Sunday, January 6, 2013

Opened by a hot blonde because of dance floor?!

I wrote in my Andydufresne inspired post Synergistic lessons from abundance and scarcity that I hardly ever get opened.  I got opened once in 2011 when I was wearing my purple silk shirt.  I didn't even notice it; Seagull pointed out at the girl had commented on my shirt and then I clicked into gear and came close to pulling that girl.  I went out a ton this summer and I don't think I got opened once.  I estimate that if I went out 4-5 days a week for 6 months, at my current rate, I'd get opened once in that time period. 

I'm complain that I wish I got opened like Andydufresne (though as I explained in the post, I realize that his advantage creates problems as well) and then it happened to me tonight and I utterly failed with my freebie.  

I write that bit as I feel the frustration of the situations but rest assured that I also see the mostly positive results of this interaction. To be fair to myself and to any readers, I'd gotten better at being opened.  I always tell the story of how when I first started, I was out with college friends, and a girl opened me on the dance floor there, and I got so uncomfortable that I busted myself out saying stupid shit because I didn't know how to deal with being opened.  By even 2011, I turned a high buying temperature opener into a make out and near pull, and then even got her to come to a Day 2 that turned out to be a bust (and interestingly, that Day 2 bust turned into a near pull of this busty black girl).  

I got into the after hours place early.  2j and I had left the first venue and I made my 7-11 Arizona Iced Tea pit stop.  I get thirsty after running around and dancing each time at the first venue and I feel refreshed every time I stopped at the 7-11 on the way to the after hours.  I realized that I should just get water at the first bar so I don't make thing harder on myself by being thirsty.  

2j had been having a tough time getting going and when he has a bad night, he liked to just end it.  I always told him that he needs to learn to push through it.  He's tried in the past, but he has a good point that he ends up just standing around more and regretting staying out so he decides now to just call it a night.  I give myself credit for not using him as an excuse to end my night.  The line was short to get in and I joined  it and bid 2j farewell.  The venue bouncer tried to pull the "private party" bullshit about not letting me in early, but I was in state enough to look at him with unwavering eye contact and say, "My friends are inside."  He tried to challenge me by asking, "What's the name of the table?"   I can get sneak into clubs or BS my way in when I'm in state.  When he asked that question, "I didn't even acknowledge it, disengage eye contact, or react in any way.  I just repeated, drying, "My friends are in there" and he let me in.    I could go into a longer discussion of why this works, but the simplest one is that I reacted in a way that a high value person or someone who actually did have a friend with a table inside would have acted in the situation.  

Fighting to stay in state solo:
I could have just skipped to the good parts, but I like to paint an accurate picture of how the night ebbs and flows lest it seem like I'm always in state when I'm out.  I walked in and I found myself struggling to maintain my momentum.  When you are used to being out with wings, it feels weird to be alone.  That's despite having gone out a ton alone when I was a newbie, and also just doing a lot of sets on my own even when I'm out with multiple wings.  

Dancing has helped me be able to at least look like I'm having fun in the club.  It was weird when I didn't dance and I often used to have a few drinks so I'd both loosen up and so I'd have something to do other than just stand around.  I also used to talk to guys to warm up.  Now I just dance.  The physical activity helps pump my state, and again, I look like I'm having fun.  

Despite dancing, I felt myself falling out of state.  I remember looking around and wondering why I wasn't opening.  I did open occasionally but usually in a weak way.  I had this girl with glasses hooked but I lost confidence as she kept looking past me.  Later, I saw she was going back to some guy, but I realized he had probably just picked her up.  Thinking back, if I had kept dancing with her, and lead her away, there was a good chance I would have stolen her away.   

Finally, the guys showed up, which temporarily pumped my state.  I lead Andydufresne downstairs and asked him to open this 2-set with him.  I wanted the blonde in that set but I was out of state so I asked him to open her and I was gonna settle with the friend.  I think this is the girl he almost pulled.  I, on the other hand, had the friends attention, but I was talking to her so weakly, that a guy or guy friend standing nearby pulled her away from me.  I hate that shit but I knew that I deserved it that time.  

"Hey, I like your dance moves:"
After that 2-set, I proceeded to open a few more sets, but mostly I just danced around at various venues.  My dancing is okay.  I do well during songs that I like and have heard often as I'm familiar with the beat and don't have to focus on the beat.  I've always done a lot of the same moves, but my dancing has become even simpler lately as I've forgotten a lot of the moves I used to know.  I actually learned how to dance from several Youtube videos.  One PlayerSupreme one taught me how to listen to the beat of the song.  The other  helpful videos were from some Asian guy from the UK that promotes his DVD series with several free clips on Youtube.  

I was dancing near Nintendo and this Tyler looking wing (I have to get his nickname as he's been out with us a lot lately).  I got bored and started to walk to the other side of the club.  I walked by this group of several girls that I had spotted before but hadn't opened.  The excuses I had for not opening is that they were hot, there were guys around them, and they were dancing.  I'll open hot girls but it's harder when I'm not in state and I wasn't in the best state at this time.  Lately, I've been avoiding mixed sets despite the fact that I like the AMOG confrontations they create and know how to handle them.  Again, I'm going to work on opening more mixed sets.  The dancing was the biggest factor.  I'm still struggling to make myself open dance floor sets.  I have the easiest time opening when I'm dancing and a girl happens to walk by: I can grab her and pull her into me.  I struggle with going up to a girl, or even worse, several girls that are already dancing, especially if they are dancing very energetically.  

As I walked by this blonde, she stopped me.  I think she might have tapped me on the shoulder.  I remember turning as a result of that or just because she was saying it loudly enough, "Hey, I like your dance moves."

I had to fight the urge to think she was fucking with me:
That's the old frame I had to deal with.  As I don't get opened that often, I still struggled with it today.  Tyler talked about how when he was a teenager, a group of girls at the mall once told him that he was cute and he assumed they were messing with him and responded accordingly.  I always felt that was until years of sarging and again, I still struggled with it tonight.  I realize that I do look like I'm having fun when I'm dancing but I also realize that I do the same moves and even more so now since I haven't watch the Asian guy's video lately.  Still, I told myself that some hot girl isn't gonna open me to mess with me at this point so I recognized that she liked me.  I doubt it was my looks.  Maybe she likes Asian guys, but I suspect it was my confidence of dancing by myself and my ability to just have fun out there by myself which is something most guys can't or don't do one the dance floor.   

Despite realizing she liked me, I still made what could be interpreted as an insecure comment, but it also came across as being funny and she laughed.  I said, "Well, you can thank this Asian guy from Youtube and I learned how to dance from Youtube."  I then introduced myself and grabbed her hands and started dancing with her.  

After a little bit, I spun her a bit and then pulled her into me.  My mind was telling me the right moves but I wasn't listening.  My mind said, "You have to pull her in closer."  

Hot girl and Some guy try to steal her from me:
I want to explain how strange this situation was for me.  This girl was totally my type: blonde and tall, pretty face, slim body.  I don't like ratings because they are subjective but let's say she was surely an HB8.  I tend to rate certain types of girls (e.g. tall girls, redheads, and blondes) higher than other guys might, but suffice it to say that this girl was one of the hottest girls I've had a good interaction with in all my time sarging.  I might have opened hotter girls and even hooked a few hotter girls for a min, but I never had an interaction of more than few minutes with a girl that I'd consider this hot.  On top of that, she opened me?!  Wow.  

Some guy nearby didn't seem to think this match fit.  I never did get a look at him.  I remember some male hand came in and tapped her on the shoulder.  The guy was obviously taller than me from the angle it came at.  She turned to looked at him and he was waving her over.  

Here's the funny shit.  She blew him off completely.  I have to admit that I love when guys try to pull girls off of me and the girls reject them and stay with me.  The last time this happened was with that Polish girl from a 4-set with Crazyfoot that I got to meet me out at Sound Bar in September.  This chode kept trying to wave her over to get up from sitting next to me and she kept waving me off.  Tonight was an even better reference experience as again, this girl was hot and totally my type.  

A minute later, this guy tried again.  She blew him off.  

Here's the thing.  While this was going on, I'll repeat, my mind was telling me the right moves, but I just wouldn't "walk the path" to use the line from "The Matrix."  My mind said, dance up on her in the way that you were dancing with that girl on New Year's.  When this guy started trying to steal her from me, my mind was telling me, "Tell her, 'What is up with this chode?'"  My mind was telling me also to lead her downstairs as it was darker downstairs, more crowded so we would have been forced to dance closer together, I'd get her away from this annoying, try hard AMOG, I'd get her away from her friends, and I'd feel more comfortable escalating down there.  

Did I listen to my voice of calibration?  Nope.  I hate when I do this.  This is the same shit that happens when I'm in the Andydufresne situation and fail to act.  Well, I guess last Saturday was an exception as I was truly caught off guard to be in a late game situation.  Ever since then, I've been more prepared for late game, but I couldn't get myself to follow my instincts.  

I'll be fair to myself by saying that at least I can see the moves.  I always write what Ozzie said, "Calibration can't be taught."  This voice tells me the right moves because I recognize from the past what's going on based on how the girl is acting or reacting and based on what on learned from past successes and failures.  

Embarrassed but also more confident:
Not long after, the girl busted me out and said, "Well, I'm gonna dance with my girlfriends."  I said, "Cool."  She tried to compliment me to let me off more easily.  I just said, "Cool" again.  My calibration had told me I was gonna get busted out soon because I didn't make those moves so I wasn't surprised when she decided to end the set.  

I would avoid that area for the next half hour that I was there because I was embarassed about how chodely I had behaved.  Here this hot girl had found me attractive enough to do something odd for girls: she approached a guy.  More importantly, she went out on a limb to approach me.  She sensed the fun, confident qualities that are inside of me, but I instead hid that part of me and acted like a chode.  She was hoping I'd be the cool, confident, dominant guy that leads that I portrayed myself as in the way I danced by myself and amused myself.  

At the same time, I couldn't help but smile that I had gotten open but this hot girl that was totally my type.  It gave me confidence to open other girls with more entitlement that I did for most of other openers that night.  I even tried to do 2j's arm around both girls dance floor opener near the end of my night.  I got a brutal bust out from that but just laughed about it.  

Overall, I'm disappointed that I messed this set up, but I think this will have some lasting effects as a reference point.  I can see myself being more confident in dance floor openings.  I think I'll have more leverage to force myself to lead the girls like I know I need to do when I remember the pain of losing this set.    I'll close by saying that I can't help but feel more entitled with girls in general after this.  Yes, I screwed up, but I'm going to be more confident when I open others girl because I know there is something this girl saw in me when I didn't even think I was doing anything special that made her want to open me.  Yes, I disappointed her but I disappointed her by not being the true confident guy that I am supposed to be, that I really should believe in being after all these years of grinding through the game and improving myself.  

Willing myself through excuses,ego protection and sleepiness

I suspected that with my vampire sleep schedule and wanting to watch the NFL playoff games, that I was going to be tired Saturday night.  I was lucky I even forced myself to get 3-4 hours of sleep as opposed to just staying up all the way through.  As I said to several sets in the club as part of my warm up routine, "I got almost no sleep, my team (The Vikings) got smoked, and I wasn't having fun earlier, yet I pushed through."  I finished by telling them they should have that sad face either (I use some variation of this theme to open girls who looked bored in the club, which is a lot of girls)>  

When we got to the bar, I actually forced myself to open right away like I did on Friday.  Unlike Friday, I didn't just immediately go on to more sets.  I let myself stand around not doing anything.  I also was just in a worse state because of the reasons I listed above.  One of my wings even noticed my shoulders were slouched: my posture turns to shit when I'm tired.  At the same time, some of my wings, including 2j were struggling.  At one point, 2j said, "Hey, I'm so in my head right now."  Sometimes I can ride wing's coattails, but tonight I was getting state transference from 2j, and I would get in lower state when I couldn't approach yet saw other wings in set.

I was trying to protect my ego:
I did a bunch of starts and stalls for most of the first hour and a half at the bar.  As I said, I opened a set, and then stood around.  I made myself open again, got busted out, maybe opened another set, and then stood around.  I knew I just had to force myself to approach, but it was hard when I wasn't feeling good and was just getting bad or no responses when I actually did open.

At one point, I asked myself, "Why am I having a shit night?  Did I not learn from Friday?  Did I not learn from last Saturday?  Going through the warm ups and the rejections is part of the regular flow of the night."  I found myself going back to the football analogy even as I was inside my head at the bar.  I remember thinking, "I want to win this game.  Well, I want to play my hardest in this game/this night, yet I'm afraid to throw out some passes.  I'm afraid I might throw an incompletion, or even worst, a interception."  I knew I just had to throw some passes out there and not care if I sailed it over the receiver's head, bounce passed it, or even threw a pick . It was surely better than dropping back and just  taking the sack or doing intentional grounding (this last point I just though of was similar to opening shitty in a way that I knew wouldn't hook me the set.  I'm not talking about saying silly shit; that actually helps me get in state.  I'm talking about trying to stop a girl but doing it in a half ass way because I know it won't work, but I can still feel like I'm doing something.)  

I remember walking with Nintendo and saying, "I know what my fucking problem is: I don't want to open because of my ego.  I'm afraid that I'll open, and try my hardest and just get rejection after rejection.  I'm afraid I won't get into a long set. I'm afraid I won't get a kiss close.  I'm afraid that the bad sets will make me fear that the good sets, the kiss closes, and possible missed pulls this past week will seem to be a fluke instead of the new norm."

I remember thinking, "Wow, part of me really wants to just do it that way.  I can just take some of the legitimate excuse I have to have a bad night and just be content with that.  I can just not open much and say, 'This doesn't count because I was having a bad night, and I didn't try.'

I must have gotten a briefly angry look on my face as I got mad at myself for allowing my ego to even create this situation.  Then the looks must have turned to one of determination as I thought, "No. FUC,K THAT.  I'm not going down like that.  I didn't come out here tired to waste my time.  I didn't pay $4 to check my coat so I could give up or so I could stand around and not doing anything.  I need to open girls and risk getting rejected and risk getting proven that I suck at game.  I want to improve and don't just want to just  avoid bad emotions to protect my ego.  Moreover, putting myself on the line and opening is what gets me out of this state.  I need to remember the lesson from Friday of how to appreciate the good of the night and how to push through a state crash.  I need to remember how Saturday last week was a total bust till I met that cute blonde at the end and almost pulled her.  If I push through this, something amazing might happen, and at the very least, I'll have put my full effort into the night and not accepted the easy way out."

Creeping girls out:
That first set that I opened after I ran through the thought process above was bad.  I opened this girl and I wasn't speaking loudly enough and I was out of state and doing everything wrong.  Within 20 seconds, her friend saw that a creepy looking guy, i.e. me, was talking to her friend and she grabbed her friend and pulled her in to rescue her from me.  I know that look well.  I used to get it almost every set when I was starting out.  I know I've progressed in that I see that so rarely now.  Yes, it happens, but it hardly happens that quickly.  The way that friend rescued my target from me was so much like the newbie shit days.

Some guys could lose state even more after a set like that but I know better.  I remember Tyler saying that he sometimes has to creep girls out when he opens to get into state.  As a newbie, I would have gotten discouraged because I pinged off my environment: that is Tyler speak for I didn't find enjoyment from within myself but instead relied on other people to dictate to me how I was going to feel.  Furthermore, in those days, it was just a reinforcement of what I already knew: I was creepy around girls and nervous around them.  I only had sheer faith in the game and in my ability to better myself to push me through those rough moments.  Now, things a different.  I know that her reaction is more of a fluke than the norm.  Whereas as a newbie, the good sets were the fluke, where I am now, the good sets are the norm, and the creepy bust outs are a total abberation.

Instead, I remember thinking, "Wow, that was bad.  I really am out of state to get that kind of reaction.  Well, I know that's not the real me.  I just need to keep opening and this time not stop just as I'm gaining momentum and I'll turn this shit around."

Slowly, I did turn my night around and I got in a really good state.  I had build momentum through opening and I felt even more in state that I would normally because I knew that I had just busted through a horrible state.  I knew that this was a muscle I'd be forced to call upon again sometime in the future, and now I felt confident as I had yet another frame of reference to get me through a future situation.  

Synergistic lessons from abundance and scarcity

I'm going to write about my actual night in two reports after this one, but first I wanted to write about the lessons Andydufresne and I can learn from each other.  He was talking about how he had this girl ready to leave with him and then he just failed to persist through resistance at the end and lost it.  He even said, "After party, at my place" and she was cool with that but then started to give him resistance when she asked him how far it was and he told her the truth that it was like 15 minutes away.

It's obviously good to be in these situations.  It's frustrating for him that he gets into a lot of this situations and apparently has been finding it hard to find it in himself to develop that muscle of persisting through the resistance in late game.  I know the pain well but Andydufresne admits that he doesn't feel the pain as much as I might as he finds himself in this situation quite freqently.  

I've told him that I'm envious that he gets certain things easier than I do.  Nintendo made me realize it again when we were walking through the bar behind Andydufresne and Nintendo made a comment that went something like, "Wow, I can't believe how many approach invitations Andydufresne gets."  I replied, "Instead of trying to notice how many he gets, you should be looking out for the girls giving you AI instead.  I'm sure it happens to you a hell of a lot more often than it happens to me."  

I suppose it's ironic that my next post is going to be about how later on in a different venue, I got opened by a hot girl.  I'm lucky to get opened by any girls once every six months when I'm going out 5 days a week, and this girl was the hottest one that's ever opened me.

Anyway, Andydufresne's other obvious advantage is that while some girls give him resistance like this, there are a good number of girls who just throw it up there for him.  In the few pulls I've had, I've always had to fight through resistance.  Heck, the last one I had in August was an unbelievable clusterfuck involving, among other things, my girl calling the friends, a bunch of different girls from her set calling her and getting her out of the DTF state, and navigating her agreeing on my plan and then changing her mind several times.  Nintendo has had these easy pulls too; he said one of his first pulls upon starting to cold approach was saying, "Hey, let's get the fuck of here" and then just leading the girl out and her just following.

To be fair, I said last Saturday that I think the girl was throwing up ways for me to solve the logistics but I was too dumbfounded at the time to take advantage of them.  Recall that I wrote about how she asked me where I lived.  When they were leaving and I told them I was going with them to the hotel,she told me she and her two friends were sharing a room, she again asked me if I lived close by.  She also asked me how I was getting home.

Regardless, the sheer quantity of Andydufresne's opportunites far surpass mine.

The Lesson for Andydufresne:
I believe there are two key lessons here to be had.  For Andydufresne, I think his lesson from me is similar to the lesson I try to remind myself and sometimes mention in set about appreciate how good our lives are by virtue of just, A) being alive B)being here in America with all it's opportunities C)Having food, a home, etc D) Not having to starve or have no opportunities like in the 3rd world.  I also put it, "Sometimes, I think I'm having a bad day in my life and then I remember how truly fortunate I really am."

Now, obvious, that's a way bigger lesson that doesn't compare to the pickup lesson here.  I told Andydufresne that I seem to get motivated more by the few sets that I almost closed, similar to his situation, because they are so few and far between.  Historically, that was the case, and then things improved a ton for me at the end of summer.  I actually started to forget this lesson myself when I had that week where I was so close to a bunch of pulls but got screwed by logistics and my own inability at times to navigate through them. Then, I had this shit three months where my inner game was fucked up and I got no pull opportunities because I barely had sets that lasted a long time, much less get to the point where I could kiss the girls.  

Andydufresne should try to appreciate the pull opportunities that he has because others are starving while he is  being given food quite frequently.

In writing this, I also realize I should appreciate this lesson for myself.  As I said, Friday I took a night that was going well for granted by being too hard on myself.  I got a state crash as a result and was fortunate to be able to push through it.  I let that happen because I forgot this same lesson I've written about in this section.  While I complain on a night when I opened immediately, was having fun, and getting decent sets, I forgot how shit nights were only two weeks ago.  I forgot how shitty nights were years ago as AFC when I couldn't even be comfortable just being in the bar with friends.  I forgot how newbies would love to have them problems I complain about because my Friday that didn't feel that great, would have been a great night for a hard case newbie.

Appreciate that my hardships are strengths:
I feel like this is a reframe, but at the same time I also realize there is truth it as well.  I can't take credit for this lesson as I learned it from Tyler's "Blueprint."  He talked about how the road for hard case newbies can be really tough.  Other guys, e.g. AndyDufresne can get results and success more easily.  While it sucked to take so long to get competent at game for me, it also has taught me lessons and given me strength that I wouldn't have had if I had gotten things more easily.  This AndyDufresne thing is one point.  He'll eventually teach himself to push harder through persistence.  I was able to do it for a bit this summer, and I think I'll soon be able to get that back.  I suppose it's because I had such a rough time in the game in my early years that it takes me only a few of these near pulls in the summer to kick my ass in gear.  I'm hoping I'll learn to lead and persist in end game again just as quickly.

Again, since he gets so many pull opportunities, it's hard for him to get the leverage as he's not feeling as much pain as someone who gets fewer pulls.  When he misses one, he can be sure another chance will come by again in a week or so.  This makes it hard to really click that part of his brain that will make him get sick of the pain and just persist fully for the close.  At the same time, things aren't so bad both because you still get make outs and near pulls, and you get plenty of chance to try to work the persistance skill.  I'd be screwed if it took me that many opportunities because this would take me even more years to figure things out.

The Grass is Greener:
As I finish this post, I realize that the journey is hard on both sides.  There's advantages and disadvantages to both sides here.  I actually don't envy his journey as at this stage, missing the pulls is just tough for both of us.  Sure, I had this 3 month shit period, but this New Years push really has gotten me close to pulling several times now.  I'm  also stuck with this not persisting crap, and I even failed in an earlier stage today.  I've had my opportunities lately that I've blown in similar ways as Andydufresne and in worse ways I suppose.  I guess it's the part of me that remembers how I felt as a hard case newbie that was determined to write this post, but I realize as I'm closing that this post, in a way, is a message to my current self from my old hard case newbie, AFC self.

I'll finish by telling myself that whenever I wanna browbeat myself too much, I need remind myself that there really are strengths to the hard case newbie road I had to take.  Most hard case newbies would have quit with the bullshit I had to push through.  It sucks that I took this long to get to where I am, but it would have sucked worst to never even get this far, and to never have had the experiences I've had in the game so far.  I also need to remember that having to push through the shit I did is why I'm able to do something Nintendo pointed out.  He talks about how he struggles with how he gets pissed when guys talk shit to him or when he has to deal with obnoxious guys like he did tonight in some set.

In focusing too much on pulling, I forget that I bring my own strengths to this game that people desire.  Guys or girls can talk shit to me and I don't even get affected.  Early on, that shit really would hurt, and I remember a rude girl messed up my inner game for a few weeks before I went to Maui in 2005.  Later, I learned to pretend it didn't bother me, and now I actually do not care.  Girls can give me brutal blowouts and I can be unaffected, or seemingly backwards, actually get more instate from it.  Guys can come in a set expecting to tell me and I end up using Tyler's AMOG tactics to make them look stupid instead.  

Oh, and I've learned to will myself through a shit night where many guys would have given up or accepted the excuses to have a bad night.  

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Alcohol is a cheat code

Sarging sober vs sarging while drinking is an often debating topic.  2j and Jamesanderson are wings who don't drink at all.  Nintendo was doing sober for awhile because he wanted to do it Tyler style but went back to drinking why 2j told him that all the best natural's he's met drink and if Nintendo wants to drink and has fun doing it, he should drink.  I added that if he wants to go by guru's, Jeffy believes in drinking.  

Personally, I usually go out sober, but I don't have anything against sarging while drinking.  I don't like to do it drunk too often though because I don't want to get used to doing it drunk and then not being able to do it sober.  Also, when I'm on my cutting diet, I don't like to waste calories on alcohol.  

The two positives effects alcohol has on my game that I've noticed in the past week are that I show more intent and that I see more sets.  I can thank 2j for the first observation.  He said Thursday that the only difference he saw was that when he'd look over at me in a set, it would be clear to him that I'm trying to hook up with the girl.  This is a problem of mine: I often have too much fun just talking and it isn't clear that I'm interested in the girl.  I don't have to show hard core intent off the bat, although it can be a time saver, but I need to show through my eye contact and kino escalation that I'm into the girl, and I can even verbalize it.  2j says when I'm drunk, I show intent right off the bat.   I can recall that I have no problem opening a girl and     
doing caveman kino style and that's why I get more intense sets more often when I'm drinking.  

The second effect is one that I noticed when I compared New Years Eye and Wednesday to days like Thursday and Friday.  On all those days, we were at venues all the way to close.  When I've been drinking, I see sets everywhere.  I still am not too crazy about the mixed sets, but if there are more girls than guys, I don't hesitate to open them when I'm drinking.  Even though I know how to handle the guys and the bullshit that could happen, I am reluctant to open these sets when I'm sober.  On a side note, I'm changing that tonight.  Talking with one of our new wings made me realize that it's important to me to improve my skills in that department.  I remember tackling those more difficult sets in both of the last summers but I've avoided those sets for the most part lately . It makes sense as when I was doing poorly lately, I needed to focus on doing less difficult sets, but now is the time to get back to that.  

I also just find no excuses not to open when I'm drinking at the end of the night.  Tonight, I made dumb excuses at closing time like, "Oh, people are gonna here me opening this set by the coat check, or they are walking by too fast" and so on.   One NYE, I literally hit every set that was left.  Oh, I also have lower standards when I'm drunk, though I'm glad I didn't bang that gigantic girl from NYE.  I don't mind fat girls sometimes, but that girl was beyond what I'd consider reasonable.  

I bump into people when I'm drunk and sometimes screw up a set by bumping into the girl.  I also get sloppy and don't think of ways to solve logistical problems that arise.  For example, Wednesday I might have figured out a way to venue change that whole group with the redhead had I been sober.  I also forget exactly how I opened or escalate.  For example, on New Years Eye, I barely remember how I escalated on that petite brunette.  I remember I went to wing Crazyfoot, and then I remember it just seem so on when our faces were right next to each other, so I just kissed her and grinded with her while dancing.   

Forgetting the normal night & Nervous around a tall girl

Thursday and Friday nights were the normal nights where nothing really happened.  I opened a bunch of sets, got some good reactions, but I didn't kiss any girls and obviously didn't get any where near pulling.  Thursday was better in that I didn't experience a state crash.

State Crash and Too High expectations:
I can attribute the onset of the state crash for forgetting the natural flow of the night and for having too high expectations.  I did every correctly early on in terms of taking action.  2j and I walked into the bar and I immediately opened a 2-set.  I love when I don't hesitate at the beginning of the night and I owe that to the momentum of going out so much lately and for fixing most of my inner game problems.  From there, I got into several sets and was joking around and just having fun.  Later, more wings showed up and I remember at one point, the other 4 guys happened to be talking to girls and I was standing there by myself.

I shouldn't let that bother me, but add that to the fact that I felt like I should have already been kissing at girl and/or be in a deep set and I had a state crash.  Fortunately, I pushed through it and continued on with my night.

It's so dumb to allow myself to start thinking in that way that can lead to the state crash.  Thinking back on the past few days where I had some success, most of the nights involved the same stuff that was happening Thursday night and Friday night.  Sometimes, I just get an unrealistic view of how the night is supposed to happen.  I know guys better than me, including instructors have to go through a lot of the same bullshit of getting busted out and just pressing on with the night, but for a bit tonight, I somehow felt like I was having a bad night because I hadn't already gotten an awesomely hooked set going.

These are the mind battles with which I still struggle.

Actually nervous around a girl:
I've gotten better with entitlement, as Tyler calls it.  With almost all the girls I talked to lately, never did I feel nervous like I did as a newbie.  It all usually feels the same for me which is why I've been enjoying going to venues where there are better looking girls.  I can get the same bust outs with both hot, average, and ugly girls, and 2j and I both report that often, it's the average and ugly girls that will give us the worst bust outs.  Hot girls can just ignore you or abruptly walk off, but they usually never start talking shit like we've experienced with average and ugly girls.

Tonight, I entered this big set with two tall girls.  I opened the cutest and tallest one, in my opinion.  I was taken back by how nice she was and how well she responded to me.  She introduced me to all her friends.  She later asked me who I was here wit hand I pointed to my wings who were in a big circle and tried to wave them over.  They wouldn't come, so I left the set and dragged them over.

I actually should have just left them out of it.  It wasn't that they did anything wrong, but the act of going to grab them got me out of the moment.  When I came back, it started to hit me how attractive this girl was to me, and then I could feel myself starting to ask weird.  I generated some shit tests by saying some dumb stuff.  I still could have passed and 2j actually helped blow off one, but I ended up walking away because I didn't feel entitled anymore.

This is gonna be an issue with really hot girls, but I know the way to work through it is just to keep forcing myself to open them.  It's worked for many of the girls I used to be intimidated by and again, it surprised me that this girl was able to generate that nervousness inside me.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Kissing the girl I wanted & Browbeating myself

There were a few brief moments, including while I was waiting for this page to load up, that I had forgotten where I was just 10 days ago.  Nintendo told me not to browbeat myself in the car as well.  That was after I said, "Yeah, I kissed the girl but I couldn't pull her."  I guess part of me forgot that I would have loved to have those results during the 3 months past.  At the same time, I recognize that the same part of me that wants to be tough on myself is what has driven me to improve.  I just have to be healthy about it.

No, the right way to look at things is that I saw the girl I wanted most in the bar.  There were hotter girls, but I still have a thing for redheads and this ginger at the bachelorette party is the girl that caught my eye.  I had started off the night opening the first 2-set I saw with 2j while being completely sober.  I ended up having 4 beers, which is fine, except I wanna force myself to not drink on a few nights because I feel it's a type of cheat code, and again, I think it causes me to get sloppy at times.  I did notice tonight that being slightly drunk just makes me see sets everywhere.  I'd approach girls in big groups or rarely, but still more often that I would normally, in mixed sets.  Even at the end of the night, I don't make excuses about there "being no more sets" as my wings often do.  They mean there are no easy sets usually when they do this.

Anyway, I was warmed up, had a few decent interactions and a bunch of bust outs.  I finally went into the bachelorette set.  One of my wings was talking to this tall blonde that was the other girl I wanted in the set, so I opened my redhead.  It was one of those sets that just hooked right off the bat.  From my success the past few days, and my now fixed inner game issues, I recognized when this happens and start immediately with some kino escalation.  I remember having my arms on her hips quickly and being face to face with her.  We talked for a bit and then she had to go to the bar or something.  We were gazing into each other's eyes, face to face.  I was about to go for the kiss when she just kissed me.

I wasn't just gonna leave it like that.  Some guys, including me at times, would just settle for getting a kiss but I don't want to get ego validation from that, and on top of that, I'm again recognizing that getting kisses doesn't mean that much at this point.  I'm glad I'm at this stage of my game again and it's hard to believe I've even come this far from where I started as a total newbie.

I opened her again, and I remember we kissed again.

Start leading:
I knew I had to lead the group.  I had asked her where they were going next and she wasn't sure.  My mistake here was hoping she was going somewhere and trying to tag along.  I knew of two after hours that my crew and I gone to in the past.  One is this late night bar that usually has a dance floor, though last week, there were tables set up there and no dancing.  The other is this club that is packed but has that Latino crowd that we always get with the text promotion for that night.  It's a bunch of tough Latino's with tatooed girls.

I was thinking at the time that I wasn't sure which after hours to try to venue change the group.  I was afraid they wouldn't like what I chose so I decided not to choose and try to just tag long with them . I need to be  man and just make a decision.  If I blow out of the set because they didn't like the venue, oh well; at least I forced myself to lead.

Some persistence but need more:
To my credit, at least I asked if I could go with them to after hours.  There were times in the past when I wouldn't even ask for it.  Incidentally, the number close was probably a bust so I didn't go for that as the wedding was in a few days, and my girl was from out of town.  I suppose I could have just taken the number anyway and tried to meet up with them later.  I didn't really contemplate that mood, maybe again as a result of getting a bit drunk and also a lack of later game experience.

The group then walked out the outdoor hallway to the front.  I wasn't gonna follow and try to go but I made myself go outside.  I saw the group standing by a cab.  The logistics were bad with this set.  My girl was the lead girl.  They were all looking at her at where to go next, especially cause they weren't gonna all fit in the cab.  I guess I used this as an excuse to give up.  I should have marched up, said, "Let's go here" and try to go into the cab.  

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Kiss close seems easy again, back where I was?

Saturday and tonight, I felt like I was back to my September self.  I went out Sunday with like an hour of sleep but was pumped up from my Vikings winning.  I opened some sets, including one hot blonde that hooked so hard initially that I was in disbelief.  I almost created a post about how I need to calibrate better when I have a girl super into me from the opening.  It's like that tall blonde from a few days ago where I have a girl hooked and then quickly losing it because I fail to escalate.  I kept thinking escalating as going for the kiss, but I didn't even take the conversation man-to-woman.  I didn't flirt nor kino in anyway.  With the blonde on Sunday, I put my arm around her initially, but then let it go like an idiot.  What I think I needed to do was hold her hand and pull her into me.

Last night, I felt like I was cheating a little by being drunk.  Escalation is easier then, but at least I have Saturday's total sober near pull as a real reference experience.  These two kiss closes were just what I needed to remind me how getting kisses isn't that big a deal.  As I tried to tell Jamesanderson, and as I actually have internalized again, at least for the moment, is the reason I don't even know how many kiss closes I have now is that at a certain point, it's easy to do, and it doesn't mean much.  I remember being at this stage in late summer.  I was on a roll one week getting a kiss close every night.  It became like opening used to be.  What was difficult became easy and then just started to feel like an early part of the entire sarge.

It's like wow, I kissed her, but you start to realize that it doesn't mean that you are gonna pull her.  You have to balance making out to pump her state, but not too much that you realize all the sexual tension.  You have to try to peak her horniness when it's actually a good time to try to get her to leave the club.  You have to lead her around and try to create some rapport so she's more comfortable talking to you.

Too many guys get stuck after kissing the girl, just like that alpha guy from the 3-set on Saturday.  It like the real game actually begins after you kiss the girl.

Despite not pulling this week, this streak of going out has been amazing.  I feel like I patched up my game back to where I left off.  For now, I have sorted through all the inner game stuff including the stuff with my mother.  The actual mechanics of my game are solid enough to get to the kiss closes.

My goal now is to maintain this.  I have to fight the ego again I'm sure as feeling like I'm back to my solid game means I might be afraid to open or hold myself back slightly in order to protect this image I now have of myself.  That I realize this means this is less likely.

If I can stay at this stage, then what I'll need to work on is screening for logistics, contining to work on leading girls around the venue, and actually asking for the pull.  I word it as "asking" as often I wouldn't even suggest that the girl leave with me.  I'll have to persist and try to lead the girl to come with me: that's the solid game version of what I have to do.

If all goes well now I can start to have sporadic success again, which I'll define as actually pulling, and I can work on improving my game to a new level instead of trying to get myself back to a peak game point in the past.

Drunken New Years: Easy Make Out & Stuck in the cold

I took advantage of New Years Eve by eating too much and getting really drunk.  I almost blew money I shouldn't have wasted on package somewhere but fortunately Nintendo wanted to save money.  I ended up meeting up with a bunch of the guys we got out with all the time.

 We started at this guy's apartment, and one of his neighbors was throwing a party in the lounge. I was already drunk at this point so I had no problem saying hi to the girls that walked by us on the way to the public bathroom area.  Later, the guy who threw the party invited all of us to go in the party but for some reason, everyone was afraid to do so except me.  The funny thing is when I went over there, this dorky girl with glasses tried to tell me, "Hey, this is a private party. We rented this."  I laughed and said the guy invited all of us over but I was the only one who game.  It figures it's some dumb bitch who is just a guest there who tries to kick me out.  The look on her face when I pointed out the host as the guy who invited me was priceless.  She had a snarly, condescending look at first, and once I pointed out the guy, she looked down, her expression changed to one of embarrassment and submission.  

Easy Make Out:
I must have been at my peak of intoxication when we got the the bars.  I remember the taxi pulling up to Public House.  They had talked about going in but I don't even remember what happened there.  I just remember one of my wings giving me change back from the cab and then winding up at the usual late night spot.  There was no line and we got in for free.  I guess people just go out for the midnight toast and then go home as the place was sparsely populated.

As I'm writing this, I'm reminded of why I don't like drunken sarging.  That's because if I'm really drunk, I have trouble remembering the night and I hate that because I miss out on reference experiences and I like remembering my night fully as I'm creating my post.  I do remember running into Crazyfoot and his friend there and walking upstairs and downstairs once opening girls.  I know when I'm drunk, I actual opening with full intent and do the claw of some caveman kino naturally which was actually perfect for this place.  Often, I open too weakly at this venue when I'm sober, and the time of night also made my style tonight appropriate.

The set of the night was a 2-set with Crazyfoot.  I saw him open the friend, so I opened this petite brunette.  I remember opening here and immediately being face to face with our eyes locked.  I had my hands on her sides.  I remember dancing with her and then soon we were kissing.  I remember dancing with her and doing my move of having my leg between here leg in a way that stimulated her while we were dancing.  I remember how tiny her waist was and how I picked her up a few times as she was light.

I don't remember how or why she left at that point.  I have to ask 2j or Jamesanderson as they were sober.  A little bit later, I remember being by the upstairs window area and seeing a 2-set.  Naturally, I went to open them and then realized it was my girl.  Jamesanderson came to wing.  I remember her telling me they were waiting for their ride.  I suggested that I go with them but she said no and then we talked about exchanging numbers.

Here's my new reason to hate drunken sarging.  I remember her punching the phone number into the phone.  I must have called her also as I remember her showing me her phone with my number on caller ID but somehow I don't have her number in my phone.  It's not on the call log or text log.  It's probably a flake consider we were both drunk, but it's still dumb to lose the number.  I'm hoping it shows up in my call details online but the website is down for maintenance.  There actually is a chance for her not to flake as she's new in town and those girls are generally more receptive.  I remember kissing her some more but don't know why I wasn't more persistent at trying to get her to let me leave with her.  I remember thinking on my long train ride that I should have told her to tell the ride and her friend that I was a college friend so she wouldn't look slutty.

Trying to close more, including a huge fat chick:
With that success, I wasn't ready to go home alone on one of the best sarging nights.  I remember opening a bunch of girls before I started dancing with this really humongous girl.  I spent about a half hour trying to make thing happen with her.  Her friends that were around her had even left by the time she finally went home.  I kept trying to set up a kiss with her but she wouldn't go for it, nor could I get her to agree to any sort of food extraction or hanging out after the club.  I remember thinking at the time that she wanted it but just didn't feel qualified for it.  Maybe that was the case or maybe she just wasn't interested.  In any case, i ended up having to leave alone as the place closed when she left.  I couldn't find any more sets so I ran to catch the free CTA train before that ended at 4am.

Almost a total shit morning in the cold:
Nintendo and everyone had left at least an hour before closing.  I remember Nintendo just texting me that he had left.  I had my car at his place and more importantly I had left my keys at his house.  I was afraid I would lose them while drunk.  Having the house keys would have made it easy to take the train and the bus home and having the car keys would allow me to drive once I was sober.

I don't know why he left without grabbing me.  I think he thought it was on with the fat chick as he left after the petite brunette had left.  He told me to call him when I got to his place so I took the train there.  It took forever to get on the blue line and then I missed the Pink line train by 30 seconds so I had to wait another twenty minutes for the next one . Then, I got to Nintendo's house and neither he nor his roommate would answer.  The only thing that made things bearable was that I wasn't cold due to having a thick coat and an ear warmer, and the McDonald's, Dunkin Donuts and Subway nearby were open.  I killed a half hour there and tried him again and finally got him.

Before I got him, I was thinking, "Wow, this is really turning into a shit night. I either have to wait for a few hours and hope someone gets up early and I can't stay at this McDonald's forever so it's gonna involve waiting outside eventually.  I could go home despite having no keys but I'd have to take the train all the way back the way I came and then walk 3 miles after taking the bus to my house.  Then, I'd have to do all that shit again to get my car."