Sunday, August 4, 2013

Making the poker table laugh with my creative AMOG lines

This happened awhile ago while I was playing cards.  I was listening to the commercial free Pandora on my phone (free and no commercials until 2014 on Windows mobile phones, and I have truly unlimited grandfathered internet) when suddenly this guy sat down on the other side of the table.  Immediately, I could tell he was one of this alpha guys that like to talk a lot and mess with people at the table.  He started with one guy next to him, and work his way around the table as he played hands against people.  I'll give him some credit.  He actually got one guy off his game and the guy started to dumb money.  On top of that, the guy actually had some real funny lines that got guys reacting to him and qualifying themselves to him.

I ignored him and just listened to the music but I knew that he was gonna eventually get to messing with me.  I got myself mentally prepared for it.  I knew I couldn't just completely ignore it.  I suppose that was one way to do it, but I figured my best move would be to be ready to respond to him.

Sure enough, within about 10-15 minutes, he got around to trying to mess with me.  I don't play many hands so he didn't have any hands to face me, and I really was on the complete opposite side of the table so it took him awhile to work his way to me.

He tries to get my attention:

AMOG:  Hey.  Hey.  (He loudly kept trying to get my attention.  He said a few more things than that.  I don't remember the exact lines, but it was clear to everyone at the table (including me) that he had to be talking to me.  Now, here's where I could have chosen to just ignore him, but my read was this would encourage him.)

I thought of Tyler's explanation of how you would respond to some obnoxious guy in a set or some social group trying to get you to show him the photographs you were showing to someone.  (The post was written back in the day when there weren't digital cameras in everyone's phone, and where guys would do stuff like Mystery's old photo routine.)  The obnoxious AMOG would come up and yell, "Hey, hey!  Show me your pictures."   Tyler said that the right way to respond would be to just wait a few seconds, and then say in a monotone voice "Here you go."

That's what I did here.  I waited for im to try to get my attention for like 10-15 seconds.  It was a few "Hey's" and some line that was descriptive enough to make it clear he was talking about me.  I then looked up slowly away, looked him straight in the eye:

Me: What's up, man?

Worked like a charm.

Other exchanges:
I actually should have written this right after it happens because I had some real zingers and I don't remember all of them.  I was in a great mood as I had a good night sarging prior to this.

I remember him trying to tool me about my haircut:
AMOG: Hey, where did you get your hair cut?

Most guys would lose status here as they would show that they were affected by the guy commenting about their haircut.  I would show in their body language or in their tone of voice if/when they responded.

I'll never forget the first time I successfully landed an AMOG line on a guy coming into my set.  I was so surprised when I saw his body language alter in a way to made it obvious that the line made him feel a little insecure.

After all these years, I finally got to the point where I really don't give a shit AT ALL what this guy thinks of my haircut.  My hair could have been all over the place and I could have needed a haircut and I wouldn't care what this guy thinks.  This is totally opposite to where I used to be years ago.  I used to be massively insecure to the point where I really think I had social anxiety.  I always relate the story of how I used to fear that people where judging me for how I was eating a burger at McDonald's.  Seriously...

I did an old game trick of using a DLV to try to show higher status.  I said, "Super Cuts $5 hair cut."   I actually meant to blurt out Great Clips.  What I said actually made no sense because that place where you watch sports while getting a hair cut (I think It's Super Cuts) actually costs more than $5.  The guy responded, "Oh, right on man.  I like watching the sports too while getting my hair cut."

Tries to make a comment about my phone:
AMOG: (Obnoxiously loud, trying to get my attention) Hey, is that an iphone?  Is that an Iphone?

This time I just ignored him.  A few minutes later, he repeated it again.  I said, "It's a Nokia."
AMOG:  (Obnoxiously again) Does it have bluetooth?
Me: (I wait a few seconds.  Then I respond, in a mostly monotone voice.)  What do you think?

AMOG: (About a minute later.  Obviously, trying to get me to flinch by making referring to the stereotype of Asian guys being tech geek types)  Are you one of those tech guys?
Me: (I didn't respond and just gave him strong eye contact.)  

Closing it out with lines that made the table roll out in laughter:
I'll never forget my last round at the table.  This was like when I had that one engaged girl in Lincoln Park totally loving my lines.  It's what I describe as a moment when I'm just being so create and funny and it's almost surreal.  On top of that, I really don't think the lines are that funny but somehow they make everyone laugh.  I remember walking away from the table and thinking about it on the drive home.

I remember telling myself, "I really don't give myself enough credit.  I can be really creative and witty."  I remember thinking then that I shouldn't be afraid to go into mixed sets while out sarging because of reference experiences like this.  I guess tonight's adventures, in addition to this past experience, will really drive me to push my boundaries in dealing with orbiters or AMOG's.

AMOG: (obnoxiously, of course) Hey!  Hey!  Do you have any gum?  Do you have any gum?  (He literally would repeat shit because I wouldn't respond right away.  According to Tyler's theory, this behavior makes it clear that I'm winning this battle because he's reacting more to me.)

 (He was saying this as it was obvious I was chewing gum as I chew 2-3 pieces and I really move my jaw a lot when I'm chewing gum.  Again, he was trying to get me to react in some way and the only thing that came to his mind was the gum.  Thinking back, it's funny how you can just pick anything and most guys will react and drop their status in relation to you.  In my case, it just wasn't going to work because I know this game too well.

I was especially on top of my game because I was making clever comebacks.  Another way to handle this would be to just ignore a lot or give monotone or breaking rapport responses.  As long as you didn't show any changes in body language that showed you cared what he thought of you, you'd be winning the battle.  The thing is, you don't get the whole table laughing with that method.)

Me:  Yeah.  (This was the first thing that came to mind, and I really was surprised at the response of the people at the table.  I looked up.   I was in a hand, and this guy actually isn't supposed to make comments while a hand is being played as it wasn't a heads up hand.   If I recall correctly, it was a 3-way hand with another guy, the AMOG and me.  We acted in that order as I had position.  I bet after they both checked.  The other guy check raised me.  The AMOG either called or folded.  I had to think for a second but I ended up folding. I remember looking up and making eye contact with the AMOG.  I smiled.)  

Me: (I opened my mouth a bit, in a way that the gum would be visible.  I reached towards my mouth like I was going to grab a piece.)  Do you want some?

(I remember that 1-2 guys groaned in disgust.  Several guys were laughing.  One of the guys next me had initially groaned in disgust and then started laughing.  I really didn't think it was that funny as I was delivering it, but it felt so good to be dominating this AMOG battle and making the entire table roar out in laughter.  I should mention that a happy table is usually a better table than a quiet table.  What I mean is that people usually are looser with their money at a loud, happy table, and tight with their money on a quiet, serious table. )

Closing bit:
I had to go as I was tired and I think I had to get up for something that next day.

Me: (This was like 2 hands after the gum chewing exchange.) Unfortunately, guys, I have to go.  Good night every one.

AMOG:  (takes off his hat and tips it foward) Do you want my hat?

I have to give the guy credit because he actually is pretty good.  It makes no sense, but this works on 95-98% of the guys.  I mean his random lines increase his social status by lowering the social status of most intended targets.  Again, the simple reason is because they react to it and it hits their self esteem.  I didn't really know what to say.  That was my immediate response.  I could have just walked away.  The battle was over and I was leaving anyway.

I really was in the zone as a second later my response came.

Me: You should autograph it.  It might be worth something some day.

The table busted out laughing again.

AMOG:  (It took him a few seconds.  It took him a lot longer for this response than any other of his other comebacks).  Do you have a pen?

I'll close by giving him credit.  I thought it was a good response.  This guy was relentless and somehow I was outwitting him each time.  I wonder how long I could have kept it up.  I've dealt wit ha few other guys at the table before.  Usually, they'll leave me alone after 1-2 clever comebacks because they realize I'm not an easy target.  This guy persisted the most out of any guys I've dealt with in the past, but it just shows how creative and witty I can be, especially when I'm in massive state.

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