Let me start by saying that I guess writing in here does help me progress and that's why I'm back again here 24 hours later.
Tonight, it felt like so much happened in so little time. I started late as I scooped up Seagull from the airport. My easy parking spot by his house was gone which actually turned out to be a blessing. I had planned on a quick three drink cheat code sequence at his place but I abandoned the idea when I was forced to park closer to the bar.
This was the first time I really gave a full effort completely sober and I was reminded of the benefits of going out completely sober. Having warmed up yesterday and being committed to doing things better tonight, I jumped right in without that little period of hesitation and self doubt. Having a few drinks helps circumvent this completely on days when I'm not already starting somewhat in the zone. I also notice that being drunk helps me on the dance floor because I really let loose more. Tonight, I proved that I can still have good enough confidence and moves on the dance floor.
Dance floor girl:
I think my first real chance was this cute blonde on the dance floor. I actually wish I could remember exactly how I started things because I sometimes do feel like I don't have opening on the dance floor internalized. I think this was just one of those situation where I was moving and having enough fun that when I made eye contact with her, she just started dancing with me. I remember pulling her in and spinning her around: the standard moves. She seemed high buying temperature but I remember the friend seemed colder. She was on the phone and she didn't respond well to MMA. Later, I saw her all friendly with some other guy that busted out.
I probably missed a chance by not going back in again. While it may not be ideal that the friend doesn't like my wing or doesn't seem high buying temperature, perhaps, I should have forced myself to go in and try to make this close happen. At the very least, I could have gone in again and screened her for logistics and maybe tried some more kino escalation to see if she really would be down for leaving with me.
The pulls aren't always going to be easy and I remember that I just recently watched an RSD video talking about how it's good to recognize that some pulls are going to be awkward and rough. It's not good to be a one trick pony and just get quick pulls that go smoothly.
Street dancing:
As much as I did approach early on, I failed to go into this set at the same bar as the previous dance floor girl. Seagull had gone in and MMA had as well. I think my issue is the pale girl that I was interested in was talking to some guy the whole time. I admit I chickened out with this petite blonde in that group for whatever reason. Normally, I'd beat myself up for not having tried but I'm trying to be positive. Realistically, I can't hold myself to the standard that I'm going to open every single set. It's not like I wasn't trying some other angles at the time.
It worked out anyway as there was this other friend that I hadn't seen inside the bar but showed up outside. The set ended up being one guy and like 5-6 girls. I believe they were Irish. This one thin brunette was super high energy and I started dancing with her on the street. She was high buying temperature and I almost got her to walk away with me for tacos. I got like 5-10 feet away and then I think one of her friend's got her attention.
I had this moment where Seagull was talking to some PUA guy he recognized. I knew the three girls were about to get an Uber , so I tried to pull MMA back into the set.
Don't waste time arguing:
My girl recognized MMA from the bar. I had seen him open this other blonde friend of there's. My girl had bad memories of MMA because she started arguing with him about how he was talking to her other friend. Rather that just ignoring it or changing the subject, he started arguing with her and that ruined the set. While that BS was going on, the friend called an Uber. They must have lived far away because I heard her say she was sending them the Uber split for the $30 ride. A $30 ride might go all the way to the airport so they must live like 20-30 minutes away.
I tried to change the subject and end the stupid debate that was going on. Ultimately, I ended up giving up as I knew the Uber was coming and the arguing seemed to ruin the mood.
I'll just close by saying that I caught myself arguing with a girl and then mid argument, I even verbalized, "Why am I wasting my time arguing? This is stupid."
I had opened these two blondes and one asked me which was "Division" was, which is this shitty strip of late night bars in Chicago. I told them that they should go elsewhere as that place was shitty. A few minutes later, I saw them again and opened with, "Are you guys still looking for Division? Seriously, don't go there."
One girl just started going off on me telling me to go away. I think I said, "Okay, that's fine, but seriously, you're not going to like those bars." She then went off some more with some nonsense I barely remember.
The friend started defending me and actually reached towards me to grab my arm. She was saying something like, "You're not doing anything wrong." She started telling the friend that I'm nice, etc.
The other girl said, "She's drunk, she doesn't know what she's saying." She might have had a few drunks but she wasn't sloshed.
I argued for a sentence more and then I stopped myself as I said above, "Why am I even wasting my time arguing? This is stupid! I have 30 minutes left" and I left.
You can close this girl:
As I was typing this, Seagull messaged me wanted to talk about this stupid 2-set that he opened on the street. I was in MMA's car as he was going to drive us to the after hours bar. We tried to get them to hop in, but they weren't comfortable so I hopped out. I started talking to the cuter one and we walked towards the bar.
I was having an interesting conversation. It was similar to one I had earlier with this girl in some giant set Seagull had moved prior to this. My target was walking with me and investing in the conversation. At some point, before the bar, I saw her change her stride and pull away from me. I want to say it was when I talked about not wanting to get married and staying single or some topic like that.
We got to the bar, and my target was on the phone. The two girls walked away a little bit and Seagull and I opened these two Irish girls that were sitting outside the bar. We had a good conversation going but the girls wanted to go back inside. In retrospect, I should have anticipated that this would happen and lead them inside, or I should have made it look like my idea to go back inside.
The original 2-set had come back in and we went inside. I remember that Seagull went to the bathroom so I just babbled about something while he was gone. Mine like the song that was playing and I tried to get her to dance. That didn't work.
Later, they wandered off. Seagull said they went to the washroom. They came back out and were in the back. Seagull took this opportunity to tell me that he felt I could hook up with this girl if we went back in. He didn't like the girl he wasn't talking to and mine honestly wasn't attractive enough for him. She had a cute face but my options earlier were better.
I didn't want to go back in because I didn't feel like I was clicking with my target. At the time he was pushing me go in, guys were talking to them as well. My worst scenario was going back in like he suggested and busting out in front of competing guys.
On the one hand, he had a point when he said that I specifically said at the beginning of the night that I recognized I wasn't sticking in sets long enough and I had said I was going to make a effort to stick in longer. Perhaps, I did fail here and I failed with that blonde on the dance floor. On the other hand, I did see how the dynamics changed while we were still walking to the bar.
As I expected:
So, finally I convince him that we're not going back. He opens these 4 Irish girls and he really hooks this one girl. I try to go in and I have the attention of one but I didn't really have it hooked. To my credit, after standing for a minute closed out of the set, I tried to force myself back in. It didn't seem to work so I left and just started talking to random people.
Later, I saw the original 2-set alone at the other end of the bar. I went back in. I probably didn't do the kino right when I went back in. When I reported what happened, he said I went from no kino to trying to touch her. I'm not even sure about that. I think I tried to get her attention by touching her arm and she freaked out.
I don't even like writing about this shit because these bad reactions stick in my head and these are why I often fail to escalate on girls that actually do like me and that want me to touch them. She said, "Don't touch me. Give me some personal space here" and she made a circle motion.
I responded, "Sorry, I was just trying to your attention." When she did the circle motion, I just said, "Okay, whatever, have fun you guys" and left.
Honestly, I don't know if Seagull was right or if this would have been the result regardless. Maybe because I wanted to prove a point, I tried to touch her in a creepy way just so I could prove myself to be right. Maybe us wandering off and not staying with them the entire time was the problem.
Why are you not kinoing these girls:
That was Seagull's question as when he messaged me, he wanted to discuss this set. He said he kept thing going in this set because he wanted to help me get laid. I do appreciate his effort and he's done this for another wing of ours. I think it's amusing in a way, because he failed to do this three weeks ago with that tall brunette at this house. That I've brought that up several times since is probably why he wanted to make an extra effort to help me this time. I'll make sure to again express my gratitude at the effort when I see him Saturday night.
My initial response to Seagull was very defensive. I have to admit that this is a weak point in my game, but my kino was good with that one Irish girl that I was dancing with on the street. I did realize that he didn't see the two dance floor sets I wrote about in this blog. What he saw was me with this 2-set and when I was walking with this other girl.
I didn't do anything in those sets so I shouldn't be surprised that his view is that my default state is not touching girls.
I did recognize that I do have to work on kino with sets that he opened that I join in on. I have to admit that I feel weird as I just came into the set so I don't feel comfortable touch the girl in his set. The solution is what I remember from the old PUA stuff about kino: I have to establish myself as a guy that uses kino with everyone. The way to describe it is maybe to think of a stereotypical Italian guy that touches guys and girls when he talks. I remember that I'm supposed to establish that I'm a kino type of guy early on, even one minute into the interaction. This doesn't mean groping, but just some light friendly touches to establish that I'm that type of guy.
I think there is a difference when I open the set and I see that I've hooked it myself. It's different when I'm talking to the girl and I can see that the eye contact is strong and that she's into me. Still, I need to get the lesson I wrote about in the previous paragraph and work on doing better when I come wing Seagull on his sets. It makes sense that this criticism sticks in his mind because looking back, it seems pretty standard for me to do almost zero kino in sets of his that I've joined.
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