Thursday, May 31, 2012

Updates & Sex is not the Holy Grail

I figured a little summary of what's been going on with my life in appropriate here. I've been going out but I haven't had the time nor the inclination to make regular updates.  At the same time, I've realized that I miss posting.  Reviewing my nights was very theraputic and helped me ingrain the lessons of the night into my mind. 

I left off with my first real success since my return to sarging.  I ended up getting a Day 2 with that girl and even though we seemed to have fun and kissed again, things fizzled out.  She sent me a text a few days later giving me the "I just wanna be friends" speech. 

The funny thing was that while I was on the train to that Day 2, I got a call from this flaky girl I called "Latina Nurse" in my blog.  I had stopped talking to her as at the end of last summer, we'd make plans and she'd always flake out.  I just stopped contacting her.  She sent me a text on Thanksgiving but I didn't respond.  I was sick of her and I was dating someone at the time anyway. 

I didn't answer the phone while I was on the train two weeks ago, but I sent a text asking what she wanted.  She said she wanted to know the name of this beer garden we had gone to before.  By coincidence, it was the same place I was heading to for my Day 2.  We saw each other at the beer garden while I was waiting for my date.  She commented on how I looked good as I had lost a ton of weight and she kept asking me what I had been doing for the past 6 months.  She then suggested that we should hang out  again.  I told her that she's the one that kept flaking out on me. 

It was funny because my date showed up and Latina Nurse probably became even more interested due to the old jealousy plotline theory.  Also, when she called and text me over the next week, I wasn't as enthusiastic about meeting up as I had been in the past.  In contrast, she was more interested than she had been since I first met her several years ago. 

I ended up meeting with her Saturday.  I decided that I'd meet up with her but she was on probation.  If she flaked out, I probably wouldn't talk to her again.  I also decided that things had to be different than they had been in the past. 

We ended up hooking up so I guess she's won a spot on my team.  We had messed around in the past, but for some reason I had never been able to have sex with her.  Funny how easily it came this time. 

Sex is not the Holy Grail:

It had been a few months since I had sex.  With my ex, we messed around a lot but we didn't have sex that many times as she always felt guilty about it.  I suppose I would have made many posts about our situation had I been blogging at the time. 

I felt a relief that I had finally gotten laid after a long time.  It really sucks to go without sex, even for just a few months.  Especially being into sarging as much as I have, when I'm not having sex, I feel like something is missing or wrong with me. 

At the time time, now that I had sex recently, and it looks like I won't have a drought for the immediate future, I was reminded that sex isn't that big of a deal.  It seems like it when you can't get any, but then you realize when you do get it that it's not some magical thing that's gonna change your life.  It's great, but when you're without it, you think that if you can only get this hottie or whatever, that you're life is gonna be fixed. 

Life is a process.  I've learned that life is about making progress towards your goals and being happpy with the process.  I'm finally starting to get things straightened out.  Sarging is moving along and I can see that this can be a breakthrough summer if I continue to go out consistently.  My exercise program is finally near the tangible results Ive been seeking. 

While things are goning well, I can sense that self destrustive side that wants to screw things up through inaction.  That's the true battle.  I've been trying to keep things on track and Tyler/Owen has some good videos about success that have been helping me along. 

I'll close by saying that my inner game is at an all time high.  The last few times I've gone out, I've been opening just about every set I wanted to open.  No longer would I not open a set because a girl seemed to hot.  I realized that if I want the girl, I have to open, but beyond that, even if I banged some super hottie, that would not fix my life.  I'd have fun and be happy, but again, life is a process.  I'd just wake up the next day and still have to live my life.  Now that I dont' feel that burning need for sex, of course, I'll probably experience it more often. 

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