Friday, June 3, 2011

Held back by that little bit of doubt

Seagull, one of his buddies, and I went out in Lincoln Park and then Division Street. I have to say I had a decent night considering the circumstances. I didn't let Seagull know, but I was a little anxious for some reason. I stopped and drank $1 beers at Kelsey's waiting for him to arrive rather than just starting at Lion Head and sarging while waiting. A few warm up sets took care of that. We started around midnight so we only had an hour to work Lion Head/The Apartment. We went out to Division and it was slow. I still haven't figured out if just Thursdays are slow, or if it's busy now on Thursdays since it's summer but it was just cooler than people were used to after several 85+ degree days last weekend.

At The Apartment, I met this smart girl who lives in Australia now. She and her friend were in town for some consulting gig and she said today was the first free day she had since they have been here. I remember opening her and dancing right away and then talking. Unfortunately, closing time came too soon. If I had about twenty minutes more to work the set, or even just a little bit more, I think I could have made something happen. Seagull had come in to talk to the friend so I had isolation. When the light came up, I tried to suggest after hours. I mentioned Division Street but she said she had to go with her friends.

The interesting thing about this set is that we saw them at the end of the night. We were gonna call it an early night. We had hit most of the bars and found ourselves eating popcorn and playing giant Jenga at Mother's as there were no more sets. I said we should go home but Seagull's buddy suggested hitting Finn McCool's. I figured it would be dead upstairs but also that we might as well try it. When we got upstairs, Seagull pointed out that our Australia set was here.

More confidence that I used to be:
While I tend to be hard on myself in my analysis, I have to say that I do stuff now that I used to fear doing. She was sort of dancing with some guy on the dance floor. I hesitated about approaching her again for a few minutes but then I went up to her. I spun her around but then she went back by the dude. I stalled and then decided to just go up to her despite her dancing by the guy.

We started dancing and here is where I felt myself holding back. I was hesitant to really pull her into me and escalate. It was near closing time so I should have been going for fast escalation. I guess I wasn't totally in the zone because of our short night and lack of sets. She would have been receptive to some grinding probably as I finally put my hands on her hips and she didn't mind.

At one point, she said, "Show me your best move." I was nonreactive and then said I don't have any moves. Then I picked her up and spun he around. Of course, she giggled. We danced a little bit more. The DJ announced last song and she said she had to go dance with her dance partner.

Again, here is a point where I would have given up in the past. I waited for the song to end and then approached her again and tried a food extraction. She kept saying, "I have to see what my friend is doing." I tried for a general extraction and food again but she wouldn't go and then I just ejected.

When I was thinking about it on the way home, I think the move was to keep trying to pump the state and get the friend involved. What sucked is that the friend seemed to be getting along with some guy. If she had been into Seagull, this would have been easier. I think my move in this situation was maybe to try to pull the guy that was the friend and my target for food. Instead of just walking away, I should have lead her to her friend and sold her on the food extraction too.

Doubt held me back from finding her friends:
The other memorable set was when I was in Shenanigan's. This cute brunette with a blue dress and huge tits walked in. She looked like she was looking for someone. Before anyone could I approach, I opened her. She seemed to be medium buying temperature. I clawed her right away and the set seemed to be on. She said she was looking for her friends. Then she told me what bar her friends were at but I didn't hear her.

She said she was gonna go find her friends at the other bar. To my credit, I plowed some more. I remember this street set from Saturday. I had been hitting it off with this girl and then the friend said they were leaving. Some player had been talking to the friend. The friend started leaving and grabbed my girl. I figured it was over because of the dragaway. I then watched the player dude just plow and he kept talking to them for 10 more minutes. I didn't write about that set in Sat's FR, but thinking back, I should have opened the friend again. At least, I was reminded about plowing and I kept talking to her because of Sat's lesson.

We talked for about two minutes more. I lifted her up and spun her around. It's funny how I'm comfortable doing that now. She mentioned leaving again and I bought myself 30 seconds. The move, of course, was to grab her hand and say, "Hey, friend time. Let's go find your friends."

Why didn't I do it? I had that little bit of self doubt. I remember feeling it as she was leaving. It was the exact same emotion I felt when I was dancing with the Australian girl and I was debating pulling her in and grinding with her. Regarding the dance floor game, I just need to force myself to open a few dance floor sets every night so I maintain my comfort level with dance floor and push my comfort zone with pulling girls in and escalating. I'm willing to open sets on the dance floor every night but many times I just spin them and walk away.

My game is a ten:
That's the old RSD Tim lesson from "Flawless Natural." I need to believe that and not hold myself back in any way. I can't let this self doubt make me hesitate. I should always believe things are on. I suppose that self doubt worries a bit about getting rejected. The thing is, that I know what rejection feels like and I shouldn't fear it. Getting rejected would feel better than feeling, "What if?"

I've had moments similar to the blue dress girl moment. I remember trying, "Friend time" and getting rejected. All the girl would have done was I would have grabbed her hand and started leading her. If she didn't want to go, she'd drop my hand and say, "I gotta find my friends. It was nice meeting you." In this set, honestly, she probably would have let me lead her to her friends. I don't know how that self doubt even popped up.

A corollary lesson is that same lesson I posted about on Saturday. I forgot to be in the win/win mode. She liked me and wanted to continue but she wanted to find her friends. She was from out of town. I had all the IOI's, but her buying temperature wasn't high enough for her to ditch her friends at this point. I think part of me thought that if she really wanted me, she would have forgotten about her friends. The thing is, the buying temperature was high enough to venue change and that was the move.

Overall, it was a fun night and I had good results considering the difficulties I explained in the beginning. I learned some lessons and built some momentum for Friday.

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