Sunday, August 5, 2012
Nervous, not opening to SNL?! Part 1
Some nights you start out in massive state, ready to take on the world. That's how I felt Friday night and I'm gonna write a post about how having a cold helped put things in perspective for me this past week. Two Fridays ago, I had a good set that I felt I screwed up because I was in a negative space. Fast word back to last night (Saturday). Somehow, despite having a good night Friday and having a pull opportunity, I started off tonight feeling anxious. I blame staying up till 11am on Saturday and then running an extra mile which wore me off. I had told myself I should take it easy with my runs as I'm still not fully recovered from the cold, yet I somehow over did it.
Nintendo and I decided to start off in River North. I sneaked into this bar, again. Once again, I saw Nintendo standing near the entrance. I saw an opportunity to skip the line arise. I can't really point it out to him; I have to teach him to look for the moves. It's so quiet that if I tell him to go in, the bouncer will hear me. I followed this group and the bouncer put up his clipboard to challenge me. I gave him a "Huh?" expression, and he asked me, "Are you with that group?" and I said yeah. I play it off so well. The venue was good but slow. Again, I was anxious and being solo and in a new bar that I just sneaked into isn't the best way to get momentum going. If it were busy, I could hit up sets but when it's slow I sometimes feel performance anxiety. Add to that a bunch of mixed sets and some stunning girls and I started to get inside my head.
The first step to getting moving is just to go back to what I started with as a newbie: I started opening guys. That helped. I ended up texting Nintendo and he was at the place right next to us and he had overheard a password to use for entry. I decided that it would just be more efficient to get with my wing man and try to push myself there. I regretted not opening, though. There were some stunners there, like seriously the best looking girls I've seen in like two weeks. 2j and even RSD Brad rave about Moe's Cantina but the girls here were even better.
Set opens despite shit opening:
I opened this two set at the second venue and did most of the things you could do wrong in an opening. I suppose this was a cause of what Tyler always said "The self is always shining through." I opened a seated two set with some opener I made up on the spot. I mumbled and stuttered in the opening and it made no sense, "Hey, is...err would my friend make a good Green Hornet. He's thinking about being the Green Hornet for Halloween. We're gonna be the Green Hornet and Kato Kailin (sic?)." That makes no sense at the sidekick is just named "Kato" and the Kato Kailin or whatever was OJ Simpson's live in guest. As I mumbled, the girls asked me to repeat the opener. It's funny because when you're a newbie, mumbling just gives the girls an excuse to back turn you or pretend she didn't hear you. Many times, girls will ask me to repeat the opener because I do most of the other stuff correctly: eye contact, body language, etc.
Nintendo said something and I repeated the opener and they still couldn't hear us. We laughed about it afterwards because the set ended up opening and Nintendo was actually hitting it off with one of the girls. The set got interrupted when two friends showed up. I was still in a bad state so I didn't say much and we left.
Fireworks and Nintendo:
I was choding out at the second venue too. We walked in and Nintendo and I were standing near the back. I pointed out a 2-set. I know it sometimes messes with his state when I do that. I told him that I was pointing it out because I wanted to open it yet I was having approach anxiety for some reason. I'll note that even in this poor state, it wasn't that gut wrenching or butterfly in the stomach feeling I'd get as a newbie. It was more like a lack of will power to open. It like my body turned into a rock and wouldn't move because I didn't want to open.
Chance would have it that he didn't open the set I was referring to which was this 2-set by a table. He opened this 2-set that turned out to be part of a big bachelorette set. I wasn't sure which one was his target as we were standing next to them and hadn't paired off. He was just talking but it wasn't clear which one he wanted. One girl was really talkative and the other was quiet.
She pulled out her phone and I saw fireworks on the screen. I used that as a reason to go over by her and start talking. Right when I closed the distance, the eye contact was better. It was clear she was a little drunk and also high buying temperature. She responded well to my touch and soon I had my arms on her hips as I was talking to her.
We kept talking and Nintendo wandered off. I decided to number close as this set was on and I figured the logistics were bad. We danced for a bit and there was a slight stall and she said, "I have to hang out with my friends." It was clear she liked me but I had her number and I knew she had to hang out with the party.
State kick started but still no approaching?
I went downstairs and I just couldn't open. I went back upstairs and started dancing. I stopped some cute girls walking in. I thought I was gonna approach but didn't. I hate to admit I was dancing at one point and this other bachelorette party was dancing near me. The bride-to-be starting dancing in front of me. Rather than have fun and use it to build state, I made eye contact, smiled and didn't do anything. Then I turned away.
I did open a few sets. I remember one girl blew me out and was trying to be too nice about doing it. I knew I wasn't in a good state and I knew she was busting me out because of it. She wasn't interested but she felt bad busting me out. I laughed and said I was fine. She couldn't know that I've taken tens of thousands of bust outs. Deep down I knew that in the right frame she would likely at least want to talk to me for a few minutes. I'll give her props for being a good girl at heart who doesn't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Nintendo's up on an Irish girl, Andydufresne is with some girl so I'm basically alone:
I couldn't find Nintendo for awhile and in most of the venue I always have no cell signal anyway. I ran into him upstairs and he's right up on a girl. It looks like he's in a prime position to make out if he hadn't already done it. I always smile when I see wings or guys I know in that situation. I usually make eye contact and smile but I don't say anything as I don't want to interrupt the flow of the set. He tapped me on the shoulder as I walked by.
7-11 Break and Understanding the loss of momentum:
I danced a bit and then went to the 7-11 down the street. I used to get a glass of water and then tip a dollar. If there's a store close, which there are in most of the places we go to, and if the place has reentry, I'd rather just get a Diet Arizona Iced Tea for $1 plus tax. It's a big can and it's less than 15 calories and I feel refreshed.
I stood there sipping my tea and wondering how I could even have a day like this. I felt it was a lesson. I thought about how I had been sick all week again and I just smiled about how it was nice just to be out on the street on a warm Chicago night. I know that shitty weather isn't too far away so I need to just take pleasure in the little things like this. I also realized it was a lesson on how 2j and Nintendo were talking about momentum the other day. They were on a roll at one point and they said my side trip to 7-11 pulled them out of that state. They didn't blame me as they knew they could have went to a venue and I would have joined them.
While they were saying that, though, I had a hard time relating. When I'm out a lot like I have been the last few months, I almost never get into the massive state fluctuations these guys seem to experience. Sure, changing venues or getting an iced tea might slow my momentum, but I usually find it easy to just hit the club up again or hit street sets and boom, I'm back in the right state. Tonight, I felt like they must have felt. I was starting to get back to normal when I had that good 2-set with Nintendo. I stopped opening. I opened some more and danced and then I took this break.
Should I go home?:
Before I left for the 7-11 break, I saw Nintendo drag this blonde out of the club. He told me he had venue changed her. While I was sipping the tea, I got a text that he had gotten her to come over to his place. He said it was a soft pull meaning he wasn't heavily making out and likely to turn it into a fclose right away. A soft pull is a term we remember from Manwhore's podcasts. It means you get the girl to come over and watch a movie or have drinks and then you try to escalate there.
I know that shitty night happen to everyone and part of me just wanted to call it a night. It's okay to call it quits. The other part of me thought of the Tyler video. Tyler talks about hitting up the night all the way to the end because you never know what can happen. I thought about nights in the past where I wanted to quit yet I persevered and something good happened at the end. I had no idea that this was gonna be one of those memorable nights that really would hammer this lesson into my head.
As I finished my tea, I told myself that I could do this. I remembered how I used to force myself to approach and stick out the nights when I was a total newbie and had no wings and sucked at sarging. I thought about one night in Lion Head when I really was ready to cry yet I pulled myself together and had a fun night. I thought about when I was out solo and I ran into DJ R in Wrigley and turned a night similar to tonight into a make out and number close that turned into a Day 2. I also thought about how I would have loved to be out like this just 4 days ago when I was stuck in bed congested and feeling like total shit.
Creeping out girls for warm up:
I went back to the club. I danced for a bit and started opening. I even tried to stop a few moving sets. The moving sets are horrible when you are in a shit state. I felt creepy when I was doing it wrong but I didn't let it bother me. I remembered reading this Field Report talking about how Tyler was in this shit state on a boot camp here in Chicago in April 2011. Tyler had been busy working for two weeks and had zero momentum. He said part of his method for getting back into state was to just hit up set after set and get massive rejections. Looking at the girls eyes and boobies and the rejections themselves would turn on the right part of his brain and he'd gain momentum.
I felt the bust outs helping me. I remember thinking, "Of course. Rejection isn't so bad. How did I forget that just opening builds state and momentum? Oh yeah, I knew that but sometimes you just have to force yourself." I forced myself and while I didn't hook any sets, I felt better about myself.