These are girls that my solid wings would admit they often would be intimidated to even open (save for Seagull, who opened a few of these sets, and Crazyfoot). These are girls that would be considered some of the hottest ones we'd see on any given night.

Every night, there have been several girls just gazing into me eyes with desire.  Often, these have been girls I desired, and not some chubby girl that I didn't really want (which is what I'd usually get in the past).

I swear as  I write this, part of me is still struggling to accept that I could have come this far from where I started so long ago, and from the depths that my game recently fell to due to shitty inner game. 

Girls have been intimidated by me.  That's something that I feel so weird writing.  There was this set at the end of the night Saturday that I realized kept giving me a hard time because she didn't feel qualified to be with a guy like me.  I feel weird writing because that's something that sounds so cocky, but I don't mean to talk about it in that way. 

I think back to where I started and where I was recently when I was full of self doubt.  That's where the girls are on pedestals.  That's where I think I'm not worthy of the good looking girls.  That's where I think I need to DHV myself so she'll think I'm worthy. 

Imagine going from that mind set, and suddenly you find yourself, and all this seemingly crazy stuff of this past week happens to you. 

I'm thinking, "Wow, that guy that even for a brief moment this past night, stood there playing with his phone, afraid to open.  That guy that doubted and hesitated so many times is now the guy that girls desire.  Multiple girls are gazing into my eyes."

On Friday, there was this HB7 that I started talking to me that shoved me into her two hotter friends telling me, "These two are looking for a boyfriend." 

That seems crazy to me. 

Now, if I keep going out and keep doing what I've been doing, I know this stuff is going to keep happening.  The question is how do I take things further.  I want to be making out with these smoking hot girls.  I want to pull one of them.  

I have to work on creating that feeling that something special is going on, and I have to kino more.  I'll hit the gym and then write that post. 

I put it all on the line, I played my heart out

I'm sure I've posteda clip before from "We Are Marshall."  It's an inspirational speech talking about that cliched sports ideal.  You play your heart out in a game.  You give your best effort possible for the entire game and it doesn't matter whether you win or lose.  I think it's the best attitude to have when your out sarging.  I know what bothers me most is when I stand around not doing anything or don't do certain approaches out of fear.  I do feel the best when I tried my hardest, regardless of the results.

This is how you should feel.  I swear that ever since that night out with the Coach, I truly feel this way.  Again, I'm realistic.  I don't expect that I'll approach 100% of the sets, or go back into a set for another effort every time that I should.  This is still true, especially on the dance floor.  I'd say I opened 90-95% of sets I wanted to open tonight and most of this week.  The exceptions were on Thursday and Saturday when I got to the bar early and stood around waiting for wings while I proceeded to open zero sets.  That bothers me, but I never let it affect my night and forced myself to do better when they eventually got there.

On the dance floor, I'd say I maybe opened 70% of the sets I could have.  Well, maybe less if you factored in every set out there.  On a night like tonight, the dance floor was so packed that I felt like a pinball and it would have been hard to really open certain sets properly.

In any case, these percentages far exceed anything I've been doing since back around Christmas.   As for the dance floor, I can say that never in my life have I been able to force myself to make this many attempts to do dance floor game.  I've had some better successes in the past off some rare dance floor openings that I made that lead to some adventures, but I've never had the confidence to do dance floor this much. 

Later, I'll write about this great interaction I had with this tall, model thin brunette on Friday.  The reference experience from that is going to be so valuable.  It gave me a glimpse of what I'm capable of doing with the tall, hot girls that I desire so much.  

This whole week, I've been taking so much action and tonight Seagull and I pushed even harder.  We both did the dance floor opening attempts.  We pushed all the way to the very end, including going to McDonalds to open a seated set when we ran out of sets in the street and at the bars.  During closing time, when we knew we could get in another venue except the after hours, we kept trying multiple times with the sets that were there.

I came to realize that as long as I keep pushing myself to this effort when I'm out, good things are going to happen, as I've said before.

I have the heart and effort.  To go back to football, I'd say the confidence has been there.  If I were a quarterback, I'd say I was trying to drive down field on every down I had available.  I played to the best of my ability at that time.  I write "at that time" because I know there were moments where I have the skills or talent to have done better in a particular set but couldn't get myself to access that part of me.  Still, I didn't spot trying until I couldn't try anymore.

Now that my inner game and drive are at a solid level, I need to focus on some weak spots and home in my game strategies and skills a little better.  Effort is a huge part of what it takes to succeed in pickup, but now I have to refine my skills.  

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Jumping right into the dance floor and the girl torn between her desire for me and loyalty to her boyfriend

Saturday, I knew I had to go out again if I wanted to build on my PUA self that I discovered again on Friday.  I got to Lincoln Park a bit before Prodigy got there.  I had to take a piss so I went into the bar, and I was hoping that I'd open solo even though I simultaneously feared I wouldn't open.  After going to the rest room, I then proceeded to procrastinate doing anything by playing with my phone.  On certain nights, I've done this and then just started to feel bad about myself because I wasn't taking action.  Tonight, I decided to have a different attitude.  Yeah, I was stalling and I wish I didn't have these moments, but I decided not to beat myself up.  I decided to trust that I would eventually do something because I know that even on nights where I had physically had no energy or just got destroyed, I often was still able to push myself to do something.  How then could I let a few minutes of stalling mean that I was going to have a bad night. 

Prodigy arrived a few minutes later and then we walked into a different venue.  I knew that I would have to take action or I wouldn't build on the lessons of the previous night.  I think I opened some girls and experienced some harsh rejections.  I then worked to the dance floor and I didn't want to make the dance floor openings.  I just decided to force myself to do it.  I knew that the first one was always the hardest.  I think I did a half committed attempt that got blown off.  Then, I went to this bachelorette 5 or 6 set and started dancing in between two of the girls.  I remember twirling a blonde around and then ended up with this shorter brunette.  She seemed really into me so I kept dancing with her. 

The bartender came to tell her to put her shoes back on.  I guess her feet were hurting her.  This gave me a bit of isolation from the group and I started dancing with her some more.  I was right up on her and soon I was pressed up against her and had my hands on her waist and ass.  We were talking and just rocking to the music.  I actually started to think I should kiss close.   The fact that I was thinking about it, I know as I'm writing this means that I should have went for it.  Those feelings I have come from calibration, but I didn't trust it at the time.  It just seemed too soon but I suppose being rusty, I forgot how quickly it can happen when I'm taking action and doing things right. 

I ended up making some tactical errors in that I needed to kiss her and move her back to the group and befriend the group.  I knew the friends were going to be cool with me just having her isolated like this early in the night.  Instead of really making the right move, I just kept talking and dancing with her until, inevitably, one of the other girls came along and dragged her away.  I probably should have went back a little bit later, but I decided to venue change instead. 

Summary of taking action thereafter:
Fast forward to shortly before I ended up calling it a night. That bachelorette set got me going.  I really started to open like crazy including several dance floor attempts.  I started to feel like my old opening machine self.  Prodigy let himself get into spectator mode.  I could tell when he was saying he was having a bad night and wanted to go home.  I told him to stop trying to compare himself to what I was doing and to just open and try to make his own progress. 

I pointed out that yeah I was having some good sets, but taking massive action also results in a massive amount of rejections as well.  I loved how I began to really become immune to caring about the rejections.  It was weird how I started to feel good about it because as it happened to me, I remembered how little it really matters as it's happening and how much better I feel about not hesitating most of the time and taking action instead. 

In theory, it shouldn't be surprising, but I remember being surprised at the time when I tried to dance with this one random girl.  She waved me off and I just smiled and shrugged and kept dancing and moved off.  Because my state didn't drop, the girl actually smiled and touched my back as I was leaving. 

"I have a boyfriend" but she wanted me and was visibly torn about staying or leaving:
The other set that stuck with me was near the end of the night.  I was in the dance floor area when I came upon this cute girl.  I don't remember exactly how I did it, but I was up on her like old times.  It was like when I used to stand on the dance floor and just stop random girls walking by.  I did things in just a confident and smooth way that she was immediately cool with it. 

I remember her telling me she had a boyfriend and I just plowed through that.  I remember starting to dance with her as she was trying to blow me off with the boyfriend comment again.  I remember putting my arm on her and then her kind of snuggling into my grip.  Soon, we were swaying into the music.  She was smiling and getting into it but then I could also see her starting to feel guilty. 

This was one of these sets where if she were single, this would totally be on.  Despite this boyfriend problem, she still didn't want to leave.  I remember saying something like, "I'm in the middle of this adventure... my
Saturday night.  I have three hours to go and I'm just wondering what amazing things can happen."  

I remember her saying the boyfriend thing and me blowing it off with stuff like, "That's perfect, I happy being single" or "If he's not here, it doesn't count" or "Look at you over analyzing things.  We're just dancing."

I said that last bit as I had her pulled into me so our bodies were pressed together. 

She said she had to look for her friends and I said, "They aren't going to leave without you.  Girls don't do that to each other." 

I'll always remember how this really was a clear example of a girl torn between her desire and her logic, her good and bad side.  Finally, the angel on her shoulder won and she said, "I'm sorry, I have to go" and she ran off. 

So close:
I kept thinking about this set all night and this morning.  Yes, it was bad luck that she wasn't single, but I still think I could have made it happen.  She was ready to run off but I was doing things right for a bit.  I think I needed to just pattern a bit more.  I thought that I could have played on that idea of desire or letting herself go, or taking control of her life.  What I mean is that I could have said stuff like this:

-I thought that I could have said, "Hey! Hey!"  "Shhh."  "Look into my eyes.  Tell me that you're not feeling this also.  If this happens to you every day or if you're not feeling anything, then you should run off.  I feel like there could be something here... something exciting.  I want to find out.  We're just having fun."

-I could have also played into that Vegas idea of doing what you really want in life.  Thinking back, I played on this a little.  I remember saying "Time is short.  The earth could be hit by a meteor."    I just think I could have expanded on that emotion.  

-I thought about her mentioning looking for her friends.  I think I could have also said, "Hey, that's perfect.  That means no one has to know.  You don't have to explain why you're dancing with me.  It's our little secret."  That's playing into the idea that I'd be discreet.  

The return of my exciting adventures:
I truly believe things are going to take off again.  When I've gotten into this zone, I've had some really fun times and, it seems crazy as it hasn't happened in such a long time, but heck, I'll probably be pulling again very soon.  I think about the adventures I had had over the past two years in my good moments.  The crazy thing is that my game is even better now that it was then.  I'll have some rust to work through when it comes to mid and late game stuff that I haven't had practice with lately, but this inner game stuff has been the major roadblock.   If I just continue to take massive action, success just has to happen. 

A natural unleashes the PUA beast from my cocoon of self doubt

Saturday night I had about the most amazing night you can have without actually pulling or making out with a girl.  I took action I'd say 90% of the time that I wanted to and I finally started not to care anymore about rejection.  In fact, after doing more dance floor openings and just opening more in general, I remembered how amusing it was to get rejected so many times in such a short period of time.  Of course, at this stage, taking more action also means that I also got some good reactions. 

To use an old cliche, I'd say that Friday and Saturday night, I finally saw the light at the end of journey.  At the gym this morning, I was thinking that it was like when I started to see the outline of my upper two abdominal muscles.  After such a long journey, I can see progress, and I can see that end game is near.  I know that if I spend most of my nights the way I did tonight, I'm going to start having crazy adventures again and I'm going to be pulling a lot.  

I haven't felt this way since I was in the middle of my good run back around Christmas.  I spent all these last 6 months of going out and not going out trying to find myself.  I wallowed in a lot of self doubt and hesitation and wondered how I used to be able to open a lot more, and open with dance floor moves. 

The Natural and Crazy foot:
I'd say that Crazyfoot is due some credit in that after his supposed 6 week lay off, he was still opening like crazy.  That Friday, I got stuck in spectator mode, but once I started taking action, of course, things got better.  I opened a little more but I've been stuck having anxiety about the dance floor.  As I've said, in the past, I've had moments where I opened and had things go well, but I'd never been consistent in my willingness to put myself out there by trying to open more on the dance floor.  

On Friday, I was out with Prodigy (this is the no name wing who was briefly called "Prince" here), 2j, and Seagull.  2j ran into this natural that he used to go out with a few years ago.  This guy was an insane dance floor version of Crazyfoot.  He just kept trying to dance with every girl he could on the dance floor and he was trying to push all of us into trying as well.  He got 2j to take some action.  Later, he tried to get me to open some chubby girl.  I had a bit of anxiety and I also didn't feel like risking the rejection for some girl I wasn't even attracted to. 

You should do it for practice:
That was the natural's response to me.  That stuck with me and about 10 minutes later, I told him, "You know, you were right.  I need the practice and I should just try to dance with any girls just for practice."  I knew in my head that I was doing the dance floor version of what 2j says he observes newbies doing in boot camps.  Newbies will complain that the girls are not hot enough, and then when you run into hot girls, they'll say that the girls are too hot for them to open. 

Prodigy, the natural, and I started dancing with these 3 black girls.  The one I danced with had huge tits but she was overweight and I wasn't really into her.  Still, I had fun dancing with her, and that set off a fire inside of me.  I realized that I could do what the natural was doing on the dance floor.  I've had many nights where I'll open regular sets nonstop and that includes random sets on the street.  I never could get myself to open a lot of dance floor sets.  Watching the natural and then dancing with these girls just made me realize that the dance floor was the same thing.   I need no longer care about getting rejected;  I just needed to take action.

I then proceeded to open up a several sets on the dance floor area there until closing.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Long Brazillian set and ensuring the club entry

I don't have the energy to make a long post about this, but the longest set of the night was this Brazillian girl I opened on the street.  I had spotted her playing with her phone but I didn't open for awhile.  Finally, I approached her and just started chatting.  The conversation was going well, and she started to give me the deep eye contact.  I tried moving in closer but I couldn't seem to get into a strong kino position.  It was late in the night, but she seemed like she was sober.  She was waiting outside for this other friend of hers to show up.  She must have been out there for almost an hour as I didn't open her for like 10 minutes, and I must have talked to her for like 20-30 minutes before the friend showed up.

I decided to number closer her as I knew the friend was coming and we seemed to be getting along.  I felt, at the time, like I did a lame set up to ask for the number, but she gave it with no resistance.  

I did a good mini move after a second beggar came and interrupted my set.  This annoying fucker wouldn't leave for like 20 seconds and when he left he tried to start something by saying, "What did you call me?"  I said, "I didn't say anything" and then I told my target, "Let's go over here as we're gonna keep getting bothered by bums over here."  

After talking in the new spot for a bit, my girl told me her friend had parked and they were going to go into the venue.  She started walked towards the door as we had been standing in front of the place next door.  I thought the set was over, but she motioned for me to come with her.  

This is an example of what 2j was trying to emphasize for me two weeks ago.  When you're in set that long, or what it's going well, you just have to keep assuming that you're now a part of the group and assume that you can go along with them.  At the very least, as I wrote in one point, you should ask, "Can I come with?"  Far too often, I'll have that moment of doubt where I fear the girl doesn't want me there, and I'll let them walk away, or worse yet, I'll walk away.  She wanted me to stay, and lucky for me, she motioned me over.  I need to assume this until the girl chases me away or I'm going to miss out on some good sets as most girls wouldn't have helped me here.  

The friend showed up, and I pulled Prince into the set.  The girls wanted to go into the venue.  We got in line and I asked this guy that was in line what the deal was with the venue.  I knew that they often just close the doors at a certain point; the guy told me that they weren't letting anyone else in.  The girls then went to the other side.  We had been in the main line area, but they were letting certain people in on this other side.  I saw the bouncers let in some other girls but turn some guys away.  As the bouncer was checking the girl's ID, I said to him, "We just came outside to grab her (pointing to the friend)."  

I later told Prince that I did that to ensure we'd get in.  I feared the bouncer would let the girls in and deny us.  Actually, I'm sure that's what would have happened had I not said that bit to make it clear that I was with the girls and to make it sound like we had already been inside.  How did I know this move?  Of course, over the years, I've had that happen where the girls got in and I didn't.  

I got separated from my girl inside and found her again.  I lost her again and then found her and this other friend gave me a bad reaction so I decided to not try again.  Just as I turned around that time, I realized that I  might have been being dumb.  I had met the one friend outside, but I hadn't gotten introduced to this 3rd friend, so of course she was going to give me that reaction.  She didn't know that I had been chatting with my target for like 40 minutes.  She assumed I was just some random guy that was coming up to bother her friend (my target).  

This is like when I realized what the deal was with the bachelorette set earlier.  My calibration is there but for these less common situations, I had just a slight lag in perception, and then I didn't have the stones to go back in one final time.  

I also just doubted myself that little bit and that's why I was willing to accept the frame that my target had told the friend to tell me to go away because she didn't like me.  When I am a true believer and get over this, I won't be so ready to accept that frame.  In this Brazilian set, I needed to bust on the friend and then get introduced.  I knew she was trying to "save" the friend, and I just needed to get her to realize that my target knew me and like me.  Simple in hindsight but not at the time when I went with the bad frame.  

From state crashes to "He's so cute"

Tonight, I could have just ended early and let myself have a shitty night.  Nintendo actually did that to himself.  He did it for other reasons that I did: he's had problems pushing through lately because of the success he's had.  I would have done it because I legitimately felt shitty from eating too much at the party earlier.  I had bad gas from eating too much ice cream cake without taking lactose pills.  At one point, I was so thirsty and was trying to fight through that too.  That's in addition to the self doubt and ego protection nonsense that occupied far too much of my nights lately.

I was out early with him, and we met up with several other guys including Andydufresne, Crazyfoot, and this other wing that doesn't have a name.  I actually started the night out the way I was supposed to as I felt good leaving the party.  Interacting with some old friends got me into a good mood, and the talk with Hershey was helpful in getting me to focus on the positive, as I mentioned in my last post.  We got to the venue, and I started opening some sets.  Several of them went okay.  I left one 3-set early when it stalled.  I could have recovered, but it was early in the night, and I think I was again expecting too much.  Jeffy calls the early part of the night social mingling time.  I should consider just staying in early sets until I bust out.  This would serve as a warm up and it would save me from my ego protection nonsense.

I do better later because I'm warmed up, but also, as 2j is so found of saying, the interactions are just different.  The girls are drunk then and in the party mood, and that's not true early on.  I'll have decent conversation and get some IOI's, but even when I'm not doing the ego protection move of leaving early, I'll think I'm legitimately leaving early because the girls not gazing into my eyes.  For the next few nights, then, I'm going to create a newbie type drill for myself where I'm just going to stay in early sets until I bust out.  Now, I'm not just going to sit there and talk, though, as I could do that for a long time.  I'll talk and if it slows down, rather that just leave, I think I should try to move the girl to the other part of the bar, or move things along in some way whether it's more kino, mini-isolation or whatever.  Any of those options is better than just walking away.

Crazyfoot is inspiring but also puts you in spectator mode:
I had my initial openings but then I had a period where I was physically feeling like shit, and then I let myself get into spectator mode.  Crazyfoot hadn't been out in six weeks apparently, but he was back into his opening machine self with no problem.  When I was in a bad state, I got into spectator mode and just couldn't open anything.  Later, I got inspired by him.  I realized that he was doing what I should be doing, and what I have done in the past (though even at my best, I've never been as outgoing as he has).  He was doing dance floor stuff and getting some success. Now, I have a mental block with the dance floor that I sometimes manage to break and have success at times.  Crazyfoot, though, was relentless with going for dance floor type openings and dealing with the rejection.

He inspired me in his tenacity, but he also made me realize that again, I have some warped mental image of how this is supposed to work.  By watching him, I realized that his success on the dance floor just comes from doing the same shit that I do at times on the dance floor.  He also got the same rejections that I've experienced.  The only difference is that he's found a way to just push himself to try many dance floor approaches and I've always been hesitant to makes the moves.

Now, I already know that's the answer, but seeing Crazyfoot tonight was just the right way to get the lesson in my head, and I think I'm going to be more comfortable making dance floor moves when I go out Saturday.

The state turnaround:
As I mentioned above, I got to a point where I was standing around doing nothing at the bar.  Nintendo and Andydufresne had left.  Crazyfoot and this other wing were working sets while I was just wondering why I was standing around.  Finally, I decided I was thirsty and since there was no line to get in, I did my usual Diet Arizona Ice Tea run.  I felt better after drinking that and just chilling outside on the sidewalk enjoying the summer weather and watching some teenagers throwing snap pops down the street.

I went back into the venue and happened to see the other wing who told me they were running street game and invited me to come along.  You know I was in a bad state when I wasn't sure if they wanted me around at that point and felt like part of the crew again when he gave me that invite.  It's ironic too, that he's the wing I knew least out of all the crew I was out with that night.

Crazyfoot and that wing got into a set.  I decided to walk ahead of them . I finally was ready to do my own thing and I knew I needed to be ahead of Crazyfoot if I wanted to open anything.  He really is the epitome of how you should open with no hesitation.  If he's in front of me walking on the sidewalk, he'll open any cute girl that we walked by or walks by us.  If I don't move ahead to talk action, I'm just left winging.  If I stall and it's a 2-set, I'm left standing by myself as the other wing goes into wing Crazyfoot in just a few seconds.

He's so cute, I want him to come with us:
I spotted a chubby girl and a cute girl smoking in front of a CVS.  Cigarettes are a huge turn off to me considering I'm in the middle of marathon training.   On my left was 5 girls in a bachelorette party.  As I'm writing this, I realized how I really had turned my state around as I went from not opening to going in on this bachelorette set.  On top of that, there were two attractive girls there including one that was my type: pale skin, and slender.

I don't even remember what I opened with exactly.  I think I said that it was too early for them to be going home (they looked like they were about to catch a cab).  The opener doesn't even matter.  That's why I try to tell Prince, who decided to come out late and met up with me after this set.  This just reminded me that I created another dumb opener tonight.  I've gotten sick of the "Angry Birds" opener I've been using on girl that are on cell phones so tonight I was saying, "The answer is 5 time 10 to the 50th power.  You look like you're doing physics problems on your phone.  What's up?"  It just goes to show you that you really can open with whatever as long as you plow through.

I remember when I opened, I had two girls attention in the group.  One of them grew up in the town next to me.  She was decent looking, but the one I really wanted gave me an unexpected response.  If I actually get in alignment with where I need to be, I'll stop describing such things as being unexpected.  I should truly believe in myself and expect that girls would want me like this.  Anyway, I noticed that her eyes just lit up when she looked at me.

Now, my game has been shitty lately.  I have my bright moments, as I've been describing, but my kino is a little off.  I just need to re-calibrate some things, and that shouldn't be too hard if I can keep on path from tonight.  In spite of having poor kino lately, I was able to realize that I need to be escalating with this girl.  I put my arm on her.  I laugh as I write that as that's just basic kino.  "The claw," as RSD was preaching 2-3 years ago.  You can do that on random girls that you open, but I needed to do that here.

As I put my arm around her, she snuggled closer into me.  She started saying, "He's so cute."  I thanked her and started spurting out random material.  She then said to the group, "I want him to come with us to (whatever after hours club they were going to: it's a venue I actually had never been to, nor heard of before)."  She said to me, "Do you want to come?"  At this point, she got distracted by the bachelorette girl and I started talking to the girl that grew up in the town near me.

Chased off in a flattering way:
I chatted for a bit and then tried to move back to my target.  I got screwed by the one girl in the group that I hadn't interacted with at this point.  The whole situation, now that I think about it, is funny.  So many things were going right in this set, but little things just went wrong.  This could have been my perfect set: it was the best response I have gotten lately.  The girl who couldn't stop talking about me to her friend is a close one, but this is even better as this girl who wanted me was single.

It's old Mystery stuff to engage the whole group.  Somehow I had not disarmed that friend.  She saw me all up on my target and chased me off because she hadn't realized that the rest of the group had accepted me, and that my target had given me massive IOI's.

This cockblock did chase me off in a flattering way.  I just remember her saying, "No, get out of here" and pushing me off.  Again, I get why this happened.  As she was pushing me off, she was giggling, and then she smacked my ass twice.

As I was walking away, I realized why I got chased off.  I then realized that I should have gone back but lost my nerve.  I knew the group liked me and my target liked me.  I could have gone back in, disarmed this cockblock.  It might not have been that difficult either as she didn't chase me off in the pissed off way that often happens.  She was playful and I guess she was attracted to me as well if she was smacking my ass.

Lock-in kino:
My other mistake goes back to the kino.  Sure, I put my arm around her, but I was sexual enough and I let go of the claw far too early.  I remember I wanted to get her name early on, and I dropped my arm to shake her hand.  I remember thinking, "Wow, that's dumb.  You don't need to shack her hand if she's already comfortable with you having your arm around her."

Once I had my arm around her, and she had talked about me being cute, and mentioned me going along with them, I needed to stick to her.  I could have turned to face her and put my arms around her, and had her arms around me so we were face to face.  I should have talked less and given her more intense eye contact and just went into sexual state.  Thinking back, it's obvious she would have kissed me, I just calibrated the kino too slowly.

This is what happens when you take a break.  I've been back for several weeks now, but I'm still having to teach myself my kino lessons and how to escalate.  As I think I'm getting over this inner game stuff that's been plaguing me, I think I'll be able to focus on just escalating.

The results I've been getting when I just put myself out there have been good and I just have to apply my knowledge to make things happen.

Time to be positive: "She's been talking about you all night"

I saw Hershey today at my old roommate's birthday party.  This blog came up in our discussion and he pointed out that my posts have been negative lately.  That was in addition to me not posting very much.  Usually, when I'm not posting, it means I'm not going but, but this time I have been going out.  He had a good point and today was a good day to take it to heart.

One a side note, as I was writing this, I realized that my blog ended with that bad night in Lincoln Park where some fat girl talked shit about me supposedly looking old.  I just realized that my actual last post from June 16 never posted; it was still in draft form.  Still, that post was negative as well.

What I didn't write about was an event that happened around the same time.

This girl has been talking about you all night:

I was out one Saturday in Lincoln Park around the time of the last two posts (so mid June).  I opened this pale girl that was my type (and actually similar looking to this great street set I had tonight).  Prior to this, I had been in two other sets that were good, but that I stupidly left early.  That was going to be a subject of another post that I never made: I was going to write about how I sometimes have a warped view of how a pickup is supposed to go down.

Warped sense of how good a pickup is supposed to be:
I guess I can indulge that topic briefly here.  That night 2j pointed out that I shouldn't have left these two different sets as the girls seemed into me.  I knew I was doing okay, but I just didn't feel that vibe that it was massively on.  I'm talking about a set where the girl is giggling at what I say and just gazing into my eyes.  The truth is that it isn't always going to be like that and it doesn't have to be like that to pull.  2j had actually pulled the night before and he reminded me about his debrief.  Apparently, he had to venue change her to a diner before she could get over to her place.  He said at the diner, there were many moments where he was just plowing her with material and she wasn't really giving input.  Despite that, he still got the lay.  The point was that I sometimes expected too much out of a pickup and leave sets too early.  On top of that, I was then, and have been far to often since then, leaving sets too early, also as a result of what Tyler would call "State Control."  I wanted to protect my ego and feel good by leaving sets on high notes instead of pushing through and risking getting rejected or getting a bad reaction.  I'd rather leave early than possibly get a lay.

Back to the story:
This particular set that I'm thinking about was just a ridiculous example of how good I can be at times.  I suppose I'm too hard on myself in that I think it's supposed to be like this all the time.  I also, as Hershey pointed out, have been focusing too much on what I do wrong instead of giving myself credit for what I do right.  There were be more about what I did write on the upcoming field report of tonight's activities.

I opened this girl and was just saying the most random things that were coming to mind.   Some of it I found amusing, but I remember a few things I said didn't even make sense.  Of course, the vibe I was giving was what mattered and I was broadcasting on the correct wavelength.  She just couldn't stop smiling and giggling.

I remember now that I had stopped her as she was walking by with her friend.  That's always hard and she stayed by me as her friend walked away.  Of course, the friend came and scooped her up.  Since I was on at that point of the night, I went back in a few minutes later.  Again, she was loving everything I was saying.  It was the most insane thing because at that moment, I really could do no better.  That's the type of reaction you can get by button pushing with the old canned lines or push/pull stuff, yet I was somehow doing this with just my unfiltered talk.  This is what Tyler tries to teach us to do as natural game.  Again, I don't give myself enough credit for actually having this skill.  

As I said, I was really bad that night about leaving sets too early.  I stalled for a second and then just left.

Opened by the same set at the end of the night:
Now, what happened in those two instances were magical in some way, but what will forever stick in my head was what happened at closing time.  We had been upstairs at the dance floor area.  I actually had a crazy night where I started off strong, and then had a massive state and energy crash.  No doubt being on the hard core massive deficit cutting diet was partially responsible.  Rather than accept that I was going to have a shitty night, I remember walking outside, listening to Al Pacino's "Any Given Sunday," drinking 5 diet cokes at this hot dog stand, and willing myself to continue.

Seagull was trying to work these Michigan girls.  I had talked to one of the girls when suddenly I felt a tap on the shoulder.  I turned around and I saw this brunette, and my pale girl that I had opened early in the night.

"She's been talking about you all night."  That's what the brunette said to me.  The friend was giggling and smiling again.  The pale girl basically agreed.

I was in shock at this point.  Again, the reactions I got were great when I had been talking to her and that should be enough to give me confidence.  I wouldn't have dreamed the girls would reinitiate contact at the end of the night, and it's even more amazing that I left such an impression on my target.

Unfortunately, she was engaged.  I noticed the ring as I was trying to set up a venue change.  She then said she was engaged.  I then figured I was done and mentally withdrew from the set, even though I kept chatting them for a bit longer.

2j had a good point that the proper PUA way would have been to just keep talking and trying to push for the venue change.  I know that just because she's engaged doesn't mean I couldn't make something happen.  Yes, the chances were slim, but 2j said, even if I just venue changed them and nothing happened, doing so could have allowed me to get into another set in the next venue that could have worked out.  

Still, regardless of how things turned out, this set, I will forever remember.  When I have my doubts, I should remember my interaction with this girl.   I also can think upon tonight's adventures.