Sunday, July 10, 2011

Escalating too fast: Three Little Bears

I'm feeling a mixture of emotions as I write this and I have to admit that a large part of it is frustration. I should feel good. I went out and pushed my comfort zone and worked on what has been my sticking point for the past two months. Tonight, I didn't have to beat myself up like I did last night: I went for the kiss several times in the two mains sets of the night. I also didn't lose state when I got rejected and the set continued. I suppose part of the frustration is that tonight was a very humbling night. It's like I thought I was so close to figuring things out, but now I feel so far away. Usually, I'm able to break down every thing that I did and know where I went wrong. Right now, I keep drawing up blanks.

Calibration through experience:
I have to accept that this is the solution to my problem right now. I've spent so much time being stuck on early and middle game since I started this journey. Yeah, that sucks, but it is a result of me starting off at such a low level at this game. One lesson I should take from tonight is that I can't allow myself to waste any more time holding myself back like I did Friday and the many other times that I failed to go for the kiss. I need to just go for it and then I can spent more time in middle to late game.

If I keep going out and I push myself like I did tonight, I'm gonna make out with a lot of girls. I'm going to learn how to calibrate my escalation better. I'm gonna learn how to maintain the girl's buying temperature so she's willing to leave the club with me.

Feisty Chicago girl:

We still had to warm up tonight despite being out Friday. We had several bust outs until things started to click. I was standing by Seagull when this brunette walked by. I later learned she had gone to the same university I had, which always turns me on as it means the girl is intelligent. She also turned out to have a very strong personality, which I like too. She was obviously looking for someone. I stopped her and started talking. Initially, she resisted and said, "I'm looking for my friends." I just kept plowing and I remember saying, "Well, you found me (smile+arm around her)." I did a good job of creating man to woman kino right from the start.

As frustrated as I feel sometimes, I should take time to reflect on how good I am at certain aspects of the game now. Not too long ago, this set would have walked away from me, or we would have been standing a foot apart and nothing would have been happening. Instead, I opened a stranger, and right away I'm kino escalating and she's comfortable with it. Very quickly, we're facing each other, and our faces are really close together and it looks like we had to have known each other before.

I tried dancing with her but she didn't like to dance. That didn't stop her from moving with the music a little bit with me. I then isolated her to this love seat that was near us. I know that one thing you have to do if you wanna pull a girl is lead her around the club. This was the first step.

I'm not gonna kiss you:
When we sat down, we continued to hold hands. I had grabbed her hand to lead her to this love seat. We kept talking. I was close to her and we gazed into each other eyes and I moved to kiss her. She giggled and pushed me away. We kept talking and she kept messing with me. It was obviously loud, so our faces needed to be close, but several times she'd push me away and say she didn't want to kiss me. The thing was I wasn't trying to kiss her after the first time. I was chilling and just getting close to her since it was loud. I started to mess with her too when I got close to say something. I told her, "Look at you. You can't stop thinking about kissing me."

The thing I did right was I didn't lose state at any point when she pushed me away. I giggled a few times, but I mostly just kept talking. A few times I really pulled back and kept talking. She'd follow the no reason push offs (when I wasn't trying to kiss her) and say, "There's something about you I like." I remember her throwing out, "I like the way you touch me." Later she said she liked messing with me cause she could tell I could take it.

Do you want to go find my friends?:
I think this was the screw up. I agreed because I knew that I had to meet the friends to have a chance of pulling her. I think I went wrong here because I went from leader to follower. She didn't know where her friends were and we wandered through the dance floor. The only good thing I did was at one point, she was having trouble getting past someone, so I got in front and told her I was gonna lead her through the crowd. We got to the bar area and she couldn't find them. We danced for about a minute.

Here she said, "I have to go to the bathroom." I hate those words because I've heard it so many times when it was said to bust me out. Other times, I've screwed things up because the girl lost buying temperature, or the girl couldn't find me. This probably wasn't a blow off at this point as she said, "Where can I find you?" I said by the love seat area where we had been sitting. Before she left, I thought about leading her to the bathroom. I just threw out, "Do you know where the bathroom is?" She said she did. I then felt at the time that it was weird to lead her there then. Thinking about it now, I think I should have grabbed her hand and said, "I'll lead you to the bathroom. It's hard to get through this crowd."

After she said she knew where the bathroom was, she hugged me. As we seperated, I went to kiss her. She kissed me on the cheek. When she walked away, I started to open sets. I always think of the old TD/Owen piece where he says you shouldn't just stand there waiting for the girl. Well, I think if she left her purse with you or something you can. In this situation, I should open other sets so I'm talking to people when she comes out. I was a dumb ass in that I didn't go over where I said I'd meet her. I guess it's a form of ego protection. Maybe I didn't want to be over there in case she didn't come. WTF? That's dumb. I needed to go by the couch area and open sets there and look out for her.

Your set went downstairs:

I ran into Seagull after I opened a set and got busted out. I updated him on my situation. I walked by the couch area and didn't see her, but by the time I did this, she would have already have left the bathroom. As I was dancing on the dance floor, Seagull said he saw my girl walk down the stairs. I decided to go downstairs. We looked for her but couldn't find her. We walked back up and I thought I saw her standing by the street with a friend.

I had an inner debate about what to do. I figured she could be smoking as she was a smoker. Seagull suggested I go outside. I finally agreed cause I knew that if I didn't find her at all then I would regret not going outside. I had him go out first as I felt more comfortable as I could say we were going somewhere else and it wouldn't look like I was following her. She was with some guy and this tall, thin black girl. I opened my girl and said, "Oh hey! We were going to Barleycorn."

I got introduced to the friends. Then, I started talking to my girl. I said she should come to Barleycorn. She said she was going to some bar I never heard of. As I'm talking to my target, the friend starts cockblocking. She says, "Your boyfriend is texting me. Here, you should look at this." I knew the friend was full of shit. I guess I should have befriend them more. My target didn't say anything at first, but the friend kept persisting with that BS and my target began to play along. I finally just said, "Come over here." I pulled her a few feet away and tried to number close her. As I'm doing this, this big black guy comes and puts her arm around my target. The cockblock friend says, "There he is."

I could tell it wasn't her boyfriend. I knew my girl liked me. Yeah, she could have a boyfriend; I've sarged girls who's boyfriends happened to be in the place iwth them. This wasn't the case. In fact, when he put his arm on her, he left enough room that I was able to put my arm around her myself. He was taller than both of us and he just had his hand on her shoulder. She started to tell the friends that went went to the same school and that's why she was talking to me.

The cockblock friend then grabbed a taxi. She and the original guy started to get in. They started to pull my girl away and the big black guy was trying to pull her into the cab too. She gave me this look and said, "Sorry" and then got in the cab.

Anger, doubt, but it was under my control:

I have to admit that I felt a slight moment of doubt when the cockblock friend started her BS. I thought that maybe she had told them she met this creepy guy (me) and had been wanting to get away from me. I quickly blocked out that thought and I thought I proceeded pretty well after that. The way she looked at me when she was dragged to the cab made me realize that she did like me, but the friends just screwed things up. At that point, I was angry that the friend had been such a cockblock. That's always frustrating and it happens to the best PUA's so of course, it's gonna happen to me.

I have to accept some responsibility. I screwed up in this set. I let her lead when she was finding the friends. I also had that chance to lead her to the bathroom. I should have gone to the couch area right away. When I found her outside, I should have talked more to the friends. Often, you can just exchange names and that's enough. Clearly it wasn't in this case. I also could have pushed Seagull to talk to the friends so they were distracted. I guess from their perspective, I was just some random guy coming up to their friend. They didn't realize that I had hung out with her for a good amount of time inside and that we did have a connection.

Girl buys me a drink:

We actually did try to switch venues but the line was too long at the other place so we returned to the upstairs area where I met the first girl. I was following Seagull and he got into this set. It was a bad place to stand and I had busted out with one of his target's friend just a few minutes before he opened them so I walked off. I sat down for a second as I answered a text. No one was sitting around me. Suddenly, this brunette with pale skin sat down next to me. In the past, I would have thought it was coincidence, but my mind immediately said, "Proximity IOI." I turned to her and said, "Hey, what's up?" and introduced myself.

Right away, I could tell she was high buying temperature. I think the giveaway was the way she moved her face close to me to talk. I quickly put my arm around her and started holding her hands. I remember that I went to kiss her pretty early on. I actually paused while writing this as I wanted to remember the exact sequence of kino I used right before I went to the kiss and what I said. I can't remember. I guess that's a good sign. I'm started to just escalate and go for the kiss without really thinking about it too much. I know I had a lot of kino before that. I had held her hand. I had my arm around her several times. I had stroked her hair and caressed her neck. I remember that we must have been looking into each other eyes and I just moved forward to go for the kiss.

Heck, I must have gone for the kiss even earlier than I remembered when I was writing the last paragraph. I remember that I had escalated quickly and we hadn't really talked much. I think I went for the kiss within like 2-3 minutes cause she objected and said, "I don't even know you." I responded with the usual Tim line, "My name is Pokerpua. My favorite color is blue. What do you want to know?"

We started talking. I found out she was in the army and was on leave. We talked about travel. She mentioned buying me a drink. I agreed and then we kept talking. At one point, she started to tell me that she likes girls. I said I like bisexual women and she tried to tell me she wasn't into guys. Obviously, it was BS but I just rolled with it. As she was telling me this, I was holding her hand as I had my arm around her.

The drink came up again and I agreed. She said she'd be back. I learned from the last set so I went up with her. As she was leaning in to order a drink, she had to squeeze in next to a guy that was a the bar. He tried to open her but I was right up on her from behind and he saw that and just backed off.


She was generous with the drinks. She bought me a beer. She said we were doing a shot too. It cost her like $17.50 + tip. We did the shot. I was all over her the whole time I was at the bar. I don't know if that was a mistake. Again, I have a lot to experience with mid game. I can't tell if I was calibrating correctly while I was doing it. I remember we did the shot and then we were standing there with the beer. I asked, "Do you wanna dance?" and then she said, "I'm gonna find my friends but I'll look for you."

I can't figure out where I went wrong in this set. Maybe I could have backed off the kino a little bit. I think I did things correctly by going with her to the bar as it immediately busted out that guy who tried to open her. When we got the drink, I could have kept holding her hand but backed off a little. I think I needed to lead more after we drank the shot. I remember my mind saying that I should isolated her to the couch area. We could have sat back down where we had met also as that was just a few feet away from where we got the drink.

If you don't lead, she will:
I think of this phrase I heard somewhere on RSD and it seems to apply to the army girl. We had a moment after the drink where we were just standing there and I asked her to dance in a way that wasn't too confident. That my mind thought about the move to the love seat from the other set means that probably was the right move. I was worried the seat would be taken, but there were other places to sit. As soon as we had that moment where it wasn't clear what we were doing, I just needed to be dominant and lead her to do something. The dance floor, the love seat, or sitting back where we started were all viable options.

It goes back to the fact that to seed the pull you need to get the girl comfortable with you leading her all over the club. I should have lead to the love seat. We could have stopped in one of my spots with cool air as she had complained about being too hot. After we chilled on the love seat, I could have lead her to the dance floor and probably been able to kiss her there if I couldn't do it on the love seat. I could have also considered bringing her downstairs, though it's too bright down there and is a bit of a state break.

State crash:

I had a state crash after I lost that set. I went to look for her and couldn't find her. I also had forgotten what she was wearing. Fuck! I opened a set of black girls with Seagull. It's funny that I had to push him to talk to the friends as he was just standing there for a moment not doing anything. As I was working my target, some white guy just came in between us and started kissing her. There goes that set. I left but Seagull got along well with the girl he was talking to and he ended up going to her hotel. I was left wandering around trying to make something happen. I was frustrated that I had two good sets and until I started writing this, I was at a loss with why I lost the sets.

I wanted to just go home but I pushed myself to go to Division. I ran some game there but I know it was a half effort. My state was bad and it was because I forgot the golden rule. I can't be outcome oriented. I need to practice on working the skill set and not worrying about getting the girls. Instead, I kept beating myself up cause I lost the two girls tonight when instead I should have been happy that I went for the kiss close and had two good sets.

I had fun at Division singing along with some songs and getting on the dance floor. My game was shitty there. I opened some girls but I kept finding excuses not to keep the set going or excuse not to open other sets. I kept saying, "Oh, that girl is with that guy." The 4 different girls I said that about in my head ended up not even being with any of those guys. If I hadn't indulged that state crash and ran real game at Division, maybe one of those girls would have worked out. I'll close by saying the state crash was a weird feeling. It's so rare for me to feel that way nowadays. Usually, I try every set that I want and at the end I was afraid of several sets. At least experience this negative will reinforce my drive to be an opening machine like I usually am.

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