Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Triggered by a guy stealing my girl

I was in an awesome mood Monday night. I finally was able to run the entire length of this forest preserve trail near me. I knew when I got my long run up to 6 miles last week that I could run the 7.7 mile trail this week. I set out with a positive attitude and was gonna try to focus on pulling.

I was the first one to our Monday spot out of the two wings who were meeting me. I opened this 2-set immediately. They were average but the one chick was cool and actually played World of Warcraft. Unfortunately, she had a boyfriend. I was interested in the friend but she was quiet. The set went to get a drink and I went to find JW. We worked a 2-set of blondes that didn't go anywhere.

The set of the night was this 2-set from a former republic of what was once known collectively as Yugoslavia. I really liked this tall blonde as we had a cool conversation about travel and life. JW occupied the cute brunette friend and was having fun with her on the dance floor. We talked for like twenty minutes and eventually ended up on the dance floor. I tried getting close to her to dance and she kept pushing me away and telling me she wanted to dance alone. I kept trying and she actually danced with me more as time progressed. These two guys next to me started talking to her and then one guy grabbed her to dance. She gave him some resistance too but he wasn't fazed and pulled her in.

I'll give myself credit for not giving up. I tried my best to steal her back from him by grinding on the dude and grabbing her and trying to spin her. The guy did a good job of rotating her away when I tried to get up on her. The reality was that she wasn't into me so I couldn't get her back.

2j was right that the set was just on friendly terms:

2j said that he could tell the set wasn't going anywhere. I guess I knew that all along but I thought maybe I could make something happen anyway. I tried to move her several times when we were talking but she wouldn't comply. I tried to hug her one time and she was reluctant. I had said we should hang out again and she agreed. I tried to number close and she said, "I usually take guy's numbers." I didn't even try to persist cause I knew if she was being hesitant, it was probably gonna flake anyway. Finally, I mentioned how she reacted on the dance floor.

I think I could have tried being more alpha on the dance floor like the guy did. Still, 2j said that if I tried to escalate, then I did all I could. Maybe a mistake was I should have tried to escalate more when we were talking earlier.

Triggered into a shit state:

I shouldn't let this stuff bother me but I guess I'm just still riding that losing streak mentality. I recognize it and try to avoid it, but having a guy steal a girl from me just triggers the bad emotions of the past. I told JW that I felt like I was no longer the guy I had transformed to; instead I felt like I had gone back in time to where no girls liked me and I always lost girls to other guys.

I'm gonna try to push through but it's been a rough few days. I went from having kiss closes regularly and fingering a girl at the club to not having any kiss closes in awhile and just getting bad interactions that trigger bad emotions. I got busted out with some girl that wasn't even that hot that works at McDonald's and doesn't speak English really on Sunday. I got dropped into the friend zone with the Irish girls and I must have weirded them out as they haven't responded to any of my texts since.

Still pushed on:

JW is a solid wing because I was being a little negative when we venue changed. I caught myself doing it and told him I apologized for being negative. I promised to do my best when we went in a venue. He stayed positive throughout. I hate being negative and it's rare that I'm like this. I've hung out with guys that bitch and moan and it ends up pulling everyone down so I sure as hell don't want to be like that.

Some positive reactions at the end of the night:
Wrigley was pretty dead but we found one place with a decent number of people. I seem to have taken one good thing out of the bust out: I was pushing the sets a lot harder. I recognized the girls that were out were drunk since it was almost closing time and it was obvious most had been drinking since the Cubs game at 7pm. I also didn't want to waste my time like I had with that tall blonde. You escalate fast so you don't get into the friend zone and waste time. With the blonde, I had my arm around her and stuff but I never really pushed to holding her hands and pulling her in and trying to escalate to a kiss. Maybe it would have worked had I done that and if it hadn't, I would have been busted out sooner instead of sputtering along and then having to lose the set with the trigger of a guy stealing her from me.

I went up to several girls and did strong eye contact and really projected sexual state. Two or possibly three of the girls were into it. One became uncomfortable even though she was into it. I think it was because she wasn't that attractive and it was too much for her. Two girls reacted positively but they were with guys.

JW has the right attitude. We agreed that we at least made a good effort. I have to be happy that despite being thrown into a shit state with the trigger, at least I kept trying. Many guys would have just went home.

It's not supposed to be easy:
I may take a break and focus on other more important things. What I mean by that is I'll only go out 3-4 times a week instead of 5-6 times. While things have been shitty, perhaps that means a breakthrough is near. Besides, I know how it is to really be shitty at this. I can look up my old posts to remind myself. I had some amazing experiences just about 10-12 days ago. I know I've changed for the better. I just have to keep being positive and I have to keep going out and trying. If I get triggered again, I can't be too hard on myself. If it happens, I just have to force myself to keep going and trust that my state will improve and I'll find that inner confidence.

I'm actually gonna watch Tyler's segment of Transformations, or parts of it. I need to remind myself how these painful moments are opportunities to force myself to grow and improve. I remember how I watched that after that horrible experience at Sangria and how it drove me to get better.

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