I take the title of this post as my lesson for the day. It's a bit of a rant resulting from this birthday set with bad logistics, but there's some truth there as well that's only going to help me.
I started out the evening in a bad mood. I took a nap and woke up thirsty and I just felt unsettled. Talking with my wing men helped improve my mood and we warmed up at this new roof top venue. Nothing much happened there so we hit our usual spot. My trip, that I should make some posts about, I fear made me like drinking again. The three beers I had seemed to just ignite my state, which I feel is somewhat of a cheat code. While I was slightly intoxicated, I kept thinking I was losing my ability to get things going sober, but I realize now that it's not true. I had a good night pushing sober with some forums guys last Thursday, and I had a rougher next the following night drunk.
Going back into set and dance floor:
I did kick myself in state with the beers and then just opening. What I'm happiest about is that I pushed myself hard tonight. With the set in question, I returned 5-6 times, though in retrospect, I should have gone back in earlier in the night instead of waiting until closing times. I approached this other set several times. This slightly chubby snow white looking girl was into me, but she kept getting dragged away by her friend. The very last time was near closing time and her friend and two guy friends dragged her away so I figured it was a lost cause at that point. I also didn't see them again.
I must say dance floor is easier when you're drinking. I made several attempts there, though I wasn't as confident with this tall blonde as I should have been. Still, I think I'll do better Friday (tonight), and I'm forcing myself to do sober sarging tonight.
Dance floor opening:
Before I start my rant, let me set the scene on this birthday set. There was this cute girl with a party hat on, but it turns out she was just wearing it for this chubby blonde who was having her 21st birthday party. I opened my target on the dance floor. I danced with her for a bit and she wandered off and I didn't try to scoop her back off because I didn't want to dance there all night.
Here might have been my mistake. I should have just started to lead at that point. I consistently have been making the error of not leading enough, but at the same time, it's hard to pull the girl away from a birthday set like this. As I said above, I think I could have gone back earlier in the night instead of waiting until the end. Some other guys worked their way into the set. I realized this later when Seagull and I were working the set outside. There were these two guys that I had seen hanging out with the set. One of them kissed this girl that ended up not going to the after hours. This set turned out not to really have cockblocks in it, so had I gone in sooner, I might have been able to isolate and escalate with my target.
Didn't know how to lead because my target wasn't the leader:
When I saw my birthday set outside, I went back in. I kept throwing out ideas and fishing for information from my target and she kept saying, "I don't know what we're doing. I'm not the leader." As I write this, I guess the move was to just go through the birthday girl, but she was drunk and wandering around trying to hit on random guys.
At this point, my target told me the birthday girl wanted to get laid. Seagull was working this cute brunette and my target pointed her out and said, "That one has a boyfriend" and made it seem like Seagull was wasn't his time. I told Seagull this so he could change targets if he wanted.
My target was a little all over the place. Maybe I should have chosen one of the other girls. I talked to one of the other friends later and she was a bit more receptive and interactive and maybe I would have done better with her. I liked my target; however. My girl went to find the birthday girl.
I don't know how to steal her from that guy:
I said that to Seagull. Some random guy was talking to my girl and I remember blurting that out. Seagull told me to go back in. I knew that was the move but I was just stalling and his prodding made me do it. He also did the old trick of engaging the guy with some bullshit (Seagull told me he just asked the guy about after hours) and I opened my target.
I kept pushing for the nearby after hours. Seagull mentioned how he doesn't like that place. I don't like it either, but the girls confirmed they wanted some clubby after hours place as opposed to a low key bar. Finally, the girls decided to go to after hours.
At after hours, I danced with my girl again, but Seagull was right in pointing out that I should have pushed for isolation and tried to escalate. I had it in my head that I wasn't going to get my girl away from the birthday group, but I didn't even try. It might not have been possible but I need to at least make the move.
Later, the set went outside. I felt a bit uncomfortable following them out, but then I thought of something in the spur of the moment. It was hot so when I got outside, I engaged my target and said, "Wow, it's hot as hell in there. I just came out to get some air. You guys are leaving already?"
The birthday girl was all over trying to talk to guys. My target kept following the birthday girl.. Birthday girl would later verbalize how she was annoyed that my target (and some of her other friends) would steal the attention of the guys from her. It wasn't a conscious thing. The girls would just walk up and the guys would start talking to the cuter friends.
At one point, this tall English guy caught my targets attention. Now, here is where I admit I was just at a disadvantage. My target had studied abroad in England and really enjoyed it. Here was a good looking guy who had decent presence who reminded her of all the good times there.
This didn't stop me from trying. I left the set for a bit and then I went back in. I actually threw out some standard Tyler AMOG lines, put my arm on the guy, and started talking. I actually dominated the conversation there, and I should have just kept talking. Instead, I left because I figured I couldn't keep it up and it was a lost cause. Later, I went back in. Again, I pulled her attention away from him for a bit, but then she'd turn to listen to his story again as he kept talking to the other friend.
If you're selling a Ferrari:
I remember Tyler or someone saying something like this. Basically, this girl didn't want what I was offering anymore. At first, I felt a bit inadequate, but then I just got into a pissed off rant. Finally, I settled on this little bit. I might not have been in my top form, but I know that I have cool and interesting things to say. That used to be just a blind faith belief, but I know through reference experiences that many girls have just loved my verbal game. I was saying some good stuff and it did catch her attention, but she just kept getting drawn back to that guy.
I realized that I just needed to forget it. If you're selling a Ferrari, you don't need to convinced your buyer. If they don't want what you're offering, find a different buyer. This girl wasn't worth my time at this point and I was just beating my head against a brick wall.
Average girls are more impressed by looks:
I could have made this rant about my target, but I get why this was a special case with this English guy. What set me off was the birthday girl. She and this other friend went back inside, and I came up with the idea that we'd try to isolate them onto the dance floor and away from the friends outside. Seagull was able to get his new target to stay but I couldn't keep the birthday girl from going directly outside again.
I opened her again outside, and she started getting crazy about having lost this earring. The friend actually found it and the birthday girl got all excited. She gave me a quick kiss on the lips in excitement, but then went to the friend.
Being drunk and an ADD party girl, she got distracted by some tall guy that sensed the high buying temperature and starting talking to her. I tried going in. I think I got a little too confident. I came in saying total nonsense. She had been trying to find some other lost item, and I came in saying, "I found it! I found the answer!"
She got excited and then I just said, "The answer is, it comes from within."
I think my mistake was I just stopped with that, as if it were supposed to inspire some moment of enlightenment. In retrospect, I should have just plowed with more material and I might not have gotten busted out. Instead, I stood there for a second, and then she told me goodbye and went back on this taller dude.
Time for the rant:
At this point, I'm aggravated. I made some mistakes here. I should have engaged my target more earlier in the night. I should have plowed with more material in my last interaction with the birthday girl. In any case, I've heard what I'm about to say in theory, and I've also have enough reference material to lead some credence to this theory. Witnessing Andydufresne at time is also evidence.
Looks don't matter. If you're game is on, your looks don't matter, and you can trump better looking guys with superior game. That's the old community mantra, and I've come to truly believe it from experience through the years.
What I've also come to learn is that the average looking girls, and I guess uglier girls as well, but I stay away form them nowadays, care more about looks than the hot girls. Andydufresne would get a lot of give me from average girls. He'd get opened by them and give him less resistance. That's cool and last year, there was a period when I was envious of it. I finally got over it when I realized it was a curse as much as a gift. It sounds like a gift because I would love to get opened and have an easier time getting laid. It's a curse because the hot girls that we all want, that he wanted as well as he tired of 7's, don't care as much about looks. Andydufresne wouldn't get opened by the super hot girls. To get the super hot girls, you just have to be more alpha and run smooth game just like anyone else does.
Back to my own experiences, it's with average girls or worse that I've had turn their attention to some taller, good looking guy. Now, this doesn't happen when I've had them hooked. Often, it's when I'm trying to hook for closing time game, and the girl is drunk or something. Again, the English guy is a different story. He had some unique thing going for him that my target liked. I told Seagull that it would be equivalent to me turning my attention to a redhead or a Polish girl over my target. The English guy had some decent stories and good enough game, so I can't feel too bad. It pissed me off when the guy has shit game, and it's obvious the girl is just drawn by his looks.
The theory:
I remember reading something about this, so it isn't just my ranting creation. It's that average girls try to boost their self esteem by trying to hook up with some better looking guys to make them feel better about themselves. The hot girls don't do this. They are more drawn by a dominant guy and a guy who cool. This reminds me of what Tyler said about how you can just be "friendly and cool" with really hot girls and it's a huge DHV. It doesn't do much with average girls because they are used to a lot of guys coming up to them and being calm and cool as the guys aren't intimidated by them. The really hot girls have the experience of too many guys not being to act normal around them and Tyler says this is why being able to do so stands out so much.
My experience:
I'll close with that tall brunette from River North that I keep talking about to Seagull and I keep writing about in posts here. That particular night in question, I was in top form, so I probably would have had a better chance of just really hooking my target. On the other hand, there's a lesson from that night as well.
I remember there was this average looking girl and my hot target that night. There was this tall, buff, good looking guy nearby. I had engaged the two set. I had actually opened my target earlier but she had wandered off and I opened her again in this 2-set. The guy might have been an orbiter. When he got close, the average girl jumped on him and tried to bust me out by saying, "This is my boyfriend."
Then the lame ass tried to bust me out by saying, "Yeah, these are both my girlfriends."
Lol. That's exactly what I thought, especially because I was in massive state. My thoughts right now are, "If you think I'm going to walk away with some dumb ass line like that, you've got to be kidding."
My hot target gave him this sour face as well.
2j would explain this with his bit about how he's found that the hotter girls (I'm talking legitimate HB8-9's, meaning here in Chicago, the hottest girls you'd see in a particular venue or the hottest girls you might see all night after hitting several venues) are more socially calibrated. She gave the guy a weird look because he was being socially awkward.
On top of that, I'd say she wasn't impressed by his look. I know this to be true. I see good looking guys get busted out by hot girls all the time. Well, we all get busted out all the time.
I'll just say that my experience with hot girls is that I lose them only when I start to act weird, or if some cooler more dominant guy comes along. It just seems to me to be true that the looks don't have an effect with these girls. I won't lose a hot girl to some random guy just because he's taller and better looking. When guys like that come in thinking it's going to be easy to just get rid of me by showing up or saying something dumb, it's actually easier for me to just blow them out. Again, I've experienced it for more for an average girl to just get drawn to a guy because of his looks and stay for a bit despite his shitty game.
This is a good lesson regardless of it's veracity:
In any case, even if I'm deceiving myself, this is a good lesson for tonight. I might as well go for the hotter girls for the reasons I gave above. I want the hotter girls anyway, and if I internalize the above, it will help me.
One could argue that I'm wrong. One could also say that maybe I act differently with the hotter girls . In the particular River North set, I was a bit more dominant and teased a bit more than I normally do.
I'm going to stop now and just be determined to focus my efforts on the hottest girls tonight.
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