I was rolling around in bed when something just hit me. I forced myself to get up so I could write this entry. I didn't want to fall asleep and lose this thought.
I was wallowing in self pity. I hate to admit this shit, but I was sending Seagull some whiny texts cause he happened to be up. I realized that I felt so shitty after last night because so many things happened that just triggered some internal issues that I have.
Anyway, what hit me was what I wrote as the title of this post.
I was literally asking myself, "How do I lead these girls?" Rather than think back on the sets I mentioned in the other posts, I thought about how I lead guys. I don't even really want to be leading, but I do it cause it gets things done. I want to go out where there are both good drink/cover deals. I want to move to a better venue when we run out of sets. I want to move around when we are standing around and in danger of choding around. I push my wings to open when I feel like I'm taking on too much of the work load. Last night, I had to lead around the cock farm that 2j and I somehow got stuck in.
Obviously, I know how to lead, I realized. These guys that I sometimes have to lead are cool, outgoing guys that know how to be dominant with both guys and girls. I admit I don't know everything and when I make a bad suggestion or decision, they'll speak up.
If I can lead this group of guys when I need to, then HOW THE FUCK can I be afraid to lead girls around?
I can think of two reasons why I don't lead girls more. First, it's the old reason of being afraid to lose the girl. Sometimes you lose the girl trying to move her to the bar or dance floor or trying to pull her to your place. The standard advice is the standard sports adage: You need to play to win and not play to not lose. The same reason I was afraid to kino escalate is the same reason I'm afraid to really lead. Fortunately, I do lead a little but I'll get way better results when I make the change of really being confident in leading the girls.
The second reason I don't lead has a psychological basis that I don't really want to get into right now. That is why I have resistance to leading despite that I know it to be true that girls what to lead.
Logically, I know the answer isn't that I should be passive and "too nice." I know damn well that acting like that is AFC behavior.
I need to accept that girls want to be lead. Beyond that, they are actually turned on by being lead. It's masculine versus feminine polarity. Sure, a woman can lead, but when the woman has to lead, she gets turned off and usually you get busted out. This has been mentioned in several comments to my FR's on the forums. I'll sometimes leave this void and then the woman tries to lead: for example, the guys on the forum said several sets brought up hotel rooms because I wasn't leading. I literally had girls ready to fuck me and rather than being dominant and saying, "Let's go" and leading them to my car or my place, I just stood there talking so they tried to lead for me.
I know that women are turned on by being lead. I know how to lead as I have to lead the guys I go out with sometimes and leading those guys is way more of a challenge than leading girls. I know I'm hesitant to lead cause of some fucked up thing that makes me think I shouldn't lead women. I know the truth is the complete opposite.
By realizing all this, I can't see myself choding around with girls and not leading anymore. Besides, the pain I just went through is such a strong motivating force. I'm gonna get better results because I'm gonna lead the girls like they want to be lead and it's gonna turn them on.
Oh, and yes, I can get busted out doing this. I get busted out all the time anyway. That's the way this game works. At least this way, I'm gonna get busted out giving my best effort. What I have been doing the past few weeks hasn't been my true best effort. I can't fault myself too much as I couldn't really see it at the time. Now, pain has brought clarity. I've had my greatest breakthroughs after moments of pain and self pity so I'm confident that I'm about to break out of this plateau and really go on a tear.
No comments:
Post a Comment