Saturday, September 10, 2011

Sharing value on her last night in Chicago

I have to write this report quickly as I have to get ready and head to my friend gallery reception soon. I just wanted to write this before my head gets clouded with all of Friday's activities. I had a wonderful evening Thursday night and that was despite sex not being involved. Sometimes I'm too goal oriented and I let something like that bother me: take that Irish girl that made out with me briefly and then dumped me in the friend zone. That stuff hurt. This was different last night.

I got a message Wednesday evening asking if I wanted to go to the zoo. It was from that engaged girl that I met on Division Street like a month ago. She had come out to my friend's free party three weeks ago. We had been taking about meeting up for weeks but nothing materialized. I thought she was just being flaky, but I found out last week and it was confirmed last night that it was because of medical problems. She had to go to the doctor 5 different times before they finally were able to solve what was wrong with her. She didn't want to elaborate but it sounded like migranes.

I actually wasn't sure if I was gonna make it out because I have a hard time getting up early. I currently am on this 3 day pass so I like to get use out of it but for example, I hade a hard time waking up at 3:30PM today (Friday). I happened to wake up at 10am Thursday so I went for a jog and then went out to the city. We had discussed meeting around 3pm at the zoo. I figured she was gonna flake as I hadn't heard from her when I text her that I was headed in but I went to the zoo anyway and had brought my camera.

She ended up coming out and when we met up, I found out that it was her last day in Chicago. When asked why she didn't mention it, she said she didn't want to put pressure on me the meet by telling me that. We walked around the zoo for a little bit but she was more interested in looking at the gardens in the area. We took some pics and I showed her that great skyline view from the new nature walk next to the park. She wanted to get a pic in Chinatown so we took the train down there.

We came back downtown as she wanted to take some pics by the river. Unfortunately, it was pouring rain by the time we got to the river cause we had dinner before. She had tried Giordano's and had wanted to try some more pizza. Originally, I was gonna take her to Gino's East, but we ended up at Pizzeria Due as we got of the train near there. I hadn't been to the later in like two years and I remember Sidegames and I used to go there almost every week at one point. I figured I must have really liked the pizza so we stopped there.


Well, despite what I said, I had to cut this short and finish it Saturday morning. I wish I had finished this Friday before going out so I still was in the mindset I was after Thursday evening. I'm actually finding it hard to finish this post as all the events from Friday are fresh in my head.

Receiving value:

We had to wait for a table so we both ordered Diet Cokes and I paid the bartender for it. The girl was trying to pull out money and I just told her we'd figure it out when we got the bill for the pizza. After we finished eating, though, she put the whole meal on her credit card and wouldn't let me pay. Next, we walked to Ghirardelli's which is a chocolate place that serves good sundaes. I was gonna pay for that since she paid for the dinner, but again she charged it and wouldn't let me pay.

I often joke about girls paying for me, especially when some dumb girls at the club try to get me to buy drinks. I find though that I don't necessarily like when people pay for me. In this case, I was fine with it.

Giving value:

Thinking back, I actually am starting to feel that good feeling I had after that evening. 2j and I often talk about how we should feel confident when we go up to girls because we actually do offer the girls a lot of value. 2j says that when I doubt this, I should think about the comparison between the average chode and I. We offer masculine polarity, our nonjudgemental attitude, our frame vs the average social conditioned frame, cool events like the art gallery event we attended Friday, free drink deals, and so on.

On Thursday, this girl really made me realize that value. She met me by chance. I happened to walk by her on one of our late night Division outings and I opened her and ended up number closing her. On Thursday, she told me how she was shy and had a hard time making friends during her 3 months in Chicago. I told her that it surprised me that she said she's shy. Around me, she was very outgoing and we got along well. I felt free to express myself too.

I actually got a sense of how her short interactions with me made her stay in Chicago better. She talked about how she went out alone often when she was her. She expressed regret that the medical problem prevented her from coming out more. It was obvious too that she could imagine how much fun we would have had if we had met sooner or if she had been able to hang out more. Still, I was able to cram in that stuff on her last evening and she seemed to enjoy it.

Should I have pushed harder?

I remember texting 2j before the dinner. I wanted his opinion if I should try to burn the set to the ground. He thought that I should have. I'm actually still torn on this issue. She engaged but she's gonna be away from home for an entire year. It's already been 3 months. If I had more time, I'm certain that thing would have escalated. I didn't want to ruin what we had. It seems strange to me in a way that I had such a good time without having sex. I also wonder if I would have made things even better for both of us if I had pushed for the escalation.

Logistically, it would have been difficult too. She was staying at this hostel that didn't allow guests, but I think I could have sneaked in. We actually took the elevator up by accident when I was leaving.

Anyway, I know girls don't get offended when you try to escalate. I suppose I could have tried and still recovered if she had objected. I even had a perfect moment to turn the talk sexual. After dessert, we were walking down Michigan Ave and we passed by Victoria Secret. She made a comment about the store. I asked if she bought new lingerie and she said that she bought some perfume and her purse but no lingerie because she's not around her boyfriend. I replied that she still could look sexy underneath. I think I could have followed with, "Are you seriously not gonna have sex for a year? If you were my girlfriend, I actually would tell you could hook up as long as you practiced safe sex and didn't fall in love."

Obviously, her response to that would have given me an idea of how she felt. Maybe it was a mistake not to make that comment.

What's done is done. As I repeated several times, we both had a great time the way things turned out so no need to second guess it too much.

No comments:

Post a Comment