Tonight was a massive breakthrough. I've been close the last few nights. I didn't write about it, but I kept telling myself that I've been getting sick of all the time I was standing around in self doubt and not taking action. Wednesday helped me realize the power of momentum . While I struggled most of the night ,when I forced myself to open sets, even when I got bad responses, I felt a tingling inside. It made me want to open more.
Tonight, I told myself I was going to take charge and force myself to take action. I picked up 2j and we arrived at the bar. We ran into AndyDufresne at the bar. We hadn't been in contact with him this night, so we weren't expecting to see him. We chatted for a bit. Then, I went into my pregame speech mode. I was actually thinking about this on the drive in. I thought about how I would want to be motivated. I looked into AndyDufresne's eyes and said, "You know, the last few nights, I've been sick of all the time I spent doubting myself. I said tonight, I was gonna believe and take action." He said that he told himself he wanted to that as well tonight. He then said that he and Nintendo had gone out several times and said they were gonna hit it hard from the start and then stood around for an hour. I felt myself getting pumped. I said, "I believe in this. I believe us. It doesn't have to be that way."
I remember turning and opening this girls near us. I busted out in like 30 seconds, but then I turned back to AndyDufresne. I guess he got motivated by my action because he opened this set near us. I went to wing him and lasted a long time with that set.
After that, I just kept forcing myself to approach. I was having fun and just blurting out whatever was on my mind. It felt great to access that creative side of me. I found that in the zone, I really could come up with random, silly stuff that would get laughs more frequently than I would have expected. I ran several two sets with AndyDufresne. I felt like two of them were promising if we pushed harder. I even went back solo trying to make something happen . I realized that 2j was right in that AndyDufresne doesn't respond well to resistance. He's used to the good responses he often gets and easy compliance. It's cause he's good looking. He's not a model, but he's better looking than most PUA guys and he often gets good responses from girls. In one 2-set that was going well tonight, I asked AndyDufresne why he left the set when it had been promising. He said that he asked the girl to go dance and she didn't want to. I replied, "So what? That's standard. You keep talking and then ask again later."
It made me realize later that this was just more evidence of what 2j was saying. That's not standard for AndyDufresne. He is used to getting compliance when he asks with girls. When he doesn't, he leave the set. He gets the compliance a lot though. So many girls open easily when he goes in. I've seen hot girls respond well initially quite a few times as well. For me, and 2j says for him as well, it's usually not the case. I've gotta try to move the girls to the dance floor or around the venue several times before they'll go with it.
The point in this analysis is not to knock AndyDufresne. It is just a lesson for me to again realize that I my supposed handicaps are gifts. I haven't had it easy on this journey, and it's forced me to improve certain aspects of my game that good looking guys don't have to fix and I should be thankful for that. It also reinforces this inner game idea I mentioning.
I have to believe in myself and stop doubting myself. Whatever flaws that I think I have are just imaginary. Guys who have the things I lack will do the same thing I do and doubt themselves. I see too many moment where EVERYONE I'm out with has moments where THEY DOUBT THEMSELVES. This includes Drama, who has really good game and pulls a lot.
This is why I'm getting sick of the doubt. It's useless. I can choose to stop falling into the trap. I'll say that tonight was a breakthrough. I spent so little time doubting myself. There were a few moments when I didn't want to go back in with these sets from earlier, but it was the last I doubted myself since I started going out again. It felt so good to just see girls and open them. It felt good to speak my mind and have fun. I felt alive. I felt like I had found my powers again.
Now, I can open again, and girls will talk to me for a long time. I just need to focus on create sexual tension, teasing, flirting, and leading. It's like I fast forwarding through my lessons from early summer in just a few days as I returned. It took me like 6-7 times to open again like a machine and be comfortable staying in set. Now, I want to focus on creating attraction with kino and the things I mentioned earlier in this paragraph. I hope I'll get through those lessons at an accelerated pace so I can be faced with pulling and logistical problems again; that is the level I was at before I spiraled out of control.
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