Monday, August 22, 2011

In a self created slump but lessons still learned

That I even titled a blog post like this displays what is currently wrong with my game. I feel like I'm in a cold streak in poker. A better analogy that most people would understand is that I'm like a sports team on a long losing streak. That this could even happen to a professional sports team means that I shouldn't be too hard on myself for it happening to me. I've been a victim of some circumstances beyond my control: like a tale, pale brunette was really attracted to me on Saturday but she was engaged and surrounded by friends who weren't gonna give her any chance of cheating. The Irish girl was with a guy friend when I met her which made me reluctant to really escalate, and so on.

That's all fine, but I'm suffering from a lack of confidence that the poor results have created in me. I've read this is what happens to a pro team that goes on an extended losing streak. The talent is still there and they might even be way better than a team they are facing, yet they still find a way to lose with their defeatist attitude.

I find that I keep finding dumb ways to screw myself and I've become too results oriented and I'm focusing on the negative things that happen instead of remember the positive.

Lessons from tonight:
1) I got stop going for the ugly girls cause I don't feel worthy enough to get the hotter girl. I did it for ego protection reasons and because I sometimes don't feel high enough entitlement. I also justify it by saying my wing is gonna do a better job because I'm giving him the attractive girl. I was mainly out of that but somehow this bullshit resurfaced this past week. Luckily for 2j, he ended up having a wild night with this girl that way making guys buy her and him shots and then making out with 2j in front of the chumps. It's also no guarantee that she would have been attracted to me had I focused on her.

The results don't matter. I have the play the game right. I should go for the more attractive girl because it means living up to my own standards. I should believe in my value and feel entitled to any girl no matter how hot. By selling myself short and trying for the uglier girl, I'm making myself feel shitty by not living up to my standards. I'm not playing to win; I'm playing to try not to lose. Beyond that, I'm making it harder to be successful by not really going for a girl I really want. The right things happen when I'm actually into a girl instead of going through the motions.

2) I should never hesitate. I went out with Vinny and one of my female Polish friends to Wrigley. I went on the dance floor at Sluggers and there were two cute black girls. I verbally opened one and she gave me a positive response. Rather than pulling her in or dancing with her confidently, I hesitated. Some guy was emboldened by my approach and he went between us and started dancing with her. I gave him that opportunity. As this happened, I thought about dancing with the taller friend (who actually was hotter; again I was doing the same bullshit as in point 1), and then another dude got up on her before I acted.

What is this bullshit? I know I'm better than this. Usually, I'm point and shoot with approaching. I guess the know the answer: it's this slump mentality I talked about in the intro.

3)Why do I keep sabotaging myself by creating bad sarging situations? I could have avoided the cock farm last Thursday, yet I let it happen and was in a situation that made it hard to run my proper game. The same thing happened Friday. I could have told my AFC friends which girl was my target yet I didn't and felt like I had to compete with them. Tonight, I brought out my Polish friend even though I figured it wouldn't work. She kept bothering me and texting me when I was in set. The funny thing is I could have banged her and have wanted to at times but I was turned off today.

I guess 2j's friend (I'm gonna call him Bobby) called it. Bobby is the guy who's friend was the supposed pickup instructor. Bobby is actually cool now. He was out with us twice since that incident. I haven't really talked to him much until today. He read that my Polish friend wanted me even before she made it obvious that me sarging and her being drunk really made her try to escalate on me.

4) At least I'm not a total chump... 2j called me when I was eating with the Polish girl. He said that he hung out with her the whole night. She was like this friend I knew from college in that she kept asking guys to buy her drinks. She was even more ruthless: she made the guys buy her and 2j drinks. She even had some guys let them both into this VIP section. 2j said at one point she got a guy to buy her drinks and then she made out with 2j in front of the dude. LOL.

Right before I really busted out with the friend, she tried to get me to buy a drink. She said, "My friend wants a drink." She was implying that I should get one. I just gave her a blank stare. The funny thing is the friend said, "No" cause she didn't want her to make me buy a drink.

Action plan:
I know my problem. I'm just gonna try to go and have fun and try to focus on the positive. I'm gonna read some of my blog entries to remind me of the cool stuff that happens to me and how I should be happy that I've come this far. I know that I'm being too hard on myself. Before I got on this streak the past week, I realized that really cool things were beginning to happen to me that I only dreamed would start happening to me. I probably began the streak by focusing on how I screwed them up instead of just being happy that success was starting to come to me. Even on a shitty night like tonight, or Friday, I have multiple girls a night giving me the doggy dinner bowl look.

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