Friday, December 28, 2012

What hurts more that rejection

We all fear rejection.  That's usually the reason we won't open.  After enough approaches, you start not to care what happens.  I'd say that as you get more advanced, you start to not want to open to protect your ego.  I can tell I'm not approaching because I'm afraid I'm gonna get rejected and give myself evidence that I'm not good at pickup.  Either fear is dumb, of course.

I'll tell you what hurts more at the end of the night.  It's that feeling that I didn't give my best effort that evening.  I used to feel frustration when I'd go without results.  Back then, many of the skills I now have were lacking.  While I still have a long way to go, I know I'm better now that I was.  Before, I knew many of the moves, especially in late game, in theory, and now I have the memories of the experiences of actually being the alpha, leading guy I need to be.

As I write this, I think I'm getting back to what's holding me back.  I am better than I was, and I know that so it holds me back because my ego is afraid of getting rejected and having that proven wrong.  This is all despite the fact that I know better.  I know that I can only control my actions.  If I put in the effort and try to make the right moves, the results will happen again.  As it's said, you can be in massive state and really have your game on and not pull if you happen to click with girls with bad logistics or girls with serious boyfriends that they won't cheat on, for example.  You can have a shit night and just get lucky (though as I've mentioned, I've never had any pulls given to me unlike some of other guys I go out with.)

I think it was Tyler that said that I have to decide.  I can either spend my night trying to avoid the possible bad feelings of my ego taking hits, or I could put myself out there, progress, and give myself a real chance of getting good results.  To use that football analogy, as I have in the past, I can keep doing safe screen throws or quick outs, or I can go for the more difficult throws and risk the interception.  I need to throw some deep passes; i.e. actually try to go for make outs and try to pull.  

Thinking back over Thursday night and the last several weeks, I haven't even gone for a make out in forever.  I realized that I keep standing two feet away from the girl like a newbie.  It's like the time off and this inner game upheaval has thrown me back into beginner mode.  I can picture Jeffy's video where he pushes it in your head that you're not gonna take a girls pants off standing two feet away from her.  You gotta get up on her.  Maybe I need to go back to some newbie stuff like Ozzie's claw to at least force myself into doing some kino.  In late summer, I was doing better by calibrating my kino better, but now I've just playing it too safe.

I'll close by saying maybe I found a plan of action.  It's one thing to say "I'm gonna give my best effort."  Sometimes, it's that easy.  I think what I need now is to just pretend I'm new and go back to some fundamentals for newbies.  I better be clawing the girl within a few minutes and I need to move her around the club within say 10 minutes.  I'll also try Tyler's method of building momentum.  He talks about having low expectations for yourself on any given night.  Give yourself credit for approaching.  I'll add Jeffy's addition to that as I know I can approach.  I need to approach and make the conversation man-to-woman instead of friend-to-friend.  If I do that, I can consider it a success.

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