I wrote in my Andydufresne inspired post Synergistic lessons from abundance and scarcity that I hardly ever get opened. I got opened once in 2011 when I was wearing my purple silk shirt. I didn't even notice it; Seagull pointed out at the girl had commented on my shirt and then I clicked into gear and came close to pulling that girl. I went out a ton this summer and I don't think I got opened once. I estimate that if I went out 4-5 days a week for 6 months, at my current rate, I'd get opened once in that time period.
I'm complain that I wish I got opened like Andydufresne (though as I explained in the post, I realize that his advantage creates problems as well) and then it happened to me tonight and I utterly failed with my freebie.
I write that bit as I feel the frustration of the situations but rest assured that I also see the mostly positive results of this interaction. To be fair to myself and to any readers, I'd gotten better at being opened. I always tell the story of how when I first started, I was out with college friends, and a girl opened me on the dance floor there, and I got so uncomfortable that I busted myself out saying stupid shit because I didn't know how to deal with being opened. By even 2011, I turned a high buying temperature opener into a make out and near pull, and then even got her to come to a Day 2 that turned out to be a bust (and interestingly, that Day 2 bust turned into a near pull of this busty black girl).
I got into the after hours place early. 2j and I had left the first venue and I made my 7-11 Arizona Iced Tea pit stop. I get thirsty after running around and dancing each time at the first venue and I feel refreshed every time I stopped at the 7-11 on the way to the after hours. I realized that I should just get water at the first bar so I don't make thing harder on myself by being thirsty.
2j had been having a tough time getting going and when he has a bad night, he liked to just end it. I always told him that he needs to learn to push through it. He's tried in the past, but he has a good point that he ends up just standing around more and regretting staying out so he decides now to just call it a night. I give myself credit for not using him as an excuse to end my night. The line was short to get in and I joined it and bid 2j farewell. The venue bouncer tried to pull the "private party" bullshit about not letting me in early, but I was in state enough to look at him with unwavering eye contact and say, "My friends are inside." He tried to challenge me by asking, "What's the name of the table?" I can get sneak into clubs or BS my way in when I'm in state. When he asked that question, "I didn't even acknowledge it, disengage eye contact, or react in any way. I just repeated, drying, "My friends are in there" and he let me in. I could go into a longer discussion of why this works, but the simplest one is that I reacted in a way that a high value person or someone who actually did have a friend with a table inside would have acted in the situation.
Fighting to stay in state solo:
I could have just skipped to the good parts, but I like to paint an accurate picture of how the night ebbs and flows lest it seem like I'm always in state when I'm out. I walked in and I found myself struggling to maintain my momentum. When you are used to being out with wings, it feels weird to be alone. That's despite having gone out a ton alone when I was a newbie, and also just doing a lot of sets on my own even when I'm out with multiple wings.
Dancing has helped me be able to at least look like I'm having fun in the club. It was weird when I didn't dance and I often used to have a few drinks so I'd both loosen up and so I'd have something to do other than just stand around. I also used to talk to guys to warm up. Now I just dance. The physical activity helps pump my state, and again, I look like I'm having fun.
Despite dancing, I felt myself falling out of state. I remember looking around and wondering why I wasn't opening. I did open occasionally but usually in a weak way. I had this girl with glasses hooked but I lost confidence as she kept looking past me. Later, I saw she was going back to some guy, but I realized he had probably just picked her up. Thinking back, if I had kept dancing with her, and lead her away, there was a good chance I would have stolen her away.
Finally, the guys showed up, which temporarily pumped my state. I lead Andydufresne downstairs and asked him to open this 2-set with him. I wanted the blonde in that set but I was out of state so I asked him to open her and I was gonna settle with the friend. I think this is the girl he almost pulled. I, on the other hand, had the friends attention, but I was talking to her so weakly, that a guy or guy friend standing nearby pulled her away from me. I hate that shit but I knew that I deserved it that time.
"Hey, I like your dance moves:"
After that 2-set, I proceeded to open a few more sets, but mostly I just danced around at various venues. My dancing is okay. I do well during songs that I like and have heard often as I'm familiar with the beat and don't have to focus on the beat. I've always done a lot of the same moves, but my dancing has become even simpler lately as I've forgotten a lot of the moves I used to know. I actually learned how to dance from several Youtube videos. One PlayerSupreme one taught me how to listen to the beat of the song. The other helpful videos were from some Asian guy from the UK that promotes his DVD series with several free clips on Youtube.
I was dancing near Nintendo and this Tyler looking wing (I have to get his nickname as he's been out with us a lot lately). I got bored and started to walk to the other side of the club. I walked by this group of several girls that I had spotted before but hadn't opened. The excuses I had for not opening is that they were hot, there were guys around them, and they were dancing. I'll open hot girls but it's harder when I'm not in state and I wasn't in the best state at this time. Lately, I've been avoiding mixed sets despite the fact that I like the AMOG confrontations they create and know how to handle them. Again, I'm going to work on opening more mixed sets. The dancing was the biggest factor. I'm still struggling to make myself open dance floor sets. I have the easiest time opening when I'm dancing and a girl happens to walk by: I can grab her and pull her into me. I struggle with going up to a girl, or even worse, several girls that are already dancing, especially if they are dancing very energetically.
As I walked by this blonde, she stopped me. I think she might have tapped me on the shoulder. I remember turning as a result of that or just because she was saying it loudly enough, "Hey, I like your dance moves."
I had to fight the urge to think she was fucking with me:
That's the old frame I had to deal with. As I don't get opened that often, I still struggled with it today. Tyler talked about how when he was a teenager, a group of girls at the mall once told him that he was cute and he assumed they were messing with him and responded accordingly. I always felt that was until years of sarging and again, I still struggled with it tonight. I realize that I do look like I'm having fun when I'm dancing but I also realize that I do the same moves and even more so now since I haven't watch the Asian guy's video lately. Still, I told myself that some hot girl isn't gonna open me to mess with me at this point so I recognized that she liked me. I doubt it was my looks. Maybe she likes Asian guys, but I suspect it was my confidence of dancing by myself and my ability to just have fun out there by myself which is something most guys can't or don't do one the dance floor.
Despite realizing she liked me, I still made what could be interpreted as an insecure comment, but it also came across as being funny and she laughed. I said, "Well, you can thank this Asian guy from Youtube and I learned how to dance from Youtube." I then introduced myself and grabbed her hands and started dancing with her.
After a little bit, I spun her a bit and then pulled her into me. My mind was telling me the right moves but I wasn't listening. My mind said, "You have to pull her in closer."
Hot girl and Some guy try to steal her from me:
I want to explain how strange this situation was for me. This girl was totally my type: blonde and tall, pretty face, slim body. I don't like ratings because they are subjective but let's say she was surely an HB8. I tend to rate certain types of girls (e.g. tall girls, redheads, and blondes) higher than other guys might, but suffice it to say that this girl was one of the hottest girls I've had a good interaction with in all my time sarging. I might have opened hotter girls and even hooked a few hotter girls for a min, but I never had an interaction of more than few minutes with a girl that I'd consider this hot. On top of that, she opened me?! Wow.
Some guy nearby didn't seem to think this match fit. I never did get a look at him. I remember some male hand came in and tapped her on the shoulder. The guy was obviously taller than me from the angle it came at. She turned to looked at him and he was waving her over.
Here's the funny shit. She blew him off completely. I have to admit that I love when guys try to pull girls off of me and the girls reject them and stay with me. The last time this happened was with that Polish girl from a 4-set with Crazyfoot that I got to meet me out at Sound Bar in September. This chode kept trying to wave her over to get up from sitting next to me and she kept waving me off. Tonight was an even better reference experience as again, this girl was hot and totally my type.
A minute later, this guy tried again. She blew him off.
Here's the thing. While this was going on, I'll repeat, my mind was telling me the right moves, but I just wouldn't "walk the path" to use the line from "The Matrix." My mind said, dance up on her in the way that you were dancing with that girl on New Year's. When this guy started trying to steal her from me, my mind was telling me, "Tell her, 'What is up with this chode?'" My mind was telling me also to lead her downstairs as it was darker downstairs, more crowded so we would have been forced to dance closer together, I'd get her away from this annoying, try hard AMOG, I'd get her away from her friends, and I'd feel more comfortable escalating down there.
Did I listen to my voice of calibration? Nope. I hate when I do this. This is the same shit that happens when I'm in the Andydufresne situation and fail to act. Well, I guess last Saturday was an exception as I was truly caught off guard to be in a late game situation. Ever since then, I've been more prepared for late game, but I couldn't get myself to follow my instincts.
I'll be fair to myself by saying that at least I can see the moves. I always write what Ozzie said, "Calibration can't be taught." This voice tells me the right moves because I recognize from the past what's going on based on how the girl is acting or reacting and based on what on learned from past successes and failures.
Embarrassed but also more confident:
Not long after, the girl busted me out and said, "Well, I'm gonna dance with my girlfriends." I said, "Cool." She tried to compliment me to let me off more easily. I just said, "Cool" again. My calibration had told me I was gonna get busted out soon because I didn't make those moves so I wasn't surprised when she decided to end the set.
I would avoid that area for the next half hour that I was there because I was embarassed about how chodely I had behaved. Here this hot girl had found me attractive enough to do something odd for girls: she approached a guy. More importantly, she went out on a limb to approach me. She sensed the fun, confident qualities that are inside of me, but I instead hid that part of me and acted like a chode. She was hoping I'd be the cool, confident, dominant guy that leads that I portrayed myself as in the way I danced by myself and amused myself.
At the same time, I couldn't help but smile that I had gotten open but this hot girl that was totally my type. It gave me confidence to open other girls with more entitlement that I did for most of other openers that night. I even tried to do 2j's arm around both girls dance floor opener near the end of my night. I got a brutal bust out from that but just laughed about it.
Overall, I'm disappointed that I messed this set up, but I think this will have some lasting effects as a reference point. I can see myself being more confident in dance floor openings. I think I'll have more leverage to force myself to lead the girls like I know I need to do when I remember the pain of losing this set. I'll close by saying that I can't help but feel more entitled with girls in general after this. Yes, I screwed up, but I'm going to be more confident when I open others girl because I know there is something this girl saw in me when I didn't even think I was doing anything special that made her want to open me. Yes, I disappointed her but I disappointed her by not being the true confident guy that I am supposed to be, that I really should believe in being after all these years of grinding through the game and improving myself.
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