Monday, March 7, 2011

Sexually liberated women & My Possible return

Sexually liberated women & My possible return

Tonight I had this amazing conversation with this woman.  It's one of those conversations that will just stick in my mind.  It was totally uninhibited.  We talked about some crazy sexual experiences.  She's open about that stuff anyway, and I just ate it up.  It so cool to be able to talk to a woman who is so open about her sexuality.  There are more girls out there like this but of course societal pressure makes them bottle it up.  It also doesn't help that most guys are judgmental.  Of course, I'm the exact opposite.  We talked about sex like we were talking about anything else.  Stories that people would look down upon, I got excited about. 

I know from the community that woman are sexual beings.  Some would argue that they even enjoy sex more than us guys.  As I progressed in the game, more girls feel comfortable being open about their sexual desires and experiences.  It's just like TD's old forum post says, you become part of a secret society where you see how girls want sex just as much as we do. 

This conversation was not new in that sense, but I never met a woman who had so many wild sexual experiences.  Like I had her tell me about being with two guys, or having sex at a party with people watching, or experimenting with a girl and another guy, or hooking up with random guys.  This woman is even in a type of open marriage.  Again, this is stuff most people would look down upon, but in my world, it earns you huge points.  I could tell she felt some pressure to feel bad about some of the stuff, but I gave her my honest opinion that I felt  there was nothing wrong with this stuff, and in fact I thought she was awesome for being free enough to do this stuff and be able to talk about it.

Now, don't get the wrong idea.  I may be turned on by the stories, but I'm not infatuated with this woman.  I view her as a cool friend.  She fun to talk to and cool in many ways.  What's amazing too is that she understands a lot of the male-female dynamics.  I'm talking about the theory stuff I read from the likes of TD.  Like she was telling me why certain things worked on her when she used to go out to bars, and it was right on when it comes to theory.  She just seems to have a natural awareness of what turns her on and what works and doesn't work.  Obviously, she hasn't researched it as I have. 

Remembering the excitement and randomness of the club:
Apparently, she sort of female PUA.  She's not really going out to pick up anymore, but when she goes out, she's talking to everyone at the bar.  On our good nights, that's what my wings I and used to do before I feel into this rut that I've been for the past few months.  We brought the party the bar, in addition to picking up the girls.  As she told me some stories, I related some of my interesting adventures and it got me thinking about how much fun it was to be out sarging. 

Literally, as I'm writing this, I'm feeling those good feelings I used to get from being out sarging.  I miss them and I'm determined to make them happen again.

Where I've been:
I've been in a really horrible place.  Been feeling shitty and hiding out in a computer game.  Barely have felt like talking to people and my friends have noticed.  I isolated myself and just withered away.  It's like I became the exact opposite of the cool PUA self I was.  I guess I'm bipolar, but it's also other stuff that I don't want to discuss right now. 

A comeback?
Well, I'm tired of writing that.  Who knows what's gonna happen?  I know that I'm gonna move forward from where I am.  I'm almost as low as I can be so I can only go upwards.  Things were finally moving forward this week and I think this conversation just jump started things.

As I said, I remembered how much fun I had sarging and how I was starting to have those wild experiences I dreamed about when I started the game.  I loved the crazy fun that happened.  I enjoyed meeting new girls.  I like hooking up and that was becoming more frequent.  I don't know why I've been hiding out in this BS shell of existence I've been in for months. 

I think if I start doing the right things again, things will get better.  I'll start running again as that always kept me balance.  I know it's gonna be hell starting up again.  I'll start sarging again and I know I'm gonna be shit.  Like literally, I've become so antisocial these past few months and I felt weird being out in public.  I know that practice will make that better and I know how I was able to transform myself so I know I can get there again. 

As this time, I'm gonna have a better mindset that I had before.  You see, this conversation with my new friend will stick with me.  There are more girls like this new friend I have and I'm gonna find them.  I'm sure I've actually met them but they didn't get to experience my true self.  I'm sure many girls I sarged would never have guess how open and nonjudgmental I am.  I need to find a way to weave that into the conversation.  As the community says, if you put out that vibe that you're a sexual being and you're comfortable hooking up with girls that same night and won't judge them for you, then it's gonna happen.  As TD says, if, on the other hand, you are show you're gonna judge them, then they'll play that roll for you.  They'll make you wait weeks for sex.  I'm gonna try to be more the lover and not give out the provider/boyfriend vibe. 

That's the goal, but I have to make baby steps.  Today I start running and maybe I'll have some new blogs up soon. 

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