Monday, July 3, 2017

Old sticking points in a Cuban street set

As I've been immersed in getting my pickup game going again, I've been experiencing completely contrasting results.  On the one hand, I've been getting some crazy results and experiences that would have been rare in the past.  I think part of the reason is that other aspects of my life are in order now  that weren't many times I was gaming a lot in the past.  The obvious reason is that I'm so many years into this now that I just have a lot of things figured out from experience that I didn't in the past.  Despite all that, I'm still surprised that I can still make newbie mistakes and still be fighting through persistent sticking points that have haunted me in my entire pickup journey.

Last week, I was happy to report that I blasted through the inner game issues that were holding me back from approaching as much as I should.  That was a newbie problem that I'm glad to be rid of and I should be confident that I can blast through my current issue.  While part of me likes to be hard on myself, realistically, I should remind myself that I've only been back in the game for a short time after a long (basically almost a 1.5 to 2 year period) where I was barely gaming.  I can say that I only really got back into pickup (and this was while almost totally neglecting social life and having zero girls) May of last year.  That was when this San Antonio opportunity presented itself that I was happy to have pursued but still regret failing badly even when it was so obvious I should have gotten laid.

I tried my best to game while I was immersed with work and I had some fun experiences, but the only really memorable result didn't happen until October.  Then dabbled a bit in November and December before basically not gaming until Seagull returned in May.

Lessons from a failed long set:
I won't bother to chronicle the entire pickup in as much detail as I might have in the past because the main lessons are easy to pin point: I'm again having a hard time with kino escalation, and I was slightly troubled by a lack of inner belief.

Kino escalation has always been a sticking point for me that I get better at with work but it's always been a weak link.  I know that it's because I was raised in a family setting where there wasn't much physicality in our relationships.  The opposite is the stereotypical Italian family where it's normal for family members to show affection through a lot of hugging, etc.  The other reason I struggled is I still worried about creeping the girls out or wrongly calibrating my escalation.  While there have been a bunch of experiences where I did things right, the ones where I messed up still feature prominently in my head.  I can remember a girl telling me "I don't like to be touched."  Of course, that's going to happen, some women have issues and sometimes I'll screw up.  I should focus more on the sets where it went well as a positive incentive; on the negative incentive, I should think about all the sets I screwed up (or day 2's or missed lays) due to not escalating enough.

I'll give myself credit that at least, after this layoff, I'm not so scared as I was in the past where I'd pass up completely obvious IOI's from a girl that she wanted to be kissed.

The inner belief issue is different that what I was struggling with up to last week.  I was just in a negative internal mood.  I kept thinking of how I fucked up taking time off from going out and I just couldn't feel the inner calm and confidence I needed to force myself to approach with confidence.  I have fixed a lot of this as evidenced by my opening more, staying in sets longer, and more confidence openings.  Where I'm not as confident is that I'll know I should move a girl but I'm afraid to screw it up, or give myself negative feedback, so I'll keep standing there even though I know I'm eventually going to screw up if I don't move things along.  I also realized that I'm still massively lacking in belief when I'm so surprised at how much a girl can be into me.

I also realized at the end of the night that I'm not going out with a completely positive attitude of expecting success.  The plan Saturday night was to pick up Seagull and then sarge afterward.  His flight was originally scheduled to land at midnight, but instead it was delayed to 1:20am.  I still planned on gaming but I after booking a Vegas trip last minute in the afternoon, I told myself that in that limited sarging time, I was just going to practice for the Vegas trip next week.  I figured we'd just run a ton of street sets like last Saturday and I didn't even entertain the possibility of any real success.
Amazing street set:
We had done a few warm ups and up to this point, I hadn't really had an interaction longer than a few minutes.  I was fine with it as I have learned to be fine with having to warm up to get in the right mind set.  I saw this 3-set across the street: there was a really large girl, and two attractive women.

It's funny that I don't really remember what I said to open.  I think I commented on how one girl was still smiling and look like she was ready to keep partying.  AT this time it was almost 3am so most of the bars (they close at 3am on Saturday, and a few after hours places close at 5am) had let out and there were a bunch of sets in the sidewalks waiting for rideshares or trying to figure out what to do.

I just remember she gave me a very positive vibe.  I found out they were tourists from Miami.  They thought the bars were completely done and they were surprised when I pointed out that there were several bars that would be open until 5am.  As I'm explaining this, I know that I should move them to one of the bars.  Part of me didn't really want to go into the bars because I knew there would be a line and I didn't want to be put in a position where I might have buy drinks (dumb reasons).  The other part is I suppose that old Tyler explanation of me practicing "state control."  I felt good that I was getting a good response here and wanted to maintain that feeling (and preserve my ego) but just standing there even though I know the better move is to move things along (but that runs the risk of rejection).  Fortunately for me, Seagull took the reins and moved the set to one of the after hours places.

The obvious mistake, again, is that I should have done this myself.  I could have also used this as a way to initiate more kino by grabbing my girl's arm or hand and leading her towards the venue.  Instead, I just walked next to her (and it was because I wasn't confident enough that she would be comfortable with my touch, but it reality should would have been, but I wasn't confident enough in myself).  At least I knew enough to stay close to her and I was ready to put my arm around her as I knew the RSD bootcamp was around and a lot of guys were gaming in the area (I had run into them while doing my warm ups)>

I gotta hire this girl to follow me around and laugh at all my jokes:
That was an old Style line from the game.  I actually used it because I couldn't believe how this girl kept laughing at everything I said.  I such a great vibe going that stuff I didn't think was really that funny was getting an incredibly good reaction from her.  Again, I think this points to an inner game issue.  I should be shocked that a girl could be into me like this.  The proper way to frame it is that I should be thinking, "Of course this girl is into me."  I always focus on my flaws rather than playing up my strengths in my mind.

I can picture how I should have used all these positive emotion spikes to through in kino.  I could  see it while it was happening but I'm so out of practice that I couldn't calibrate my kino.  Thinking back, it should have been natural for me to put my arm around her when she was giggling at all my jokes.

Massive connection but I don't kino:
Later, I'd sit next to her for like 15-20 minutes of conversation and not do much kino beyond light arm touching, which is stuff I should/can be doing within a minute or two of meeting a girl.

I feel so dumb typing this out.  We were connecting on a lot of things; even little things like her liking cats, or what type of dog breeds she likes.  She was an attractive Cuban girl that was in a fun mood and then I found out she's actually successful and smart.  I found out she's in her last year of medical school.  This is in complete contrast to a lot of the party girls I meet while sarging.  This is the type of girl I'd expect to meet back in college.

To my credit, at least I decided to move her around the club at one point.  Somehow I ended up having the large friend in tow instead of getting isolation.  The third friend had wandered off with some guy that bought her a drink and put his arm around her within 2 minutes of entering the club.  I realized after that I had forgotten how to isolate my girl from her friends.  Seagull had been winging me by talking to the large girl.  I should have told the large girl that I'd be right back and then I could have lead my girl around the club.  (A side issue is that I had never been to this place so I didn't know the layout of the place.  I had been under the impression that I was stuck in two lounge type areas as the dance floor upstairs seemed to require a stamp).

I got on the dance floor.  Seagull and the large girl had followed but he didn't really want to dance with her.  I wanted to dance with my girl.  I remembered the old Ozzie video of how you have to dance with the friends as well so I spun my girl and the large girl.  I danced in a sort of triangle for half a song before dancing with my girl.

I tried to escalate a bit but she seemed to back off a bit when I pulled her in so I didn't get as intimate as I would like.  I also began to perspire a lot which happens when I exert myself.  I'm fat now, which makes it worse, but even if I'm in awesome shape, I sweat a lot.  I decided after a few songs to move the set back downstairs.

At this point, we ran into the other girl who was at a table with a guy.  Our original seats and been taking.  I wanted to get some fresh air so I lead the girl downstairs.  I was going to hit the other bar area there but she seemed comfortable going outside.  Later, I'd learn that the large one had said she wanted to leave.

Last efforts:
My girl wanted to stay out longer despite my lack of kino and failure to seed a pull.  I suggested getting food and she responded that she likely do it, but when she suggested it to the large friend, the friend said she wanted to go back to the airbnb.  I decided I should at least try to get her to stay with me.  I told her we could watch the sunrise and get some food.  She seemed to want to do it as she pondered a bit before giving me a reponse of, "I'd like to but I just met you."   I knew I had to get some more comfort but I wasn't sure how to do so.  I considered telling her that I'd give my card to her friends so they'd know who I was but I didn't try that.

Later, Seagull said that the blonde friend seemed willing to stay out.  It makes sense especially considering some guy in the club had been pumping her state and now, as Tyler explains, her state is transferable to Seagull.  We figured in our analysis afterward that one move we should have pushed was being cool and telling the large friend that she should hang out more, but we understood she was tired and she could go back.  We'd simultaneously pump our girls state and try to get them to stay out with us and let the large one leave.  We could pushed the idea of them being on vacation and it being better to keep having fun rather than just ending the night on their last night in the city.

Instead, the ride share eventually pulled up and they left.

Fix the escalation:
Kino is the key thing that's holding back my game.  This screw up has gotten me to watch a bunch of videos so I can work on fixing this.  I need to get my mind set that of course the girls want to experience my touch when I'm creating attraction by my presence and sharp (well, at times) verbal game.  Rather than worry about getting rejected or making her uncomfortable, I should be thinking about how not touching her when there's a connection is not only weird, but a good way to either get in the friend zone or just have a set not go anywhere.  I should trust that if I screw up, I'll notice I'm making her uncomfortable and I'll back off.

I'll close by saying it's weird that I have this sticking point when I've done a quick pull in Vegas.  I guess the reason is that I'm out of practice with doing longer interactions.  I didn't even write about how I had a Day 2 on Thursday with great conversation but super poor kino.  It is different to try to quick pulls and SNL but if I'm comfortable doing that method of quick game, I should be comfortable lacing in some solid kino escalation in my longer sets.

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