I really believe that last night is going to be a massive waypoint in the development of my game. I can almost feel that things are gonna take off for me. By the shear number of posts I've made, it's clear that I've learned so much from that set. Yes, these sticking points are ones I've been aware of, but this set highlighted them in a way that I really feel is gonna allow me to internalize them in a way I have yet to do. I'd say it's like this set last night was like an atomic blast that will ignite these pathways into my brain to brain to fix these sticking points.
The Debrief:
I couldn't sleep after I wrote the last post so I decided to go get Popeye's as there is a coupon today for 8 pieces. As I was driving, Nintendo called me and we had a debrief. I thought he hadn't been escalating but it sounds like he had. He recalls Shorts sitting by the couch and being playful with her. She even showed him this tattoo she had on her ass. He talked about how he was going for an isolation move by telling her they should go outside to the deck. He remembers the girls going to talk in the bedroom.
He remembers the lights coming on and the girl saying, "You guys have to leave now" as being a total state break too. He said when Shorts first started saying that, he thought it was a shit test, but then she sounded pissed and serious and that's when we left.
We concluded the same thing. In the typical 2-set pull scenario, both girls agree to fuck both guys or they don't do it. One of the girls decided she wasn't hooking up and that was the end of it. Nintendo made a good point that it doesn't matter which it was. Some guy's ego would blame the other guy. I acknowledge it could have been me. I felt like I was making progress at the end, but Red might have told Shorts earlier that she wasn't gonna fuck me. On the other hand Shorts might have decided she didn't want to fuck Nintendo.
Nintendo agreed with me that we should have been escalating at the bar and that it would have made things so much easier. I told him that when we get to a 2-set's place in the future, we'll play it fun and cool for the first 15-20 minutes like we did. Then, we gotta find some excuse to separate the girls and escalate and it should be on.
My Lesson in Frame Control and Ignoring BS excuses:
Nintendo and I also discussed how the move to the second bar happened and how he got Shorts to let us come over. I told Nintendo that I remembered him mentioning going to the second bar, but then the girls were saying they had to go home and Red started bitching about the rain. He said, in his head, he was thinking, "I'm having fun. We're gonna go to this next bar and have more fun." He said he truly was outcome independent. Yes, we both wanted the girls to come, but he truly believe that he would have fun at the next bar regardless.
Most importantly, Nintendo said the girl's BS excuses weren't even registering in his head. The way I read it was that he decided we were going to the second bar and also assumed they would follow along. That was his frame and his brain wasn't even registering Red bitching about the rain or talking about getting up early. On the other hand, my mind was registering ever little thing and trying to find ways to convince them to come. Okay, grabbing the free newspaper was money, but I was thinking the girls weren't gonna come with us because I was registering their excuses too much. I'll expand on this in a second.
I thought of a key way to look at the venue change in my head as I was talking with Nintendo. I realized that he viewed moving the girls to the second bar as I'd view moving guy friends or guys I met (say Nintendo and his crew two weeks ago when I lead them to Barleycorn). When I'm venue changing guys or friends, I tell them, "Let's go to this bar" and then I'll start moving towards the exit and towards the next venue. If one of the guys is dragging, I'll say, "Yo, we're leaving. We're going to Barleycorn (or wherever)." I don't feel like I need to convince them. I might say one thing like "There are more girls here" but I don't keep giving them reasons like I need to convince them to come with me. In other words, I just decide I'm going somewhere and then lead as if I expected them to follow.
It's ironic that I can be alpha with other guys and be so wavering with girls. The reality is that girls are way easier to lead in pickup situation than guys. The girls want to follow a strong guy that is gonna lead. If I'm having frame trouble, I just need to think about how I'd lead guys and act the same way with girls. I think this is gonna help. The big thing, though is to fix my frame and the next few sections detail what I need to do inside my head.
Jeffy's advice:
I think back to my FR last year with that black girl I almost banged
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/193968
Jeffy wrote:
too much talking, too much acknowledgement (sic) of her objections. Too much "convincing." I just go, "yeah... yeah" and mumble gibberish when they say shit like that and then continue pulling/escalating/closing whatever. Dismiss and lead. I don't even say where we're going or what we are doing. I just get in in the car and start driving. No talk except my continual stream of consciousness rambling/vibing to keep state up.
It seems like I have yet to internalize this lesson. I realize I'm trying to microcalibrate too much. I need the "It's always on" frame for venue changing and pulling situations. I have to stop responding to the BS reasons the girls give as that's what they are gonna do. It's ASD "Anti-Slut Defense," to use the old community term. The girls don't want to feel like sluts so they are gonna give token resistence so they can feel like the lay just happened. I know this to be true. I often bring up the example of that Cinco De Mayo lay I had where the girl was a bit obvious early on that she slept around a decent amount (told me early on that she had been with 49 guys, and later made a big deal about how I was a milestone number at 50). Even a girl in touch and comfortable with her promiscuity as she was threw out token excuses. "If you come up, we're not gonna have sex." She also told me to play along that I was some high school or college friend so the security woman at her place wouldn't think I was just another random guy she was bringing to her place.
Complaining about the rain or talking about having to get up early are frame or shit tests in a way. It weeds out weak framed guys. It has weeded me out from lays. There's a distinction between token excuse and something real, like it was real when the girl told us in the end to get out (though I think someone more experienced than us could have still salvaged it there).
Tyler says to be "the oak tree." Again, the girls are testing our frame with saying they are leaving.
Nintendo on the pull:
I read it right that he used the weed thing to get us over there. He described that the girls said they were going. Red wandered off (I had noticed she was to that Latino guy to say bye to him). Nintendo said he went up to his girl and said, "Let's go smoke at your place." He said that weed had come up earlier (I remember them talking about it at the first bar and remember hearing Shorts talking about being in Amsterdam). He said he remembered they were really into smoking up. He said that right after he said that, she replied, "Okay."
I remember Nintendo telling me, "Let's go." This is when I grabbed Red away from the Latino guy. We all walked outside. When we got outside, Nintendo said Shorts basically took over and started leading us to their apartment.
Again, his mind when they were saying, "We have to go home" was operating differently than my mind. I'm so fascinated by the difference here because this is key to why I don't pull or get laid enough.
I don't believe:
The Matrix is a community favorite movie. A lot of this game is just realizing and believing in yourself and your abilities. As Morpheaus says in the movie, "There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path." He also described Neo's awakening at the end, "He's beginning to believe."
I talk about how I latch on to the BS excuses whereas Nintendo doesn't even filter the comments. I realized as I was writing this entry that I have a horrible frame that's holding me back. I don't believe. My mind is looking for evidence to reinforce the frame that I'm not good with women, that the girls don't want to continue talking to me, that the girls don't like me, and/or that the girls don't want to come home with me. It's one or all of those simultaneously. They say "We have to go" and I just figure that's it cause why would they want to go home with me?
I think that negative frame is the big part of my problem. I think I can work on it but just trying to self talk myself into the correct frame. I need to believe that I am this attractive PUA. I need to believe that I've shed that AFC that sucked with women. This bad frame is the same reason I'll have state drops sometimes even on a good night, and the reason why I'll write bullshit like I did on Friday saying "I suck." I'm not perfect and my game is still developing but once again, I need to give myself some fucking credit.
I talk about logic. It's one thing to just try to BS yourself into a frame. As a newbie, you have to faith this this stuff works. You have to try to trick yourelf into a good state and believe that you'll improve. I could just try to trick myself or try to blindly believe that I'm a PUA. The thing is that if I examined the evidence objectively, there's is more evidence that I'm a PUA than that I suck at the game. It comes back to the curse and gift post I wrote recently. The critical part of me has helped me to succeed but it also screws with me and sabotages me. I don't need to BS myself into this positive frame. The truth is that I'm now fun, outgoing, and attractive to women. I keep thinking about my faults instead of thinking about how much fun I have and how many positive responses I get.
Heck, even Nintendo said at the beginning of the night that seeing me on Friday inspired him to hit up sets even harder. My inner game is still screwed up because it feels weird hearing stuff like that: that I inspire people. It feels weird when that married girl at the end of the night kept telling me how cute I was. It felt weird last Saturday that the girl kept complimenting me.
I'm BSing myself by trying to hold onto that image of me as an AFC. I need to believe in the real truth about myself. I need to say, "Yes, I'm Pokerpua." I need to believe that I'm creating an awesome experience for the girls I talk to and I'm creating value for them when I eventually pull them and have sex with them. Once again, this is the right frame and more importantly, these are actually true statements. Even when I do have sex with the girl, I really am gonna be cool. After the first SNL I got all weird, but nowadays, I am cool afterward. I really would make her feel special and she wouldn't feel like a piece of trash afterward like she might after some evil PUA's or jaded naturals. I'd leave her the option of just letting it be a one night stand or having it developing into a regular thing. So, I wouldn't just run out and let her feel like trash and I also wouldn't become all clingy just because we had sex.
Okay, I'm beginning to believe as I finish this post. Once I internalize all this, then things will be so much simpler.
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