Saturday, December 8, 2012

Trying to be too clever: Fundamentals

I've been proud that my inner game posts have really helped me sort through the issues I've been having.  I went out Thursday with 2j and I just felt great.  It helped that I was feeling shitty from low carbing, and I had a carb up that day and had a good run right before I went out.  I was amusing myself and opening sets with little or no hesitation.  2j made a good point at the end of the night that I was lacking intent.  I was amusing myself too much and not doing enough to get the girl.  I know that I don't do emotional spikes, but besides that, I was doing anything to really try to create a male female dynamic and was just talking too much.

That helped me tonight as I found myself putting in emotional spikes and working on eye contact.  I started off the night for a friends going away party.  That was just a set of craziness and there wasn't much to work there as the usual Polish club had 70's night tonight so the girls were like 15 years older than me.  I was trying to work something with my friend's female friends but nothing hooked.  I was ready to go home, but my wing that met me there (I forgot his nickname and don't feel like looking up, but it's the guy I met at Sound Bar one day when I was alone in the summer) wanted to go to after hours.  He was drunk so I drove and he offered to pay my cover to go this place where some girl was supposed to meet him.  I ended up saying I'd pay half the cover as I felt it was worth that much.

Anyway, the place was the usual text message club crowd of mostly Latinas and mostly guys.  There were some sets but my wing and I just danced for like 45 minutes and didn't do anything.  I did a half ass attempt to open this 2-set one the dance floor.

This actually reminds me of something 2j and I discussed on Thursday as well.  Especially early on the night, with walking street sets, I throw out comments but don't actually try to open the sets like I believe they are going to stop.  I shouldn't be hard on myself when I do these sets, but at the same time, I should be putting a real effort.  Similarly, I tried to open this 2 set on the dance floor by dancing near them but I was holding back.  Of course, it didn't open, and I looked more stupid than if I had actually tried to open them with dance moves for real and got rejected anyway.  The later feels better because I would have been making a full effort for going for what I want, but at the same time, my ego prevents me from fully committing because I know I'm exposing my real self to rejection.

Feeding from a big brush off:
I don't know how I even get time periods where I'm hesitant to approach.  At least, I've been minimizing the time lately, and telling myself that I'm too old to be standing around wasting time has helped me take action.  I say I don't get it because while my ego fears the rejection, I also know that harsh rejections feed me state.  Take today.  After the half ass dance floor approach, I proceeded to walk around and dance around for another 20 minutes.  My wing said he was ready to go but I said I wanted to take a last look around.  I wanted to leave, but I told myself we'd only leave when I opened, or if we walked around and there really weren't any sets left other than couple or mixed sets with even numbers of girls and guys.  Sure you can open those, but I wasn't gonna be hard on myself for passing up on those.

I finally saw this tall blonde that had walked by several times.  I was afraid to open but finally I decided to do it . I tapped her on the shoulder and said something, and she looked at me, probably didn't even hear me, immediately turned away and walked away.  Wow, usually you don't get totally blown off like that.  At the same time, I deserved it.  She was one of the hottest girls there and I was wasting her time with a weak approach being just like the tons of other lame guys that have approached her over the years.  I empathize that it was my own weakness that got me blown out and I knew I could do better than that.

Immediately after that bust out, I felt that gnawing determination that I seem to get from harsh rejections.  It like part of me KNOWS I can do way better than the effort I gave to deserve the rejection, so I feel compelled to open again to prove it to myself.  I immediately saw this 2-set standing by the bar that I had somehow not seen earlier.

The viewer would have been proud:
After a night of mostly doing nothing, and just getting totally ignored like I was a street bum by the tall blonde, I opened this 2-set of brunettes.  The friend was actually the cuter one and in the end, I wished I had opened her instead: she had an amazing resemblance to the actress Zoey Dashanel (sic).  She had very pretty eyes.  My girl was cute and thin.  I learned from Thursdays and threw in some emotional spikes and kino.  We clicked well as she loved travelling and it was easy to talk to her despite my hearing problems causing me to sometimes miss things she was saying.

This wing sometimes doesn't come into set for whatever reason which is annoying.  I can always count on 2j and Nintendo to come into my set and usually do a good job.  Other guys will usually come in even if they get busted out.  I turned and he wasn't there so I had to run this 2-set solo.  It ended up working because the other girl turned out to also be friends with this couple that was next to them . She didn't really interrupt me that much as I had a lot of one on one time with my girl.  The couple then left, and I thought my girl was leaving, so I asked if they were, and she said they were staying.

The friend started distracting my girl a bit, but I talked to both girls to keep myself in set and I text my wing to come in.  He came in but got busted out.  He said he had been asking boring questions.  She shit test him and said, "If you're gonna ask boring questions, you should just walk away" and instead of changing his game, he just walked away.  Wow, we were amateurs tonight.

Well, at this point, someone watching me would ahve been proud.  Again, I was about to go home, and just got ignored, and now I was into this 20 minute set with this cute brunette.  I was doing kino, making her giggle, intriguing her, and having good eye contact.

Time for your move:
The couple left and then the Zoey looking girl left.  At that moment, I knew this was on.  If you're in a 2-set, and the friend leaves you alone with your girl, you know that your girl is into you.  There's a girl code on this. If my girl didn't like me, this would not happen.  If my girl wasn't sure about me, this wouldn't happen either.  Only when the friend sees that your girl is into you will she give you this isolation.  I knew I had to try to number close her.  Well, that's what I thought at the time, but on the drive home, I realized escalation and a make out was the other move at this point.

I started moving towards cool things we could do but instead of just asking for the number, I tried to get cute.

Trick plays football analogy:
I love the football analogy so I might as well use one for this situation.  Tonight was like a game where nothing happened except maybe a big play a half time where the other team got a field goal . At this point in the night, I'm in the 4th quarter.  I also threw an interception: that would be analogous to opening that blonde and getting blown off.  I recovered and my interaction with this brunette is like me driving down the field methodically and doing things well.   I was in the red zone as when we left the club it was like 3:20.

I had two moves.  I had isolation with my girl.  I could have number closed, but I also could have tried to escalate for a make out.  Instead of, or in addition to number closing, I could have just stayed in set to closing time and tried to pull for after hours or for food.  I could have just taken the number at the end of the night if the pull was a no go.

Instead, I read the isolation the friend gave me as a must do moment.  I tried to get cute by trying to number close her by saying, "So, are you gonna take me out for custard?"   I think this is analogous to me running a WR reverse or a halfback pass in the red zone instead of just driving for the touchdown.   I could have also just gotten the number which would be like going for a field goal to tie the game and go into overtime.

This girl was one of the girls 2j talked about.  She got pissed when I worded it like that because she replied, "Wait, you want me to take you out?"

My cute line didn't work and I don't I responded well.  I could have just not reacted and kept with the line.  I should have said, "Yeah, girls take me out a lot."  If I were congruent with that, something simple like that would have sufficed.  I could have responded to the shit test with something funny like, "Okay, I got an idea. I'll take on a steak and lobster dinner at Gibson's and then we can stare awkwardly at each other for two hours because were not even sure if we'd get along for that long and we set up too many mixed expectations.  That, or we could just got hang out for coffe or a beer and just have fun and see what happens."

I failed the shit test: Fundamentals gone wrong again.  To my credit, I plowed along for a little bit.  I mentioned the Conservatory and she was interested in going there.  Thinking back, I had still be unnerved by her shit test as instead of selling up the Conservatory and making it seems fun in the ways I've done in the past, I just tried to go for the number again.

BTW, this is why I should never have taken a break from sarging.  Even brief time away screws up your game.  I wouldn't have screwed this set up like this in the summer.  I feel like a fucking newbie failing shit tests.

Worse yet, I hate to say, she test me again by saying, "Why should I want to give you my number?"

But I'm not gonna qualify myself:
That's what I thought.  I knew she was asking me to qualify myself and I was thinking, "Wow, seriously?  I'm not gonna give you reasons why you should want to hang out with me . That's lame and I fail if I do that.  If I did this right, this should be obvious."

I just looked a her.  She was giving me strong eye contact and I was giving it back.  It was still on at this point but I was unraveling.

I tried, "What do you have to lose?"

"What do I have to gain?"

Wow, my frame was weak.  That didn't work.  I tried to be fun, "Hey, we got two weeks till the world might end.  I need a partner on this fun adventure called life.  I usually don't like club phone numbers but you seemed different."  

She said something and my bad hearing hurt me because I couldn't understand what she said,

Shortly after this (like 30 secs to a minute) I get, "Well, it was nice meeting you."


It was like my team was running the half back option . The RB was running and a defender blitz through.  The RB ran back, made a pump fake.  He could have taken the loss of yards and kept driving.  He would have ran out of bounds.  Instead, he tossed it up in the air or fumbled it and the ball got returned all the way to the other end zone.

I got too caught up on the shit test I think.  I just needed to change the subject.  I could have kept looking deep into her eyes, pulled her in, and said something like, "Come here, you.  You know, when I look into your eyes like this, I get this funny feeling.  If you're feeling that too, then you know there's something different here when you look into my eyes.   If your friend wasn't standing right here (she had just come in which helped make things more difficult for me), I'd kiss you right now."  

As I write that last bit, I realize that even through the failed first or second shit test, I was still in this ball game.  I know she wanted me . She just couldn't stop gazing into my eyes even as I was losing my frame and confidence.  I was analyzing too much when I could have just verbalized what I was feeling when she was gazing into my eyes and that would have solved the problem.

Well, I think this is a lesson learned.  I learned from Thursday and had a good set today, so many Saturday will be even better.

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