Sunday, May 10, 2015
Attraction with bad logistics & Pulling
Seagull linked me a good video that discussed quick escalation. Watching it made me realize what I wrote in the other post: I have a lot of this stuff down, but I lack a few bits of outer game when it comes to executing fast kino escalation. This video helped me try to stand closer to the girls tonight (something that I've realized I'm doing wrong, but the video helped push me to work on it, especially in these loud venues when it's often necessary so the girl and I can hear each other). The video also made me realize that I can just create some incidental contact and it made me feel okay about using jewelry as a reason to touch the girl. I've rebelled against doing that because in my head I thought of it as a "kino" trick that I used when I was new, but this video made me realize the power of using it. Also, why should I discard something that works so well, especially when I've been low or reluctant to kino at times.
The video also helped me reframe that it's not being creepy to touch girls. I still often struggle with this. This video helped me understand that if I'm into a girl, it's fine to want to touch her. It's weird if I'm creating strong attraction and I don't touch her. She wants me to touch her, especially when I'm doing things right, which I often am now. Besides, if I screw up, she'll push my arm away. That's not being creepy to trigger that. The video explained that it's creepy if you go right back to trying that same move. If I react properly, I actually can build more rapport and attraction because I show that I'm aware of her reactions and I show that I can pull back if she's uncomfortable. The video explained that this allows her to be more comfortable later on because she realizes that I get it and will back off if she's uncomfortable.
Another key video was this Jlaix video about how often what's holding back intermediate guys from pulling regularly is that they don't screw logistics. I've been working on this for the past few days. I definitely fit Jlaix's description: Tonight was a good example. I had two strong sets that were pull possibilities, and there was this girl that Seagull was dancing with that was super high buying temperature that I could have pulled if I had my pulling stills down. More on that later.
Dance floor set:
Seagull opened this two set and I was stuck winging the less attractive girl. Within a short period of time, like a minute or so, he brought his girl to the dance floor. My girl said she had to follow even though I was starting to dance with her right there. I just realized that this was a situation where I showed myself that I do know how to escalate properly on the dance floor. I need to do with hot girls what I did with this girl. I get rejected on the dance floor more than I should because I do do my dance floor game like I did with this girl. I'm holding myself back or just acting a little weird because I don't feel fully entitled to the hotter girls.
I remember I was forced to be a little closer to her because the dance floor was packed. Still, there was a little space between us. I started moving to the music and I tried to match her rhythm. I remember I soon grabbed her hand and continued to mirror her moves. I then got a little closer and I later put the other hand on her hip. There was more contact but even though I was getting turned on, I didn't fully go into grinding. She soon moved closer in, and then I started to be more aggressive about letting my leg stimulate her crotch and letting my hard on bump into her. After that, we just kept grinding and I started to think, "Okay, I want to bang her even though she's large."
I thought we might pull this two set but I screwed up at some point or she decided to be flaky and at one point she pulled the other girl to the bathroom. We tried to open them again later but the magic was gone.
No chemistry with this other girl:
We went to this country venue and opened a set. My first set was with this cute girl that I had nothing in common with: all my usual interests were things she didn't care about. She said she liked watching "The Kardashians" which is sort of a turn off for me. I've seen a few episodes but the way she talked about it combined with her not liking any of the hobbies I talked about made me think that she's one of those people that just veg out in front of the TV all day.
Seagull said later that I should have told him I was bored so we could have saved time. He coudln't push all night and we wasted about 5 minutes in that nowhere set. The only thing I think I could have done differently is that I should have just shut up and try to gaze into her eyes and kino escalate. Rather than try to take about something substantive, I could spewed out roleplaying scenarios or future adventures projection and tried to just work on physical chemistry instead of building rapport.
I mention this option because she was giving IOI's. I suppose then that I have this section titled wrong in that there was chemistry, at least at some point, but we just weren't clicking on common interests.
I met this awesome engineer girl that was on a weekend trip celebrating the end of finals. The girl was the polar opposite of the set I just described. Engineer girl was another one of my avatar specialties in that she was smart. We immediately clicked on travel and she's even been to some of the same places I have been.
I started with light kino and because we kept connecting, I kept having more reasons to kino. I really knew she was into me, when I put my arm around her to emphasize something I liked about her, and she snuggled into me as I did that.
To my credit, I actually did screen logistics in this set and unfortunately it was shit logistics. She was here with friends from college and they were staying at a hostel. It turned out to be four of them total. She went to school in Indiana and was just here for the weekend and is leaving on Sunday (so probably within 8-12 hours of me posting this).
They weren't even going to stay out. She had to leave me and she said they were going to sleep. I made a slight effort (I say slight because I feel that maybe I should have tried harder or made a different approach though Seagull did say after that it was just shit logistics) and said, "You should stay out with me an grab food."
I think the other move was to get introduced to the friends. When the friends came, they were ready to leave. Like the girls were already two tables away and my girl stuck around as I was having her punch in her info into my phone while they were on the way out. As I write this, I think I could have said, "Introduce me (or us: meaning Seagull and I) to your friends. Then I could have tried to venue change them all to another place or for food. That still might not have worked but it was a better move than just letting her go.
Early in the night, I saw this tall girl and a shorter girl (well about my height) walking as we were exiting a bar. I said we should open them, but I suggested the Gunwitch move. Gunwitch had talked about how if you're at the mall and you see a girl walking in the opposite direction, you could do a silent stalk. He meant that rather than opening her when she's walking by, which is a low probability opener, you could just see what store she went into and go int an open here there. Rather than open them on the street, we could just go into the venue and do a higher probability opener.
It's funny that Seagull didn't want to do it even though they were going into one of the better venues we were planning on hitting anyway, yet he ended up clicking with her right away and having a pull opportunity.
We opened them and I chose the wrong target. I wanted the tall girl. She talked to me for a little bit and then pulled the other girl away. Seagull, within a minute of talking to her, was spinning her and dancing with her and he even kissed her briefly.
Later on, I'd learn two things. His target was super high buying temperature. We came back after all the above happened, and his target was grinding on some other guy. That guy screwed up and jsut took a number, as I predicted, and she later was dancing with two other guys. My girl was just in a bad mood. The entire night, she was dancing by herself every time I saw her. I tried again, hoping that she had loosened up from a few drinks. Nope, I was busted out. I saw several other guys try and she busted them all out.
Seagull has to go:
I told Seagull that he could try to steal his target away from the guy she was dancing with: he didn't want to do it. I forget sometimes how ballsy I have been in the past. I've had a girl be really into me, or heck, I had that one on Thursday that wasn't into me, and I've tried to steal them off another guy. I think of this one set a long time ago, where I pulled a girl who I knew was into me or a guy she was grinding with.
Since he didn't want to do that,I said that if he waited, I bet he could open her again as most guys don't know how to pull. Either that, or the guy could screw up and Seagull could open the girl when that happened.
I later saw the guy Seagul land I saw with his girl taking a phone number instead of pulling.
Seagull had to go as he had to get up early. I told him later that he could have pulled if he stuck it out. I said I knew he had to go but the lesson is that I think he didn't trust himself. I said I knew he would stay if he believed he had a 100% chance to pull. I think he had a better chance to pull that he gave himself credit for and that's why he left.
I could have pulled this girl, provided she'd be into me, and I think if I had done what I knew I was suppose to do, she would have been into me. I saw her walking by alone. I knew that the move was to start dancing with her. I instead opened her verbally and gave her a high five. I should have gone up, and tried to spin her to spike her buying temperature or even just do the lift move that I've seen Crazyfoot do before. All I had to do was get her to dance and have fun with me, and then I just need to try to pull.
I stuck around the venue as I tried other sets but at the very end, I was sticking around to see if the final guy could pull.
Lesson without seeing it:
I decided to leave because I knew I needed to learn the lesson without seeing the results. I knew that if the guy failed and didn't pull, I'd feel better but if he did pull, I'd feel worse. I felt that I shouldn't see the final result. I needed to learn. That girl wanted to get laid and the lesson is that I should have executed the right move instead of doing a half ass 10pm opener I should be happier if he screwed up because that doesn't matter to me: my screw up is why I didn't go home with her. His screw up wouldn't mean that my read was wrong or that I couldn't have pulled if I acted properly. His success doesn't mean that I would have succeeded or failed. I didn't need to see that either to know that my read was right as my read was the obvious truth.
As I'm writing this, I think I should have stayed if I could have kept my ego in check. I could have learned technique from the guy's success or failure. I could have seen how he walked her out or if the tall aloof friend cockblocked or not.