Sunday, December 2, 2012

Fake it till you make it vs Playing in the Big Leagues

As I took a break from the computer, I thought of a good analogy that I feel is going to help me solidify that belief in myself that I have so desperately sought all these years and feel is within my grasp.

Fake it till you make it:
This is a community concept that I learned early on.  I was nervous around women, had no skills, and no evidence at all that I could have women in my life.  Well, I had one girlfriend that took me 26 years to finally get after I lost like 70 pounds.  She dumped me and I had no clue how I could ever get another girl.

Back then, canned game was king.  You learned cool lines to say to girls and techniques that made it appear like you were funny and could connect with women.  You pretended not to be nervous and having all this canned stuff to say helped you hide your fear.

Beyond that, I just had to have a blind faith that if I worked on pickup, I could eventually learn how to interact with women just like I had learned to ride a bike, learned about nutrition, improved my cardiovascular health, learned calculus, or learned how to PVP as a shadow priest in World of Warcraft.

Eventually, I started to get success, but it still felt like I was more the guy that didn't get girls, and those successes were just luck.

Stop faking that you're still that loser AFC:
Tyler once mentioned the concept in the movie "Avatar" and how it relates to pickup . Recall that in the movie, first the guy in the handicapped solider that plays the blue alien, but eventually he feels like his real life is the blue alien life, and his dream is being that handicapped solider.  Like I wrote above, for most of this journey, I was an AFC pretending to be a PUA that was good with women.  I got lucky and had sex, had a few girlfriends, and got positive feedback from women.

The reality is that I'm more of that PUA that I am that AFC I was once was.  The negative part wants to point out how I haven't gotten laid in awhile, but when I put myself out there, I have good interactions.  I was hard on myself with this life upheaval with my mom moving back in with me at the end of summer.  2j was correct when he told me that it was normal for me to feel my life turn around as it was a big change and it wasn't her fault of my fault.  My stepfather died and this is how life goes.  Fortunately, I'm finally managing to work through these issues and deal with living with my mother again.

The truth is that the stories I hear about myself, and what guys tell me is that they view me more as the PUA guy than anywhere close to being that AFC I was once was.   By doubting myself and telling myself bullshit reasons why I suck, I'm just hanging onto being that AFC.  Why would I continue to hold onto some distant self that I long outgrew?  It was so familiar and feels comfortable at times, but I know that when I push myself and feel confident and take action, I feel some much better.  Social momentum works, and when I finally force myself to approach, I do get into state and that fun outgoing part of me shines through .

Accept that you're ready to play in the NFL:
This is the analogy that I thought of as I went to take a bathroom break while writing this series of posts.  Wings will sometimes point out some minor things that I did wrong when interacting with a set.   I usually tell them, "I know."  Usually I know how I fucked up.  The only time I get lost is in late game situations where I lack experience, and usually I can figure out afterward where I went wrong.   I have the knowledge and skills to be a PUA, but again, I spend too much time doubting if I'm worthy to play.

I realize that what I do is the equivalent of some NFL quarterback sitting there on game day doubting if he's good enough to play even though he was drafted to the team, and is set to start that day.   This analogy fits well for me as I"m an NFL fan.  Moreover, I feel like the analogy still allows me to be humble.

You see, on the one hand I want to believe in myself, but I also see that I have much to learn and experience.     Part of why I sometimes doubt myself when I'm out is that I say, "I haven't pulled that often and I need to learn so much more so why should I believe in myself?"  I realized, to follow this analogy, an NFL quarterback can accept that he's ready to play, but also realize he's not Tom Brady, and he still has a lot of work to do.  I can accept that I'm ready to go to Moe's Cantina and hit up the hottest girls.  I'm not Tyler or Jeffy but I don't need to be.  I've gone far enough on this pickup journey to believe that I'm worthy of the hot girls I see there.  

Once I accept this fact, and take action with a belief in myself, and putting my true self out there, then I can really start to experience the benefits of this pickup lifestyle.  I will start to get those good interactions that I saw more frequently in the summer.  I'll start to pull again, and I'll start to get hotter girls.

Each day is a new game:
I'll finish this post by continuing with this NFL analogy as I use it when I go out.  I sometimes doubt myself because I'll say, "Oh, I'd feel confident if I pulled last night."  I know that's bullshit because when I go out the next day after I've pulled or had sex, I might feel a bit of confidence, but mostly it's the same as any other day.  I see it with wings too and 2j has said that sometimes it feels even harder the next day because your ego tries to protect itself and doesn't want to open or do well because it's afraid of proving that pull was just fluke and is afraid you might get rejected and find evidence that you're not as cool as you thought you were.

I fealized that each day we go out is like another regular season game . It's almost like it's Week 1 in the NFL every time.  You could have pulled a 3-some with two 10's (the equivalent of say winning back to back Super Bowls or something) but that doesn't mean shti in Week 1.  As I wrote above, the pressure is even more on you from your ego if you let yourself fall into that trap.

No, each day I go out, I just have to take action and believe in myself.  I have to face the rejection and possibly creep girls out as I make my approaches.   It's always gonna entail that process so the sooner I stop wasting time standing around doubting or making excuses, the sooner I'll see results that night.  It's also means more time I'll be likely to see results rather that just wasting more of my life standing around doubting myself.  

The strange thing is that I know the rejection doesn't even really bother me that much.  At the beginning of the night, I'll think that's what I fear but when I got get rejected I get reminded that it isn't that bad.  Moreover, I realize that often it's not really the true me that's getting rejected . It's just that awkward guy that just walked into the club that hasn't gotten into party mode yet.

What hurts the most is the inaction and self doubt.  It hurts wondering what could have happened.  

You can also do something really dumb like I did this past Wednesday.  I opened this girl that I related to on so many levels.  We both shared an interest in International Relations, PBS Frontline, and even a Turduken dinner for the holidays.  I felt like we could talk for hours, and the set was ending only because it was closing time, and 2j's girl had a serious boyfriend.  I can't even explain why I didn't number close.  I even looked back to her as the set was ending and our eyes locked and I could feel it was on.

Self-doubt.  I let that rule the day.  I also said, "Blah, it's another bar number that's probably gonna flake."  Whatever, I should have gotten her number and the chances were high we probably would have met again.  She wasn't even drunk so tha was another reason it was less likely to flake in addition to the obvious reasons.  

Again, no more of this shit.  I'll report how, or if these two posts helped me when I report on my next outing.

No comments:

Post a Comment