Realizing my value and how I held myself back

Realizing my value and how I held myself back

I've been watching some videos and doing some soul searching as I prepare to start sarging again this week. This isn't anything new, but I realized why I didn't have better success. I was to blame, but not in the way that I thought. Deep down, I just didn't believe I deserved these hot girls. Sure, I'd approach and run game. I've gotten enough practice over the years that it's to do that.

Thinking back, though, I can remember my mindset when I'd see a hot girl at the club. I'd be thinking that she's hot and I need to approach. Unfortunately, there would also be a part of me that just didn't think I was good enough for her. It's the fallacy of coming up with an empty cup to the girl and trying to ask her to fill it for me. I played up my supposed inadequacies instead of playing up my strengths. I need to watch that scene in "Swingers" again. In fact, I'll do just that after I finish this post. It's the scene where the Vince Vaughn character (Trent) is talking to John Favreau's (Mikey) character who's been hiding out in his house, depressed, for a few days. Trent tells Mikey that Mikey keeps thinking about what he doesn't have instead of focusing on what he has. Trent goes on to point out those strengths.

I realize that I do bring my unique value. Without tooting my own horn too much, which is lame, let me just write a few things here. I feel that actually etching it onto the blog will help me remember it when I need to out in the field. When we're on, my wings and I are the life of the bar or club. We're the ones talking to everyone in the club and just having fun. Beyond that I bring a wealth of travel experiences from around the world, a general upbeat view of things (well, when I'm not hiding out like I have been the past few months), and I'm open minded and nonjudgmental about women and their sexuality.

When I see that hot girl, I should not be thinking, "Wow, I wish I were good enough for her." I hate to admit it, but I know that's what I was thinking. I'd open them and my game is even good enough that they'd like me, but that defeatist attitude would rear it's head. I'd feel that it was on, but I'd fail to escalate and go for the close. Sometimes, I would even deny the blatantly obvious IOI's because deep down, I couldn't believe she'd actually be in to me.

If I fix this, and I actually feel like I'm close now, then I should begin to have even better success in the field. I word it as that because reflecting on my past experiences, I'd have to say I had some damn exciting adventures. BTW, my new friend made me understand a good point. I'd describe my adventures as "crazy stuff that happened to me." I should take ownership of those adventures. They didn't just happen, I made them happen by being me.

I even think about some of my colossal failures. There were many and I seriously fucked up a lot of lays. I think about one of my first times out with Seagull. When he was leaving a set and something clicked in my mind. He said these guys were with the girls. I sensed that they weren't and I just decided that I was gonna pick up those girls. The dudes had been buying the girls drinks for hours, and we swoop in and the next thing you know, they are venueing changing with us. That was with all the craziness of having to herd them through all these horning guys that were latching on cause they could sense the drunk girls who wanted to hook up. Thinking back on that, I did some matrix like PUA stuff that day.

Of course, some people who might remember that instance might also remember my screwup. There was a hot redhead in that set that wanted me. She was giving me all the signs and responded well to my kino. When we got to the second bar, a guy tried to sarger her and I put my arm around her and blew him out. Then, I just failed to escalate and decided I was gonna talk to the ugly girl in the set to win her over. That was just an excuse and a misapplication of that technique. I had won her over early in the set, that's how I pulled the girls off the initial guys. I needed to isolate my hot redhead and start kissing and making out with her. Instead, I let that guy that I just blew out isolate her to the dance floor and start kissing her. As much of a screw up as that was, I still look fondly on the night.

Now that I've been away from the scene, I realize how even our bad nights were still cool. When we didn't really go far in any sets, we still had a blast and I really did feel alive being out there. That's why I want to get back into this.

Finally, let me go back to that idea of realizing my value. When I see the hot girl, I have to think about what Tim says in his "Flawless Natural" video series. I need to be thinking, "That's for me." I need to approach believing totally in my game. I'll attract her cause I've gotten good at that with practice; attraction, then is a given. I just have to escalate and push for the close and believe I'm gonna make it happen. I really will add value to her life, or at the very least, her evening. Otherwise, if I don't, she might just wind up with some loser who just happens to be alpha and aggressive. All I have to do is lead and be aggressive myself and I'll create a magical experience for both her and I.