Wednesday, August 28, 2013

I needed t0 lead, be decisive, just plan the next step, and remember that girls want sex, they want this to happen

I had a few days and analysis with Seagull and 2j to figure out where I went wrong.  It was helpful to me to write out those extremely long posts in that I was able to relive the experiences and examine where I went wrong.  I realized that I was lost in that overall, I haven't been in that many late game situations.  As this happens more and more, I'll get as comfortable there as I am in opening and other early situations.  The overall problem was that my mind set was off.  It was really helpful to talk to someone like 2j who more experienced with pulling.  By the time I had my talk with him on Monday, I realized that what I needed was to hear the thought processes that are going through his head when he's in the process of pulling. 

2j on Friday set:
Before I get into my lessons, I'll just say that he agreed that I should have thrown out the after party idea both in line, and then later after the diner.  One idea that immediately came into his head is that I could have said, "I can give you a ride home.  If I do, are you gonna invite me up for a drink?"  He said this would set the frame that I'm not just being a regular chump offering the ride home.  He said if she said, "No" he'd do a harsh takeaway by saying something like, "No, (start backturning) well, fuck you then.  I thought we were having a good time here."  Then, "I'm just kidding.  I'll give you a ride anyway." 

I debated whether going for the after party would have been worth it if it looked like the logistics meant I probably wasn't going to get laid.  He said that just spending more time there would solidify the set.  After further analysis, I also realized that getting the lay might have been a possibility as I think I wrote that one friend was driving home, my target and one of the other girls were roommate, and the third girl was staying there.  This girl likely had their own rooms and it probably wouldn't be like the Irish girls from two years ago that were sharing a tiny room.  Another lesson is that I need to screen for logistics, which I completely fail to do, so I'd know the exact situation in future sets.

Think of the next step:
I told 2j that I was just confused, which was understandable.  He brought back the old adage that RSD has repeated several times on the Free Tour: just think of the next step.  I got lost, first in debating whether I should try for the hotel or try to my place, or what the overall plan was.  2j said I should have just focused on the next move, so when I was walking to the hotel, I should have just focused my mind on how I was going to get upstairs instead of worrying about how I was going to plan the whole night. 

Be more decisive and lead:
Thinking back, this is where I was lacking.  Sure, I was leading more than usual and it actually felt good to act alpha.  I started to get unsure about if I was going to be able to go up.  RSD talks about assuming attraction at the start of the set.  I need to keep that mindset throughout the pull.  I should have got it into my head that this was happening.  This girl liked me and wanted this to happen and I just needed to take the steps to make it happen.  I do remember doubting if this girl was even into me in the end which makes no sense.

Girl like sex:
I can't believe I have to work on this lesson again, but it seems like I do.  I'm open minded in many ways when I come to sex.  I've written that I probably come across as a prude sometimes, I sure had a bit of that wrong mind set when I was walking with that redhead.  Most girls have had one night stands before.  They are not naive, especially in this day and age.  She knew what walking around with me and letting me walk her to the hotel likely would lead to and she yet I wouldn't acknowledge in my head that she wanted that to happen. 

What comes to my mind is that I understand all this logically now and accept that girls like sex and enjoy it and want it to happen.  I understand the societal pressures put on them and how they want it to happen a certain way with the right type of guy.  It seems to me that my problem is an inner game problem.  I haven't seem to internalize the belief that girls can want this to happen with me. 

I know it's just a process and I can work on this in the same way that I worked on the early version of this mind set.  What I mean is that this is same issue I had when I used to doubt if girls really wanted to talk to me after I opened them, or if the girls really want me to keep talking to them, or if they want me to escalate.  I was watching a good RSD Brad video where he talks about how if the girl is still standing in front of you, then it means it's on, she wants it. 

To break my wrong mindset, I just have to have the faith that it's true.  That's not entirely true.  I've pulled several times, so I have a few reference experiences to prove to me that I can meet a girl and then hook up with her on the same night. 

Act like I did when I actually pulled, and also like I did with that bouncer Saturday:
This is my ultimate lesson.  I realized that I had all these doubts about escalating or leading this weekend, and for the past few weeks.  I seem to have forgotten that deep down I know what I"m supposed to do.  I might not have the calibration down or the experience to know the exact tactics I need for every situation that can arise, but I at least should be able to recall the mindset that got me the SNL.  When I was able to pull, I had a belief in my head (and it was often pretty early on), that it was on with this girl, and that I was going to make it happen.  I felt confident and determined to make it happen and that's how I was able to deal with some resistance. 

I think back on that sat I pulled just a little over a year ago.  The one that kept having her friends calling and then kept throwing up all kind of verbal bullshit about wanting to go to this place for food, and then not wanting to, and then giving me bullshit about my lifestyle, before she ultimately just let it happen with so LMR when I dropped of tacos at Nintendo's place.  This redhead was giving me far less resistance.  I was just unsure of myself. 

Seriously, when I think about it now, I realize how badly I blew it.  The only resistance she gave was when I first opened her and she didn't want to go grab food the first 2-3 times I suggested it.  After that, she just followed my lead.  She didn't even object to walking her to the hotel. 

I disappointed her:
I was stupidly unsure if she waned to me to try to go upstairs, if she wanted to hook up with me.  Now, I realize that she knew the deal.  As I wrote before, she's likely done this before and knew what it meant to hang out with me this long and let me walk her to the hotel.  I wrote about what I felt were cocky comments.  Thinking back, when I said, "I'm enjoying this night" and she replied something like, "I bet you are..." meaning because I was with her, that was probably just a comment of knowing what the deal was.  She wasn't cocky in that she was suggesting that I was having a really good night by just walking with her.  In her head, she probably thought I was going to make this happen and we were going to hook up.

She should have thought that.  Until I became indecisive at the end, I really was the right type of guy that a girl would want to hook up with.  I was leading and showing all the alpha qualities that girl desire in guys.  I was charismatic and interesting.  I was way above the usual drunken guy or natural she'd probably meet out in the club. 

I really don't give myself enough credit, and it's somewhat due to the fact that I have such cool wings and have instructors as role models for what the epitome of game should be.  In my head, I'm often not sure, and I wasn't sure here because I had some crazy expectation of how perfect I should have been doing things.  I forgot the reality that girls often hook up with shit quality guys, especially when they meet drunken guys out in the club. 

She probably was horny and felt in the party mood especially because she was on a mini vacation.  She met me, and was following my lead, and then I didn't close the deal and got unsure at the end.  I'm sure that was disappointing on some level. 

I often think I'm avoiding making the girl uncomfortable when I don't push for the close, or on my worst days, when I don't open with full confidence, or what I don't try to move the girls around the club or lead in general.  Maybe when I'm in that mindset, I can remember that I'm actually creating discomfort by not making things happen and by not leading. 

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