Tonight I felt like I had a shit night. The thing I realized though was I was only out for two hours. Tuesday night was the first night I didn't stay out all night or at least get in more than three hours. Sometimes an early set clicks right away, and other times it takes the whole night for something to happen. I think about Monday night and how it really was shit until I met that cute redhead.
For some reason, tonight I was just in the wrong headspace. I wonder if I just have been sarging too much. I went out every day Wed-Tues. Today, I was running around doing errands all day and never really had a chance to just chill until I came home after Mad Mark's closed at 1am. After just under two hours of sarging, I just sat there thinking, "This sucks." When I got home, I realized that 2 hours isn't a good time frame to judge my night. Heck, if you stopped my night when I had my two SNL's, my nights would have been similar to tonight. I have to remember to view sarging nights like I'm supposed to view poker night: think about the long run and not some short sample size.
Another factor was I ran out of sets. I had pretty much opened everyone in the place, though I did spot this set on the other end of the dance floor that I never opened.
Back to routines:
Tonight, I felt I wasn't really present. I felt I just kept spewing the same lines to every set. I even got really embarrassed when I opened this 2-set. I didn't recognize them from earlier and I asked her, "What do you do for fun?" She said, "You asked me that same question earlier tonight." I turned red and started qualifying myself cause I felt really stupid. I felt like I did four years ago here when I used to use the same opener every time and girls started calling me out on it. Tonight I said, "Wow. I'm sorry. I guess I better come up with some new lines. You try coming up with something cool to say when you talk to twenty people a night." The girls were actually cool and felt bad for me. The one girl said, "It's okay." Of course, she followed with, "Well, it was nice to meet you..." Still, she could have been a total bitch and told me to GTFO.
Being inside my head:
Near closing time, I was just standing on the dance floor on death row. That means I was just at the edge of the dance floor with all the chodes watching everyone have fun on the dance floor. I remember thinking, "Wow, I feel like I'm having one of those nights like last week. The ones Tyler/Owen talks about where you feel like everyone at the club is having more fun than you." I realized, though, that this night wasn't that bad. I didn't feel as bad as I did Thursday or Monday.
I realized I was being too hard on myself. I even said to myself, "What the fuck do I think should be happening every night?" I opened a bunch of sets. I kino escalated quickly in many of them. I pushed my comfort level and I just never had any really long sets that clicked. I should be happy with that. I had some good moments. I remember this guy friend tried to bust me out and I just tooled him and ignored him and he ended up shutting up. I gamed the girl for a few more minutes till she busted me out. I had a few other sets that opened well, but I didn't get any 10+ min sets.
I guess part of me is getting that unrealistic view of how nights are supposed to go down. My game lately has been the best it's ever been, but this past week, I'm starting to have a lot of inconsistent nights again. It's like I fucked up my inner game a bit by getting success. I'm sure it's also my ego not wanting to accept the new reality that I can be good with girls. Part of me maybe wants to game badly to sabotage my success. Another part of me maybe thinks I should always have an awesome night.
Girls aren't just gonna love me every night. That's unrealistic. I gotta try again to internalize that Jeffy idea of "There is no rejection, just lack of chemistry." I think I need to watch that part of Jeffy 2 where he explains how we shouldn't dwell on rejections as they don't matter.
My plan for tomorrow:
I'll add the usual, "Success is opening and taking the conversation man to woman." Apparently, I'm not really following that because I keep getting frustrated even when I'm approaching and doing every thing I should be. I remember thinking what I thought one night at the Apartment. It was one night where I was just opening sets like crazy, including just about every girl that walked by me on the dance floor. I was getting rejected but I was having fun and laughing off the rejections. I remember thinking, "I can't do anything better than what I'm doing. Yeah, I'm getting rejections, but if I continue to do this, and if I always did this, I'd have to have success." I felt that way tonight when I was opening at one point. Yet, somehow, I dropped state.
I want to focus on being more spontaneous. I love how I was that one Saturday when I went out after hooking up with Maya. I was present and just said random cool shit that came to mind. Tonight I was the opposite. As I said in the beginning, I kept spewing the exact same bullshit to every set instead of really being present.
Finally, the main point to just try to have fun. I used to have a ton of fun at Caddillac Ranch cause I'd just dance and screw around amusing myself in sets. Last week, I think I was caring too much about having some success so I'd allow myself to feel good about myself. That's a bad mind set. If I just have fun, the success will eventually come and it's more likely to come.
Still made one last attempt:
I've gotta give myself credit. I didn't go to after hours because I felt like I needed rest. Still, about five minutes before closing, I saw this girl standing alone by the dance floor. I was in a bad state, but I made myself open her. I actually got present somehow and said some cool stuff that came into my head. I was up close to her and making it man to woman. I tried to sell a food extraction. She said she had to look for her friend.
The set might have worked if I did the Jeffy move. I needed to grab her hand and say, "Okay, friend time. Let's go find your friend."
I actually saw her just as I was about to leave. The lights had come on when she said what she said above. I had even asked if they had driven seperately. If they had, I was planning on telling her to ditch the friend. They had come together and indeed she found her friend. The move was to approach her again and try to bounce both of them. My temporary success had faded and I had begun to think the negative thoughts again so I just went home.
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