In order to have sex with a girl, I have to feel confident. To feel confident, I have to have sex with a girl.
I know that part of that really is a my problem right now. I remember two years ago, when I hooked up with that tall girl in Vegas that is the hottest girl I ever hooked up with, that I had so much confidence after that. I remember going out right after that and just seeing the hottest girls in the club and feeling confident as I approached them. I actually had a problem in that I ran shitty game in that I expected that I could just go up and be confident and I'd get the girl.
The point is that hooking up with a girl definitely can make me more confident.
I think, though, that my focus on this supposed Catch-22 is just me being negative. I can give a counterexample not even digging too far back into the memory banks. I had a quick pull around this time last year. I remember I opened this girl in front of Paris as Seagull was talking to a set. I recognized immediately that she was super high buying temperature and I started to lead her towards my hotel. I said we were getting drinks at Casino Royale but I ended up just stopping at the gift shop and Linq and taking her upstairs.
I just looked and I guess I posted about that as it was the girl Seagull and I shared. Anyway, after that I felt confident even though things got screwed up. It didn't translate the next day as I don't remember that burst of self confidence when we went to the club the next day.
The month of progress:
It's too easy for me to focus on the fact that I haven't actually been inside a girl since my return to the game and of course, I didn't get any for the months that I quit. Realistically, I think I am using it as an excuse to be negative. Sure, it's natural to take a little hit to the ego when I've seen Seagull get two quick pulls since I've been back, and I've also seen MMA pull twice.
I remember watching a video (I think it was a Tyler video), that basically says you have to make your own progress in the game.
While today, I didn't open as much as I would like, I guess the part of me that likes to be negative forgot how my first few days back was. I barely opened the first day I came back. It took a lot of soul searching and just pure determination to get me to the point where I was opening like the old days.
I think it'll be helpful to just list a few cool other experiences I've had to contrast that with my first few days back:
-I opened this tall blonde in our second AC Monday night at the Borgota club. There was no one on the dance floor at this time, and I dragged her out there and I got that dance floor started. I literally did. After I dragged her on, this couple that was standing near the dance floor got out there and then people started filling the dance floor.
I guess I forgot that I went from maybe half-ass opening 2-3 sets in a whole evening to being that fun party guy who gets the club going. I guess I forgot where I started this journey many years ago. I forgot that I used to be terrified of the dance floor and that I'd stand in the club all night staring a girls, and wishing I could even talk to girl.
-Early on, I was winging Seagull in this 2-set. This was just when I had begun to open a lot again and really give a good effort. It turns out I probably chose wrong as Seagull later said he thinks I had a decent chance to close the girl I was working in that 2-set. I just remember that she didn't seem that into me so when we walked into this other bar, I took an opportunity that presented itself. This larger girl was on the dance floor and I just grabbed her and started dancing. Even in my newbie mode, I realized she was ready to make out and we started making out. After a few mins, I lead her out of the bar. (Thinking back, I actually lead properly and didn't do debate game. When I'm wondering what to do in quick pull situations on the street, I need to remember in my head how I lead in this set and do the same.)
I ended up with a funny experience and I definitely made the wrong choice in that the girl ended up not being able to walk halfway to the taco place. She was too drunk. It worked out in that it's good I didn't get her back to my car as it would have sucked to have her get sick there. It worked out, as it was a good positive experience (up to the point that she got sick), and I had some confidence after that. Seagull had told me to leave her but I'm too nice. I stayed with her and she actually turned on me when this Uber driver that had been stalking us for like 30 minutes offered to drive her home. He let me take a pic of his driver's license so I let him drive her. I had even found her friends on facebook and messaged them the info. The one friend told me this girl's sister text her that this girl had made it home okay. That friend, not surprisingly, told me this wasn't the first time that girl had disappeared and been too drunk.
Anyway, this was basically a pull but it just got screwed up because the girl couldn't handle her liquor.
-I mentioned it in the previous post, but I should feel great about that Russian girl that didn't speak English. I remembered, at the time, that there was some RSD video about how eye contact, and body language are the most important, and that it's possible to game girls even if you can't speak to them. Whenever I'm wondering what to do in street game at the end of the night, I should think back to this set and how I used my eye contact and kino (and some hand motions) to create attraction and lead.
My negative side wants to focus on how I still haven't gotten laid, but this was a great interaction. It reinforced some crucial concepts that I need in the field. I shouldn't focus on how I didn't have sex with her and just focused on how I did enjoy making out with her and how the whole thing unfolded. I even have a pic with her as she wanted us to take a pic to remember the evening.
-I actually had a long Irish set that Seagull did the heavy lifting on. This was early in my return. If I had my game from just a few days later, I would have at least hooked up with this girl in red, and we both said I had a chance for a threesome if I had been a little more confident and/or experienced. It even crossed my mind at the time that the 3-some was the move but I didn't follow through.
It did remind me of how much I love the Irish accent on women. I remember we were playing beer pong and I loved how this blonde Irish girl sounded when she said, "Fuck" or say any other cuss words when she's mess up.
-That same night of the Russian girl, I had two decent prospects lined up at the club. (I loved having that club in the hotel as it had a liberal reentry policy. We could have drinks in the room to maintain our buzz without paying the high club drink prices. I also successfully used it three times over two different nights to get girls to come upstairs for a drink.
There are actually several other positive stories but I want to go to sleep and I think I've typed enough to change my negative attitude.
Realistically, I've had some good experiences and if I keep moving forward and trying my hardest, it's inevitable that I'm going to hook up with a girl. I have to accept that I'm going to have some nights that aren't as good (tonight and Wednesday). I have to stop being negative. If I'm feeling a little negative or self conscious at the bar/club, I need to take action, and then think about the cool moments I've had recently and in the past.
I surely am using this Catch-22 idea to be negative. Just because I took time off and I'm not pulling doesn't negate all the progress I've made over the years. It doesn't negate that I've hooked up with girls in the past. Learning pickup works: all the girls I ever dated or hooked up with after my first girlfriend were due to discovering this stuff and applying it.
If I'm positive, I'm more likely to actually close. MMA is probably right that success comes in waves. It should also make me feel better that he said he went out for 3 months prior to his current good run and didn't get any lays from cold approach (he said he was fortunate to have a regular girl at the time so at least he hooked up with her). Just because I haven't closed doesn't mean that I suck at this completely.
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