Monday, July 23, 2012

Feeling like the AFC that girls don't like

Tonight I had several down moments and even as I begin writing this post, I can feel my eyes welling up with tears.  It embarrassing to feel this way, to allow myself to end up in a thought loop that allows such thoughts, and to still dwell on the thoughts at this late hour.  2j said when you have a bad night, it's natural to feel down and get into this negative mind space. 

Now, I'm giggling because I thought about the movie analogy I thought up as we were waiting for our double date Day 2's to show up.  Swingers is one of my favorite movies.  I said that I was like Mikey in Swingers today, and as I write this, the analogy is even more true.  This Day 2 was a beach outing with the girls I sarged while waiting for the bus on Tuesday.  Recall that I number closed a Slovenian girl who I'll call "Orz" now.  She and her roommate and friend from home who I will now call "Jordan" also share a phone.  Since I had to text Jordan to reach Orz anyway, Nintendo and I both agreed it would be best to meet them together on the Day 2. 

On Saturday, we had planned to meet up around 3pm, but then in the evening, he said he had to work and at that job, he's never sure exactly when he was getting up.  We set up a 6pm meet up, but then around noon, Nintendo text me that he was getting off early and asked if we should set up an earlier meet.  He set up a 4pm meet which I thought we had plenty of time to make.  The problem was that I had to dropped off my FB and then cross the city diagonally in a way that there's no fast expressway route.  The whole time I was sweating being late as I managed to start things off wrong by catching a train near my house.  My FB could see I was stressed and I somewhat felt guilty cause I was stressed cause I didn't want to be late for this Day 2. 

Here's where it makes sense that I was Mikey from Swingers.  I was stressed the whole time and Nintendo was telling me to chill and not worry about it.  He said if we were late, we were late.  It was a contrast to how we were feeling Tuesday.  Nintendo was all stressed about dropping off the car and being late to meet our wings at the beach and I was having a good time and telling him to be positive.  I explained that I'm usually chill and I hate having appointments; my life is set up the way it is so I usually don't have to get up at a set time or be anywhere at a set time.  I guess I wanted this Day 2 to work well too badly, and perhaps that part of the reason it didn't turn out well.  I felt like I was like Mikey in Swingers when he's complaining and overanalyzing everything.  What I didn't plan on happening was that I was gonna turn into the whiner bitch Mikey is at one point in the movie when the Rob Livingston character has to come cheer him up. 

To my credit, I'm not gonna hide at my place and feel depressed for a few days.  I'll get over it by tomorrow.  Like Mikey, I have good wings/friends.  2j was great on the phone.  He happened to call me when we were just leaving the beach and I was really in a low state.  Nintendo also tried to give me words of wisdom and he felt bad because he had a small role in my state of mind, as I'll explain in a bit. 

Trent and Mikey in the trailer:
The girls would sometimes speak to each other in their language.  They weren't too obnoxious about it and usually would tell us what they were saying.  A few times, they said a few things to each other about us to let each other know the situation.  Nintendo and I had code words.  It's funny, Nintendo was just throwing out game terms that of course made no sense to the girls, and I made Swingers references and used PUA names and referenced stories.  For example, I said I was like Tyler with Mystery and Style.  I was referring to the part in the game where Tyler acts all weird around the girls and Style steals his girl.  Later, I said the situation was like Mikey and Trent in the trailer.

Nintendo was similar to Trent today.  He was being a fun party guy.  To my credit, I wasn't being an AFC.  I was doing okay, but my game is just never super physically dominant or high energy.  I felt like I did a few fun things, but my game is mostly stories and making a rapport connection.  I had joked that I needed to dunk a girl in the water or splash them, and I failed to do this.  Part of the reason was that my target, Jordan, would not go in the water.  Both girls initially didn't want to go in the water.  Jordan was also refusing to drink at the beginning but after an hour or so, she decided to get drunk.

There was this moment where Nintendo started showing Orz some Salsa dancing moves right by the water, and then he slowly got her into the water.  If I remember correctly, as I was a bit tipsy at this point, he started to drag her physically into the water.  He had isolation with her and Jordan and I were sitting on the beach near the water.  We started to talk, and I started to kino escalate by putting my arm around her.  She was cool with it initially, but then she moved my arm off.  She seemed to feel bad that she was withdrawing from me, but she also fed me some BS about how girls from their country like the take things slower.  I don't think I acted deflated at the point. 

After that, the girls ended up by the cooler and Nintendo and I were talking.  He asked me what was up and I said that the girl didn't like me.  I had tried to escalate to no avail.  Here, Nintendo was trying to give me a advice to steer things, but in retrospect, I think I let it put me in a worse state.  He had a point too.  I was telling him we should get some food because the plan was to go to the beach and then around sunset, get some food and hang out at his place.  His plan was to play it by ear which had some merit, but in the end, I think we should have moved things along sooner as we ended the night so late at his place that he was falling asleep anyway. 

Nintendo said that I was being Mikey again because instead of just having fun, I was worrying about venue changing. He said we should just chill and keep going at the beach.  While I think the venue change off the beach was a good idea, he's right that often I should just chill. 

Don't kino escalate both girls:
This was a mistake that Nintendo felt really badly about afterward.  Right after our talk, he tried to pump Jordan's state by grabbing her and carrying her into the water.  She was bitching about it, but of course she liked it.  I knew it was the right move to do something like that.  I wasn't sure if I could carry her and I know if I didn't do it in the right state or frame of mind, it would be creepy so I elected not to do it.  She loved it of course, and I later learned that she got so turn on that she kissed him as he was holding her over the water. 

Well, fuck, that explains some of the reaction I got later.  Now, this makes him sound like a dick, but he wasn't thinking, he was just acting and trying to be fun.  It seems like we'd have some balance if I took some of his spontaneity in exchange for giving him some of my analytical side it terms of game.

Jordan just broke up with a guy:
After the water incident, I got isolation with Jordan by our stuff.  She was complaining about her wet t-shirt, which I made a joke out of that got a giggle from her (I add this bit because I need to remind myself that I made a few jokes; I need to remind myself that I wasn't being the AFC that my negative side wants to paint me).   I lent her my shirt and she started wandering down the beach.  Orz and Nintendo were up on each other and talking so I decided to give them some space. 

Part of me didn't want to follow as I was already feeling deflated, but I knew that action is always the answer as Jeffy says.  I could have just stayed away, but I decided to catch up with her and talk.  I caught up to her and told her that I was giving Nintendo and Orz some space as they were hitting it off.  I walked with her a bit but then she told me that she wanted to be alone.  She said she had a lot of things on her mind.  I asked her what it was as she could tell me.  She said, "You Americans like to talk about all your problems.  We're not as comfortable doing that."  I pressed her and she said she was thinking about a guy who's in Tennessee.   Then, she told me she didn't want to talk and told me she was going to walk one way and I should walk the other way.   

This would lead to the state I'm going to describe in the section below.  This section is title as it is because Nintendo told me as we were walking to the car that he asked Orz, "What up with your friend? Why is she action weird?"  Orz said that Jordan had recently broken up with a guy.  I suppose that explains some things, yet the kiss situation with Nintendo means that if I had been more physically dominant and been a little cooler, then her situation wouldn't have mattered. 

Enjoying a lake front moment as I'm about to cry:
I swear that I felt like I was about to cry.  I'm sure the alcohol had some effect, but this situation just triggered my insecurities in the right way to almost send me back in time.  I felt like I had felt so many times in the past before I learned to sarge.  Tyler described being in these situations all the time as he was a teenager as well.  I mention that as it thinking about motivates me because it makes me realize that some these Master PUA's/Instructors went through this same BS.  Tyler mentioned in Transformations and in his field reports from the time period that he had several situations where he lost a girl to another guy and just felt defeated.  The last time I felt like I did tonight was over a year ago when these two Latina sisters could get into Joe's and then I met them across the street and just as I walked in, some guy had her pressed up against the wall and was about to kiss her. 

While Nintendo wasn't stealing my girl, Orz wanting Nintendo and Jordan telling me to walk away just made me feel like I always did as an AFC.  That was when I never got the girls.  Like Tyler, if there were a group a girls meeting up with my AFC friends in the past, I would never be the guy that would be liked.  Girls might pair off or like one or two guys, but I would NEVER get the girls.

As I was standing by the water, I felt exposed.  I didn't think of it at the time, but I think about it now like Superman kryptonite.  I felt like I had no PUA powers.  I felt sad because it felt more than just not getting the girl.  My negative mind felt, "All these years and sacrifices to develop my PUA skills, and here I am the same AFC I was before I learned any of this." 

As I was feeling this, I would occasionally crack a smile:

All this was possible because of me.  

Nintendo did not want to open this set as he was in a negative state that day with all the rental car and bus stop BS.  I remember pointing out the set and he was like, "Naw" and he sat right down next to his cousin.  Completely sober at the time, I started talking to these girls.  When the bus came, I sat down next to them and continued the conversation.  I number closed them.  While Nintendo did some of the planning today, I text them on Friday with a general text and they responded to me enthusiastically asking about Sunday.  I text them Saturday when I found out Nintendo had been lazy about setting up the actual details about Sunday. 

As I was wallowing in self pity, I also realize I was being overly negative.  There I was in perfect weather, on the beach just after sunset.  If it weren't for meeting these girls and being on this Day 2, I would have missed the moment I was having.  With all these emotions racing through me, part of me was also just enjoying standing there in knee deep water just gazing at the lake.  Also,we were there with two cute girls and I had given my best shot.  Yes, I could have done things better, but I am who I am.  2j said I can learn to be more physicall dominant and I've written that I'm working on that.  2j also said it was natural to feel negative when you just got rejected. 

2j, "It's just one girl."
He sent me that text later in response to some text I sent after I got off the phone.  Now, I can talk about what he said on the phone.  I wrote above that 2j happened to call me as we were leaving the beach.  Jordan was having problems with her shoe and I took the call as the three of them were working on fixing it.  I gave 2j a brief summary of what was going on and told him how I felt so shitty. 

First of all, he said that it's better to set up a one on one Day 2 as opposed to this double date.  I still think this double date was a good idea because of the phone situation. This feels like it's a unique situation with these girls but perhaps I should have just try to set something up solo.  2j said I wouldn't have worried about being eclipsed by the other guy if it had been one on one.  2j acknowledged that Nintendo is loud and might have been more dominant here, but he said that when we're out in the field, I hold my own in our sets.  He told me to learn what I can from it though and work on leading more/ being more dominant. 

I have made a bigger deal of this situation that was warranted.  I truly have been having a Mikey day.  I get rejected all the time and so does Nintendo, 2j, and yes, even Tyler, Mystery, etc.  Rejection is a huge part of this game.  I know that and my wings have said that I take it better than anyone else.  It is one girl.  Eastern European girls are known for being especially turned on by physically dominant men: I remember RSD Brad making this point on the free tour last year.  Okay, my game didn't work here.  It might have worked if we had met them a few weeks later when the sting of her break up had passed.  Some girls want to fuck right after a break up, but Nintendo also said that Orz told him that Jordan has a hard time trusting guys after this last break up. Maybe if Nintendo went for this girl, he could have fucked her.  Who knows?  I'm the one who agreed to this set up.  Nintendo had suggested the switch as Tuesday, I initially wanted Orz as I had talked to her more that Jordan, yet he wanted it the other way.  I agreed to switch, and when he saw the two girls in their bikini's, it was obvious Jordan was more attractive, and he joked about switching back.  I wanted to stay on Jordan, so he agreed as it was my set after all. 

The point is, there were many things out of my control, including the level of dominance in my game.  I can work on improving that, but I shouldn't beat myself up over this as much as I have. 

The narrative that was true as an AFC is absolutely not the one that plays out now.  It's amazing how negative your thoughts can get, especially when you keep indulging them.  On the ride home, I was thinking about this past week.  It has been a blast.  I had some crazy encounters.  I've surely grown.  Besides that, there were sets were Nintendo was the one rejected and I was not.  Even at the beach, I thought of the Willow set, but my mind didn't want to give it much credit as my girl was fat, but I know that one can get rejected by fatties too.  On Monday, the blonde in the second venue was really into me, and Nintendo's girl had walked away and dragged the set.  My negative mind wants to say, "Big deal, that was early in the set."  

I can keep making excuse if I want to be negative, but I've indulged them enough in this massively long post.  I feel better having written this though.  I feel like this is one of those posts that really give me value as I've sorted through my thoughts. 

Maybe I'll play out the Mikey at the end of the movie?
I'll close on a positive note.  I wrote about how I was the whiner Mikey today.  I was the Mikey in the trailer talking to his girl while Trent is ready to bang his girl.  I was the Mikey locked up in his place all depressed.  Maybe I can learn from today and be the Mikey at the end of the film.  I can be the Mikey that gets it all together one night.  Maybe I'll massively hit it off with some HB9.  Instead of Trent and Sue commenting about it in the background, maybe I'll have 2j and Nintendo watching in awe.

I'll give it my best shot!

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