Sunday, December 9, 2012

Playing it too safe and knowingly making the mistake

I'm a bit frustrated with myself in that I'm struggling still with leading the sets. As I'm in the set, I can tell what I'm doing wrong yet I allow myself to continue doing the wrong thing.  I'm thinking of this blonde 2-set I was in early in the night.  I knew the girl liked me.  I had even suggested checking out the place next door and she didn't object to the idea and accepted it.  I don't even know why I word it like that.  I think I know that when the girl is not ready to venue change or move around the venue, she'd say something like "We have to stay here for awhile."  Thinking back, she probably agreed as much as she's going to.  I think  I said, "The new place  next door is awesome. Blah Blah.  We should check it out later."  She either said, "Yeah" or "That sounds cool."  Yet, I kept standing there talking to her.

Thinking back, I know I just wanted to keep standing in the same spot talking to the girl trying to see how long I could make it last.  That's what you do as a newbie.  Maybe I didn't need to venue change them right that second, but I could tell it was time to move the girl around the club.  I should have had her come with me upstairs and dragged the friend and my wing along if she wouldn't isolate.

I felt a similar frustration later in a Brazillian 2-set.  We were standing there talking to the girls for a bit and we had it hooked.  I could see that it was stalling and I knew we had to move the girls and then the girls ended up walking away.  My wing and I both knew we failed to lead so at least we went back in again.  He lead the girls downstairs this time, and then I got them to sit on the couch.  My wing got a make out but then the girls ran off the bathroom.  I made him go in again and I went to my girl two other times but we couldn't get them away from the friends.  The logistics were shitty as they were with like 3-4 people from college and we just visiting for the weekend.

My bigger failure was that I didn't escalate with the girl.  I spent enough time that I should have kissed my girl too.  Part of me wants to make excuses that she wasn't that cute, but I should still be executing the program.  If I'm talking to the girl, I should be escalating.  Sure, my body might want to do it more if it's a hot girl, but it's not gonna be smooth if I'm not making myself do it in a set like this.  It wasn't like the girl was hideous either. 

I realized I'm playing it safe.  

To use a football analogy, it's like I keep handing the ball off, going for quick outs or screen plays.  I keep trying to go for the high percentage plays instead of trying for some longer passes that might actually blow the game open.  If you played a football game safe, you'd never get down field unless you got really lucky.

I know I'm doing this as ego protection.  I dealt with this sticking point in the summer and I didn't start getting some deeper sets until I made myself move the girl around the club and then ultimately lead her out of the club.  

Ultimately, I think I'm going to get out of this soon.  I know how playing it safe is going to turn out.  The set is gonna turn stale when I decide to not be a man a lead.  If I don't move her around the club, or cut the space between us and move things along physically, the girl is gonna get bored.  She doesn't want another chodey guy friend.  She dreams of meeting a man that's gonna lead her and really turn her on with masculine polarity.  Women have to lead their kids, or lead a project at work.  They want to let that reality go and be lead a by a real man and turn on that primal side of them. 

If I don't want to keep writing posts like this, then I have get past this.  I think I have to approach my next few nights out as drills.  Rather than trying to try to game the best way to get the set, I need to practice moving the girls around the club and trying to get make outs.  Once I'm naturally doing this again, then I can stop the drill and just try to build a connection with the girl and ride the wave out in the best way that I can. 

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