Tonight was gonna just be some simple lesson on keeping my frame while dealings with an AMOG, a lesson I basically know. I only lose frame in encounters with AMOG's if I'm in a low state, which I was tonight, or if the guy happens to be really good, which is rare, and this guy wasn't that type. Instead, I learned a key inner game lesson in terms of entitlement.
At the end of the night, Nintendo must have wanted to open this brunette sitting on the stairs outside of the club while we were waiting for AndyDufresne. I realized it later when I told him that he should of opened the girl instead of pointing it out to me. I reminded him that the times I'm pointing out sets is when I want to open them but want him to do the work for me for whatever reason: state control, approach anxiety, etc. I opened with the dumb Green Hornet opener, "Hey, I have a question. We thinking about going out for Halloween as as super hero duo. Can he pull off a Latino Green Hornet?" She said that he could do it. I replied that I'm going to be Kato. Then I just said, "I'm just playing around. I wanted to meet you. I'm Teddy."
She told me early on that she had lost her credit card and was trying to decide how to get home. Later on, I started to wonder if that had even been true. My response was, "Well, that sucks. Just call the credit card and cancel it. Problem solved!"
The only cool thing about her was she spoke her mind and she supposedly enjoys equestrian. Other than that, she had a lot of qualities that I often use as examples of girls I don't like. She told me at one point that for fun she like to "party a lot and do drugs." Lol, that's a big negative. I'd fuck her but she'd never be an LTR. She also was one of those girls who has never left the Chicago area and is afraid to fly. When girls tell me they like travel, I usually follow with, "That's cool. I'm glad you're not one of those people who has never left that state, and more importantly has no desire to travel. Like, seriously? You've never saw a movie or read about a place that you'd really like to visit and see with your own eyes?!"
While Nintendo was an awesome wing on Saturday, he apologized later when I called him out what he did. He and AndyDufresne were standing outside and Nintendo wanted to get home so he came into the set. I know he did it because he wanted to get some rest but I also said later, "You know that I never approach you when you're one-on-one with a girl." I can't be too mad as I wouldn't have gotten laid Saturday if he hadn't helped me out. Besides that I knew he wanted to get home, there are so many girls out there that you should never get butt hurt about one girl, and this girl wasn't quality: she was just hot.
These are the girls that we idolize in the club and are afraid to approach?!
As I was about to drop the wings off, I told them that I came to the realization above. I told them that this was the same realization I had when we met that blonde at the Willow set's apartment. This girl just happened to be way hotter but both girls might be girls we'd be afraid to approach at the club.
Girls only have power over me if I let them. It's a choice.
I thought about how I'm like Neo in the Matrix when guys or girls that I don't know talk shit to me. The only ones who can mess up my frame are guys that actually know me, and even if what they said hurt, I'd get over it after thinking it over for awhile. Random people can't make anything stick on me because I really don't give a fuck what they think about me (Tim's lesson from Transformations and Flawless Natural.) First of all, they don't know the real me, they are just basing it on some short impression they have of me. Second of all, I just don't care what they think because they are nobodies to me. Third, I don't even let friends or even my dear mother determine my path in life. I do things my way and I set my own goals on what I want in life. People who know about my life know this is true.
When strangers talk shit, all those insults or whatever are like bullets flying at me, and like in the Matrix, they just stop and don't hurt me.
I realized again today that it's the same when it comes to hot girls. If I have anxiety about approaching them, it's because I let myself think like that. I let myself doubt if I am enough. RSD Alex says to tell yourself, "There is no reason I'm not enough." Nowadays, I'll usually open most girls. The only time I might not open is if I'm in a really low state, and that's rare lately. Still, sometimes the hot girls can mess with me later on in the set. I'm dumb to allow myself to even indulge in that line of thnking.
We give her a ride and learn she's a massive liar and a value taker:
The girl asked me for a ride home when we said we were leaving. One of the wings said we could give her a ride as I was driving. I really didn't care and almost didn't give her a ride but I found out it wasn't far away and I might as well interact with a hot girl for a bit just for fun. We got to my car and she tried to give me shit about the car, "What is this, like a $2000 car?" Many guys would try to qualify themselves. Again, I don't even care that I have a crappy car. I had a sports car when I was an AFC and I know that my car doesn't mean anything. I wouldn't want a girl that would date me just because I had a cool car anyway. On top of that, she was the broke one asking me for a ride because she's too cheap to get a taxi (Nintendo pointed that she likely didn't want to take a taxi for that reason, and that we were fun.) While she was getting into the front seat , I saw the cans I have on the floor and said, "You forgot to add in the few cents I can get for those cans I'm gonna recycle there."
She replies, "I see you really like Mountain Dew."
I replied, "Mountain Dew. Do you really think I would buy actual Mountain Dew. Hell No. That's the Walmart Brand of Mountain Dew."
HB: Is it really?
Me: Yeah.
HB: Is it Diet.
Me: Yeah.
HB: Cool, Can I have one?
Me: You forgot to say the magic word. You learn it in kindergarten.
HB: May I please have one?
Me: Yeah, no problem.
Thus far, she's okay. The shit tests are just natural things girls do to test frame and I'm not bothered by them. I just wrote out these bits of conversation because I was happy with how I was interacting with her. I felt no nervousness around her. Yeah, she was attractive and had nice legs but I wasn't thinking, "Wow this chick was hot." It was my wings who kept raving about how hot she was. Part of the problem was that she's a brunette and I like blondes and redheads. She was one of the better looking girls we encountered tonight, but also, I really have become more comfortable with hot girls. They get no special treatment from me. In fact, lately, I call them out even more because I know they are used to getting what they want.
She was cool in that she was very blunt and spoke her mind. I noticed she was dropping in sexual comments for attention. My two wings were responding to it but I never acknowledged them.
We started noticing the lies as we're driving. First, she said she's supposedly married to some Chicago Blackhawks player. Nintendo called her out for not having a ring and she claimed that she doesn't wear it. Nintendo joked that she must try to use guys for free drinks and doesn't wear it for that reason. Later she refered to a boyfriend and then a fiance. I'd believe that she banged or is banging a hockey player. She's hot enough that I'd believe it but the lies just become more clear the more we drive. She mentioned living at her boyfriend's place and at the end of the night says she has a roommate. The guy is in town and then out of town. She's with her brothers and then not with them.
Do you smoke weed?
We mentioned getting tacos and she jumped on the idea. I was willing to get some food. Here I got to mess with her some more. I mentioned this burrito place in Lincoln Park and she said, "Is there a place with drive through burritos?" I said, "Yeah, there's this place called Taco Bell, but we're not getting that." My wings laughed when I said that.
Nintendo asked if she smoked weed. She said she does indeed and Nintendo said we should smoke and eat tacos. She asked if we have some or if we have to go get some. Nintendo said he has some at home but it's far. She said, "Naw, I have a bowl packed at home." Nintendo said, "Well, here's what we'll do. We'll stop at your place, you'll go get it, we'll smoke and get some tacos." She started making obvious bullshit excuses, "My doorman is a dick. I lost my keys and he'll charge me $75 dollars just to get in." Nintendo called her out for lying and I said, "Yeah. I don't even smoke but quit your bullshit." Then she said , "My boyfriend is there. How am I gonna go in and grab a bag of weed and then say I'm leaving. He's gonna say, 'Who's dick are you gonna go suck?'"
Nintendo said at this point that he was tired and didn't want to get tacos. I wanted to drop her off too. It was obvious she didn't want to share the weed and was just trying to be a mooch. It's funny cause I don't even smoke it and wouldn't but I hate value takers. Nintendo realized she just wanted free weed and I agreed with him wanting to just end the night.
On a side note, Andydufresne tried to give me shit about not smoking weed. He said, "Really, you've never tried weed? Are you telling me that if a hot girl, your dream girl was gonna suck your dick, you wouldn't smoke weed."
I told him that the honest truth is that I would not do it. He tried to call bullshit on that but I said, "If a hot, 6 foot tall redhead was ready to fuck me but she wanted me to smoke weed with her, I would not do it."
I added later, "In 35 years, I've never smoked weed in my life. Do you think that I didn't face peer pressure in high school? My friends did it but I never have. There's not way I'm gonna do it now and especially when I'm running 6 miles a day. I'm not putting anything in my lungs."
That's the truth, although I've acknowledged that there's a chance I'd eat marijuana brownies in Amsterdam. When I was there a few years ago, I realized if Sidegames had come with me, I would have been willing to eat them but not smoke up.
Just because you have a pussy, doesn't mean you have power over me:
I went to brush my teeth and started thinking about that. It's not entirely true. I bought drinks for Promoter girl. I paid for Firework's two taco's on Friday. Those were different situations. Nintendo said part of the reason he didn't want to go get food was because he sensed she was gonna try to get us to pay for the food. He sensed she was the type that gives a lot of fake IOI's to get stuff from guys. I agreed with his assessment, but I said that if we had gone for food, I wouldn't have paid for the food here and would have made her pay. This is the truth. One on one, there was a chance I'd pay for the food, but in this case with two wings with me in just a friendly set like this, I wouldn't pay for her food.
We dropped her off and that was that. During the ride back, we talked about her. Andydufresne and Nintendo said there was a chance that if we had weed we might have all been able to fuck her. I said there was a slight chance but then Nintendo also brought up that she was the type to give fake IOI"s to get stuff. I said that we could have went for burritos but I understood that Nintendo wanted to go home.
Then I said, "If anyone was supposed to waste time trying to see if they could fuck her, it should have been me. Why did you two come into a one-on-one set anyway? You know I'd never do that to you guys. You know that I've never come up to you when you've been one-on-one with a girl." Nintendo apologized. I explained my thoughts on the matter earlier.
I have a choice:
Yes, pussy has had power over me at the past. Sometimes, it's okay to pay like on Saturday. I had already made out with the girl and we were talking about a few tacos and a lay seemed very possible.
Girls should not have power over me at the club. I get afraid to approach sometimes only because the girl is hot. So what? Most of the time, I believe this, but sometimes I do doubt myself. The question is for what, just because at a night club, a hot girl is the pinnacle of social status there.
This girl and the blonde from the willow set made me realize how we're often so wrong about these girls that we place on pedestals and are sometimes afraid to approach at the bar.
I've have a one night stand with this girl. I'd keep her around as a fuck buddy or do minimal stuff to keep her around but she would never have real girlfriend status with me based on what I learned about her tonight. That's the truth right there. I have higher standards for what I want from a girlfriend. Sure, this girl is way hotter than my ex, but my ex's intelligence and personality blow this girl's personality out of the water. Her non physical attributes are about equivalent to some fat ugly girl's physical attributes. I like how she didn't filter herself and was a little feisty but that's it in terms of personality.
My Wings and I in comparison to these girls:
I've always believe in being humble and often I'm so hard on myself that I never acknowledge my good attributes. This girl really got me thinking though. Again, she wasn't even hot enough for me that I was intimidated about approaching her but my two wings kept talking about how hot this girl was for them. That being said, let's just imagine she is the type of girl that is really my type. So what?
I'm getting closer, but I can't say I've fully internalized this belief yet. It will take time but I know tonight was a big step. This girl was attractive and I loved how I wasn't nervous around her and how I easily called her out on her bullshit and wasn't phased at all by her shit tests (i.e. the car comment, my Taco Bell swipe, etc).
Let's get to the point of the title of this section. I'm imagining myself at the club in the future. I see a hot girl that I'm hesitant to approach. When I do that, I'll think about how I'm choosing to give her power over me. I have a choice to make myself impervious to that fact that she's hot. Beyond that, I can hide my emotions: I've done it successfully at poker when money big money for the stakes has been on the line.
I should also think about that Willow blonde. Let's think about this girl. A girl I might be afraid to approach could be the druggy party girl that I rip on to other girls that have qualities I actually like, might be some pathological liar, might be a value taker that easily uses her hotness to get most fools to buy her all kinds of crazy stuff. There are stories in the community of hot girls that have idiot AFC's paying for their cars or apartments while they end up fucking some player on the side.
My wings or I are letting this type of girls have power over us? We really think we aren't worthy of that? Obviously, I'm stereotyping. A girl could be highly intelligent or well traveled in addition to being hot. I can only find that out if I approach her.
We're also forgetting something key. We have a lot of qualities that make us high value guys. We're self actualized guys that are constantly improving ourselves. Let's get off the we. I'm gonna talk about myself so I can ingrain my good qualities in my head. I hate doing this, but I need to remind myself. Let me see, I'm a smart guy and I sometimes like intellectual stimulation. Only several of my friends can provide me with this. Some of my other friends might be equally smart but we couldn't have the same conversational as their interests lie elsewhere. I'm willing to place a girl above me who likely has no chance of offering this value for me? I so likely because a smart intelligent hot girl is probably not gonna be out on a Monday or Tuesday. It's usually these party girls or industry girls (bartenders or waiters) and you get to even slimmer chances with those girls.
There are so many places I have yet to see, but I've been to many amazing places on Earth. I enjoy talking about travel and hearing about people's experiences in other countries, especially in ones I have yet to visit. This girl tonight has no desire to travel and has never been anywhere and I'm wiling to play such a hot girl on a pedestal just because she's hot? WTF?
I could go on, but I think I made the point.
Having sex, even with a hot girl isn't gonna fix me:
When you haven't sex for awhile, you can get really needy. I know that I started to really need sex because I felt like such a loser because I wasn't getting laid. When I was going out a lot and not having any sex, I started to tell myself, "Wow, if I could just get laid, I'd have better results." Then, I started banging that FB again. I had wished for her to return during that dry stretch. That felt better, but then I said I needed some new and hotter pussy.
I think I've finally stopped thinking that after Saturday. I realized that I had a good time. I had a high from having sex with a new girl and especially because it was an SNL. SNL just seemed to mystical years ago and I haven't had enough of them that I feel extra special about them. When I've gotten laid after a Day2 or 3, it just hasn't felt that same of a high as getting it the same night that I met the girl. I realized afterward that I didn't get fixed from sex.
I realized that I wouldn't get fixed with sex from a hot girl. If I banged this chick tonight, I'm sure I would have enjoyed it. If I banged a 6 foot tall redhead, it woudl be amazing, but I would be the same person. I could make new excuses on why I need something else to fix me or make me game better. Only time can improve my game, though, and only I can decide if I'm going to believe in myself or feel like I'm all together. Only I can decide if girls are gonna have power over me by virtue of just having a pussy.
Sex is fun and is a great experience and definitely adds to my enjoyment of life. The thing is that when you go out the next night, you still have to open sets and do everything all over again. You still have to work your phone numbers. Things don't suddenly just start working because you banged a girl.
There is a point where you have an abundance of hot girls, I suppose. A point where things really do get easier. I realize that I can accelerate that process by starting with a fix to my inner game issue of entitlement with hot girls. Tonight was a big step and this super long post has helped internalize the proper mindset.
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