Monday, March 28, 2011

The proverbial cart before the horse problem & Rereading "The Game"

After careful analysis, I narrowed down my sticking points from the past week.  First, I created unrealistic expectations for myself.  While this actually helped me get in state on slower nights, it paralyzed more for a time when surrounded by the hots girls at "State" bar Saturday.  This is a minor problem though as I'm experienced enough to break out of crappy state and I was still able to have some great sets later in the evening.  My biggest sticking point right now comes down to "Excessive gaming" and not pushing the kiss close. 

RAS & The Game:

I started reading Neil Strauss' book The Game again last night.  It's been over five years since I read it.  TD/Owen talks about "Reticular Activation System."  RAS is that part of you that knows to focus on certain things that will help you at this point in time.  That's a basic definition.  What it means for when I'm reading The Game, is that my mind is focused on different elements now than it was when I first read it.  Back then, I focused on the material about opening girls and the idea of transforming from AFC to PUA.  When I was reading yesterday, I found myself focused on my current sticking point.

Approach Artist to PUA/Limiting Beliefs:
 I realized that currently I'm stuck in the stage that Style was in when he took that trip to Serbia.  My approach game is awesome.  Sets just blow open like that 5-set at the Apartment on Saturday.  I really don't give myself enough credit sometimes.  I wish I had a video of the way these two girls were looking at me in that 5-set.  Whenever I have those moments of doubt in the future, I have to remember those girls.  At that moment, they wanted me.  My presence just ignited their desire. 

This is where I don't give myself enough credit.  It's like I can understand how a girl would really like me after we've talked for a few minutes.  It's the logical part of my mind that accepts that.  My mind says, "Yeah, I have cool things experiences and I create good conversation," so of course they like me.  My mind, though, still has a problem accepting the reality that I just described in the last paragraph.  Deep down, I have to admit that my reality hasn't accepted that I can just walk up to a set, and within a few seconds, they totally want me.

I suppose there's a part of me that still believes all that social conditioning bullshit that held me back all my life.  For example, I guess part of me still buys into looks mattering.  I'm actually a great example of how game has nothing to do with looks.  I'm not horrible looking.  I'm decent looking.  I actually look a few years younger than my actual age.  I'm overweight, though.  There are way better looking guys in the club than me.  Using social conditioning logic, it makes no sense that girls could totally want me when I walked up.   Of course, none of that matters.  As TD/Owen says in The Blueprint, "Girls are not as shallow as you, guys."  I know part of me must still buy into this BS and that's holding me back. 

When you analyze my approach from the right perspective, it all makes sense.  I actually have to think about these qualities as I do almost all this stuff naturally now through my years of experience.  When I walk up, I have confident body language and good eye contact.  I am totally calm and present.  (I'm surprised how I usually not nervous at all.)   Absent are the negative quality I used to display, for example, I no longer seek validation from the set or qualify myself. 

I have to accept it as a part of my reality that I'm now attractive to girls.  I don't have to keep gaming girls to get them to want me, it happens naturally and often sooner than I expected.  There's not much more, if anything that I need to change there.

Where I'm going wrong is taking it to the next level.  Part of me realizes that, but I've been thinking too far ahead.  I kept telling myself I have to be figuring out logistics and going for the venue change or the extractions to her place or my place.  Here is that proverbial cart/horse problem.  Before any of that matters, I need to kiss close and make out with the girl.  That's where I'm stuck.

"The girl is all over  them and wants to be closed, but he keeps gaming." -Ozzie Transformations

That summarizes what I've been doing.  Several sets come to mind in the past two weeks and the problem is the same.  There was the brunette from Detroit that was gazing into my eyes as I was standing two feet away from here.  The set that keeps bothering me is Foreign Service girl from Barlycorn.  I can just picture how she kept smiling at me as we were talking.  She was just glowing and I don't know why part of me still has a hard part accepting that it was because she wants me.  (It's an entitlement, inner game problem that I'm working on.)  My response was to just keep "gaming."  Sure, I enjoyed talking to her but I needed to seal the deal.  There's plenty of time to keep the awesome conversation going.  There's a window, though, where the girl want to be kissed.  I needed to make that happen.

Phase shift, project sexual state:
When the set is on, and it's on very often nowadays, I have to stop whatever conversation thread is going and move things to where I want to be.  I've been thinking about how I can actually do this.  My simplest kiss closes in the past have been when I'm seated with a girl and I have my arm around her.  There's a pause in the conversation, we gaze into each others eyes, and I lean in slightly and kiss her.  I need to create that situation and it's not gonna happen when I just keep gaming her verbally. 

I've made things easier now that I kino from the beginning.  As long as I progressly escalate kino, the kiss closes will happen more naturally.  When the set is on, and I don't yet have my arm around her, then I can move things that way.  In The Pickup Artist, Mystery tells the guys to use the kiss gambits which I don't like, but they work.  This is one option.  I realize that progress comes through baby steps.  Once I get comfortable with kiss closing, I can abandon these cheesy moves and be more natural.  The guys on the show just the trust test to start kino and then use various routines like the "Are you adventurous" or "Would you like to kiss me?" routines.

How I could have done better in previous sets:
Pickup is like being in the movie Groundhog Day.  The situations keep repeating themselves even though it's with different girls.  I'll remember how I got stuck or screwed up, and when that happens again, I do the right thing, or at least do something different than I did originally.   I feel that by coming up with solutions to previous sets, I'll have a plan of attack for when I'm in a similar situation.

Girl gazing into my eyes, who then turned and talked to her friend cause I didn't do anything:
 This was the set where I opened this girl who was holding a beer pitcher.  I ended up talking to the less attractive friend.  I didn't really feel like I hadn't done anything special, but I have to remember that I'm just attractive naturally now.  She started gazing into my eyes.  Instead of doing nothing, I could have given her some sort of SOI (statement of interest.)   It could be something specific, or it can just be something generic about her vibe. 

"You know, I just really like how you have this passion for travel,"  or "You just give off this positive vibe that  I find really attractive."  

I stroke her hair as I say this and gaze into her eyes.  I move closer and maybe start stroking her face.  Obviously, if she continues to gaze and I'm pretty sure should would have, then I move in and kiss her. 

Foreign Service Girl:
 As I've mentioned, our conversation was going great.  I just needed to change the subject to something more romantic.  I could have done this by moving into some sort of emotional patterning.  The SOI seems like a good method as well.  It's a good thing to tell the girl legitimate reasons why you like her that have nothing to do with her looks.

My chair was close to hers but we were still seating sideways.  I can see that I could have just moved my chair to face her.  I think the move is to do this as I'm talking.  For example, I could say something like, "I know we just met, but I feel this connection to you.  It's like both of us are in touch with our inner explorer.  Like if we were both on Christopher Columbus' ship, we be the one wants to keep sailing instead of turning around."  I'd touch her hand as I'm saying this and gaze into her eyes.  If she didn't flinch and was instead comfortable with my touch, then I could lean in and kiss her.  If not, then at least I'm closer.  I could keep talking and ramp up the kino some more. 

The other move was to drag her onto the dance floor.  As I write that, I feel like it might have been weird to just jump up and want to dance so I suppose I could have starting talking about dancing.  By doing so, I could have patterned some emotions, "Sometimes, I just like to get on the dance floor.  Do you dance?  I like it because I feel like I can just lose myself into that moment.  I just feel the beat and the song seems flow through my body.  My body feels like it's one with the music and I can just forgot what I'm thinking about and just focus on the good feelings flowing throughout my body.... You know what.  Talking about me makes we want to go dance.  Let's go dance."

Detroit girl from a few weeks ago:
 We were talking but my kino was clow as it was like my second time out.  We were having a great conversation though, and suddenly there was a pause in the conversation.  Again, I had the moment where I was gazing into her eyes.  Instead of doing nothing, I could have put my arm around her.  "I like you.  You're so cute and you have this adventurous side."  If we're still gazing into each others eyes, then I lean my head in and kiss her."

I'm focusing on kiss closing when I go out now. 
That's my sticking point.  I just can't be emotionally involved with the outcome.  Mystery says to view the girls as just practice, like a video game, if you have to.  My goal is to approach girls.  I should be happy if I do that regardless of what happens.  Inevitably, things will be in with some set or another, and I have to just make myself phase shift and go for the close.  If I do that, I've succeeded.  I'll get more practice and eventually I'll have this down again.  

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