With all the good things happening, I'm forced to face the frustration that my kino is terrible. I'm not surprised I'm having a problem with kino and escalation as this was my big sticking point for such a long time. I loss so many girls because I wouldn't touch them or wouldn't kiss them. With the break and all the other issues, this skill eroded and I have to feel the pain that I knew too well in the past.
"It's so fucking on" as Trent from "Swingers" would say.
The girl is gazing into my eyes and either loving what I'm saying or, ideally, we've created some deep rapport from our conversation, meaning she's actually said some interesting things to pique my interest in a way most girls in the club just wouldn't be cable of doing.
She's giving me that look that means I could probably kiss her, except that I'm standing or sitting a few feet away from her. It feels so awkward to close that gap. It feels like I have to cross the Grand Canyon on a tightrope like that daredevil guy that was on the Discovery Channel, so I remain paralyzed and just keep talking.
In just minutes, or maybe seconds, that moment is gone, almost always forever. Tyler has described an interested girl's look as the girl having anime eyes. Those wide, full moon sized pupils now shrink way so quickly, as if I had reversed course at maximum warp speed. She usually finds a sudden urge to go deal with the bathroom attendant, or to find her flock of friends that she was just earlier more than willing to let walk away and leave her isolated with me, or she just suddenly decides to verbalize how it was so nice to meet me and turns away.
Oh does it pain me to write the last paragraph as I suddenly seem to recall so many moments of loss that happened this week. Thinking of each creates a little pain, but writing this post creates a bit of a cumulative pain. I can remember too well those hot girls that I might have hooked up with or just the amazing conversations that could have continued. Conversations that could have lead me into even deeper rapport or maybe could have turned to sweet pillow talk on pink sheets in some strange bedroom.
Writing that just made me remember how much I enjoy that experience of winding up in a girl's bedroom that I just met earlier that night. Wow has it been a long time since I've done that. Yeah, way too long, as my last pull was to Nintendo's place.
Ozzie to the rescue?:
I'm thinking that rather than sleep, I have to watch Ozzie from "Transformations." That was a key part of breaking the kino barrier two years ago so I might as well start there. I will also spend the next week just working on kino and escalation.
Before even watching it, I have several thoughts on what I can easily incorporate into many of the situations I've found myself in lately, and that I know will happen again very soon. First, I just go back to basics like I'm a newbie. The very first thing I started doing back into the day was to touch the girls arm, shoulder or hand when she mentions something that catches my interest. I can even just put my arm around her.
To my slight credit, I actually did this last night in a set. I just dropped my arm right away like a dumb ass. I suppose this is like how I was ejecting out of all my sets for quite awhile after returning. I still have to force myself to plow some sets, but I've been getting good at knowing when I should leave now. Similarly, and I remember this is one of Ozzie's claw ideas, I just have to put my arm around her and just leave it there. He would say that yes, it can get awkward, but you just leave it there. Eventually you learn calibration, but I'm not going to learn anything if I take my arm off her one second after I put it there.
"You're making me feel funny," -Ozzie
I remember in "Transformations" that Ozzie said he would say stuff like that to the girl. Another one was something like, "I've never felt like this before."
As I thought about this in the car, I realized that while I have become comfortable with talking normally to hot girls at times, I've become too comfortable in general with girls gazing into my eyes or saying stuff that I find interesting. When I was a newbie, it would be so rare to actually last long enough in a set to develop some sort of connection with a girl that it was a big deal. My heart would beat faster as we gazed into each others eyes. I'd get horny almost every time.
Now, I'm often just blase about the whole thing. Let me explain. On the one hand, I really do appreciate that it took me such a long journey to get to this point, and there were so many times that I never thought I'd had the perseverance to even get to this point of competence in the game. I genuinely enjoy when girls give me the doggy dinner bowl look, but I just don't get that excited in the way I did in the past. The exception is when it's a really hot girl. Mainly, I just think, "Oh cool, this girl really like me at this point."
That's the same thing that happens when girls tell me stuff that I used to get excited about. I used to love when girls tell me about some of the cool places they've visited or tell me they love cats or whatever. This is where I think I've become messed up in a way. I've talked to so many girls that tell me about going to so many of the same places that a girl has to tell me she's been to somewhere cool that I either haven't been to or a place I've been too that I'm really found of to excite me.
"Run the Train" -Ozzie
That's something I remember from "Transformations" also. Jeffy calls it running the program. Okay, so I used to feel compelled to touch the girls because I genuinely got excited about certain aspects of the interaction. Now, I don't unless it really is something extraordinary, or if the girl is really hot. I can't control the prior. As for the later, I try to open the hottest girls I can and I'm going to tell Seagull we gotta hit River North at least once a week to work on that.
For the rest of the girls that give me something interesting, but that doesn't give me the same thrill that it used to, I just:
Make that moment seem special
It is a special moment even if I've become accustomed too it. Heck, it took me like 8 years to be able to get myself to the point where I can now make this happen several times a night. For the girl, it's something special as well, and this returns me a bit to the inner game lessons that I feel I've finally been internalizing. I wrote not too long ago that 2j and I often forget to give ourselves credit. Since we have several really cool guys we go out with a times, we forget how lame most guys are that are hitting on the girls. Not as much this past week, but far too often, I think about how I wish I had those awesome qualities I see in the other guys, and think too much about what I'm lacking instead of my strengths.
Now, this girl was just sitting there bored, or having some lame conversation with her friends. I'm not just re-framing this either. Sure, some girls are having a blast. Seagull and I have been trying to open those high energy girls more because they often are more fun. Anyone reading this should go out and listen to some of the conversations these girls, or people in general have while out. They are so boring, and I guess that's why so many people have sour faces when they are out.
Suddenly," a fun, outgoing party guy" (to use the quote from "Swingers") comes and starts talking to her. She starts to feel really excited because it's so rare for her to meet an amazing guy. Girls can meet so many guys and can fuck every night, but they have such a hard time meeting quality guys, so this is a rare thing for many of them.
As Ozzie says, I just have to acknowledge that moment. I can just gaze into her eyes, pause for a second and then say something to verbally solidify that moment. Now, ideally, I've already been kinoing her and/or I have my arm around her. I can just kiss her at this moment. When I'm being dumb, or if I happen to have that space there for whatever reason, I can just say something like, "Wow, you're making me feel funny."
I think I'd actually rather say something like, "Now look at this. I'm just out here dancing and having a good time, and wow... I didn't expect this." As I'd say that, I can just hold eye contact and move closer to her, or grasp her hands or put my arms onto her hips and pull her in. It's that simple.
Just lately, I'd let the moment pass. Again, I'd recognize that the girl liked me, but usually I hadn't close the distance due to little or no kino. Also, while it might feel special to the girl, I got too nonreactive to it because it doesn't seem so special when you get multiple girls wanting you a night. I need to remember how it is special for that to happen because or the long, painful journey I had to take. Barring that, I just need to fake verbalize it at worst.
I feel bad writing that last sentence, but if I do that and actually kino the girl and kiss the girl, then I know I really will start to feel excited about the interaction and I'll just naturally do things better with the girl and feel a genuine connection and attraction.
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