Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Forced on a solo mission that might be the turning point

Speaking of forced, I'm really forcing myself to write these posts.  I think I'm gonna take a break after this one.  The one I really should write about concerns Sunday night where I almost pulled.  I don't think I would have gotten in the right mind set had this not happened.

I ended up staying in Friday night as Seagull and 2j couldn't go out.  I was tired from this week as well.  I text Nintendo and he was busy at a wedding.  I text some other wings and it looked like I could go to the local suburb place for no cover.  I thought about doing that but whatever I decided look like it was going to be a solo sarging night.  I really dreaded having to do this so  I stayed in.

Saturday was similiar, though Nintendo claimed he was going out to River North.  He's been flaky about meeting up.  2j says Nintendo is doing this "high value" thing that he does where he doesn't respond and gets flaky because he has too much stuff going on.  I can understand that as I sometimes do that unintentionally to people when I have too many possible plans available on a given night.  In retrospect, I could have bugged him more and this other wing who said he was coming out, but once I was in the venue, I was solo and decided to just deal with it.

I didn't want to stand around and do nothing all night but I also couldn't get myself to open.  I was hoping the wings would show up but I never text them again either because I didn't want to seem like I was nagging them.  In any case, I told myself that even if they showed up, I'd have to make things happen for myself so I might as well do that now without bothering them.

I set a time limit for myself to do something.  I gave myself 45 minutes to stand around and try to dance or just walk around.

Oklahoma guy saves me:
There was this bachelor party from Oklahoma at the bar.  I was standing around when this guy opened me.  He was cool and just exchanging a few words got me in a more social mood.  I opened my first set shortly after that.  I then opened another girl.  I made the mistake of not building on that momentum.  I knew that stalling would make it harder to open again and sure enough, I had to take another 10 minutes to get myself going again.

In the end, I didn't get any sets hooked, but I did force myself to go into sets.  I felt shitty about it, but then I realized I was being to hard on myself.  I realized that this was far better than that hour I was alone the previous week.  I actually did make an effort.  Yeah, compared to Christmas, or to when I was going out solo a lot, I sucked on this evening.  I shouldn't compare myself to then.  I can't expect to maintain skills when I don't go out.  Furthermore, Tyler has explained that I should just create low standards and just be happy about opening as that's a good way to build momentum and state.

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