Friday, June 8, 2012

Refreshed, sports psychology, and back to basics

Tonight was a night where nothing really spectacular happened.  In fact, there were a few brief moments when I resembled a newbie.  Contrasting that were a two inspiring moments from my wings.  As I sit here, I actually feel really good.  Actually going out helped fix what's been missing from me the last few days.  I feel like now I'm ready to face the weekend and actually do better than I have done the last few outings. 

I know what to do, I have just to do it:
There is where I think sports psychology can yield some answers into consistent results.  Theater also might have some answers.   Constrast a live sporting event and theater to something like making a movie where you have many takes to do something correctly.  Actually, as I just wrote that last sentence, I realize that sarging has that ground hog day aspect to it also where you keep repeating many of the same situations over again. 

I realized as I was driving home that I almost always know what I'm doing wrong or what my next move should be.  There are some rare moments deep in a set where I'm wondering if I should try to say pull a girl from her friends or go with all of them in a venue change.  Usually, though, I know the moves and I'm just making the wrong moves.  Part of it is that old Tyler "State Control" article.  I recognized that early tonight and even mentioned this to 2j.  I opened three sets right off the bat and I just ejected right away rather than wait for a bad response.  I knew I was ejecting early cause I didn't want to get rejected.  Then, I got into a weird zone where I didn't want to open for awhile.

We ran into this PUA that I had met on Saturday.  He told us he had been out 25 days in a row.  While I stalled, he was opening every set in the bar, including doing an agressive opener on the dance floor.  I was inspired when I saw this but I also kept asking myself what happened to me as of late?  I think now that the main reason I've lost my edge is I haven't gone out since Saturday.  I love the part of me that can open all the sets without hesitation.  I was just in that zone two weeks ago and it felt weird to lose it for the last few outings. 

Using lame openers:
Many times, I catch myself using really dumb openers.  It's like I tell myself that I should open and then I let myself off the hook or protect my ego by using some lame opener or opening really weakly.  Again, there's TD's old "State Control."  I know I don't need to protect my ego.  I should feel happy within myself and not try to get happiness from validation from girls.  I even told myself I was gonna work on that tonight. 

Yet, I can open like a PUA:
2j noticed me open this black girl with complete confidence.  Later in the night, I saw this cute black girl walk by.  I opened here by tapping her shoulder.  When she looked at me, I looked her in the eye.  I said, "Hey."  She wasn't close enough to really here me, so with a commanding, confident voice, I said, "Come over here."  She complied as I was doing things right.  We exchanged names and shook hands.  I busted on her for her hand being cold and  wet cause she had been holding her drink in that hand.  Then, I grabbed her hip and started to dance with her.  She then said she had to go.  I persisted but then she started to pull away so I just shrugged my shoulders. 

When I went back to 2j, he said, "You looked a lot better in that set." 

I knew what part of it was: She was cute but I felt confident cause my last girlfriend was a quality black girl.

At that point, I knew I had situational confidence, but I realized that it's just in my head that I don't always feel this confidence.  Again, here's the sports psychology and performance psychology block.  When I'm out sarging and running bad game, I feel like I'm a quarterback with good talent who plays a shit game.  Part of how a quarterback prepares himself for the big game is how I need to fix my thinking when I'm out in the field. 

The answer is if I could just look at every girl and deep down know that she right for me and I should be confident, then I could always open like I did this particular set.  Moreover, if I maintained the right frame, everything would proceed just as easily. 

It's a mindfuck:
I tell 2j this but from his responses, I think he believes a little in the "long term mating" strategy.  That's Tyler's point that part of feeling entitlement is that you live up to your standards in work, exercise, and everything you do.  When you are improving yourself, then you can feel as you do that process, you are worthy.  I concede that there is some merit to this . I've written about this as living up to you own standards. 

I believe also that there's something in that Evil Stifler persona.  You don't have to have anything go for you and you can just feel confident and comfortable with girls.  I kept telling 2j that I believe there's a way to click a switch in my head and start believing in this. 

I've written many an entry where I try to realize my entitlement.  The simplest thing I thought of after that set with the black girl is as follows: I should feel confident with every girl.  I should stop thinking about how they may be hot or they may be a type of girl I've never had before or haven't had in a long time.  I don't like ego based confidence but maybe I should draw on that just a bit. 

When I have a bad night or run shit sets it's because I think I'm not good enough or I'm afraid of running good game and then having to face rejection.  I know damn well that rejection is a part of this game.  That has no bearing on my worth.  I should just be happy to be alive and happy that I'm starting to do things right in my life.  The ego based confidence can come from the fact that I've had so many wonderful experiences with women since I set out sarging years ago. 

I've done things I never could have imagined:
I believe Tyler that I should find confidence form within but I feel like I take things too far and don't even appreciate some of the things I've accomplished in this game.  To use that old quote from Swingers, I keep "looking at what I don't have, instead of looking at what I do have." 

I have this almost unrealistic view of how I should be and then I beat myself up because I'm not at that level.  It's like I'll feel shitty sometimes because I'm not getting laid enough and I don't have a bunch of girls in the rotation.  I'll feel bad that I haven't banged a really tall girl or that I haven't banged some smoking hot girls. 

The funny thing is that even those goals are achieveable.  My mistake is that I want this things to magically happen and I forget that it takes putting time and effort in.  I have to go out, and when I go out, I need to minimize the time I stand around doing nothing and the time I spend running shitty game when I know better.  If I go out regularly (i.e. not less than 3 times a week), and I keep impoving, then I'm gonna start living the life I want to live.  I should not feel shitty that I'm not there, and more importantly:

I should not use my lack of the end game success as an excuse not to go out or as an excuse to run shit game. 

When I'm feeling down, I should be happy that I'm able to set my mind on goals in my life and know that I can move towards them.  This isn't some blind faith that I need, I've proven in many areas of my life that I can achieve sought after goals. 

If I need that bit of ego based confidence, then I should allow myself to think about the girls I kissed, the pussies I touched, and the crazy shit that I experienced last summer.  I will experience that again and have even more exciting things happen with even hotter girls if I just work on being my best self when I'm out. 

Basics and 2j:
I'll close with this brief inspirational story. 2j and I spotted this hot blonde on the dance floor.  I saw her wandering around later and felt like the opportunity was there to make something happen.  I approached and got a little resistance that I could have pushed through but I lost confidence and walked away.  About ten minutes later, I saw her standing around and I told 2j that he should open her.  He went in and it was on.  He ended up venue chaning with her and hopefully he can pull her at the after hours. 

There were two lessons there.  First of all, I might have had the girl if I put my true self out there instead of running away for state control.  Second lesson is I feel inspired seeing my wing step up and make things happen.  Some wings don't like when their wing has success cause it screws with their ego.  I always feel happy for my wings and I get the correct lesson that pickup works and we can get hot girls. 

I'll end this entry by saying that some of my problem is that I just need to go back to basics when I'm struggling.  Tonight, I opened some sets early on and I got into a bad state cause the sets didn't really go anywhere.  I realized later that I needed to remember the stages Jeffy explained in a talk before.  Early in the night, it's social mingling time.  I can just open sets, chat and be friendly.  2j always tells me that it's easier for stuff to happen later in the night.  I believe in the Tyler theory of hitting sets up cause it gets me into state.  My mistake tonight was I expected late night results during social mingling time.  Next time, I'll remember that early on, I can just be friendly and trust that opening will get me into the right state for late night game.  

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