Sunday, January 6, 2013

Synergistic lessons from abundance and scarcity

I'm going to write about my actual night in two reports after this one, but first I wanted to write about the lessons Andydufresne and I can learn from each other.  He was talking about how he had this girl ready to leave with him and then he just failed to persist through resistance at the end and lost it.  He even said, "After party, at my place" and she was cool with that but then started to give him resistance when she asked him how far it was and he told her the truth that it was like 15 minutes away.

It's obviously good to be in these situations.  It's frustrating for him that he gets into a lot of this situations and apparently has been finding it hard to find it in himself to develop that muscle of persisting through the resistance in late game.  I know the pain well but Andydufresne admits that he doesn't feel the pain as much as I might as he finds himself in this situation quite freqently.  

I've told him that I'm envious that he gets certain things easier than I do.  Nintendo made me realize it again when we were walking through the bar behind Andydufresne and Nintendo made a comment that went something like, "Wow, I can't believe how many approach invitations Andydufresne gets."  I replied, "Instead of trying to notice how many he gets, you should be looking out for the girls giving you AI instead.  I'm sure it happens to you a hell of a lot more often than it happens to me."  

I suppose it's ironic that my next post is going to be about how later on in a different venue, I got opened by a hot girl.  I'm lucky to get opened by any girls once every six months when I'm going out 5 days a week, and this girl was the hottest one that's ever opened me.

Anyway, Andydufresne's other obvious advantage is that while some girls give him resistance like this, there are a good number of girls who just throw it up there for him.  In the few pulls I've had, I've always had to fight through resistance.  Heck, the last one I had in August was an unbelievable clusterfuck involving, among other things, my girl calling the friends, a bunch of different girls from her set calling her and getting her out of the DTF state, and navigating her agreeing on my plan and then changing her mind several times.  Nintendo has had these easy pulls too; he said one of his first pulls upon starting to cold approach was saying, "Hey, let's get the fuck of here" and then just leading the girl out and her just following.

To be fair, I said last Saturday that I think the girl was throwing up ways for me to solve the logistics but I was too dumbfounded at the time to take advantage of them.  Recall that I wrote about how she asked me where I lived.  When they were leaving and I told them I was going with them to the hotel,she told me she and her two friends were sharing a room, she again asked me if I lived close by.  She also asked me how I was getting home.

Regardless, the sheer quantity of Andydufresne's opportunites far surpass mine.

The Lesson for Andydufresne:
I believe there are two key lessons here to be had.  For Andydufresne, I think his lesson from me is similar to the lesson I try to remind myself and sometimes mention in set about appreciate how good our lives are by virtue of just, A) being alive B)being here in America with all it's opportunities C)Having food, a home, etc D) Not having to starve or have no opportunities like in the 3rd world.  I also put it, "Sometimes, I think I'm having a bad day in my life and then I remember how truly fortunate I really am."

Now, obvious, that's a way bigger lesson that doesn't compare to the pickup lesson here.  I told Andydufresne that I seem to get motivated more by the few sets that I almost closed, similar to his situation, because they are so few and far between.  Historically, that was the case, and then things improved a ton for me at the end of summer.  I actually started to forget this lesson myself when I had that week where I was so close to a bunch of pulls but got screwed by logistics and my own inability at times to navigate through them. Then, I had this shit three months where my inner game was fucked up and I got no pull opportunities because I barely had sets that lasted a long time, much less get to the point where I could kiss the girls.  

Andydufresne should try to appreciate the pull opportunities that he has because others are starving while he is  being given food quite frequently.

In writing this, I also realize I should appreciate this lesson for myself.  As I said, Friday I took a night that was going well for granted by being too hard on myself.  I got a state crash as a result and was fortunate to be able to push through it.  I let that happen because I forgot this same lesson I've written about in this section.  While I complain on a night when I opened immediately, was having fun, and getting decent sets, I forgot how shit nights were only two weeks ago.  I forgot how shitty nights were years ago as AFC when I couldn't even be comfortable just being in the bar with friends.  I forgot how newbies would love to have them problems I complain about because my Friday that didn't feel that great, would have been a great night for a hard case newbie.

Appreciate that my hardships are strengths:
I feel like this is a reframe, but at the same time I also realize there is truth it as well.  I can't take credit for this lesson as I learned it from Tyler's "Blueprint."  He talked about how the road for hard case newbies can be really tough.  Other guys, e.g. AndyDufresne can get results and success more easily.  While it sucked to take so long to get competent at game for me, it also has taught me lessons and given me strength that I wouldn't have had if I had gotten things more easily.  This AndyDufresne thing is one point.  He'll eventually teach himself to push harder through persistence.  I was able to do it for a bit this summer, and I think I'll soon be able to get that back.  I suppose it's because I had such a rough time in the game in my early years that it takes me only a few of these near pulls in the summer to kick my ass in gear.  I'm hoping I'll learn to lead and persist in end game again just as quickly.

Again, since he gets so many pull opportunities, it's hard for him to get the leverage as he's not feeling as much pain as someone who gets fewer pulls.  When he misses one, he can be sure another chance will come by again in a week or so.  This makes it hard to really click that part of his brain that will make him get sick of the pain and just persist fully for the close.  At the same time, things aren't so bad both because you still get make outs and near pulls, and you get plenty of chance to try to work the persistance skill.  I'd be screwed if it took me that many opportunities because this would take me even more years to figure things out.

The Grass is Greener:
As I finish this post, I realize that the journey is hard on both sides.  There's advantages and disadvantages to both sides here.  I actually don't envy his journey as at this stage, missing the pulls is just tough for both of us.  Sure, I had this 3 month shit period, but this New Years push really has gotten me close to pulling several times now.  I'm  also stuck with this not persisting crap, and I even failed in an earlier stage today.  I've had my opportunities lately that I've blown in similar ways as Andydufresne and in worse ways I suppose.  I guess it's the part of me that remembers how I felt as a hard case newbie that was determined to write this post, but I realize as I'm closing that this post, in a way, is a message to my current self from my old hard case newbie, AFC self.

I'll finish by telling myself that whenever I wanna browbeat myself too much, I need remind myself that there really are strengths to the hard case newbie road I had to take.  Most hard case newbies would have quit with the bullshit I had to push through.  It sucks that I took this long to get to where I am, but it would have sucked worst to never even get this far, and to never have had the experiences I've had in the game so far.  I also need to remember that having to push through the shit I did is why I'm able to do something Nintendo pointed out.  He talks about how he struggles with how he gets pissed when guys talk shit to him or when he has to deal with obnoxious guys like he did tonight in some set.

In focusing too much on pulling, I forget that I bring my own strengths to this game that people desire.  Guys or girls can talk shit to me and I don't even get affected.  Early on, that shit really would hurt, and I remember a rude girl messed up my inner game for a few weeks before I went to Maui in 2005.  Later, I learned to pretend it didn't bother me, and now I actually do not care.  Girls can give me brutal blowouts and I can be unaffected, or seemingly backwards, actually get more instate from it.  Guys can come in a set expecting to tell me and I end up using Tyler's AMOG tactics to make them look stupid instead.  

Oh, and I've learned to will myself through a shit night where many guys would have given up or accepted the excuses to have a bad night.  

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