Thursday, July 19, 2012

101.1 and Glad I never had it easy

I'm sitting at home relaxing after a jog.  It was raining for part of the run but today that made it an even better experience.  Usually, I listen to podcasts like "Wall Street Journal This Morning," but today I was just using the radio tuner on my phone.  When I got back from Florida, I noticed that the news radio station on 101.1 in Chicago finally went under.  I had read a few weeks ago that they were trying some shuffling around as their rating were terrible and way below WBBM 780 who thwarted 101.1 launch on FM by simulcasting on 105.9.  The 101.1 stations plays a lot of songs that I listened to when I was in high school and college.

The station played Aerosmith's "Amazing" for example and I remember loving that song on the video.  During the jog, the words, "It's Amazing, how in the blink of an eye, you finally see the light" really stuck with me.  It seems appropriate for my stage in the game right now as I'm finally seeing the light: I'm starting to experience the life of the PUA and things really are so close to what I always wanted.  I don't expect to get models right now but I feel like I'm close to having a rotation of decent looking girls and hot girls seem within my reach as I've felt calm around them lately.

The Aerosmith video brings back memories:
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I remember how I thought Alicia Silverstone was so hot and I dreamed about being able to get a hot blonde.  Little did I know how long that journey was gonna take back then. I knew I sucked with girls but I thought it was just phase I had to go through in high school.  I thought I'd go to a prestigious university, which I did, but then I thought the key was to make a ton of money and girls would flock to you.  People who aren't into game would never understand how I could never find real happiness because no matter what success I'd have, I'd still feel like I loser because I could never get a girlfriend.  I was always that guy who girls would never like.

I tried success in school, making a bunch of money in a short time in 2003, and getting in great shape multiple times.  I finally got my first girlfriend in 2003 and she was this attractive Polish girl who was a little crazy.  When I lost her, I was devastated cause I couldn't see how I'd get another girl.

Thankfully, I found "The Game."  Little did I know it would take over 7 years after discovering that book and the community for me to really start resembling a true PUA.

I sometimes get jealous when I see stuff like AndyDefresne getting hand me out lays that he sometimes doesn't even have sex with cause he claims he only wants hotter girls.  He gets opened a lot.  I get opened maybe once a year.  I think I got opened once last summer, this girl that opened me cause of my purple silk shirt.  She wanted to fuck and I screwed it up cause of inexperience.  That was the only time and I went out basically the whole summer.

I realize that getting opened is nice, but it's unnecessary.  When I open girls I find attractive, I get enough validation and positive feedback.  The only reason my success rate isn't that great is inexperience with late game and holding myself back due to ego protection or staying in my comfort zone.

Tyler had made the point in "Blueprint" and he reiterated in in the "Hard Case Newbies" video that going through all the pain that you to as a hard case really means you can get to that high level.  If you get handed stuff, you often do have the same drive to really get everything straightened out.

I've wrote before that I used to regret all the bullshit I had to deal with in high school and onward.  I'm thankful now.  I would have become as centered and gotten this far with the game had it not been through all that shit I had to get through, and all the negative thought patterns I had to rewire in my head.  

The hard times is what makes me appreciate every little bit of progress I make in my game.  Having borderline social anxiety in the past and learning to really not care what other thinks is why I can take so much rejection and how guy's AMOG's lines or girl's shit test have no effect on me.  It really feels like that scene at the end of the "Matrix."  People can verbally talk shit to me and it just gets absorbed by a force field because I know my own worth now and I have enough reference experiences to support the beliefs I've generated. 

When I can get that force field to include being completely calm around even hot model chicks, then I will have arrived at my destination in the game.  Off to make some progress tonight...

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