Monday, June 25, 2012

Disappointed with a Sat number and kiss close

I feel weird writing this post because my view has changed dramitically in one day concerning the kiss close.  I had this post planned out in my head Sunday morning but I had stayed at Nintendo's place and didn't have my computer.  Friday was the beginning of the change in my feelings on the kiss close.  Going for that quick kiss close Firday was the beginning of the change in my kiss close paradigm.  That was the positive change: I recognized that I have been reading the signals correctly most of the time, but I was just too afraid to go for it early on despite feeling like the signals were there.  Saturday was a negative change: I realized that a kiss close really isn't a big deal and rather than even being happy about it, I beat myself up over the night because I let the set stall out and of course didn't pull.  Sunday really rearranged my kiss close paradigm. 

On Saturday, Nintendo, several of his other wings, and I were in this new club that G had raved about before.  I worked several sets early on.  A few were busts outs and most didn't really seem to be going any where.  I spotted this slightly chubby Latina dancing in middle of table area for bottle service.  Despite no one really dancing except her and a few others, I walked up to her and started to dance with her and then talk.  My read was correct, the set opened and hooked immediately.  It seemed like she was ready to kiss early on.  I danced with her but she kept pulling back when I tried to grind on her or dance in synch.  I realized later that I think she just really like to try to dance with the beat and when I try dance floor escalation, I often lose track of the beat. 

I tried to move her to another part of the club by saying I wanted to see the rest of the club.  She refused.  I tried to persist and she told me just to go check it out myself and come back.  I left because it seemed like the right thing to do.  I opened several other sets but got nowhere. 

Tall girl:
I remember trying to sarge this really tall girl.  I was happy that I at least didn't feel the performance anxiety I used to when dealing with girls I really wanted.  She gave me resistance, but I kept plowing but I lost my nerve when her friend gave me shit.  I'm not sure if I could have plowed more, but I did catch myself feeling uncomfortable that the set wasn't hook yet I was plowing.  Usually I don't even care but I guess the tall girls still have more of an effect on me that regular girls.  I need to work on that entitlement some more. 

Kiss close:
I came back and started dancing with her again.  The whole club was much more crowded so we kept gettting jostled while dancing.  On top of that, the music had changed to more techno, which she didn't like, so I went for the isolation move again.  I got her to sit down on this two person bench in a quieter area of the bar.  I put my arm around her while I talked.  It become obvious that she liked me.  The zoo came up and she actually asked me for my number, suggesting we go to the zoo together.  I number closed her and text her my number. 

I had her at the peak of buying temperature (at least in terms of verbal before kissing or anything else).  I mentioned grabbing food after closing and she agreed with getting tacoes.  I was thinking I might be able to drive her to my place as I live halfway between her and the club.  This is progress that I was screening for logistics.  More often than not, I failed to screen for logistics in the past.  She mentioned that I could meet her at some club on Friday as a friend is having a party at a club.  She even said I could come to this birthday party on Sunday, but I told her immediately that I already ahd plans to get to the pride parade. 

I remember having my arm around her and then leaning in and giving her strong eye contact.  I went for the kiss.  She was holding back even though she liked me but she kissed me quickly.  It was a really quick kiss so I busted on her about it saying it was a kiss like you'd give you're brother . She gave me a slightly better kiss but she didn't want to make out. 

I decided to move her back to the table as she wanted a drink.  That was a state break.  It was crowded by the table.  She got the drink and I was pondering whether I should try to sit on the couches behind the table with her sister and guy friends, try to dance in the limited space we had in front of the table, or move her again to a quiet area.  This was like when I stalled several Saturdays ago after I left this coffe shop after an instant date.  Of course, the girl felt my indecision and then said she was gonna sit with her sister for awhile. 

I don't think it's over with the girl.  I'm gonna text her today and I think there's a good chance she'll respond despite the fizzle in the end.

I felt disappointed at the time:
This was the problem.  I tried to perservere anyway, but inside, I felt disappointment that the set fizzled.  I focused on that negative instead of the positives of having had a genuine interaction with her and having kissed the girl. 

I think another factor was after I hit up some sets after that, I also felt like I had wore out the venue.  My state got worse when I went to the after hours spot and saw a long line and knew I wouldn't get in.  I  then just went to my car and surfed the web waiting for Nintendo to tell me he was leaving the other club.  I knew I could have tried to go back to the original club, but I didn't want to deal with reentry and I felt like I was gonna be even more negative going back to the stale club I had just left. 
Weird mixture of progress/bad frame:
I realized as I was walking to my car that this was just weird.  I asked myself if picked up and success lately has made me jaded.  Just a week or two ago, I would have felt this evening was a good one with the results I had.  Now, I felt disappointed: partially because the set fizzled, but I think it was more that I didn't get the result with a hot girl but rather an average looking one with a little extra weight on her. 

I then told myself I was being stupid.   I shouldn't get so jaded that I don't appreicate kissing a girl and having a good interaction.  Tyler says that browbeating yourself in general about your success, or lack of, is stupid anyway. 

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