Sunday, March 27, 2011

"I gotta find my friends" and this lost drunk girl

The set I seemed to be obsessed with last night was this short drunk girl at the after hours place. I remember spotting her when she walked in. When she walked by me, I did RSD Tim's hand web opener to pull her into me. I sensed she was drunk and high buying temperature. I started talking to her but I lost her. In retrospect, I should have done cave man kino off the bat and danced with her. I got to see my loss about two minutes later. She wanders to this guy who senses the same thing I did. He starts dancing with her and he kino escalates while dancing and soon he's making out with her. They made out for two songs and then she wandered off.

"I gotta find my friends."

I'm sure that what she said to him after she left him. That's what she said to me every time I tried to engage her. I tried 3 times to try to get her. I give myself credit for pushing one last time near the end of the night. I guess I screwed things up the first time. That same guy was making out with her again later, but I guess that guy was satisfied with that. He should have been trying to pull her though I guess she was a little wacko anyway.

She just kept walking circles around this small after hours bar. Near the end of the night, I told Seagull he should try to close her. He went and talked to her but after about three minutes (which was longer than I had her attention), she wandered off saying, "I gotta find my friends."

I have to admit that it hurt seeing her make out with that guy. I felt like I missed an opportunity, but I should instead focus now on the other higher quality girls I screwed up with tonight.

A night of fluctuating state:

Tonight was just a bad night for me. I think it's partially because I claimed to have figured everything out after Friday. Instead of just focusing on having fun and pushing my comfort levels, I instead told myself I was gonna get laid tonight. I guess I remember having that mindset when I did my first SNL, but I'm convinced it messed me up today.

My other theory is that it was going out in the cold with no jacket. We started the night at McGee's cause we ended up having to park half a block from that bar. I remember I didn't open but instead went to the back. The live cover band played some songs I liked. I was dancing to the songs and kept thinking about how I should open this blonde next to me. I choded out and didn't do anything. Seagull came up to me and said he had needed my help with a set. I told him I was busy dancing.

Dancing must have pumped my state as I walked to the front of the bar and immediately opened this cute blonde. I was in a raging brush fire state. I remember doing a lot of kino early on. She was seated and there was a good song on so I was kind of dancing in front of her as I talked to her. I asked her to dance but she said she didn't know how to dance. I replied, "I don't either. I just try to move to the beat." She ended up going to the bar cause the birthday friend was there. I walked over to this bored blonde and opened her. I couldn't hear half of what she was saying but I kept plowing. I wanted her to dance too but she didn't want too. I ended up dancing in the aisle cause I liked the song.

Seagull wanted to leave and we went to State. In the one minute walk, I ended up being in a shitty state somehow. We walked in and I choded out and went to the bathroom. I came out and I didn't feel the confidence to open. There were a ton of hot girls there. They probably had more hot girls in that particular bar than all the other places combined. Maybe that's why I was out of state.

Feeling like a master PUA:
We ended up at The Apartment after we left State. I had gotten into a better mood when we stopped by this bar on the way to literally warm up. It's about halfway between the Lincoln Ave bars and State. I wanted to get some heat since I had no coat on. I told myself I needed to redeem myself by opening and I got into a short set there. We went straight upstairs at the Apartment and I ran right onto the semi-empty dance floor.

I told myself I was gonna do an actual dance floor approach today but I never did. What I mean, is that I wanted to open a girl on the dance floor using just dancing. I know I could open verbally. I just have never used straight dance to really open a girl. Well, I guess I sort of did Friday, but that girl made eye contact with me before I danced with her briefly. What I want to do some time is actually see a girl on the dance floor, go up to her, make eye contact and start dancing with her. I watched this awesome PlayerSupreme Youtube video that demonstrates the technique. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. That's probably part of my state problem there. I feel like a chode cause I won't open using this technique and it bothers me. I guess I just have to do it like I did my first verbal cold approach years ago to start this journey.

It really makes no sense why I fear rejection. I remember when I first started dancing at The Apartment. As I was dancing, I could see girls looking and smiling at me.

Dancing at least gets me in massive state. I walked off the dance floor and opened these hot Polish girls. Thie blonde I opened had these massive fake tits that I kept wanting to look at. Seagull came in and we were doing okay. A song came on that I liked. I knew the fake tit girl didn't like to dance so I didn't ask her. Instead I tried asking the third girl who I had barely spoken to. She didn't want to dance, so I went out again myself.

The highlight of the evening was this 5-set I opened after leaving the dance floor again. There was this cute blonde with this interesting hat on. I went right up to her with the strong intent introduction opener I've been using all week. The set just blew wide open. I remember that she liked me. I got introduced to the friends and started talking more to my girl. As I'm talking, the two girls on my left kept staring at me and giggling. The one kept looking at me and then my necklace. I felt awesome.

Inner game problem: We don't believe:

This problem reared it's ugly head. What happened with that 5-set happened again several times in different ways. I had self doubt today for whatever reason and just let opportunities slip by. That girl in that hat was really into me. Suddenly, the birthday girl popped in and wanted to dance. My girl reluctantly left and said, "I'm sorry, but it's her birthday."

I know the fucking move! As this was going down, a real PUA would have grabbed my girl's hand and lead her to the dance floor. A real PUA would have then proceeded to dance and grind with all the girls in the set and then I could have just focused on my girl. Kino escalate, make out, etc.
Instead, I just let her slip away.

I hate to admit it, but we left to check out Barleycorn and when we came back, I spotted that girl in the hat again but I was too chicken to open her. I put in all that work and I just abandoned the set instead of manning up and entering again. She liked me and I'm almost sure she would have responded positively but somehow I got scared. I guess it's time to learn again that I can approach sets again. You can open sets again that blew you out, but most defintely, you have to open sets again like this one. This girl and her friends liked me!

I had another opportunity when we came back to The Apartment. Seagull had opened this 2-set. He was getting along with his girl, but I was stuck with this boring chubby blonde. It turns out there was a third girl by the bar who was the birthday girl. She was this very cute blonde. When she came back to the set, I high fived her and wished her a happy birthday. She was all smiles and seemed to like me. The set was starting to walk away and she said, "Hey, we're going to dance."

Again, I just let them. A real PUA would have grabbed her hand and let the whole set to the dance floor.

Foreign service girl:

Seagull opened this seated 2-set at Barleycorn. We couldn't get the set to go anywhere, but as I was wing for him, I saw this massive 6-set across the room. Two girls were looking at us as we were in this 2-set and smiling. After we left, I told him that they had been watching and I decided I had to open them. I originally wanted to talk to this pale girl with a cute face. She was seated close to this guy so I wasn't sure if they were together. Instead of doing the Intent-Intro opener, I used the old, "Hey, what's with all the serious faces? This looks like a business meeting. Cheer it, we're at the bar. It's Saturday day night." I then started high fiving several girls.

I told to the pale girl and this girl to my left. The pale girl was cuter, but I just didn't seem to be clicking with her. I immediately took a liking to the girl on the left. She kept smiling and me and holding strong eye contact, plus she kept asking me questions. I knew she really liked me too when she kept bombarding me with questions. Girls run AFC style game on your when they like you and just bombard you with questions.

In looks, this girl, Foreign service girl (FS girl), was was average. She had a cute face but she wasn't the prettiest girl. She had a thin body but no spectacular features. Her personality, though, was of SHB 10 quality for me. We started talking about travel and she named off the two places I usually give as places I'd like to visit. She mentioned South African and then Tanzania. This girl has also traveled extensively. There was also this sophisticated air about her. I was sitting there talking to a freshly minted 21 year old at a bar, but I felt like she would fit right in if were sipping some ridiculously expensive wine with rich people at some posh hotel lounge in Monte Carlo.

I just enjoyed talking to her, but what added to my delight was we kept gazing into each others eyes and we both had big smiles on our face. My kino was decent. I kept touching her when I could and I put my arm around her a few times. I hate to admit I made this awkward attempt to touch her hands early on and I remember her pulling away. I probably even looked at her hands when I made the attempt too which is probably how she knew to pull away. It was even the right moment, but I knew I needed to touch her hands. It didn't matter, though, the set kept going, but I'll make sure not to do that again in the future.

The set ended cause Seagull's girl wanted to go find the rest of the group. The girls left, but I had a chance to open her again. I saw the big group at the bar later on and the right move was to open her again, pull her away from the group for isolation and escalate. The other move might have been to move her away from Seagull and his girl originally. I didn't think this was necessary as I had isolation from the big group where I was seated. I suppose I could have pulled her to the dance floor, but I'm not sure if that's necessary. No, what's certain is I should have approached her again.

BTW, I call her foreign service girl cause she wanted to join the Diplomatic core. She wants to have the job that Sidegame's sister and her husband had.

Was I suppose to kiss close:
I opened this 2-set at Barleycorn shortly after I lost FS girl. I vibed with this slightly chubby but cute brunette. I remember she was giving me the doggy dinner bowl look and my face was close to hers. She was seated in a chair and I was standing next to her. Our faces were like a foot apart. We were gazing into each others eyes. I didn't do anything and looked away. Then the girl turned to her friend. She stood up and starting talking to her and completely turned away from me.

I kept wondering if I was supposed to kiss her, but I guess the answer is yes, cause I remembered an important point as I was writing this. When we were gazing into each others eyes, I remember thinking "Should I kiss this girl?" When my mind asks that, it means that I should be doing. That isn't just some random though that happens. My mind has the right reference points to know what it's right. I guess I didn't feel comfortable doing it as I hadn't felt like I had build up to that point.

Ozzie would say I suffered from "excessive gaming." The girl was sitting there giving me her attention, and she wanted to kiss me, and I didn't do anything. I ruined the moment. I caused the girl discomfort by not kissing her when she wanted to be kissed.

I guess it goes back to not believing in myself. I still debate this cause I didn't feel like I had done enough to be at the kiss close point. I could see how I was at that point with Foreign Service girl, but she actually might not have kissed me. This girl, though, wanted to kiss me and I had less of a connection. I guess I don't give myself enough credit. A) When I sense that I should kiss the girl, I should trust my instincts as that instinct doesn't happen that often and it's usually a blazing alarm that I'm in one of those moments. B) I should believe that my game is strong enough to warrant kiss closes. The attitude I should have is, "Of course she wants to kiss me."

Massive sticking points from tonight:

-I'm back to this BS where I'm afraid to approach the girl again after I opened her once. I have to think about Tim's "house analogy." He says in "Flawless Natural" that we should imagine we are building a house. We put up three walls and then the first one falls down. We can either run away from the house, or we can sit there thinking about what we should do. The right move is to go back and try to put up that first wall instead of abandoning the house we started. I just abandoned the house several times tonight. I put in good effort, and I felt an awesome connection with Foregin service girl, but instead of trying to rebuild the wall, I just abandoned the house!

-I just don't believe in myself sometimes still and that holds me back. I didn't even mention this 2-set that was smoking outside The Apartment. Seagull opened them. The set was going well, and I noticed that my girl had finished her ciggy. I knew that the move was to tell the set and we should all continue this inside. Instead, I hesitated, and within 5 seconds, my girl turned to the friend. The friend was finished at that point too, and they said it was cold and were going inside. Here, Seagull and I had the opportunity again to lead them instead and continue the sarge. Seagull's girl even said we should go find them inside.

-I need to be focused on the outcome but not put so much pressure on myself. The only goal I should be thinking about is opening. I should open all the girls I find really attractive. I should try to make the right moves towards closing, but I need to just focus on opening and having fun. It's like I created a performance anxiety where I wasn't gonna feel good unless I pulled a girl and that pressure makes that impossible. I guess I became too emotionally involved in trying to make that happen instead of having the correct mindset that I had the past 3 days.

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