Friday, January 3, 2014

Notes and lessons for myself from RSD Jan 2 Free Tour with Tyler

I braved the cold and snowfall to make the RSD Free Tour with Tyler from RSD.  This was an example of how much free stuff RSD puts out.  Tyler usually speaks on random, usually advanced topics that come to his mind concerning pickup.  This time, he said he wanted to use notes to specially create a long talk of newbie material.  This is the type of thing they used to charge for: this is like an updated version of their old "Foundations" CD products from years ago.  The Free Tour usually goes for about 2 hours, but this one went for 5 hours.

Since I've been into the game for so long, I didn't need a lot of it, and like Andydufresne (who I ran into there), I started to get bored.  As a newbie, that stuff would have been golden.  Still, it's good to go through fundamentals.  Later on, there was good stuff there for advanced guys.  There were also some good parts that good me thinking about my own sticking points.

I wanted to make a post about it so I'd remember some of the important concepts.  Other than the 3-some advice, this is stuff I've already heard, or stuff I know I need to work on, and have been working on.  The talk, I think will help me to learn the lesson even better.

Find confidence in taking action and being on your path:
This is the inner game stuff I've been working on for the past few months.  I know I need to just find the confidence from within.  He talked about how you can't rely on being jacked to be confident as their is always going to be someone bigger.  If you try to rely on making money, there will always be some one richer.  You have to be confident in yourself for taking action towards your goals and persisting in your efforts.  You should be happy with the progress you make in life.

I've mentioned that working out has been helpful to me in this area.  Diet and exercise has been the only thing I've stuck with consistently the past few months.  The half marathon was such an inspiring experience because I got to see that training and suffering from the summer actually translate into running a good race and finding inner strength to run all out for the last two miles.  If I can just be consistent with pickup and my other pursuits, I will see the payoff there as well.

Also, I should be confident in that I can stick with my goals.  I don't give myself enough credit and I think too much about what I still need to achieve and/or my past failures.  I need to be confident because I have stuck with my weight loss and running for the most part.  Most people can't do it.  I have to think of all my other good qualities and be happy with them.

Girls are attracted to decisive guys/Not guys who put the ball in their court:
Again, it's not new stuff, but the talk got me thinking again and determined to do things properly.  When I fail with the hot girls or just girls in general, it's because I show that little bit of hesitation or I just don't lead.  Girls are hard wired to respond to leaders and guys who take action.  That hot girls won't like me if I go up intimidated by her or wanting her to give me a good response so I feel validated.  I'm supposed to be a man. I'm supposed to be the leader.  I should feel confident for the reasons I wrote about in the previous section and when I go in, I should be like a rock of strength.  My self worth should absolutely not be dictated by how the girl responds to me.

This is especially true when I have the determination to stick through and make changes that most people can't do in their lives.

The ball in their court is his analogy about how we screw up by waiting for the girl to respond.  He uses the early example of when you throw out an opener, and do it in a way where you are waiting for a response from the girl.  I think about how I screw up dance floor like this.  When I've had success on dance floor is when I'm out having fun, and I just start dancing by girls and then dance with them because I'm just having fun and do care about their reaction.  When I'm worried about getting rejected, or waiting for them to give me a positive reaction before I'll try to dance with them is when I screw up.

3-some advice:
The only advice I had in my mind about threesomes where the stuff from Jeffy in "Transformations" and the dual massage technique from "The Game."  Tyler gave a good section about setting up threesomes.  The basic gist that I remember is that you need to bring up this topic early on.  Early on, after I've hooked up with a girl, I need to just casually ask her if she's ever made out with her friends or done 3-somes with them.  You gotta get on this path early if it's going to happen and not try to bring it up later, after you've become exclusive with the girl.  One, she's not going to admit that stuff later if you haven't set it up early that you're open to that type of thing and won't judge her.  Second, it's not going to work if you bring it up after you've already decided to be in an exclusive relationship with her.

Sex is just the natural result of a fun night:
Tyler spend some time going over how girls like sex more than we do.  He also made me think about one of his videos where he uses the analogy of skipping to the end of the movie.  He said that for girls, guys trying to rush to sex is like a someone wanting to skip to the end of the movie rather enjoying the whole experience of watching the whole movie and then getting to the end.  The girls want sex, but they want to it to be part of an amazing fun night that ends up in sex because it "just happened" and she gets turned off if you try to rush to the end of the movie.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Made $20 NYE & Loving the random things that happen

Asian Cousin and I are nothing but committed to our goals lately.  Seagull decided to get drunk at home with his roommates instead of going out.  None of our regular crew was going out either, and this was even before it was clear that there was going to be a snow storm.  I drove to gym at the beginning of the storm and the drive back made me really now want to go out.  Asian Cousin and I had planned on doing it, and he was still texting me about going to these two free venues we had found.

Part of me thinks back and sees how it might have been a good night to stay in.  The snow storm did depress the crowds.  I think that at venues that had packages that had been preselling for weeks, the snow wouldn't have mattered.  Also, the city was probably busy since people didn't have to drive (though that option would have sucked for us as we would have still had to drive in the snow, not had any free parking, or walked around in the snow taking the train.  In the suburbs, and especially at our destinations which were free (which meant they didn't expect that much business), the storm really hurt things.  At the first venue, there literally only two sets of available girls.  The first was two ugly fatties, and the second was this 3-set.

We stalled on opening the 3-set until we were about to leave.  On Saturday, Asian Cousin had talked about doing the game/deal where your wing has you open a set (we agreed to make it it easy but excluding mix sets, and just making it girl only sets), and if you don't open, you give the other guy $1.  I didn't want to play, but I also knew it was right: we were supposed to be opening anyway, and the money is a good incentive to take action.  He made me do the 3-set, and I went to open it.

Well, standing around for so long made it hard, and I happened to come in just as they were arguing about something so I meekly left after my weak opening.  I pushed AC to open them later, and he stopped one of them after they came out of the bathroom.  They had escaped to the bathroom because some lame guys had opened them at the bar and chased them away.  I mentioned at the time that there was another reason we should open.  We had stalled and some lame guys had opened them when we could have opened and improved their night instead (well, in this case, we could have been less lame as we weren't exactly in top form).

Three lessons:
Later in the night, I'd tell AC, then we should take two lesson from tonight.  First, we should feel confidence in the fact that we braved the weather to stay committed to our goals.  I write that I could have stayed in.  Had I known how dead it was going to be, it might have been worth staying it because missing out on 3-5 sets is fine.  Still, I think I would have felt like I had been lazy with my goals and felt bad about staying in had I blown off the night.  Also, I wouldn't have had my $20 experience that I'll write about shortly.

The second lesson is that we shouldn't squander the sets we have and shouldn't waste time not opening and doubting ourselves.  The 3-set from the first venue ended up being the hottest girls of the night.  We waited so long to open them, and AC actually was doing okay with his target until the leader girl came in a pulled her away.  We had been anxious to try the new place hoping their would be more sets (there were, but a lot fewer than we had expected, and again, these girls turned out to be way hotter than the ones at the 2nd venue).  Had we known what the next venue was going to be like, we would have tried harder with these girls.

The lesson then is then when we're out in the future, we need to take advantage of the opportunities there.  Let's not fail to open sets on a busy night because we doubt ourselves.  Let's remember the dead night, like our NYE, when we are in the process of wasting abundant sets.  Let's also remember NYE, when we're out in the summer and want to call it quits early rather than pushing on during a busy night, when we're in a good state and things are more likely to happen.

The third lesson is similar to the second.  There were two cute blondes that we spotted.  I did a half attempt at opening them in an effort to avoid losing $1 for not opening.  Later, I went back to open their group when they were off the dance floor, and this girl told me, "I'm sorry, but we're about to leave because our friend just got kicked out."  Damn.  We could have been having fun with them that whole time, yet I stalled and now they had to leave so I wouldn't even have a chance now.

I had been out on the dance floor yet I was holding myself back.  I danced by some of the girls, but never fully committed to try to dance with them and move things along.  Heck, one black girl even bumped into me.  on the dance floor.  I really think it was on purpose so I'd engage her.  Seriously, the dance floor was wide open since it was dead, so she had to have done it on purpose.  I think so additionally because she was kind of giggling when it happened.  I knew this at the time, but I just wasn't in the right state at the time.

$20 cab ride:
We had been talking about leaving the whole time, and I finally said, "Yeah, let's get the fuck out of here.  We're just wasting our time.  There are no sets.  Let's remember this on a busy night and learn our lesson."

As we were walking out, this guy asked AC, "Hey, where are you headed?  I'll give you $20 if you drive my wife and I home."

AC just blew it off.  The guy then asked me.  He seemed trustworthy.  He was also doing a good job of selling it, as he pulled out the $20 to show me, and kept saying, "It's on X road and Y road, which isn't too far from her."

I sized him and his wife up and said, "Fuck it, let's go."  (I use that line a lot as I always think of "Rounders."  It's the part when Worm (Ed Norton's Character) is trying to get Mike (Matt Damon's character) to go to Atlantic City after he discovers his live in girlfriend has just moved out her stuff.  Mike finally says that when he decided to go.  It still gets me pumped up thinking about the scene, even though the movie came out in '98.)

The drive was only like 10 minutes out of the way for me and the guy seemed cool.  I got to practice some of my conversation skills.

The reason they had needed a ride was because the snowstorm and it being NYE made it so there were no cabs around.  I've been at that venue many times before, and usually there's a line of cabs waiting in front (and this is in the suburbs).

I got my gas money and more for the night, which amuses me.  What I like most is that this event was like the beer spill from Friday.  It was a totally unexpected thing that happened to me while sarging that amuses me and that I'll always remember.

AC says that he often finds himself disliking approaching and going out to meet girls and sometimes just wishes he had a regular girl.  I told him that while I do want to get a rotation of girls going, I immensely enjoy going out.  Well, except when I was in a bad zone like a month ago, where I felt like going out was a chore.  At that time, I remember telling myself, "This is great.  I gotta go out again and get my head kicked in by this."

I actually love going out most of the time.  I love feeling alive by being social and getting on the dance floor.  I love the random experiences, like driving this guy home, or getting the beer spilled on me.  I love pulling even more, but it's been far too long since that happened, and I seriously like these other random happenings as well.

Sat: Cockblocked from my best set

I just write about Saturday for completeness.  Asian Cousin and I remember it as a day of too much inaction.  Sure, we both opened a decent amount, but we stood around doing nothing for far too much of the night.  Also, we got state crashed in this tough late night venue, but we should take pride in that we were able to push through that.  I even got in this good state by going off on the dance floor area and just trying to stop girls who happened to walk by.  Still, I could feel myself holding back and I hate that feeling.  I prefer the nights where I'm able to push myself most of the night.  At first review, I blamed this slow night on it being a day off of working out, but NYE I worked out, and still didn't take as much action as I should have.

My best set was this short brunette I opened about midway through the night.  She was into me, and then she started to get texts from her friend who was looking for her.  I lead her to the bar area and helped her find the friend.  I figured I could disarm the friend or my wing could occupy her.  Well, the friend came in and just swooped her away.

Now, in the opening paragraph, I made it sound like it was one of my less confident nights.  That's what it turned into at the late night venue.  As I'm writing it, I think the state break of waiting 30 minutes in the cold to get in there helped dampen my enthusiasm by that point.  When this set happened, I was still feeling good.  

This meant that I went in two other times to try to get my girl.  I should always feel confident in myself, but what helped this time, is that she had given massive IOI's showing she was into me.  Well, I opened the two girls at the bar, and again, the friend just blew me off and dragged her away.  

I saw them later at a table with 4 other girls.  I didn't want to go back in, but I made myself do it.  I have lost far too many good opportunities when I haven't made myself approach girls again that I knew were into me.  Often, I just don't feel confident to do it again, and also I think it's my ego just wanting to preserve the good feelings of the prior interaction, and not wanting to risk that despite the fact that I might actually get further, heck even pull, if I try again.  

This time, I just ignored the girl and started saying some funny stuff to my target.  She was giggling.  The funny part about this whole thing is that I really was adding value to her night.  When I had observed the table, my girl look bored sitting there the entire time, and her evening only improved when I came up.  Well, that cockblock friend busted thing up.  I tried to engage her but she then started telling me obnoxiously to leave.  

I was pissed off at that point because I knew I was improving the girls night and this girl wasn't even giving me a chance.  I felt like I should have told her off.  2j said that could have worked if that was how I was really feeling.  It just seemed like it was a time for me a to be alpha there.  I can see how alpha guys could have shut down her BS by doing that.  

I didn't do it at the time because I didn't want to risk a big scene there which this girl seemed likely to wantto create.  I'll give myself credit for going back into this set several times, and for trying to stick it out a bit with the cockblock.

Another reason I wanted to tell her off is that 2j is right that I'm sometimes too nice.  I  want to be the fun guy all the time and sometimes do get serious and call people out on their BS.  

The next day, I realized another solution that could have kept the fun guy vibe and possible disarmed the girl.  When she was bitching at me, I could have started making baby noises and faces, or started moving my hand  like a mouth, and making Charlie Brown teacher jibberish noises.  It might have been so ridiculous that the girl might have been forced to stop being in a bitchy mode.

Oh, and I'll close by saying that I get what the deal was here.  This cockblock saw her friend was a little drunk, and girls try to protect each other from doing dumb stuff like going home with guys.  Still, I can usually engage friends, but this girl wasn't having any of it.  It's just frustrating when it's so clear I was improving my target's night as it so contrasted the boring time she was having at that table without me.    

Fri: Free Beer Spilled All Over Me

I've been lazy about posting, but I wanted to record some of the past events of the past few outings.  The good thing about posting it now is that the entries will be short.

I went out Friday with Seagull and Asian Cousin.  Seagull has turned into flake with his new job, and despite his protestations at the end of this night, I knew in my head that he was going to flake on Saturday, and indeed that proved to be the case.  Seagull and I work well together, but I don't mind getting a new perspective form having a different character in the mix.

Asian Cousin got into a good set when he went to wing Seagull with this Brazillian set.  I guess he made out with the girl but couldn't go home with her as he couldn't get rid of the friends nor could he get her to do some sort of food venue change.  Seagull and I went off on own own after that.

I was pumped up that night and had build momentum from having gone out Thursday.  While my two wings were a bit hesitant to open, I was opening girls right off the bat and having a good time.  This is contrast to what would happen Thursday and New Years.

Despite my enthusiasm, I don't have any good sets, though I did end up with a funny memory.  I talk about how I like the randomness of going out and how unexpected things happen, things that I couldn't imagine happening.  On Friday, a beer was wasted, and it reminded me of a pleasant memory of spilled beer from a few years ago.  I was in the burbs with G, actually at the one of the place place I would end up this past NYE.  This girl ran into my beer and it spilled all over her shirt.  She wasn't even mad, and the crazy part was she ended up being really into me.  She was with a girlfriend, and it seemed like that girl was with a guy and was trying to hook up my beer girl with that guy's friend.  Beer girl obviously like me more, but the friend kept massively cockblocking me.  I just remember it was one of those nights where I just had extreme confidence.  I remember beer girl was dancing with the guy on the dance floor, and I came in on them and stole her away form him by using the technique where you start grinding on her, and on him, and then spinning her away from him.

I actually try to remember that moment in my head when I'm feel less than confident, or when I wondering how I can get rid of a competing guy, or doubting my dance floor game.  Sadly, I got rid of the guy that night, and I was dancing and grinding with my girl, and the the cockblock friend came along and pulled her away once again.

Friday beer spill:
I opened this girl who was sitting on a stool at the end of the night.  She had a nearly full glass of beer in one hand and was holding a can of beer in the other hand.  She ended up hading me the beer, and I started to sip from it.  I actually like cold beer and I planned on drinking a little bit of it.  I was doing one of my hardcore calorie cutting days so I didn't even want to drink the whole thing.  It was a light beer and only 100 something calories but when I'm in hardcore mode, I don't want to waste calories.

As I was sipping ,she started to lift up the beer so it would flow faster.  Apparently, she had wanted me to chug it.  I didn't want to chug it so I just slowed down the flow into my mouth, but then she squeezed the can and lifted it more.  Before I could react, the beer spilled onto my spirt and partially on to my pants.

I still giggle about this now because it was so random.  I also think in some way that it would have been funny if I had been pulled over for something on the ride home as the cop would have been convinced I was drunk from me stinking like beer, yet  I would have had a 0% BAC.

I wrote on my fitness log that I didn't drink the beer because I didn't want to waste calories.  Part of me wanted to justify that I didn't want to drive intoxicated, but one beer wouldn't have mattered.  We were still going to be out for another half hour to an hour and one beer would be processed before I drove.  It was like a twenty minute walk to the car anyway, so anyway you cut it, I would have been fine.  I just didn't want the calories.

My post in my fitness log prompted someone on the forums to ask me if I ever pondered if my food and pickup behavior is leading me towards a healthy relationship in both.  I actually have thought about the issue but haven't had the time to hash out my thoughts in posts here or in the log, but I plan on doing so shortly.