Saturday, December 29, 2012

Winning a battle against the inner ego demon

If I could feel the way I do right now when I go out Saturday night, I'd probably do very well.  There's a decent chance I'll wake up feeling all tired and beat up but I'll push through it.  I just finished a 9 mile run which is the longest I've run in a few months and I ran it faster that I've run the distance in a long time.  It feels great to be on this diet break and actually be able to allow myself to run fast and not have to hold back to make sure I don't overdo things.  Oh, and my sex drive is back which will help my sarging.  Dieting too hard really killed it which had some benefits but does hurt your desire to actually get somewhere with the girls there.

I titled this post as I kept thinking on the drive home about this struggle with that inner demon in terms of a RPG analogy.  This beast has the regeneration of a troll and might even have some phoenix blood inside it.  I thought I had it slain when I was on a roll at the end of summer and of course it reared it's ugly head and has been with me ever since.  I did learn from my Thursday evening pain.  I was forcing myself to make approaches early.  I stuck in some sets longer than I normally would have and even went back into some sets that I might have chickened out of returning to on most days.  That lead to one particularly rough landing that hurt but I broke through that pain and continued my evening unscathed.

I can't say I was perfect.  There were tougher approaches I could have made and some moments when I should have stuck in longer but my goal wasn't to give an evening where I did my 100% best.  That's hard to do.  Even NFL quarterbacks can't do that every game; yes even Tom Brady who I love to mention.  I gave it my best shot and on another day I could have done better, but I sure feel good about it now.  I didn't want to feel that pain of inaction through ego protection that I felt from Thursday.

Two mistakes in Two good Sets:
Two chances will a tall blonde:
The first was this tall blonde.  I opened her and I couldn't believe how she was giving me the anime eyes and just locking eye contact with me.  Out of all the girls I opened this evening, this might have been the one I had   really hooked off the bat.  My wing, who I call my cousin (the Asian guy who I've mentioned before and apparently goes by the name "JamesAnderson" on the forums) came into try to save me from this cockblock friend.  My girl liked me enough to stay when friend tried to pull her away to the bar.  Then, my calibration began to show me what 2j reported when I got busted out soon afterward.  I had her hooked but I didn't escalate so I lost attraction.  I'll give myself some credit that when I began to see this, I tried moving her to the dance floor but I wasn't alpha enough about that.  Another mistake was that there was this guy in the set and I should have figured out his relation so I know how to handle him.  I don't think it was some random guy but a guy in the friend circle or possibly a boyfriend.

I should title this section "Three Mistakes" as about a half hour later I made another mistake.  I was waiting for JamesAnderson to come out of the bathroom when I spotted the blonde walking across the dance floor area from the women's bathroom.  We made eye contact.  I smiled and waved and she waved back.  Thinking back, and I heck, I realized this just after I got the wave and she kept walking, I should have motioned for her to come over and just held eye contact.  She might have complied if I did it right.  Even if she kept walking, I then walk over and said something like, "Haha dork, don't be afraid of the dance floor" and then stopped her and pulled her in.

Still, I might have avoided approaching this girl on a day when the inner demon of ego protection was winning.  I also wouldn't have hooked her in the state I was in Thursday.  I should at least take this as a sticking point as proof of the belief I'm supposed to have: that I am enough for these hot girls and I deserve these type of girls.  Entitlement.

2-set Freezing in Line:
I was ready to call it a night when we got stuck waiting in this long line for Social.  What turned happening was what I feared and figured was gonna happen: I stood in line with no jacket and ended up not getting in as they closed down the line when we were about 3 people away from getting in.  Still, I don't regret it because it felt good to push things.  JamesAnderson is all about pushing to the bitter end in the way I often was in the summertime.  I think it's okay to call it an early night sometimes, but this is not one of those weeks.  This is the best sarging week we'll have until around Valentine's Day and around St Patrick's Day so we might as well push things hard.  

When we first got in line, these two girls cut in line behind us.  I didn't say anything as they hadn't cut in front of me.  I was debating opening them when the cute brunette asked me how long we had been waiting.  I answered and then proceeded to talk.  Here was my first mistake.  The two girls also had no jackets.  I made some amusing comment that I can't remember and put my arm around her to tell her I'd keep her warm.  Then, I dropped my arm.

Here we can highlight a massive sticking point.  

I thought hard about why I dropped my arm.  I figured it must be that part of me that's afraid she's not gonna like it and that I'm making her uncomfortable by doing it.  I used to do the claw all the time to learn kino and then I stopped having to do it because I learned to calibrate it better.  As I said in Thursday's report, I need to get back to some newbie drills.  This was a situation where I should have listened to Ozzie and kept my arm around her.  It made her warmer so she was fine with it regardless.  On top of that, I have to trust my judgement.  Having done that newbie shit in the past, I know what it looks like when a girl gets uncomfortable with me being too close and with me having my arm around her.  She was not showing those signs.  I was protecting my ego by playing it too safe for dumb reasons.  It sucks to creep out girls and doing newbie drills as a newbie, you can cross the line more often than you'd like.  I don't have that excuse, though.  I need to do more newbie drills and I should have less hesitation doing it since I have the calibration that newbies don't.

I screwed the claw up, but I kept talking to the girl.  I realized the girls wanted to keep partying when I'd occasionally stop talking to them and I'd hear them talking to each other.  They were debating leaving but then they wanted to keep partying.  The kept going back and forth and a few times I threw in reasons to make them want to stay.

Game Plan:
I'll give myself credit for formulating game plans while this set was happening.  This is how you handle situations and keep the sets moving.  When my game is off, like it has been for most of the past three months, I don't have any brain power doing this and instead I'm standing there trying to talk to the girl for as long as possible without escalating or figuring out what I'm going to do with the set.  These thoughts, then, were progress. I thought about grabbing the two girls and then walking to the front of the line and trying to get in with them.  I didn't want to do it because I was afraid it wouldn't work or I was afraid the girls would get in and then I wouldn't.

It's funny that ultimately, the girls waited in line for about 15 minutes and as we got about 5 people away from the front, the squeezed in between the guys and got the front and got let in just before the bouncer shut down the line.  That sucks that I didn't get in because I was gonna try to escalate on that set when I got in . I had that in my head.

As JamesAnderson and I were walking back to my car to hit up another venue, we walked by this other after hours place.  It looks like a trashy crowd every time we walked by and the two times we went, we were lucky if there was even one decent set to open.  I had pointed it out the my wing as we walked by on the way to Social.  Here's the dumb part.  I forgot about that place as I was freezing in line.

I thought of other ideas.  If my wing had his hotel room like he sometimes does, we could have sold an after party there and there was a chance we could have gotten the girls to leave to cold and walk a few blocks to the hotel.  I thought about how if Nintendo had been with me as my wing, I could have told them about getting tacos and then drinking some beers.  We would have taken taco's to go and went to Nintendo's place: the drills once before together and that I did on my last SNL.

If I had remembered that shitty after hours place that was only two blocks away, I could have gotten those girls to come with us.  Yeah the place isn't that great, but it was warm, a bar, had drinks, and the venue change would have solidified things and gotten me time to really amp up attraction and create more rapport.  Out of all the options I mentioned above, I think this would have had the best chance of success and being a gambling man, I'll even sets percentages.  I'd say it had at least an 85% chance of working.  Damn, why didn't I think of it then.

Pushing harder:
We went to the after hours and the sets weren't the easiest to open.  Most were mixed sets or had girls on the dance floor.  Usually when we tell each other there are no sets, we were making excuses.  We did manage to open some sets and we inspired each other to keep trying several times at the after hours when we were ready to give up at different points.  Again, it felt good to really try.

I'd say again that I did the best I could at the time, but yes, there were sets that on a really on night, I would have tried that I didn't tonight.  I might have tried more dance floor approaches.  I'm not surprised I fear that again.  I had slain the escalation and dance floor demons.  Those two things were big hurdles this summer and of course, the time off and inner game shit makes them return as enemies I have to fight again.

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